I'm sorry I can't hear you...

I realized today that over the last month of my life I was being taught a very valuable lesson. A lesson about personal revelation that I think I've always known...but somehow forgot. At one point in the recent past I got the idea in my head to go back to school and start dancing again. Which was something I was really excited about because I love school! I love learning and I LOVE dancing... thus making school the perfect answer. I started school and everything just started falling into place. I passed the auditions for my dance classes and made the back up tour team which was really satisfying to me since I hadn't even attempted to dance in 3 1/2 years. I started attending school and something inside me kept questioning if this was what I needed to be doing. I would pray about the decision I needed to make and several times I decided I was going to drop out of school. Then I would go to team and my technique classes and decide it was way too much fun to walk away from. so I put it off and I kept going to school. I kept thinking how weird it was that I hadn't gotten an answer to my questions. Finally, on the last day to withdraw from class I begrudgingly walked to administration and dropped all my classes. I am pretty sure I pouted all the way home and for several days following. I wondered if I had made the right choice. which was dumb because the choice to quit school had been made. Right or wrong I couldn't change it so I let it go and filled my days with other responsibilities. Several days later I went to Idaho to visit two really amazing people and came to several very important conclusions about my life. We drove to Idaho and Jackson Hole so I had a lot of time just riding in a car...which is one of my very favorite places to think. while traveling I reached several conclusions about myself and where I wanted to be in the future and what I really wanted to accomplish. At one point I realized that this was the first time in over a month I had been able to just sit and think. I was away from my work, family, church, and social responsibilities and I could actually relax and feel the spirit....and boy had I been missing out on a lot of valuable information! The other thing I realized while enjoying my scenic drive was that I had actually already received an answer to my school question. I had received my answer several times...it just wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I can be pretty stubborn (surprise) and I wanted to be in school. I wanted to dance. I am good at both and just wanted to stay in my comfort zone doing what I love. I didn't want to accept that what I wanted wasn't what I needed. wow...talk about a slap in the face. I didn't recognize my answer because I wasn't willing to do what was asked of me. Amazingly enough, once I figured this out I felt really good about my decisions. I feel at peace with where I am and what I've actually decided to do with my life. I realized that although I don't know exactly how I'm going accomplish some of my goals I have peace in knowing that someday I will. As long as my stubborn will doesn't get in my way again....what did I really learn from this experience? First, that I need to step back every once in awhile from all the important things I'm doing in order to hear the voice of the spirit. Second, that once I hear that voice I need to listen and act. I am so grateful for personal revelation and I am so grateful that my Heavenly father loves me enough to give me time to figure it out.

leaving what's comfy...

So here's a quick recap on my life....I started school at UVU on aug 26th. Nothing major, just some dance classes to get myself back in the swing of things...I mean, it has been three years since i've been in school, I had to ease into it. I auditioned for an two advanced dance classes and wasn't sure how that would go since I hadn't even put my dance shoes on since leaving BYU. Well they went great, I got into both classes and got talked into auditioning for the performing ballroom dance company at UVU. I made the back up tour team which I felt good about since I hadn't practiced anything in forever. Well things went well I was remembering things pretty quick and really enjoying myself in my classes. Ahh I missed dancing SO much. I was, however, getting pretty worn out physically. My team class was at 6:40 every morning and then on mon, wed, and fri I had two more hours of dance and an institute class. Then I generally ran home to shower before working my 1:30-10:30 shift. So between class, work, and my church calling I found myself absolutely exhausted by the end of the day...If I wasn't at work I found myself falling asleep at 8:30pm. not super great for a social life :) A few times during week two I found myself seriously considering just closing my eyes for a few minutes when I stopped at red lights...that is a little unnerving and totally unlike me. It was at this point that I seriously had to think about whether being in school was the smartest thing for me right now. After some serious thought I realized that once it starts snowing I would have to wake up at least 30 min earlier to get to school on time. I also realized that with Christmas I would be working longer hours and I remembered that there are many nights I don't get home from work until almost 1am...not to mention all the practices and extra hours with team in preparation for concert in December...so somewhat unwillingly I withdrew myself from all my classes yesterday. I am still pretty sad about it...I loved being part of a dance team again and I love performing. Maybe I will do school again but it will not be this semester. Instead I have decided that maybe its time to try crossing off another goal i've had for years...but one that scares me to death. I am going to take voice lessons and start working on my goal of being in plays. If I learned nothing else from my time at UVU it was proof that I can do hard things, I can do things that are out of my comfort zone. By going to UVU for even those few weeks I learned that I could still dance, and I was still pretty good (not as good as I used to be) even after 3 years. And 8 years ago I didn't know how to dance and it was scary to compete and to learn but I did it then and I can do it now. I am going to leave my comfort zone and try something new....