I can't play the game...

I am a people watcher. I especially like to watch people on dates. Maybe because I'm not good at dating- who knows. well actually I am OK at dating- I'm a fun date. I am just not good at playing the game of catching a man. Let me explain with a little example. Last weekend I went to a movie with some of my girlfriends and afterward we went to get hot chocolate at this cute little shop called "the chocolate". Its a cute old house that's been turned into a dessert cafe. Anyway, we were sitting at a table just discussing things when a couple across the room caught my eye. Let me describe the scene....



Boy faces girl. He is chowing down on his cookie ice cream brownie combination (which is delicious). Girl takes a tiny bite of her huge chocolate cake (that costs way more than its worth) then sits and sucks on her spoon for several minutes while she smiles and gives him the eye. boy continues to talk and stuff his face- and why shouldn't he- he spent good money on this stuff. This pattern continues for about 15 min. The boy has almost finished his dessert and she still has only nibbled on her cake. Boy gets up to get a drink- girl eats a few quick bites, chews fast and then when he sits down- sucks on her spoon again. Perhaps to draw attention to her mouth. who knows- like I said I'm not good at this game so this is all just speculation. Boy finishes his dessert and excuses himself to use the restroom. Girl digs into her cake- shoves almost half her cake into her mouth in a bite or two. Boy comes out- she smiles sweetly and they get up and leave.



WHAT THE?!?!?! what is that??? why can't she eat her cake in front of him. If she didn't want it why have him spend money on it? I assume he's smart enough to realize that her spoon can not taste better than the cake. I'm too practical to play the dating game successfully. I probably should have been taking notes- this girl is obviously a pro but I just have too much self respect to sit and twirl my spoon around in my mouth while someone talks to me. What was she thinking?! what was HE thinking?! I would have loved to climb into his head and hear his thoughts on this girl. I just don't understand why guys find that kind of behavior attractive. I think its deceitful. She acted dainty and ladylike in front of him and as soon as he left the room- she shoveled her cake in like she hadn't eaten in months! I'm more a fan of "what you see is what you get" -I can't play coy so I guess I'll never be good at dating. But I am OK with that.

LAME

OK I looked at the rest of the list for the blog topics and I've decided to jump ship...they are kind of lame and I think I need to blog about what I want to blog about- I don't like following a cheesy predetermined list. So I'm going back to my random rantings. Goodbye 30 posts in 30 days.

Day 7- My Best Friend

Let me tell you about me and my friends. Most of my friends are my best friends. I don't do things half way. Who my best friend is depends on which part of my life we are talking about and in what situation...because one friend may be just the one I need at a particular moment while another may save me from sadness a few weeks later. Generally I am the girl who has one very small tight circle of friends at a time- and as life changes so does that circle...but each one of those people I would still consider my best friends because they have helped to shape me into the person I am...So I will tell you about just a few!


My very first best friend I do not have a digital picture of but she was amazing. Her name was Carly Seavers and we met at church when we were six years old. I love and miss her so much!!


Above and to the left is my very best friend from high school. Rachel. We had So much fun and I don't know what I would have done without her. So many great memories of seminary, boating, shopping, youth conference--and lots of long talks and countless notes and code names for boys...we were pretty silly but I love this Lady!!

My friend Emily I haven't known quite as long as some of the others..just about 3 years but if feels like a lot longer. She moved into my ward and we hit it off- for actually very strange reasons- we were kind of dating the same guy- go figure. We also spent many many hours serving in the relief society presidency together. She is such a great person and puts up with me and all my flaws! She understands the way I think-which is NO small task.

This lovely lady is Kara. First let me say I love a person who is not afraid to wear color. But she is one of the most fun people I know!! She makes me smile and I always enjoy her company- she is like a sister. So fun to talk to And so beautiful!

This is her brother Brendon. I think when we first met I scared him a little but after hours of early morning dance practice together we became very good friends. I love this kid!! I seriously could talk to him for days on end- Crazy fun and what a stud right?? I love the Kopps. I wish they lived closer!

these two lovely ladies lived with me for over 2 years and I miss them all the time. Cortney and Maggie were two of my most fun roommates- I mean come on...look at that belt buckle- and the broken wrist is from one of our adventures together! These girls are always there for me and understand and love me even when I'm being difficult-They have both moved away now so I don't see them often but when I do we can talk like we've never been apart.

This is JeniLynn. My longest running roommate ever. We lived together from the time we started college until she replaced me with a husband. (love you Greg- I wouldn't have parted with her to anyone else) Our friendship started out rocky- as the best relationships often do- she thought I was obsessed with my seminary class and I thought she was super self righteous-we got over that after a few weeks. Jeni and I could talk for hours...and we did. Usually at night when we were supposed to be sleeping-we talked about anything and everything. we also spent hours squealing over books and movies- she has moved across the country now but I still love her.


I love all my friends, and if you didn't get a shout out and picture on here I am so sorry!! my blog can only be so long- it doesn't mean I love you any less or that you are any less important to me. Every person I call a friend has changed my life for the better!! My friends are always there for me and help me to smile- especially when I don't feel like it ;) You are all amazing!!

Day 6- what a day!

Today I am supposed to tell you about my day- but I will of course only do part of that because that would probably under normal circumstances be pretty dull. What I will tell you is that today I realized how much I have to be grateful for. I don't want to sound mushy and stuff but I think I take life for granted most days and today it was brought to my attention.

DO you ever have those experiences where you realize after the fact that you barely escaped death ...I had three of those experiences today. Now that's driving the point home. Nothing like 3 wake up calls to make you grateful to be alive.

1. The first I can't really tell you about because it isn't only my experience and the others involved have sworn me to silence (for the time being) I will say that it could have ended very very badly for quite a few people if someone hadn't been in the right place at the right time.

2. As I was coming down a hill at about 45 mph a car decided it wanted to turn into the suicide lane but at the last second decided they were going to slow down and not actually enter the left turn lane and instead came to almost a complete stop in my lane. Lets just say its a good thing I have really good tires and brakes- I really was not in the mood to t-bone a car tonight.

3. also involves a car. I decided I was going to leave work early tonight because I was just tired. So I clocked out about 15 min early and grabbed my stuff. But for some reason I didn't leave. I just stood there and talked to a co-worker about nothing for about 10 min and finally at 5 to six I though "what am I still doing here, I have things to do tonight". So I left the mall and headed home...after missing the suicide driver I realized that traffic was pretty much stopped at the intersection ahead. Then an ambulance sped past me in the opposite direction. As I drove past the accident I saw two very totaled cars- probably someone ran a red light- The accident was bad- and judging from the scene I'd say it had happened about 10 min before...give or take a min or two. Had I left work when I originally planned that might have been my car...it might not have been...but I would have been real close and at least would probably have had to watch it happen.

So today I am grateful to be alive. I am now going to go play with some friends, see tangled, and then come home and work on my lesson for Sunday school tomorrow and hope that tomorrow I don't have to do any speed watching of my life tomorrow.

