Spice of Life

I know, I'm post happy tonight. I just got back from zumba and I've decided that I am pretty picky about my zumba instructors. What makes a good one?? variation. I hate when all the songs sound the same, have the same tempo, and have similar footwork or choreography. There are hundreds of zumba songs...spice things up. I don't want to use the same 4 muscles for an hour. I also hate when they change the tempo of a perfectly good song to make it weird. I like to hear the rhythm of the song so that I can count it and memorize the sequence..if its a weird tempo I don't feel like I get a good work out...I don't know why...I just don't. That was the case tonight, it started out great...but after about 30 minutes it started to feel like the same song over and over and over again. I considered just leaving early since I was already cooled down and pretty much knew my work out was over...but I stayed. I was right though...longest 'cool down' of my life. whatever, I guess it was better than sitting on my couch all night.

Why don't I listen??

once upon a time I entered a vocal competition at BYU. I won said competition and inside my packet was a voucher for 2 free hours of studio recording time. The lady handing them out said, "now there is good stuff in these packets so make sure you put them somewhere safe, don't just toss them under your bed". Well friends guess what I did. I used one thing and put the envelope somewhere and now I have NO IDEA where that packet is and I think it expires in January! AHH!! so I need to get my butt into the studio and use my winnings....looks like its time to tear my room apart...what better way to spend my day off tomorrow. right? right. ugh. wish me luck.

Interesting

If you are looking for something interesting to read....go ahead and click HERE

This Ain't Disneyland....

I really don't like drop rides. I can handle most other roller coasters but I just don't like the sensation of falling. I force myself to ride tower of terror at Disneyland because well...it just has to be done. But I don't ride it like everyone else...I sort of fold myself in half so I don't feel it as much- I'm never in any pictures which is fine with me but its probably pretty entertaining to watch...also I trust Disney to keep their rides in working order.

I never have understood why people like drop rides. Why do people like to feel out of control? Because you trust that the ride is going to work- that its going to catch where it needs to catch and not plummet you to your death. Why am I blogging about drop rides? because I feel like I've just climbed onto one. Let me explain...

when I hear the phrase "leap of faith" I picture Indiana Jones and the last crusade- for those of you who have not seen it (crime) Harrison Ford is standing on a cliff that is basically a black hole with no bottom and he has to step out having only faith that there is something to catch his fall....turns out there is an invisible beam....

okay Indiana Jones and drop rides- do you see where I am going with this? A leap of faith-could lead to the drop ride feeling, the feeling of falling. Lets say the catch isn't exactly level from the place you step...you might fall a little before you catch and go back up...

Basically I am going to be taking a leap of faith very soon, and I am anticipating a little or a big drop before I go back up...knowing how I feel about this sensation, I should be terrified. I am not. I feel good about making a decision....I won't tell you what it is because it really sounds crazy. My logical mind can tell you all the reasons its irrational and why its a bad decision. But I feel really good about it. I can't tell you why-I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for it from everyone I know. I can hear it now "what are you thinking?" "have you lost all your ambition?" "you are better than this, you are wasting your life"....maybe I am. But every time I go for my 'rational smart' options I feel absolutely sick with anxiety. And my crazy unexplainable option...I feel really calm about. It might lead to some of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life or the best, I'm not really sure. It's crazy....I'm willingly taking my leap of faith, getting on my real life drop ride....its not Disneyland but I'm trusting that my Father is going to catch me and bring me back up at just the right time.

Must I really?

This last summer was really hard for me- My ward became inundated with high school seniors. I suddenly felt ancient. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't go through that ever again. Unfortunately the only way to avoid it was to go back to the home ward and teach nursery (not gonna happen) or to get married. So I made a goal to be engaged by the end of August 2012. Why did I give myself a timeline? well, because all good goals need to be measurable and they need to have a deadline. It sounds totally crazy- and maybe it is. Marriage is not something you can control but at the time I didn't care-it was the light at the end of my very very young and dark tunnel.

