Stranger Danger?

I love dressing up.  I love that Halloween is a nationally sanctioned excuse to dress up as someone other than me.  I love fall, I love candy, I love Halloween movies...Hocus Pocus anyone?  This year it took me forever to come up with a costume.  Usually I've got it planned by June so I have time to create whatever dreadfully expensive and elaborate idea I've thought up but this year- nothing.  Finally a few weeks ago the idea to be Kat Von D popped into my head and I went with it. 

A costume like that still takes a few hours so I started getting ready in shifts.  I put on all my tattoos (except the sleeves) and half of my make up and then went shopping with some friends.  Halfway through our excursion I forgot all about the giant tattoo I had on my neck.  As I'm walking around I notice people staring at me... but then when I look up they look away quickly.  Or there were the other ones who didn't look away and gave me their best look of disgust.  I couldn't figure out why people were judging me.  And then I remembered the tattoos. 

Anyone who knows me well or for any length of time knows I'm about as straight laced as they come.  I have never before been judged by mass quantities of strangers.  What started as a quick trip to find my friend a costume turned into a really great learning experience for me.  I suddenly understood what it felt like to be judged completely by what I looked like.  I was categorized because of a $5 stick on tattoo.  It really felt awful. These people wrote me off without knowing a single thing about me.  I knew it was a temporary tattoo and that tomorrow people would stop judging me on it...but to know that happens to people all the time just makes me feel kind of sick.  And it's not just tattoos or piercings but we lump people into categories all the time.  That's what people do right? I can't change that.  But what I can change is the way I respond to people.  I like to think I'm a little more open minded than my "friends" in walmart (yeah of all places right?) but I will for sure be more aware of my thoughts and action toward others.  Maybe even smile at strangers.  I like to give people to benefit of the doubt- you never know when they will surprise you. 

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Clip In Your Long Hair...

Yes I am still alive.  I know my posts have been few and far between lately...but you can't rush inspiration.  Last year for Halloween I bought hair extensions so I could make my Dorothy costume look more legit.  Then after Halloween, having spent quite a bit of money on them I decided I would just go ahead and use them every once in awhile.  Mostly I add them to my updo's to make my hair look thicker but every now and again I will just curl all my hair and wear it down.  It's kind of fun- My own hair used to be close to the same length as my extensions (middle of my back-ish) but it was never this thick.  Whenever I wear them I usually get a few compliment from women about how pretty my hair looks.  All the while trying not to be offended that it only looks that pretty because it is fake and unnaturally perfect.  Anyway- back to the point of this blog.  Today was one of those days where I just wanted to jazz things up.  My extensions were washed and curled so I clipped them in and went to church.
I sat next to my nephew toward the front of the chapel and in the row in front of me there were 3 guys.  As I am looking at the speaker and listening to announcements I suddenly feel some one's hand on my leg.  I look over and one of the guys in front of me, we will call him Flynn, has turned around and is touching me.  I brushed his hand off and he told me my hair looked good today.  I told him it was fake and he said it didn't matter.  Although he didn't touch me again, Flynn continued to distract me and draw my attention for the remainder of the meeting.  This is not uncommon for Flynn- he tends to be a bit bipolar with me.  One day we are friends and talking, the next he treats me as if I'm not fit to breath the same oxygen as him.  After about 4 years, it's something I've come to expect and deal with pretty well.  To be truthful, he actually is a pretty cool guy when he wants to be and I have a lot of respect for him in many areas.  Anyway- the meeting ended and I went to teach my Sunday school class.  Halfway through the class Flynn came in and actually participated.  Which was great! I love that about my class- everyone talks. 
Class ended and I went to relief society.  But before I made it all the way to the classroom,  I was standing in the hallway talking to a friend of mine and Flynn walks behind me and plays with my hair.  My friend's face was priceless- it basically said, "what the heck?"  Then a few minutes later I was talking to another friend and Flynn came over and started talking to me and pushing me toward the classroom in his own way of being playful.  It was fine- but it was weird.  He usually doesn't even acknowledge my existence let alone talk to me repeatedly in a day.  Then I remembered that he likes long dark hair.  And today, that's what I had.  I've been told that a lot of guys like long hair I just never really understood how much.  I had no idea that $50 and 20 minutes with a curling iron could get a girl so much attention.  It's crazy- the extensions really don't change my appearance very much.  Some people didn't even notice the difference.  But apparently 8-10 inches can change you from a parasite to a princess.  Who knew?