Day 5- Love

"To love another person is to see the face of God"

Les Miserables

What is Love. The generic definition is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" but I don't think that really sums it up. Love has so many definitions in so many different situations. But I think that to love is to be God like, because true love requires selfless giving of yourself to another. In any situation, to love another requires you to give your time, your talents, your heart, etc....you cannot experience love if you think first of yourself.

I believe this is true in any relationship. Marriage, friendship, family. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "you hold the key to my heart" I don't believe that...no one else can hold that key. It is something you alone can hold. We all hold the keys to our own heart- we choose when it is open or locked.

I'm not sure I can tell you in my own words what love is so I am going to share my favorite quotes about love from some really smart people:

"In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person"

Margaret Anderson

"I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I'm with you"

Roy Croft

"the only true gift is a portion of yourself"

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own"

Robert Heinlein

"The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite"

William Shakespeare

"Love is friendship set on fire"

Jeremy Taylor

"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love"

Erich Fromm

"you come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly"

Sam Keen

"True love begins when nothing is looked for in return"

Antonie de saint-Exupery

"true love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart"

Honore de Blazac

"if you know what love is, its because of you"

Herman Hesse

"one word frees us of all weight and pain in life. That word is love"

Sophocles

"there is no remedy for love but to love more"

Henry David Thoreau

To love is to see others through God's eyes. To accept someone for who they are as they are. Love is to serve with all our heart and to forgive when we are wronged. To love- one must give.

Day 4

I'm sorry I think this blog topic is totally stupid. Day 4 is supposed to be "what I ate today"...who the heck came up with that and thought that was interesting. Anyway for the sake of the blog I will tell you that I've only been up for 30 min and therefore haven't eaten all that much today. This morning I ate, as I do most mornings of the year, a fried egg and whole wheat toast. Yes I eat that for breakfast probably 350 days a year. (except for fast Sundays and probably holidays and the occasional day when I crave blueberry muffins instead)
Sounds kind of boring I guess but I don't ever get sick of it. Plus its healthier than a bowl of cap n' crunch and it keeps me full longer. And I also don't have to waste time figuring out what I want to eat for breakfast- it saves me time in the morning. So there you have it- that is my breakfast of champions.

Day 3- My parents

These are my parents. Some of you know them, some of you don't. They are pretty great. They have worked their whole lives to raise six children and that is no easy task- but as far as I'm concerned they have been pretty successful teachers. My parents have shaped and molded us into the people we are today. How did they do it- they taught us correct principles and let us govern ourselves. Smart parents. My parents also are really great at encouraging us to achieve our goals and to work hard for what we want....

This is my mom. She doesn't like her picture taken but I don't know why because I think she is gorgeous! My mom is hilarious- she has a crazy language that comes out when she's stressed and she would probably be so mad if she knew I put that on here but we all love it! My mom has an amazing testimony of the gospel and taught me to love and serve the Lord. My mom is the social one of my parents and she loves to talk- especially to her family. My mom can't ever sit down, she always has to be doing something for someone- she gets that from her mom. My mom is always supportive and gives the best back tickles. She is pretty cool.

This is my dad. He is a handsome guy. My dad is the hardest worker EVER. He has owned his own businesses and even worked for the secret service when my parents first married. He is a jack of all trades and excels at everything he tries. From my dad I learned how to work hard and do my very best. My dad is super intelligent and an inventor and makes the most amazing things. He teaches himself new skills and does an amazing job at anything he puts his mind to. Education is very important to my dad and so he encouraged us all to try hard and finish our education. Also he gives the BEST head rubs ever. My dad is pretty amazing.

Day 2- First Love

Ok so I know the idea of the post was to tell everyone about the first time I was ever in love- but truth is i'm still waiting for that to happen. I have never been in love...I have had boyfriends and crushes but if i'd really been in love with any of them we might still be together. So instead I will tell you about my first love in another area of my life....Les Miserables.
When I was 7 years old Les Miserables came to Sacramento and my parents got tickets for everyone but my little brother and I. I thought I didn't care so much but a few weeks before I decided I felt left out and I really did want to go. So my parents- being the amazing people they are got me and my brother a ticket to see the show. So off we went to our first musical theater experience...

Hello amazing!! The songs the stage the props it was all amazing. The characters had depth and emotion and I absolutely fell in love. I didn't want it to end. So I came home and from that day on I listened to the soundtrack. I memorized the words and it became a central part of my life.

Inside one of our closets was an old dress coat and I would put it on and sing "on my own" at the top of my lungs and dream of being on stage as Eponine some day. That's still the goal but for now I am content to just watch it from the main floor every chance I get. I LOVE this play and I don't think I will ever get tired of listening to it.

Day One- Me in pictures and words

I was reading my friends blog and she started this 30 posts in 30 days challenge and I thought it was pretty cool...plus sometimes I just don't know what to blog about so here you go...In 30 days you will learn probably more than you ever wanted to know about me. The first day is "Me: in picture and words"

Hi. This is me. Lori. My name is pretty short..you wouldn't think I had too many nicknames, but I do. I have a lot. Some of which are longer than my actual name. Kindobabs, luca, lori lou, etc...I love my nicknames even though some of them make no sense. I will pretty much answer to anything as long as I know you are talking to me.

I have the coolest family and I always wanted to be part of the action. If my sisters were doing something I wanted to do it too. They were so cool then and they are all pretty awesome now! I also have two amazing brothers who are just as awesome as my sisters. I love my family.

I used to have REALLY long hair. And also I loved my dress. I still have it and sometimes I dress up in it and pretend to be a fairy queen with my nieces.

The day I graduated from BYU- wow, that was an amazing feeling. I set the goal to go to BYU when I was 13 so this day was pretty great for me. I am a big goal setter. If i'm not working toward something i'm wasting my life.

Rain or shine the summer is my favorite time of the year because it brings the RODEO! and with a rodeo comes cowboys. I secretly want to marry a cowboy- but not a real one, just a half cowboy. Love them!

I love to dance. I was part of the BYU ballroom dance co. for about 1 1/2 and I loved it! I love performing, the costumes, being part of a team and all the friends I made. So fun!

I love to dress up and I love to perform. My mom says I have a flare for the dramatic. I sing and am obsessed with musical theater- these girls are amazing and I love spending time with amazing people backstage. I have done only two plays so far but I had so much fun.

Besides being in front of a camera I also like to be behind the scenes and make other people beautiful!!! I get ideas of how I can use my cosmetology license and my sister comes over with her camera and makes it happen. (this is one of my 3 sisters- she's beautiful even without my help)

Also, when i'm not doing a "shoot" I rarely take a normal faced picture...and as you can see i'm passing my legacy onto my nieces and nephews.

Not only do I love disney but yes I am still single- (hard to believe after that last picture but its true) I am still waiting for my real life mr. incredible. so I suppose this will have to do until then.