The last few weeks I have started to think about that goal and why I made it. It not your typical goal. And lets be honest, I'm not going to make my timeline. I refuse to get married unless I've dated someone for at least a year...oops-guess that rules out august. I'm not super concerned about meeting my time frame though - what I am concerned about is the why? and I have learned some very important things about myself.

As a general rule, I hate dating. Why? lots of reasons. I very rarely get excited for a date, its actually usually the opposite. I am forever and always being set up on blind dates or I get the "hey my friend thinks you are cute can I give him your number" I hardly ever go out with guys I'm actually interested in. I have almost completely stopped getting ready -in any manner- for my dates. I just go as is. My dates don't make me laugh and half of them can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes. And even when I am interested, it usually doesn't last long because the guy doesn't ask me about me. We talk about him ALL night long- its not fun to be interested in someone who is more interested in themselves.

the other reason I don't like dating is that I don't like to be an imposition on anyone. Some girls are like "hey free meal right?" NO...I hate that. If I don't like a guy I feel horrible making him pay for me. I guess I am just used to taking care of myself. I'm getting better but its totally hard for me. I also am super busy-so if I'm not interested in my date, its hard for me to keep myself in the moment. I start thinking of all the other things I could be getting done. Instead I have to make conversation with someone who isn't helping. Have you ever tried to ask someone questions while at the same time trying not to ask too many questions so you don't seem overly interested when you are not. Its exhausting.

So you see, its not really about the goal or the timeline- its about making myself date and get out of my comfort zone. Maybe if I can force myself on enough awkward dates, I will change my attitude and someday enjoy the process. Maybe.

This is what I've learned this week:

Short dates are a blessing when you have nothing in common
People who can't hold a conversation shouldn't major in communications
If you want to make a good impression you should have a plan
when awkward people don't talk I say stupid things and sound like a jerk or a moron
its a bad sign when you have more fun with your server than with your date

I went on two dates this week-both really nice guys. Really they are, they are just not for me. They didn't meet my basics...

Ambition is a must. If you are 27 please don't tell me you have no idea what you want to do with your life. I don't care what you want to do...but have something. You don't need to make a million dollars you just need to have a plan to get up off your coach.

An active member of the church who holds and uses his temple recommend. Its important to me and I want to see that its important to him.

A sense of humor. I love to laugh. I want someone to make me laugh. Also my family is a little crazy and I don't want to be with someone who takes themselves too seriously. There is a time and a place for serious..but life should be fun.

Someone who isn't scared of me. I'm not that scary. He should know when to talk and when to listen. I like to talk but not all the time- sometimes I just want to listen to someone else talk. I have a lot of opinions and sometimes they aren't right- I need someone who isn't afraid to tell me so. I mean- I want to get my way 95% of the time- but I admit that sometimes I need to be put in my place. That can't happen if a man is afraid of me.

That is my first set of minimums- I have another list of nice to haves but I never get to that list because I rarely go out with a guy who meets even one of the above...and that is why I hate dating and why I make crazy goals for myself ....

Still More

Today I was reading the priesthood session of General Conference-And I read a talk by a general authority that I have never heard of- Elder Waddell. (read talk here) As I read his talk I was thinking- "man this guy is saying exactly what I think but so much better!" As I finished the talk I realized that I probably need to apologize to quite a few people who have probably misunderstood things I've said. Lets be honest-for those of you who know me well or even semi-well you know that I just speak without censoring. If it comes in my head I just say it-I don't always have the skill to process it first and make sure it will be taken exactly how I want it to.

Let me explain. Many of you have probably heard me say that I hate when every comment a person makes is about their mission. I have even said that they need to let go and move on. But what I really mean by that, and I didn't realize how I was coming across until I read this talk today, is that sometimes people get stuck in their missions. Its the biggest learning experience of their lives and before they know it, they've been back a few years and haven't been able to move on. Here, I'm doing it again.