Not Good Enough

I just want to buy these shoes. However, the stupid website keeps removing them from my shopping cart.  Annoying.  I thought, "well maybe you have to register"  the website also keeps erasing my registration information.  Apparently my money is not good enough for Toms.  I'm super mad right now.  Super. 

If I were a rich man...

Turns out all the money in the world can not make you classy.  Who watches the Voice? better yet who watched it tonight?  eww.  Christina.  What are you thinking girl?  If you looked up white trash in the dictionary a picture of her in her get up tonight would be right next to it.  Her eyeshadow was terrible.  Her extensions were showing-ick.  Her hair was matted and fried.  Oh and also she looked like a stuffed sausage in that way too small outfit.  her heels were so high she couldn't even walk- thus supporting my last blog post.  Don't get me wrong. I'm totally in support of her loving her body and being happy with where she is but honey- you can be proud of your curves and classy all at the same time.  Christina, your pipes sell themselves- you don't need to dress like a stripper for people to recognize your talent. In fact, I really think it's more of a distraction.  I really do not want to see THAT much of you...ever again.  Christina - you just need to get a deep conditioner, a new make up artist, and a stop into White House Black Market.  Guess being rich doesn't make you classy. Nuff said.

Street... "Walking"??

let's talk about the purpose of heels.  They are not only to make us ladies appear taller.  Sure they do that too, but the real purpose of heels is to make our legs look sexy, and to change our gait.  They are supposed to increase the sway of your hips.  So explain to me why people buy heels so high and platform-y that they can't walk normal.  They put on the heels and it's like this crazy plopping.  not sway just trudging.  I imagine if someone dipped their feet in cement and then tried to walk- that's what it looks like.  NOT sexy.  Those are hooker shoes.  Because hookers don't actually walk in them. They stand on the corner and then get in a car.  But for the rest of us- heels like this are just not practical.  Loose the major platform and just get some classy sexy heels.

With a Little Attitude

Once upon a time I was in hair school. I spent about 10 hours a day just focused on physical appearance. Either mine or someone else's. Our seats in the classroom faced a mirrored wall so for four hours a day you got to stare at yourself and find all your flaws. Needless to say, the other 4-6 hours, if I had down time I spent perfecting my own hair and make up. Back then I was pretty daring with my cosmetics. Where is this leading? I have decided that red lipstick is not utilized nearly enough. I used to wear it at least once a week back when I was in school. Now I have down graded and it's become just my stage make up. LAME. A friend of mine wore it to a dance last night and she inspired me to pull it out again. So yes. I wore red lipstick to church today. And also my red heels with my most amazing dress in my closet...then topped it off with my pearls. Pretty much I felt like a classy retro chick. (If I had known I was going to blog about this I would have taken a picture.) I plan on wearing my red lips at least once a week again and I think more people should join me in my quest!! And I don't want to hear "I can't pull it off" because everyone can!! you just need the right shade and a lot of attitude ;)

Censoring

I have pretty great vision. I don't wear contacts and I never wear glasses. I have some for reading far away and for night driving- but I hate wearing them so I just don't read far away (since I'm done with school that really isn't an issue anymore) and I never drive at night in places I'm not already familiar with. That being said, the only glasses I ever wear are sunglasses when I drive- sometimes. My sunglasses are quite large and fairly dark so they over half my face, the half that is the most expressive. Those who spend any time around me know that the censor between my thoughts and my expression is inactive 98% of the time. If I think it, it's probably going to show on my face. Sometimes I hate it! But for the most part- it's who I am and I've learned to just accept that sometimes it will get me in trouble.

Well, a few months ago I bought some fake glasses at an accessory store for a 'How to Host a Murder' party. Somewhere along the line I decided to wear them to work, to play, to anywhere really. (I don't really do jewelry so glasses and hair accessories have become my way to put effort into my outfits) Today was one of those days when I just felt like wearing the glasses to work. I was walking through the mall, which was a bad idea since it's the Saturday before Christmas, and I realized I was rolling my eyes and letting my eyes express my thoughts. Why? well, because on some level I was under the false impression that because I had glasses on, no one could see my expressions. WRONG. They are clear plastic- everyone could see me. After my epiphany I schooled my features and made more appropriate faces to the strangers at the mall. Oh to have a working censor...but then, if I did, I wouldn't have had anything to blog about today and I wouldn't be me.