I miss my short hair. I have had to keep my hair long for my shows but someday it will look like this again. Also, I love to laugh. Its one of my favorite things to do. Life is too short not to enjoy!

Besides being a disney freak, and loving to take pictures I LOVE this dress. My mom helped me sew it and it cost me quite a bit but snow white is the only princess I can pull off with my super pale skin.


well, that's me. Actually there is a lot more to me but I am getting tired and I don't want to look for more pictures.

In the eye? or the Mind?

I just had an eye opening experience. You've all heard the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" well- its true. But perhaps I should say, "beauty is in the mind of the beholder". Let me explain.

This morning was kind of a blah morning for me. I'm getting over a cold, I've not been exercising, and I've been eating not great things. So basically I feel gross. I didn't want to get dressed because I felt fat in everything I put on. I did my hair but it just looked faded, flat and lifeless. I put my make up on and surprisingly it didn't help. I just looked ugly. Usually when I feel like this I can at least find something about myself that looks OK- usually my eyes but today I thought even my eyes looked yuck. As I was sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself I decided I should just be grateful that I am feeling better than yesterday and that my cold hasn't completely over taken my voice enough to prevent me from singing in my voice lesson today. that thought brightened my spirits! I love my voice lessons and I haven't had one in two weeks.

Interestingly enough when I looked in the mirror again I didn't look quite as bad as I originally thought. I actually thought I looked pretty today. And it occurred to me that my appearance hadn't actually changed at all. My attitude and therefore my perception of myself had. My negative feelings caused me to see everything negatively- and once I had changed my thoughts in the direction of gratitude- things looked better. I know that sounds cheesy but there is no other explanation for it. My eyes were seeing the same person, but they way my mind processed it had changed- therefore beauty must be in the mind of the beholder.

Break time

I am taking a break. A "buying" break. Which is going to be a real test of my self control. You see I work in a clothing store...a clothing store that I happen to love. I never go 'shopping' I simply go to work and see things day in and day out that I think I need. But the fact is I don't need them. I have had a standing rule that if I buy something and haven't worn it, or in some cases even taken it out of the bag or even out of my car in a week then it must go back. No matter how much I "love" it or "need" it. Don't get me wrong, my spending is never out of control- I can always pay off my credit card. But just because I can afford it doesn't mean I should be spending all my money on it. I have better things to use my money on- and lets face it, I'm running out of room to keep all this stuff.

I'm already doing better and in fact- I have a credit on my card. I don't think I've ever had a negative balance on that card before...but its not just a store card- its a visa, which means I will just use that credit to buy my friend a bridal shower gift. problem solved, credit gone, spending done :)

A reason to celebrate

I am not a fan of New Years- actually I think its a pretty lame holiday. I also dislike the idea of New year's resolutions. Let me explain- I think the idea of a resolution is great. I'm all about setting and achieving goals. However, I hate the idea of setting a goal or a "resolution" simply because it is the beginning of a new year and you feel like you should. If you know you need to change something then just do it- don't wait until January. If you set the goal simply because the holiday dictates that you do, you probably will not achieve the goal anyway. The motivation for change is not really there. You will most likely work on it for a month and then forget all about it. Therefore you have not resolved anything. And therefore I make a point of never setting new years resolutions. I simply continue working toward the goals that I already have set for myself. I always have goals- in multiple areas of my life. Education, spiritual, physical, etc...so the new year brings nothing different. I think everyone should always have at least 2 or 3 goals they are working toward- otherwise they probably aren't improving or progressing. But those goals should not be set simply to ring in a new year.

I know I sound like a scrooge- but to me it seems so hypocritical. The idea of a new year bringing new opportunities and a clean slate is fantastic- but rarely do we ever really take advantage of it. We hang on to our past so tightly because its comfortable, its what we know- and the new opportunities are scary- so we fall right back into our rut and never truly experience what the new year really could be. therefore- I am not a fan. It is a waste.

also, I never stay up until midnight. The new year will come whether I'm awake or not- why should I lose sleep over it. If other people want to celebrate new years- more power to them. Someone has to love it-its just not me.

And THAT'S how we start the new year!

This is my room...well part of it. (YES its purple)

I'm not going to lie- I think new years is a waste of a holiday- except for the fact that I worked a full day today and got time and a half, also holiday pay. Have I mentioned I LOVE my job. Anyway- that's not what this post is about. So I had new years eve off and what does a person who doesn't really celebrate new years do? She cleans her room. And by 'cleans' I do not mean I pulled out the vacuum and ten minutes later it was done. NO. I stripped my bed, dusted everything like normal but then I decided that wasn't good enough. I pulled all the furniture out (except my bed, that's too big to move by myself, I simply crawled underneath) and cleaned all my baseboards, I dusted my shoes, my books, I cleaned under my bed- I vacuumed every square inch of carpet and every surface and item in my closet. I even vacuumed the speakers on my stereo. that may not sound like a big deal but my closet alone took me over an hour- probably closer to two hours. As you can see, I have quite a lot of stuff in my closet- books packed on the top shelf and shoes stacked in boxes below.

My whole room took just over four hours but can I just say it looked amazing and smelled fresh and clean and there was not a particle of dust left in the place- maybe because it was all over me. Also, I don't think I've sneezed so much in one morning ever. But it was totally worth it and I can't think of anything more productive to do on the eve of a new year.

Mad Mad World

Tonight I was looking at the underground menu for Jamba juice and I realised that some of their "underground" options used to be, at least when I was in HS and early college, part of the everyday options, flavors such as cherry charger, and orange-a-peel (there were a few others). I started to feel really old- and then I remembered that the last two times I've been to jamba my smoothies have not been as tasty as I remember them being. Every week I used to treat myself to and Aloha Pineapple- well, I got it a few weeks ago and I swear there is just a ton of ice in it now- it was not nearly as rich and creamy as I remember. Then I realized that at some point after I started college the world must have gone mad- Because all of a sudden those yummy smoothies are not healthy enough to sell. Which means they are too healthy for me to buy. If I want something healthy I will make it at home and save my money- I am paying for something delicious- Therefore I am going to stick to the underground menu and leave the world to its madness.

Find what's missing

so...how do you find something that can't be found? I haven't any idea. All my life I have had a love for family and I've known all my life that my family history is something I need to do. To be honest though I was pretty content just studying what had already been found. Kudos to someone along the line because my dad's family history is pretty far back- I think to the early 1600s. And one side of my mom's is done pretty far back as well. HOWEVER- My dear grandfather on my mom's side was the first person in his family to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints so no temple work has been done. To make things even harder- the record only goes back about 3 generations (2 if we are counting only accurate documentation). Unfortunately my grandpa's family is from Dyers burg Tennessee and once upon a time the courthouse containing all the birth, death, and marriage records burned to the ground. So although many have looked for answers several generations have been unable to move beyond my great great grandfather.
Deep down I know that I need to find this line. I have put it off for years because I was in school or the relief society president, or some other worthy time consuming thing- But I can't put it off forever and I feel like now is the time to start working on it...but the problem is I don't even know where to begin. All the websites with records cost money, which wouldn't be a big deal if I knew they were going to help me. I am not complaining- I didn't really expect it to be easy. After all, if it had been easy my grandmother or my sister would have found all the answers by now. That doesn't keep me from getting frustrated though- I just hope that if I'm willing I get a little inspiration to help me find what so far cannot be found- A name.