I think missions are great. I respect those who sacrifice so much to fulfil their priesthood responsibility. I love missionaries. I know that a mission is a huge opportunity filled with spiritual and personal growth. I am glad that so many missionaries love their missions and the people in them- they should!! I totally respect that. I love to hear mission stories and I love when people can invite the spirit by sharing something they learned while serving. But I also feel that a mission should be a jumping off point- when missionaries come home, they need to keep growing and serving...I don't want them to forget those things but they need to ADD to the mission experience. I know it won't be quite as dramatic but there are still people to teach and experiences to be had right in your own neighborhood. The mission teaches lessons that would otherwise take a lifetime to learn- but "the ongoing blessings associated with missionary service require application after the sacrifice" These missionaries need to take the lessons out of the mission and apply them to their life NOW!! If ten years after the mission-the only spiritual experiences you've had are from the mission- you are cheating yourself and everyone around you!

Maybe I didn't clear anything up at all- but I love missionaries, I applaud those who have served faithful missions-I love hearing your stories and feeling your spirits! I just don't want you to cheat yourself by thinking that's all you've got- The things learned on the mission are essential to making you who you will become, but it is not everything...there is a lot of life to still be lived after your mission!!

Well Put

My mom is the best. seriously, she makes me laugh all the time. This morning I was waiting to go to work and I had crawled into my dad's side of the bed and was just chatting with my mom. we were talking about dating and the type of guys I usually date and she says to me, "There aren't very many great guys out there. And the really good guys are taken by paraplegics and girls with no arms". Wow mom. Really? I died laughing.

Then tonight she went with me to the grocery store. Normally I just park where ever, I'm not super into parking way close. I don't mind walking. But my mom is having a knee replacement in about a week and I didn't want her to have to walk far so I was trying to find a good spot. I spotted a car about to pull out of their spot and so I sat and waited. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: "gees, why are they taking so long to pull out"
Mom: "well, what's wrong with the spot right next to them?"
Me: "oh. Nothing. I guess it is just as close"

She just has a fantastic way of saying things. So matter of fact. It makes me smile!

You think i'm kidding.

Once when I was like 12 years old my mom let me take piano lessons. I was super excited for about 2 weeks and then I got bored. I was the oldest student my teacher had and I think she just didn't know how to think outside the box. She just moved to slow-made my go page by page through the baby books- and after a few years I finally quit. I never practiced, I just memorized my songs about 20 min before my lesson and then on to the next- never really LEARNING anything. Piano started taking time away from the rest of my life- I had church callings to fulfill grades to maintain, and money to earn. So piano lessons and I went our separate ways. To be honest I have never really regretted that decision. Its not now, nor will it ever be, a passion of mine. I respect and admire people who play but diversity makes the world great right?!

Because I don't play anything I'm not super great at reading music. I took piano long enough to know the difference between a quarter note and a whole note. I know what a measure is and the time signature. I know how to read dynamics and basically follow along. What I can't do is look at music and tell you what key its written in or what note falls on which line (unless its middle C) and I can't look at a note and sing it right off the page. I have to hear it played and then I usually just memorize pretty quick. But I'm not completely clueless. Where is this going? let me tell you.

So tonight I was at my ward choir practice for our Christmas program. There weren't very many people there and we started 2 new songs I've never heard before. I asked the pianist to play my part a few times and made the mistake of saying "I can't read music" Big mistake. The obnoxious boy- and yes I deliberately use the word boy even though he is at least 21-decided he was going to take that information and show how much smarter he is than me as far as music goes. Seriously, I don't even know this kid's name but I want to punch him in the face every week. He talks incessantly and distracts the rest of the tenors so that the choir director has to repeat herself and it takes twice as long to get through anything. He makes the most irrelevant comments and well, he is basically a train wreck. The sad part is he has a pretty nice voice...he just needs to use it for more singing and less talking.