Time to grow up

Do clothes make the man? no. They don't but sometimes they help the man feel good in his own skin. Okay really I'm not talking about a man. I'm talking about me. I'm not huge into retail therapy, I actually hate to shop. But for the last few weeks I've been hating my clothes. I put them on and I just feel like garbage. So a few days ago I went and I bought what I like to call "grown up" shirts. Basically they aren't T-shirts. Its funny but I put one on and I just felt empowered. I felt my age and I felt like I could move forward and get what I want out of life....it sounds a little crazy. My theory is this: All the clothes in my closet are old, they represent things from my past. Some of the shirts I don't EVER wear but I have kept them because they had some sentimental value. Well I got rid of those shirts, and I replaced them. Maybe its more symbolic for me- I needed to get rid of the past and get my appearance in line with my new life goals. I couldn't move forward because I was trying to hard to hang on to the past. It sounds ridiculous but when you are wearing clothes that make you feel like a teenager its really hard to grow up and make adult decisions. I am pretty much the baby in my family and inadvertently am treated as such a lot of the time. But in order to push my way out of that-I need to see myself as and adult. One way for me to do that is wear clothes that look like an adult. I'm not going to lie- adult clothes are more expensive. That's the worst part. But I am very much an adult, I have some life experience now and I'm getting more every day. I look much younger than I am. I feel like if I want people to take me seriously I need to make a change. I feel like I have a pretty good head on my shoulders. I know what I want. I can discern people and situations well. I catch on to things quickly. I listen, observe, and understand people. I can anticipate consequences very far into the future. I think I have a lot to offer- I just have to get people to look past my young face and give me a chance- therefore I must spend money on grown up clothes. It won't fix things entirely, but its a start....

No hassle!....yeah right!

Here is a fact about me: I'm a pretty chill person. I don't anger easily, I don't hold grudges, and I don't really engage in confrontation. There are certain things that can trigger these responses in me- like when some jerk decides to almost run me over in his over sized pick up, or when I feel like someone has taken advantage of my chill-ness. Even then I will still try to remove my emotion and explain my position as calmly as possible. Which is what happened yesterday.

Let me explain the situation. A few weeks ago I bought a dress from a semi high end retailer (will remain nameless). I bought the dress online but when I got it I decided I didn't actually love it as much as I thought I would. This retailer happens to be located in the same mall where I work so I checked the return policy to make sure I could return it to the store and took it to work with me. After work I went to return it and the manager told me that I couldn't do any returns from online that were over $100. At which point I think to myself "well isn't everything in this store over $100?" whatever it didn't say that in the return policy but I work retail so I didn't make a big deal about it. I said that was fine and I'd just mail it back. The manager insisted I leave the dress and let them mail it back for me so I wouldn't have to deal with the hassle. I was kind of bugged about that but I gave in. Half way home my brain kicked in (where was it when I needed it) and I realized that without shipping, which I'm sure they were not going to refund, the dress was NOT over $100. Also she didn't give me anything to say she took my dress. I still decided I wouldn't freak out. I gave them 10 business days to credit my card and then decided to contact customer service.

Yesterday I sent them an email inquiring about the return policy and if they had received my dress. I explained the whole situation very calmly and with as much detail as I could so they would know I wasn't just making it up. They contacted me this afternoon. Which was great since it is Saturday and I wasn't expecting anything until at least Monday. The representative informed me they have NOT received my dress but was initiating my refund anyway. She also filed a complaint for me and informed me that the store should have returned my dress on the spot. It did not have to be mailed back at all. She is also forwarding my message to the vice president of sales, and to the district and regional managers of the store.

Awesome I get my money back especially since I no longer have possession of the dress. I'm thrilled with the quick service on their end but part of me feels guilty that the store manager might get in a little trouble. As a manager myself, I know this needs to be addressed but part of me still wishes she'd just done her job to begin with...or that I had been thinking and insisted on doing it myself. What's done is done right?! I guess that's the down side to having a blue/red personality. You get what you want but you feel bad about it after. Its really horrible actually. Good thing my red doesn't come out TOO often- its draining!

More than a pretty face?