No more crutches

I am pretty busy and don't have a lot of time to watch television- so when I do get some down time I generally go through the shows I've recorded before choosing anything on live TV. Tonight was one of those rare free nights and I basically had myself a what not to wear marathon. As I was watching episode after episode I noticed a common thread. Over and over the girls on the show kept saying things like, "well when I was in high school people said this", "when I was younger I got in trouble for this" "people will judge me and think I look ridiculous" "I don't want people to think", etc....It occurred to me that so many people hinder their progress and success for the future based on what someone said or did to them in the past. Does that make any sense? To ruin your future because some 14 yr old said something mean to you back before you were even out of puberty. Its not a great time for anyone and its a crutch.
Maybe its not some ghost from the past- maybe you just don't feel good about where you are right now- again I say get over it. Don't blame someone else- do what you have to do to feel better and give up the crutch. Be grateful you have a body and all your parts work. If you spend so much time focusing on what you are not you and the people in your life will never be allowed to realize what you ARE!! And that is So much more important! seriously- stop worrying about what everyone else thinks- its what you think of yourself that matters. Accept who you are, love yourself as you are, and share your gifts with the world!! "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify the father which is in heaven" Your light can't shine if you cover it with self loathing and doubt- you cannot serve others well if you are only focused on yourself and what you are lacking. Throw your crutches away, stop blaming the world or your past, accept the now and work toward your future.

Past awesome-ness

I have decided I was born at the wrong time. I believe I should have been born late 20s or early 30s. I love vintage clothes, I love swing dancing, and I love big band music, the cars were amazing and people were just more classy- also I love Kay Starr, Louis Armstrong, Etta James...etc. I am not sad I missed out on world war II but everything else is so great about that era I am sad I missed it. If I could go back and visit another time- the 40s would have been my decade. Don't get me wrong, I love all my modern conveniences but there is something to be said for simplicity. The 40s were full of awesome-ness that just isn't around anymore. I guess I will have to be happy with vintage clothing and my itunes playlist.

Obsessed with dreams

I love dreams. I get really excited when I actually sleep well enough to have a dream and even more excited if I still remember it when I wake up. I always try to figure out what my dreams mean- because your subconscious is an incredible thing! I get online and I pull up a dream dictionary and start analyzing. Most of the time I'm surprised how right on the dream analysis is. I love it!
Well the last few nights my dreams have been very vivid. I see faces on everyone and usually they are just a blur. Last night I had another vivid dream- I brushed it off when I got up and decided I would check out the interpretation when I got home from church. And that's just what I did, although in this case my dream dictionary didn't make any sense with what I remembered from my dream. I told my mom about it and she actually came up with an explanation that struck a cord of truth.
After talking to my mom I realized that I should have written this dream down as soon as I woke up because now there are details I can't remember. For instance- I know there were several sentences written in my dream but I can't remember what they said, I just remember reading something. Also there was a person in my dream that although I get his overall significance I can't remember what he was doing or if he said anything in the dream- and it frustrates me because I feel like it might have been important.
its not uncommon for people in my family to have significant dreams from time to time, and I've always been secretly jealous that I never got to have one- but now I see why. when I do have them I don't write them down. But even with my imperfect memory I know what it meant I just am still a little unsure what to do with the information- But I am definitely going to move forward and hope that some how somewhere a sealed door will open. If it is possible I will venture to say that I am even more obsessed with dreams than I was before.

The power of one...

"we are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love him. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places as we strive to live the young women values which are: faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity and virtue. We believe as we come to accept and act upon these principles we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple and enjoy the blessings of exaltation."

Every Sunday Young women all over the world recite these words. Once upon a time I was included in that- but it has been nearly a decade since I have given it much thought. Until last week, I was sitting in my Sunday school class, which also happens to be the YW room for another ward, and it drew my attention. Especially "we will stand as witnesses of God at All times and in All things and in All places" and I began to think- Do I really do that?

I came to the conclusion that No- I don't. I know that I should but it is not as easy as it sounds and actually I was much better at it when I was in High school. In high school I was not necessarily the most confident person but I was confident in what I knew to be right- and all of my friends respected it. Not one of my friends even cussed around me or invited me to a sketchy party- they always said, "sorry this isn't your kind of party". No one questioned where I stood or what I stood for.

Today however I cannot honestly say I am as firm in ALL things. I wouldn't say I act against what I know to be true- but I don't always speak up and be a witness for truth. In some ways I have become less confident- and honestly I hate that. I was reminded this morning that our influence on others, whether for good or for ill, is felt and can last a very very long time-in my case over a decade. And I decided that even though I live in the center of many of my same faith we are all at different levels of that faith and I still need to stand firm as a witness of Christ no matter where I am or who I am with. I would be crushed to know that my behavior or lack of conviction silently gave someone else permission to behave as they shouldn't. I would like to always think that my behavior influenced another for good, that it inspired them to reach higher and accomplish more.

Sometimes I feel that I am only one person, I can't really make that big of a difference, and that no one really pays much attention to what I do or do not do. But the fact is- one person can make a world of difference. I know this is an extreme example but Hitler was also one person- one person who influenced a nation. Everyone knows the effects of his choices - I often wonder what the world would have been like if he had harnessed that influence in another direction. Someone with his talent for speaking and persuasion could have done so much good and yet his gifts created a nightmare for so many. If one person can create so much pain-could not one person create just as much joy. I submit that it can be done. Yet so often we doubt our own strength to create change, we diminish our influence and power for good. If we stand as a witness for God in all times, and in all things, and in all places we cannot help but inspire and uplift- We each can leave our mark on the world and I hope to make mine a positive one!

Grateful for age...