So tonight, remember this is the first time we've ever heard the song, he starts nit picking about ending words together and what dynamics we should be singing. "is it MF or MP?" "We should be pronouncing it like this blah blah blah"...really kid. The reason we aren't holding it is because we are still figuring out what notes we are supposed to be singing...we haven't even started working on timing and dynamics. Then when he wasn't doing that, he was saying things like, "this is a dumb song. I don't want to sing this. can't we sing a normal Christmas song." so if this wasn't reason enough for a person like me to get irritated and kick him, he starts talking down to me like I'm retarded and have no idea what's going on. Yes, its true, I can't pick a note out of thin air but I'm not totally retarded...I have been taking private lessons for almost two years...I can manage my way through a choir piece without his help! ahh...I might have told him that we didn't need his attitude and that if he didn't have anything positive to say he didn't need to come back next week...he thought I was kidding...but kind of I wasn't. I predict he will be single for a very very long time.

Not Yours to Gamble...

Guess what...you are NOT Paul Walker and you have not been cast in Too Fast Too Furious. Seriously, I have driven to work the last two days and I have almost been hit 3 times. Two of those times were within 5 minutes of each other. Mr. Honda Civic with the extra large headlights decided he was going to pass me on the right and then barely leave enough room when he decided to cut me off AND THEN 2 minutes later a silver Subaru with something to prove decides that even though his lane is ending, he's going to continue to speed up. Good thing I was paying attention because if I had not stepped on my brakes he would have hit my car from the right at about 60 mph knocking me into on coming traffic. Nice. I love when other people decide to take chances with my life and/or property. The worst part about all this, within one light, they both ended up BEHIND me anyway. The funny thing is, at the time I didn't really even think about that they could have killed me. The first thing I thought was, "I would never date a guy who drove like that". Sounds irrational? maybe. but maybe not. You see, a person who drives like that is selfish. They are only thinking of themselves and what they want. Which is a symptom of the way their brain processes. Also, someone who drives like that is probably going to have high insurance premiums due to multiple tickets/accidents. Also that person has a higher chance of killing themselves in an accident. Moral of the story...don't be a Jerk!! My life is not yours to gamble.

Excessive Touching

Yesterday I went with a friend to hear a band play at Valour. Its a small venue where lots of local bands play for their fans. Anyway, we are standing there listening to this band and I started to notice the people around me. I first noticed the guys behind me. Three guys in their early twenties, one of which was very vocal. He was also kind of dimwitted. Amy (the singer of the band) was talking about her guitar player and said his solo made her weep. The Einstein behind me yells back, "YOU make ME weak"....she was so confused. And rightly so. Since she said WeeP and not weaK. He continued to drool over her all night. I was slightly embarrassed for him.

The second thing I noticed was the awkward couple in front of me. she was totally cute. Her boyfriend on the other hand....um..yeah. He was like a foot shorter than her with greasy red hair and unkempt facial hair. He had zero rhythm and he repeatedly rubbed his hand, back and forth across the small of her back. And I don't mean just a few times or for a few minutes. He probably rubbed a whole in her shirt. His hand went back and forth for over and HOUR. Seriously? if that had been me I would have chopped his hand off. She didn't even flinch...actually she didn't even look at him once, its like they were at the concert separately and the only indication they had of being together was his bloody hand!! What is worse than awkward couples, awkward couples touching each other!

Not just about the numbers

Its Veteran's day. Did you know that? This holiday always makes me sad...mostly because so many people forget about it. Everyone is so excited on facebook about it being 11-11-11. Big deal. What about the real significance of today...what about all those people who have sacrificed so much so that we could be on facebook freaking out about the date. I just want to publicly say how grateful I am to so many great men and women who have sacrifice so much! Here is an article about one amazing veteran of WWII. Its worth reading-he was an incredible example of what this country is missing today.


Happy Veteran's Day!!!

The Pitfalls of Running

I don't know if I've posted about this before...I probably have, but if that's true its been awhile so I'm going to do it again.