if you have spent anytime in Utah you know that it is full of really beautiful women. But I am going to go out on a limb here and say that a lot of those women pay good money for it-or I should say, their husbands pay good money for it. If you haven't been in Utah let me explain. Here in the land of Utah we have LOTS of bleached blonds, fake tans, bleached teeth, fake boobs, hair extensions, eyelash extension, and fake nails...these women spend their lives in the gym and I just have to ask myself ...is it worth it?? I mean I just wonder what their self-esteem must be like if they feel they need to go to such lengths to be beautiful. It becomes and addiction and for some, it stops being beautiful because its gone too far. By "too far" I mean, orange skin, spider looking eyelashes...come on...if it doesn't look real it counteracts the whole point of doing it in the first place right? The whole point is to pretend to the world that you were born like that-
It really just makes me sad that anyone feels they need to throw away their money on something so shallow. I'm not talking about you ladies who get your nails done once a week because it makes you feel sane- your time away to yourself. I'm talking about the women who are compelled to compete with every other woman around them because they feel like they have nothing else to offer the world...the women who feel like they need to be just like everyone else in how they look and what they wear, in what they think and even the way they talk...
the women who feel they have to look a certain way to catch a man...well, in my opinion, as off target as it may be, if you have to look that way to catch a man- he isn't worth catching. have some faith in who you are and what you can offer beyond being a trophy on someones arm. I think the women of Utah have far more to offer than just a pretty face...so maybe its time to start acting like it.

In the eye? or the Mind?

I just had an eye opening experience. You've all heard the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" well- its true. But perhaps I should say, "beauty is in the mind of the beholder". Let me explain.

This morning was kind of a blah morning for me. I'm getting over a cold, I've not been exercising, and I've been eating not great things. So basically I feel gross. I didn't want to get dressed because I felt fat in everything I put on. I did my hair but it just looked faded, flat and lifeless. I put my make up on and surprisingly it didn't help. I just looked ugly. Usually when I feel like this I can at least find something about myself that looks OK- usually my eyes but today I thought even my eyes looked yuck. As I was sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself I decided I should just be grateful that I am feeling better than yesterday and that my cold hasn't completely over taken my voice enough to prevent me from singing in my voice lesson today. that thought brightened my spirits! I love my voice lessons and I haven't had one in two weeks.

Interestingly enough when I looked in the mirror again I didn't look quite as bad as I originally thought. I actually thought I looked pretty today. And it occurred to me that my appearance hadn't actually changed at all. My attitude and therefore my perception of myself had. My negative feelings caused me to see everything negatively- and once I had changed my thoughts in the direction of gratitude- things looked better. I know that sounds cheesy but there is no other explanation for it. My eyes were seeing the same person, but they way my mind processed it had changed- therefore beauty must be in the mind of the beholder.

No more crutches

I am pretty busy and don't have a lot of time to watch television- so when I do get some down time I generally go through the shows I've recorded before choosing anything on live TV. Tonight was one of those rare free nights and I basically had myself a what not to wear marathon. As I was watching episode after episode I noticed a common thread. Over and over the girls on the show kept saying things like, "well when I was in high school people said this", "when I was younger I got in trouble for this" "people will judge me and think I look ridiculous" "I don't want people to think", etc....It occurred to me that so many people hinder their progress and success for the future based on what someone said or did to them in the past. Does that make any sense? To ruin your future because some 14 yr old said something mean to you back before you were even out of puberty. Its not a great time for anyone and its a crutch.
Maybe its not some ghost from the past- maybe you just don't feel good about where you are right now- again I say get over it. Don't blame someone else- do what you have to do to feel better and give up the crutch. Be grateful you have a body and all your parts work. If you spend so much time focusing on what you are not you and the people in your life will never be allowed to realize what you ARE!! And that is So much more important! seriously- stop worrying about what everyone else thinks- its what you think of yourself that matters. Accept who you are, love yourself as you are, and share your gifts with the world!! "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify the father which is in heaven" Your light can't shine if you cover it with self loathing and doubt- you cannot serve others well if you are only focused on yourself and what you are lacking. Throw your crutches away, stop blaming the world or your past, accept the now and work toward your future.

Do you not realize what day it is???

As many of you know, I am an avid watcher of wedding shows. TLC and WE are a great source for all your wedding pleasures. Tonight I was killing some time before my play rehearsal by watching "amazing wedding cakes". While watching, I rediscovered a huge pet peeve of mine. Several brides came on screen to look at their wedding cakes before their friends and family came in for the reception and I'm not kidding- they looked like they rolled out of bed and just threw on a wedding gown. I'm sorry- Do you not realize what day it is??? I don't care if you are not girly, don't wear a lot of make up, and don't own a blow dryer. It is your wedding day for heaven's sake- put some time and effort into your appearance. If your dress is elegant your hair and make up should be as well. If you can't do it yourself hire someone! If you are going to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a dress you can spend $50 to have your hair and make up done. YOU should wear the dress- it should not wear you.