I just want to say how grateful I am that we all get older. with age comes wisdom- hopefully. I know I complain about being "old" sometimes, but I don't really mean it. I'm not old and I know it. Mostly I just say those things because my life has not followed the map I had drawn out. But I am actually very happy about that. I have learned so much and met people I never would have met had I taken my own very narrow minded path.
Tonight I had an interesting experience - well it was mostly in my own head. I found myself in the middle of a very shallow conversation with several girls under the age of 21...and just in the next room was an 85 yr old piano player who is incredible. So much life experience. Part of me, a large part of me would have rather been in that room talking to him- but I did learn a few things right where I was.
I was sitting peacefully by myself reading my lesson for gospel doctrine when I was joined by three girls. Now before I proceed let me just say that I do in fact like these girls. They are fun cute girls- however they lack maturity in some areas of their personality and that is so interesting for me to watch- from a distance of course.
These girls were talking to me and since I do love to pick people's brains I listened intently- people fascinate me- plus like I said, I like these girls. anyway- the boys came out to get drinks I think and the flirting began. (it was only 2 boys and 2 girls) It went on for only a few minutes and then the boys went back to their singing. Soon after, these two girls found multiple "reasons" to go into that room so they could draw the boys attention. As if everyone didn't know why they were really in there (so funny)...anyway they eventually just ended up sitting on the floor looking like high school freshman watching the varsity football team practice...and I said a silent prayer that I never look that desperate in my life. But I'm sure when I was there age I did at some point do something similar.
As they sat there I realized some things- That yes these boys are talented, good looking young men- but in spite of all that- I could never respect a man who was drawn in by such primitive tactics. And I realized, that's probably why I'm single still- I want a man who thinks with his brain- not his hormones. I want someone who doesn't just go for the easy target- perhaps I'll find one in the MBA program- I have high hopes that those men want a woman with brains and motivation. but I digress from my purpose....
Tonight I also learned that because of my age-or rather, experience (which I know is not nearly as vast as some) I have so much to be grateful for. I've learned that I am grateful for being the 5Th of 6 kids which taught me that I do not need to be- and probably usually will not be- the center of attention most of the time. I am grateful for my ability to be alone with my own thoughts and to be able to go to the bathroom by myself (which these and many girls cannot do). I am grateful that I can still think of others before myself (although I'm not always perfect- some days are better than others) I'm grateful that I have learned to make my own decisions- even if they are wrong sometimes. I am grateful that I have learned to deal with disappointment- life goes on and it usually goes on for the better. I am grateful for my siblings and my ability to get along with them all- I love my family. I am grateful for the ability to listen and really hear what people are saying and feeling. I am grateful for my education and love of learning. I am grateful for a sense of loyalty- and to be able to value others for who they are. I am grateful for a sense of humor-to enjoy life and not take the small things too seriously.
I am grateful to bob, the piano player, who is an inspiration to me. An inspiration of what can be accomplished in life if you recognize your gifts and blessings and use them for good. I hope that as I grow older I can grow wiser as well- I hope to always be an inspiration and a light to others, to share my experiences to benefit others. I know I'm not perfect, I have a lot to work on and places to mature but I'm also not dead yet- I have time, I just hope I always remember to use it to its fullest. Life is too short for regrets- so be happy and make others happy as well.

Do you not realize what day it is???

As many of you know, I am an avid watcher of wedding shows. TLC and WE are a great source for all your wedding pleasures. Tonight I was killing some time before my play rehearsal by watching "amazing wedding cakes". While watching, I rediscovered a huge pet peeve of mine. Several brides came on screen to look at their wedding cakes before their friends and family came in for the reception and I'm not kidding- they looked like they rolled out of bed and just threw on a wedding gown. I'm sorry- Do you not realize what day it is??? I don't care if you are not girly, don't wear a lot of make up, and don't own a blow dryer. It is your wedding day for heaven's sake- put some time and effort into your appearance. If your dress is elegant your hair and make up should be as well. If you can't do it yourself hire someone! If you are going to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a dress you can spend $50 to have your hair and make up done. YOU should wear the dress- it should not wear you.

Patience is a virtue

Ok my family is awesome. Especially my parents. For those of you who don't know, I LOVE to bake yummy delicious treats...and I do it a lot on Sunday. 1. because I am home 2. because I have time and 3. because there are people around to eat it. But most of the things I make are pretty involved and usually need to cool before I frost them or do the second step or whatever. However, my dad is not patient when it comes to delicious things. He is usually standing next to me when I take whatever it is out of the oven and immediately starts bugging me to cut into it. Usually my response is something like this, "Dad, its not finished. It still has to cool and be frosted" well- this was his response to waiting...if it had to cool before he could eat it- he was just going to help it along. I suppose patience is something we are still working on at our house...

Christmas Bells are Ringing...

Well, its almost that time of year again!! What better to get into the holiday spirit than going to see a show. There are two shows to see...this one at the Scera and A Christmas Carol at the Hale. Both are a really great way to get into the holiday spirit!!

Farewell Red Tweed

Tomorrow will be a test of my will power. This jacket you see is currently sitting on my bed post. I am really really in love with it!! but, I don't NEED it. I already own a red peacoat from last year...its not tweed but still really cute. And the other reason I don't need it is because in just a few more weeks it will be too cold to wear it anyway and it will sit in the closet with last years red coat and collect dust. no one will ever see it and next year the Gap will make another red coat that I'm sure I will want as well...and the cycle will continue unless I check it now. So tomorrow I am going to just suck it up and return it...even though at this moment I am still feeling sad about it. Farwell my Friend.

For Heaven's Sake- Cover your ankles!!

I just finished watching this movie with my mom (who is finally home from Cali) and it made me start to think about all the Jane Austin movies I've seen. Which naturally started me thinking about the screwed up logic of the time period in which these films are set. Exhibit A: Modesty. I would like someone to explain to me why in the world it was indecent to show one's ankles BUT the same woman could have half her chest hanging out of her dress and be considered in perfect taste. I'm sorry I just don't understand.

PS this is a very good version of S&S- I would actually like to merge this and the Emma Thompson version to create perfection.

What a waste

This is a BMW Z3 convertible. This car - well one very similar to it- was driving in front of me on State Street on my way to work this morning. Now, when I say it was driving I use that term loosely. He was barely driving. I am not sure what he was doing- but his mind wasn't on the road. Anyway- he was driving somewhere between 30 and 35 mph. ANNOYING! the Speed limit is 40 mph on state- which stirred a pet peeve of mine. If you spend the money to drive a Z3 DRIVE IT!! what good does it do to have a sports car if you are afraid of it! seriously-I'm not saying you need to drive 65 in a residential but please at least drive the speed limit. If you drive 35 mph in a sports car like that you don't deserve to own it. The End.

As it happens...

I realized tonight I get a lot of my blog topics from TLC. I don't watch very much TV but all my favorite wedding shows are on TLC so there you go. Anyway- There is a new show starting called downsizing. Another reality show about a family who has basically had everything they ever wanted. Only now they can't- their economic situation has changed and they have to learn to go without. Here is why this is blog worthy. I'm not sure if all of you are up on what reality TV stars get paid these days but I assure you this family is not sharing their story out of the goodness of their hearts. They are getting paid, and paid well. So the show is not actually a "reality" show- because as it happens after just a few episodes they will no longer have the need to downsize at all. go figure.

Thank You Walt

I finally watched Disney's The Princess and the Frog- LOVED it. I can't believe it took me so long to watch it. It not my very favorite princess movie but it was really cute and funny! I also realized that its one of the only movies I've purchased before actually seeing. I would only take that chance on Disney. If it has Walt's name on it I'm probably going to love it!

You know how sometimes in a "get to know you" situation people will ask you that dumb question- if you could meet one person from history alive or dead who would it be. well I finally realized I would LOVE to meet Walt Disney himself. The man was an inspired genius, and has brought pure joy to my life- so why wouldn't I want to meet him!