A few nights ago I went with a friend to a dessert party for an old MTC companion of hers. The companion isn't old, its just been awhile since they were companions. Anyway, we were talking about how she is close to graduating from BYU and what her plans were now. Turns out she and so many of my friends share a common frustration. A frustration that is probably only common in Mormon society.

As a good LDS girl you are raised with the plan that you will get married and start a family. You go to school and you meet people but nothing works out. So one day you find yourself graduated from a university with your original plan unfulfilled. Now what? well, you can't just sit there and hope prince charming comes along -so you make another plan. With this new plan, you date guys and they ask what you are doing now that you are done with school. You tell them, and now they don't want to date you because you have a plan and they don't want to get in the way of that plan; Or maybe they are simply intimidated by it. Either way its stupid. Of course you have a plan...anyone with a healthy level of self respect would have a plan. It doesn't mean you aren't willing to adjust your plan for someone stellar so that you can finish out your original plan.

This is the catch 22, no one wants a girl who sits around and does nothing, but apparently most men don't want a girl who has plans. If you tell them you have a plan they run away. If you tell them you want to get married they run twice as fast. This is why I have so many amazing friends who are single..they are smart, funny, motivated, spiritual women who know who they are and what they want....apparently that is NOT attractive. Go figure.

my theory-Men need to act like men. Seriously they need more confidence in themselves and more faith in the Lord. They get scared too easily and run away. Well, I'm not a runner. I hate running. So if a man runs away from me I will just let him go...maybe he'll trip over a rock, hit his head, and gain some common sense.

I Am Thankful ....

So the other day my friend asked me to think of the things about me that I'm thankful for. Everyone could probably make a list of 100 things they are thankful for on the spot...but can we do it about ourselves? I think for most of us its much easier to come up with a list of things we don't like about ourselves or the things we've failed at or just done less than perfect. I was talking to a good friend of mine one night-and I said I was kind of boring, that sometimes I felt like I didn't contribute much to my friendships. That my friends did most the talking and I was just kind of there. She told me that she could see what I was talking about but it wasn't because I was boring- it was the opposite. She compared it to a coloring book. She said that other people bring the book with the monotoned pictures -they bring the structure -and I bring the crayons and I color in their pictures. I bring them to life and add to their stories. I was so busy seeing how I thought I fell short that I didn't see myself from another perspective. I am too often guilty of focusing on my faults so I am going to make a list (don't worry it won't be 100 things) of things about me I'm thankful for.

I would challenge everyone reading this to do the same thing...you don't have to blog about it but I think everyone should just focus on the positive every once in awhile. So here is my list, in no particular order:

I am thankful for....

My expressive face

my height which allows me to wear heals of any height

my singing voice

the ability to learn quickly

the ability to remember people and things

my sense of humor

my testimony

the ability to understand people and their motives

a fairly even temperament

the ability to forgive quickly

my work ethic

the gift of discernment

being happy most of the time/I don't get depressed

the ability to handle pressure

healthy body-I almost never get sick

the ability to hide nerves

the skills of communicating -writing and public speaking

my love of history

good nail beds

strong teeth

self control

the ability to accept things as they are

ability to make friends

willingness to try new things and confront fears

being financially responsible

independence

good problem solving skills

my very pale skin-I know tan is considered beautiful but I like my complexion

not taking offense easily

easily entertained

relating to people of all ages

being a little nerdy

these are some of the things I'm grateful for about myself. And anytime I'm feeling down on myself I'm going to re-read this blog and remind myself that I'm pretty cool. Elder Holland has said, "I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking about ourselves. we see our own faults, we speak-or at least think-critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable".

we are all pretty awesome! Lets be our biggest fans and make the world around us a better happier place!

Two Reasons to Stay Single

Singles wards. I'm not sure how anyone makes it out alive. Last night I went to the CES fireside. Well, I went to a broadcast of it because the Marriott center chairs are SUPER uncomfortable. Anyway, they broadcast it in a building on the temple lot and basically my whole stake is invited to come...so all of alpine, pleasant grove, Lindon...you get the drift.