Farewell Red Tweed

Tomorrow will be a test of my will power. This jacket you see is currently sitting on my bed post. I am really really in love with it!! but, I don't NEED it. I already own a red peacoat from last year...its not tweed but still really cute. And the other reason I don't need it is because in just a few more weeks it will be too cold to wear it anyway and it will sit in the closet with last years red coat and collect dust. no one will ever see it and next year the Gap will make another red coat that I'm sure I will want as well...and the cycle will continue unless I check it now. So tomorrow I am going to just suck it up and return it...even though at this moment I am still feeling sad about it. Farwell my Friend.

For Heaven's Sake- Cover your ankles!!

I just finished watching this movie with my mom (who is finally home from Cali) and it made me start to think about all the Jane Austin movies I've seen. Which naturally started me thinking about the screwed up logic of the time period in which these films are set. Exhibit A: Modesty. I would like someone to explain to me why in the world it was indecent to show one's ankles BUT the same woman could have half her chest hanging out of her dress and be considered in perfect taste. I'm sorry I just don't understand.

PS this is a very good version of S&S- I would actually like to merge this and the Emma Thompson version to create perfection.

accessories are a must!

So the last two days I really have not wanted to get dressed and mostly I didn't want to wear jeans. They just sounded uncomfortable AND I wanted to wear my new teal headband. But I wasn't feeling too creative so I put on a black shirt and black Bermuda shorts and as to not look Gothic I added the teal headband used teal eyeliner and some silver earrings with teal accent. Plus I actually round brushed my hair. This is how I went to work. once at work I went to the back door to let my friend Lynsey in and as I open the door she says, "oh wow, Lori I didn't even recognize you. You look so cute today" haha I must really have let myself go if a colored headband and earrings makes me unrecognizable...guess I should accessorize more often!!

Toddlers and Tiaras

I admit it...I watched this show tonight. Mostly out of curiosity and it was everything I ever thought it would be. A bunch of spoiled misguided children and a bunch of shallow over baring parents. Something else I noticed and please no one take this the wrong way but all of the crazy moms (at least on this episode) were way over weight. Which seems really interesting for women who are so concerned with their children's physical appearance...you would think they would also be concerned with their own...But who knows, perhaps that's why they focus so much on their children. Crazy show!

Kicking my own butt!

Ok we all know how I feel about diets. And I think we all agree they are lame. So I'm going to share with you something that is NOT lame. Jilliam Michales (the trainer from the biggest Loser) 30 day shred. I'm going to confess that I laughed at my sister when she was doing this video. And last week I decided to try it myself. My niece wanted someone to do level one with her so I agreed. OH MY HECK! its only 20 min long....3 circuit's made up of 3 min strength, 2 min cardio and 1 min of abs. Sounds easy. I warn you...it is NOT. I have not been able to walk normal for a week now. I am not sure I'll ever make it to level two alive. So I'm telling you...forget the diet. If you want to lose weight and get in shape go to target/walmart and get this video. You will seriously kick your own butt!

What is the point???

I'm sitting at work yesterday and a co-worker says to me, "oh my gosh, only 12 more days of my diet. the end is in sight. I can make it" I didn't say anything but i'm thinking to myself, what is the point of a diet anyway? you deprive yourself of stuff for a month of two or however long the dumb thing is and then what...you count down till the end when you can eat all the crap you ate before. But you probably eat twice as much since you've been deprived of it for so long! completely pointless. diets are stupid. End of soap box :)

"I want people to notice me...not my band-aid"...

Tonight my sister and I were having a good chat and I remembered an old commercial from the early 80s when clear band-aids were just invented...the model wanted people to just see her and not what was on her finger....as my sister and I continued to talk I got thinking how like life that is....people very rarely notice the real person because they are focused so much on the outside. I am not trying to say the outer appearance is not important, it is. But people shouldn't just stop there...and so often we do. I myself am guilty at times. It is easy to judge simply on what a person looks like or how they present themselves...it takes so much more effort to find the real person inside. This all came about because I was venting to my sister about dating and how I always attract the wrong guys. There have been one or two exceptions but for the most part I attract only guys who are either simply jerks or too lazy to really get to know me...they are attracted to the outside and that's all they want...which is super frustrating because I know myself really well and can say I'm a pretty cool person...yes I can be difficult...I don't open up easily...but when someone gives you a gift and the bow is tied real tight and its taped on every edge and it takes you 20 min to get into ...you don't just toss it aside and say "thanks for the thought, the wrapping is real pretty but I don't want your gift, its too much work to open"...I'm hoping someday I will find a man who is patient, sees past just the outside and knows that the whole package is worth the little bit of work it takes to get to what's inside. "I want to be noticed for me...not my band-aid"