Hello? are you still out there??

I am going to get on my soap box. Today I volunteered to help collect the trash through the church building. Not a big deal it takes about 5 minutes. However, about a year ago the men in the ward were responsible for taking down the chairs in the building and gathering all the trash. They took turns assigning the job to different guys each week. WELL, some of the boys (and yes I use the word BOYS deliberately rather than the word MEN) got tired of it and passed half the building to the women, the side with all the dirty diapers. whatever- well recently the boys have now decided that the women should also take down chairs on that same side of the building. Um excuse me- have you ever tried to take down multiple chairs while wearing heals and a skirt- its not that easy. One or two chairs is fine but over and over it gets a bit awkward. PLUS hello?? what happened to all the gentlemen. But what is really sparking this post is the fact that at least five of the boys in my ward watched me walk a full trash bag out to the dumpster at the other end of the parking lot (one boy was about ten feet in front of me and didn't bother to take the bag from me). What the heck!! I'm sorry but perhaps this is the reason these boys are not married or even seriously dating anyone- because they are thoughtless selfish cry babies. I don't mind helping but I do mind the expectation. Be a gentleman- stop depending on your looks to get you dates and try a bit of chivalry- it will get you farther in the long run!

Please notify me before publishing

So I read a book yesterday. I am not sure how I feel about it. (Which is terrible because I bought it since our library here stinks. ) As typical of me, I started it and finished it a few hours later so I guess it couldn't have been too bad. However, I still didn't love it. which is sad, because it has the potential to be a really good book. But I hate when authors spend so much time describing scenery and clothing and not enough time on relationship development between the characters. Or in this case, they develop one or two characters full and then just kind of throw in a few more to make the plot work. Now in the books defense, I did like the plot, once I actually got to it (134 pgs in) and I did like the characters, I just think she needed to refocus some of her details. Also, the book was set in France. Which meant she kept throwing in a ton of French words and phrases- which is annoying because French is not a super common language that most people can pronounce let alone understand. I couldn't say half the names in the book and that was annoying to me. But my biggest problem with the book was that I'm still not sure when it takes place. She mentioned a war but I'm not sure if it was WWI or WWII- nice huh. And perhaps it was mentioned in her PAGES of detail at the beginning but I always skip over that when it gets to be longer than a paragraph. So basically my conclusion is that Perhaps all mystery romance novelists should have me edit their books before they go to publishing. I may have to give this one to my sister for a re-write.

Spongbob??

I have come to the conclusion that some people are simply sponges. They literally suck the life out of you and give nothing back. I have a few "sponge bob" friends. Now, when I say friends, please realize I am using that term VERY loosely. Some how I get sucked into thinking I can help these people, that they just need to be given a chance. I can see their potential and if I just hang on a little longer they will get better. WRONG! this is exactly the kind of thinking that leaves you a shriveled shell of the person you once were. I don't know if you've seen sponge bob square pants but he is a great example. He means well but he drives squidwerd nuts. Sponge bob friends will suck you dry. The key is recognizing who the sponges are in your life and just simply walking away. So to my sponges (who aren't reading this blog so really I'm just venting) I say- Go away. Go find someone else to suck the life out of...I refuse to let you absorb anymore of my energy, patience, and self worth. If I let you stay I will have nothing left to give someone who actually deserves my friendship.

Ask and ye shall receive

A few weeks ago I posted about an elderly man at the mall and the $5 bill that has been lurking in my wallet. True to that post I have been unable to use that money for anything. It truly is not mine any longer. Anyway, I am happy to report that I will not need to frame it and keep it as a reminder of a missed opportunity. But that is not the purpose of this post. Simply a beginning. Since my previous post I have walked past his car every night looking to see if he has left his window open at all- even a tiny crack would do. But each night I passed, all the windows were up. I began to realize that it is fall, and soon it will be snowy. I have no idea if he will be coming to the mall during the winter, I can't remember having seen him before this year. And even if he did come, with the snow his windows would most definitely be rolled up. So last night as I knelt down to pray I decided to ask that the opportunity would present itself. That at least one window would be down and I would be able to slip it in unnoticed. Well- "ask and ye shall receive" as I walked out to my car with a co-worker his driver side window was rolled down a couple of inches, which was a small miracle considering it had been raining all day! I walked to my car, got out the $5 bill, and waited for my co-worker to drive away. I pulled up next to his car, slipped it in and drove away saying a silent prayer of gratitude for small miracles.

Watch what you will...

So I'm really really tired of people telling me I "NEED to watch Glee". Yes, I do like singing and musical theater- but I do not like trash. Seriously people, I don't tell you what to watch or not to watch so please stop! I don't watch a lot of TV because even the "best" shows are filled with vulgar things. Let me put it this way, if there were a $5 bill in a pile of dog poo I would not dig though the poo to get it. So yes your favorite show "Glee" or whatever show it may be may have something great about it- the singing, a great actor, etc- but to me that $5 value is not worth what I would have to submerge myself in to get it. So watch what you will- but please don't bug me because I don't.

There is no "cool" after High school

This post is going to be me venting...so if you aren't in the mood for that...don't read any further. I just have to say I am quite sick of people who think they are better than others...specifically the last couple of weeks I have had friends say to me "why don't you move out of your ward, that ward is a joke, you need to go somewhere better". Really??!! I will admit...my ward is not necessarily full of social grace and I don't hang out with most members of my ward outside of church but I will say that some of the best people live in my ward. Everyone in my ward has something incredible to offer. I can tell you at least one great thing about every person I know in the ward! To suggest that there is nothing good about anyone there just says to me that you think you are better than them all...and by so doing prove to me that you are immature and insecure. you get from a ward what you put in. If you ask yourself what can this place and these people do for me you will forever be disappointed but if you change your focus to "what can I contribute to this place? how can I help someone here?" you will never be disappointed, you will always be fulfilled. There is no "cool" after high school. At least not for grown ups. Those things shouldn't matter anymore- you don't get personality points by pulling others down. Just because you may have more social graces than another does not make you more valuable- in fact in many cases, from my own personal experiences, its been the opposite. Because that socially awkward person is around when I have needed them- not off entertaining the masses of people who probably won't remember their name after a few months. so I'm sorry I must have missed the memo that said you were cooler than everyone else.

Disclaimer: In defense of my friends who said these things, I will admit they probably didn't realize how it came off and I do still love these friends dearly- even though sometimes they can be a little arrogant and self absorbed. but who isn't sometimes. ok. vent done.

Limited Seating..