I am just going to say- EVERY TIME I go to something like this I realize why I, and so many of my friends, are still single. There was a guy on the row behind me who was not bad looking..but seriously the guy could not shut his mouth. He talked and laughed through the whole fireside. I am all about laughing and having a good time but seriously?! at 20 something years old you should know when it is and is not appropriate and you should be able to somewhat control yourself. A serious turn off!!

Now, lets talk about the boy next to me. Remember how I draw the awkward ones no matter where I go. Well this one was awkward. I am pretty sure he has ADHD. At least I hope he does because that's the only logical explanation. The broadcast is only and hour from start to finish and this boy had to get up twice. Which was actually less distracting than when he stayed in his seat. He bounced his knee incessantly! oh except for when he would slap his knee super hard to stop the bouncing. Then he started break dancing with his arms. Then he laid his head down on the pew in front of us and started snaking and body rolling from his head down. Then he decided to put his coat on but not all the way and then take it off again. He did this more than once. wow.

Between the guy behind me and the guy next to me I felt a little like I was in primary. I tried really hard to listen close but I have a feeling I will have to print that talk off and read it again. Perhaps next time I will go with my Asocial tendencies and watch it on KBYU by myself.

Believe it or not, sometimes I know what I'm talking about

Yesterday at work we were running a promotion- Spend $100 get $40 off. We were totally busy...and I jumped on a register to help move the line along. The customer who came up had a jacket he was purchasing and it rang up for $98. Being the nice person I am I asked him if he wanted to grab a pair of socks or something else to get his total to $100. He declined. I restated it by saying, "you know if you add on a pair of socks they will be free and it will save you $40. He again said "no I'll just take the jacket". WHAT THE?!?! no. Normally I'm all about respecting the agency of others but seriously I could not, in good conscience, let this guy pay $100 when he could walk out with the same item for $60. So I told him I was going to grab him a chap stick- he could give it to him mom, his sister, keep it or throw it away but I was adding it on for him. I grabbed a yummy mint flavored "gap-stick" and saved the guy $40. Honestly, he was about 16 or 17 years old and probably thought I was trying to sucker him into something. which I wasn't.

I had a few other people who were also lacking in common sense...there were others who were spending $70 and didn't want to spend the time to find $30 worth of free stuff. Its like they didn't understand that they would be paying the same amount and getting more stuff. who doesn't want that?? I think people need to make sure when they leave the house they need to bring their brains along because sometimes retail people really are just trying to get you the best deal-especially since I don't work on commission. Sometimes it pays to set your ideas aside and listen to what you are being told...

Whiter than I thought

Hopefully you are familiar with the color code personality theory. Cause that's what this is about. I have always thought I was a split between red and blue. Then a few weeks ago an old friend said they saw me as more of a white...I blew off the comment but then this week I put some thought into it and decided to retake the color test. In the past I have always taken the test with other people around. Which was probably a bad idea because my family always get stuck on the fact that I'm pretty stubborn. They fixate on that and don't look at any other aspects or my personality. Today I took off my blinders and really thought about each question. I thought not only about work, which I usually do, but about relationships, about roommates, about confrontations I have had and looked a little deeper into my reactions to various situations. Turns out, I don't have as much red in my personality as I thought. yes, I am stubborn, determined, and goal oriented. But I am also emotional, loyal, and need to be understood. On top of that I am non confrontational, I'm a good listener and I get along with almost everyone. I pick my battles and want to connect emotionally more than I need to be in charge. Most of the time I just go with the flow but when I do have an opinion-you can bet I'm going to be passionate about it. Funny but I'm actually a very close count between blue and white. with less red. Go figure.

