Yes it is that time of the year where wedding businesses in Utah thrive. Summer is the time to get married and for some reason I seem to get invited to a ton of them. Especially lately. For the month of August alone I've had 2 bridal showers and five weddings and the month is not over yet. Anyway, that being said I usually feel some mixture of happy and sad. Happy because I love this person and you can see the happiness and joy in their face. They are usually glowing and I love that. And then I usually feel a little sad because 1. I'll admit I'm slightly jealous and 2. and probably the larger reason is I know our friendship will change. This person will not be part of my life as they once were. Someone has taken my place-and that's normal and how it should be but change is still hard. Its selfish, I know, but part of me can't help it.
But last night I attended a wedding that made me sad for an entirely different reason. This time selfishness was not the driving force for my feelings. The groom happened to be my little brother's best friend. A guy who has been around the family for about 2 decades. Like most people, his choices have not always been stellar or lead him down the easiest roads. He has gone through some hard times and over the last few years has really been trying to straighten things out. Which is great because we all love this kid! And last night he chose to marry a girl with a pretty black reputation, who has some substance abuse problems and dresses a little like a street walker. As a side note, I will say that even after attending the wedding I STILL have not actually met her- she didn't talk to anyone but her friends which was a little tacky- That being said, all my comments about her are strictly based on my impressions and others accounts of her character. And I am a firm believer that people can change- but only if they want to. who knows, maybe someday she will be a great person.
Anyway, as I sat listening to the two exchange vows I wanted to jump up and tell them to stop. I watched him as he told her he loved her and would take care of her forever. And I could tell that he cares about her but he still wasn't glowing. And I couldn't help but feel sad because he can't have her forever. Even if he wanted her that long, it can only last until death. Having attended several sealings in the temple- something was missing last night and my heart ached because of it. I think part of him knew it as well...he just doesn't realize how much better things could have been and it breaks my heart. I watched the two of them for the remainder of the reception. Except for pictures and the standard wedding program items the two of them were not really together. They went their separate ways and talked to their separate friends. There was no glow around them that usually makes me sick about a bride and groom- and I never thought I'd say this but I missed it. I like to see couples so in love they make me sick. But last night I was sick for a different reason...because someone I love gave up something incredible for something temporary.
I know that I want something more. I want to feel what was missing last night. I want a man who loves me enough to make it forever. I don't want to do things half way. I want it all or I don't want anything.
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