So today I was thinking..." a dangerous past time" "I know" ..sorry disney reference. Anyway- I have been thinking about how fear can physically limit our accomplishments. And in some cases, Fear can literally paralyse us from realizing our potential. I was thinking about how irrational that is. For instance, we are afraid to tell people how we really feel, or try something we've never done, or in some cases play a sport but why?? because we might say or do something dumb? we might not be perfect? well guess what...no one is perfect. And anyone who tells you they've never messed up at anything is lying to you. For example, I get really really nervous when I have to sing in front of people. One person or one hundred people my reaction is the same. I had a recital a little over a week ago and I did in fact mess up. The track played a little slower than I had practiced and I forgot two notes but no one threw anything at me, no one boo'd. The fact is no one but me probably even remembered my mistakes after I sat down. And it is the same with anything we do...we are probably the only ones who remember our failures. What if I don't pass my test? what if I say the wrong thing? well...life will go on, my friends and family will still love me, and I will be a better person for it.

Its true that there are those people in the world who would love nothing better than to step on you when you are down, or rub your failures in your face...but perhaps its time to remove those people from your life....If all the world is a stage, and you have the leading role- Then play your part, play it big, accept your role- strengths and limitations combined. You will have more fun...your audience will enjoy it more...and to those who would throw tomatoes- don't invite them, there is limited seating at your theater- VIPs only- they can go to someone else's show.

$5 haunting

Every night when I leave work I see an old man in the parking lot. I can't say just how old because this poor soul is pretty weathered. He drives a very old rusty truck and always wears the same thing. I think he shows up sometime around when the mall closes and stays till who knows when. A lot of the people I work with get creeped out by him but I don't. It actually breaks my heart to see him. Last week I saw him as usual but this time he was looking through the trash- which if I had to guess is probably what he does everyday.
This particualr night I walked past his truck and noticed he had left his window down. I immediately had the thought "You should give him the $5 you have in your wallet. Just leave it on the driver's seat". But immediately as the thought came I also thought, "but what if someone sees me? what if they think i'm doing something mean? what if someone comes and takes it after I leave? what if he sees me and resents it?" I had a million different thoughts that kept me from acting on the first and more charitable thought. which I have to admit I am ashamed of. I don't need that $5 and in fact will probably never spend it. That 5 dollar bill will probably haunt me until I die because in my mind, it belongs to the old man from the mall. I once again let my fear of what others might think outweight a kindness. And now every time I walk to my car or open my wallet I remember what I should have done and didn't. I can only hope that next time I get a prompting like that, I act on it and tell my selfish thoughts to stick it! And hopefully in the near future I will walk to my car alone and his window will be down and I can correct the situation.

WHY??!!?!

I think If I try to cram anything else into my head today my brain may swell and explode. I am studying for the GMAT (so I can apply to the MBA program at BYU). The GMAT is probably one of the most horrible tests ever. I took a practice test last night and realized just how much I have forgotten. Lets talk about the math section. It was like trying to take a test in another language. I recognized the words but I didn't know what they meant. Its not even stuff that should be hard, its high school algebra. But if my life had depended on it I still couldn't have figured it out last night. I was so mad at myself, seriously I got A's in High school algebra but it has been 13 years since I've even looked at it. I thought I was so clever testing out of math in college-Even the answer explanations in the book are confusing.
The English section was a little easier for me, I didn't totally fail that part. However, the ones I did miss are still frustrating for me because even after I read the answer explanations I don't always agree with them. Especially on the sentence correction...I still think my choice is the best and their explanation contradicts everything I ever learned in English. AHHH worst test ever! What in the world was I thinking?!?! I have to take it, I paid almost $300 to take it...but it just might be the death of me.

"YES I hate technology.."

There are NO words to describe how completely irritated I am with my grad school application. For weeks the website has said it would be available sept. 1st so being as I am on a limited time schedule I got on sept 1st and it was down for maintenance. Lame. So I got on today, finally logged in, I finished the first portion and then....my Internet disconnected. So I got back on and it told me there was an error on the page because I didn't properly log out. AHHH. So I closed everything and about 30 min later finally got back on. Well as you can guess, all my information was lost. So I entered it again and then clicked the button that said, "save and continue" it did something but THEN....the page wouldn't load. So I logged out and back in...nothing changed. At this point I am so bugged I can feel my heart racing. In the interest of my own health I closed my laptop and walked away. Several hours later I logged back in...no changes. It still won't load. I emailed the tech support people ..and i'm sure its something stupid and they will probably email me to that effect but I am too frustrated to think clearly!! I just want to get it done!! AHHH Yes I hate technology... (sung to the tune of napoleon dynamite wedding song)

Some people's wives...

Ugh some women- I seriously have to question their common sense. Let me back up. So today i'm leaving work and my co-worker says to me (about the UPS delivery) "Look Lori, we have lights" at that exact moment the power in the whole building shuts off. No lights, no music, no power. Awesome.
I stayed around for a few minutes just to help get things settled and in my very slow exit from the dark store I heard this conversation about 4 times in less than five minutes
WORK: "i'm sorry ladies, the power has gone out. we have called mall security and they are trying to get things going again"
Stupid woman: "the power is out? do you have register capabilities?"

Are you serious? I wanted to say, "well, when the power goes out at your house does your PC still work? HELLO- a register is a computer. Good ol' IBM. NO it does NOT work when the power goes out. It is a clothing store not a hospital...there is no "emergency generator". Your purchase or return is NOT life or death. If you can't say something smart don't say anything at all...

Amazing...

So I was checking out my friends blogs and I stopped over at my friend megan's blog and she had this post titled "I want to know love like this some day" and it caught my interest so I clicked on the little video and i'm not even kidding by the end of the short cartoon I was bawling. Not just a little teary eyed but my cheeks were literally wet. Its a cartoon but the voices are of real people and it is one of the most touching stories i've ever heard...and I agree with Megan, some day I want to know love like that...

If you'd like to watch the video just go to web address:

http://vimeo.com/12562270 its about 6 min long and totally worth every second!

Oh commercials...

Mascara commercials. Do they really think we believe the eyelashes on their models/actresses are from their product?!?! I mean come on!! you can practically see the glue from their false band of eyelashes. If they really think i'm going to buy their product after they have so fully insulted my intelligence they have another thing coming.

All Alone with our thoughts

I went to education week this last week at BYU and so many good things happened its not even funny...but the first thing I'm going to mention is I learned something about myself from watching other people. I learned how grateful I am for my years at college because they taught me more than just political science and ballroom dance. They taught me that I can be alone and hold my head up. There is no law that says "if you are alone you must look down" There is no shame in being alone with your thoughts. My parents were at education week but I went my own way- I like to go alone because then you have the freedom to choose any class you like and you can think about the message of the class without being interrupted by someone's chatter. As I sat alone in the classroom watching these women filter in, so many of them just looked a little frantic and uncomfortable. If they were alone, they were searching for someone else, or they were on their phone- as if to tell the world that even though they were physically alone they had friends. So many people are uncomfortable being alone and that makes me sad. I LOVE being alone sometimes. I spent a week on campus with my own thoughts and no one to distract me and I am so grateful that I am confident enough in myself to have had that opportunity. Thank you Mom and Dad for sending me away to college where I knew no one!! Its OK to be alone sometimes, enjoy it!