Goodbye Fingertips

I can't feel my fingers. It's a wonder I'm even able to type. I needed extensions for Halloween. But I forgot to buy them until about an hour before I needed to wear them. So basically I cut them randomly and bobby pinned them in my hair. However, I decided since I spent so much money on the stupid things that I should spend another $15 dollars and buy the clips so I can actually use them after Halloween. So I did. I got all the stuff and I sat down and sewed my extension pieces to clips. OUCH! now I really have to wear the dumb things because I just sacrificed my finger tips for them. I'm not sure it was worth it.

What do you love?

wow, two posts in one day...but I'm thinking right now and I'm not sure that will continue over until tomorrow. Last week our corporate offices sent out some rubber wrist bands...you know the ones that come in different colors and have slogans on them. Anyway...Not sure how many people know this but Gap was founded by Don and Dorris Fisher in 1969 (which is why all of our jeans say 1969 on the tag- that is not a distinguishing feature as many people like to think). Well, he was noted for saying "do what you love" and that is the phrase that was printed on this bracelet. We had a visit today from our regional director so I put the bracelet on-even though I HATE things on my wrists- and I wore it all day. On my way home it was bugging me and at a stoplight I stopped to read it again. "do what you love" and I started thinking...what do I love to do??

I love to sing. I love musical theater. I love genealogy. I love to read. I love to dance. I love to have long talks with good friends. I love to meet new people. I love to people watch. I love to solve problems. I love to learn. I love the temple. I love the gospel. I love pictures. I love to scrapbook. I love stained glass. I love history. I love philosophy and psychology. I love Disneyland. I love airplanes. I love to take ugly pictures. I love to laugh. I love to dress up. I love to just be silly. I love to make people smile. I love to write. I love to help people. I love so many things- and I don't make time for hardly any of them anymore. Life is too short not to enjoy. You are right Don, I need to make more time to do what I LOVE!!

Secretly Open

Sometimes I forget that people will actually read my blog. I think sometimes I say too much. But that's who I am. I love to talk and I love to share things about myself with people who I feel like actually care. I mean if someone takes the time to ask and I feel like the genuinely want to know the answer-I will always answer openly-even if its a little embarrassing. The problem is, most people don't ask. Or they are happy with a shallow answer. To those people I probably seem closed off and private. But I'm secretly and open book. Can a person "secretly" be "open" ?? not sure...I am open to those who really want to know. And I guess I figure if someone is going to take the time to open my blog and read it then they probably care enough to be privy to my 'private' thoughts. right? right!

why write a blog about this? I don't really have a great reason. I was just thinking how I probably haven't written in my journal in over a year and even then it was probably only once...but my blog, something everyone has access to, I write in all the time. Just seemed strange to me. But I suppose I am strange. And I'm okay with that!

Red Sea Experience

Lately I've been thinking about a class I attended at education week at BYU this last august. It was a class taught by Kevin Hinckley about educating your desires. At one point in his lecture he started talking about how we sometimes box the Lord in and don't allow him to answer our prayers as he would like...That our mind is so limited that we don't always pray for the things we should. He gave the example of moses and the Red Sea. He painted this visual for us:


Moses and the children of Israel get to the Red Sea. They can't keep going through the sea, they have the Egyptians coming up from behind so they say, 'okay, lets go to the left. Moses pray about going to the left"...he does and gets a stupor of thought. "okay so we must need to go right" He prays and gets another stupor of thought. Now what?? "we can't just sit here. But neither way was right. I guess maybe we just stay and let the Egyptians get us"....


His point was that we do this all the time. We have option A and Option B- but what happens when neither of those are right? what do we do then? He talked about letting the Lord give us our red sea experience. let the Lord decide your course. Perhaps he has plan C waiting and just needs us to be open to the idea. He is waiting for us to say, "thy will be done" "I'll go where you want me to go" and once we do...doors will open that we didn't even know existed.


I feel like I've been standing on the shore of my Red Sea...I can't go backward so I've been praying about whether I should go right or left, not getting a clear answer. But maybe that is my answer...maybe I just need to relinquish control and look for my Red Sea experience. I don't know when it will come, or how exactly those deep waters will part but I know they will. The Lord has his plan C in mind for me...