Bed Intruder

oh my goodness, I saw this video on my friends blog and it is disturbingly addictive. This was a real new report that two guys turned into a music video...seriously?? who even thinks of that..and if you do..who has time for it. these boys need jobs...but in the meantime- enjoy the video.

Tis the season...

Yes it is that time of the year where wedding businesses in Utah thrive. Summer is the time to get married and for some reason I seem to get invited to a ton of them. Especially lately. For the month of August alone I've had 2 bridal showers and five weddings and the month is not over yet. Anyway, that being said I usually feel some mixture of happy and sad. Happy because I love this person and you can see the happiness and joy in their face. They are usually glowing and I love that. And then I usually feel a little sad because 1. I'll admit I'm slightly jealous and 2. and probably the larger reason is I know our friendship will change. This person will not be part of my life as they once were. Someone has taken my place-and that's normal and how it should be but change is still hard. Its selfish, I know, but part of me can't help it.

But last night I attended a wedding that made me sad for an entirely different reason. This time selfishness was not the driving force for my feelings. The groom happened to be my little brother's best friend. A guy who has been around the family for about 2 decades. Like most people, his choices have not always been stellar or lead him down the easiest roads. He has gone through some hard times and over the last few years has really been trying to straighten things out. Which is great because we all love this kid! And last night he chose to marry a girl with a pretty black reputation, who has some substance abuse problems and dresses a little like a street walker. As a side note, I will say that even after attending the wedding I STILL have not actually met her- she didn't talk to anyone but her friends which was a little tacky- That being said, all my comments about her are strictly based on my impressions and others accounts of her character. And I am a firm believer that people can change- but only if they want to. who knows, maybe someday she will be a great person.
Anyway, as I sat listening to the two exchange vows I wanted to jump up and tell them to stop. I watched him as he told her he loved her and would take care of her forever. And I could tell that he cares about her but he still wasn't glowing. And I couldn't help but feel sad because he can't have her forever. Even if he wanted her that long, it can only last until death. Having attended several sealings in the temple- something was missing last night and my heart ached because of it. I think part of him knew it as well...he just doesn't realize how much better things could have been and it breaks my heart. I watched the two of them for the remainder of the reception. Except for pictures and the standard wedding program items the two of them were not really together. They went their separate ways and talked to their separate friends. There was no glow around them that usually makes me sick about a bride and groom- and I never thought I'd say this but I missed it. I like to see couples so in love they make me sick. But last night I was sick for a different reason...because someone I love gave up something incredible for something temporary.
I know that I want something more. I want to feel what was missing last night. I want a man who loves me enough to make it forever. I don't want to do things half way. I want it all or I don't want anything.

accessories are a must!

So the last two days I really have not wanted to get dressed and mostly I didn't want to wear jeans. They just sounded uncomfortable AND I wanted to wear my new teal headband. But I wasn't feeling too creative so I put on a black shirt and black Bermuda shorts and as to not look Gothic I added the teal headband used teal eyeliner and some silver earrings with teal accent. Plus I actually round brushed my hair. This is how I went to work. once at work I went to the back door to let my friend Lynsey in and as I open the door she says, "oh wow, Lori I didn't even recognize you. You look so cute today" haha I must really have let myself go if a colored headband and earrings makes me unrecognizable...guess I should accessorize more often!!

Entitlement syndrome

Lets say you are walking through the mall with a pack of fruit snacks, fries, wheat thins..whatever snack you so desire...and I walk by and just help myself, "thank you I've been starving". You would probably be bugged or shocked at least....yes as you should be. That would be wrong of me and I would be, dare I say it, stealing from you. What is the definition of stealing?

1. To take (the property of another or others) without permission of right.

Yes that about sums it up so if that is not ok for me, why would ANYONE think it is ok to come into my place of work, reach over my register and help themselves to a coupon that I had not given them, that was not easily in their reach or facing them. The coupon did not say "please take one " or in some cases, "please take as many as you'd like". Seriously, people come in my store all the time and just help themselves to as many coupons as they would like. Perhaps if the coupon applies to you, you could wait until I offer it to you. It will save some embarrassment when I ask you to put it back because it doesn't apply to you. Crazy women- I won't steal your kids crackers if you don't steal my coupons. No matter how much money you want to save, no matter how bad your 18 month old NEEDS that coat it is NOT ok to just take stuff from behind my register. You are suffering from entitlement syndrome. you do not deserve everything you want just because you are breathing. sorry but you don't.

To be or not to be....just chose one already!

I received a text message from a very good friend of mine tonight. I was just getting off work and I texted her back. A few minutes later I just felt like I needed to call her. For those of you who know me- I hate the phone. I hate calling anyone or being called unless there is something very specific that needs to be discussed. Anyway, this was a big deal for me but I dialed the number anyway. Turns out the phone call was, I hope in some way, useful to her but it also served as a reminder to me of a very valuable principle I sometimes forget. one about decision making.

When you make a choice, if its right, keep moving forward. Don't allow doubt to creep in and cause you to second guess that decision. Whatever the decision may be..a job, a spouse, a move..etc. don't allow doubt and regret to cloud your mind. Even if everyone else thinks you are crazy-Make your choice and be happy with it.

Lets be honest- this life is about learning...even if you make the wrong choice sometimes, which we all do, unless it kills you- you can make a new choice. Take what you've learned and head down a better path. But don't keep asking yourself if it is to be or not to be...pick one and be happy.

Lead on Wendy

I feel like at some point in my college career I must have been sprinkled with pixie dust and flown away to Neverland. But this Neverland is special, it looks just like Utah county...its as if I never left the real world. But I'm becoming more convinced that perhaps Neverland has become my new reality. Let me see if I can explain. First of all when I say Neverland- I am, in fact, referring to the Disney version of the magical world in which peter pan and his lost boys dwell. Now, when I was at BYU I have to admit, I didn't really want to grow up. My roommates were so fun and I just wanted to do my own thing when I wanted to do it. I am a kid at heart and love to have fun. And I think because of that, Neverland promised, just as it did in the movie, to be everything I thought I wanted. I made friends with peter pan and his lost boys. We played games and talked and just had a grand time together. These are the boys whose motto is, "I want to be a little boy, to always have fun and never grow up". Which at 21, 22 years old that is great- no threat there. But after 25 it starts to get a bit old. I feel like every guy I meet is a lost boy and even though it was fun for a time, I find myself sympathizing with Wendy at the end of the film- when she finally decides the fun is over. She loves peter and his lost boys...they are some of her best friends, but Its time to grow up and get on with life. The last few days I have been feeling pretty apathetic towards every guy I know and I couldn't figure out why. Then I decided it isn't apathy after all- but a frustration with men to not move on. To not recognize and strive for their potential. I am not apathetic- just saying to those lost boys, even the ones I love, that I am leaving Neverland. They can come with me if they'd like..but if not I guess the time has come to say goodbye. Wendy was a smart girl and I intend to follow her lead- you can't have a full and meaningful life in Neverland.