Finish Strong

In honor of the new year I wanted to revisit a topic that I think is super important. Endurance. We have just finished another year. For some of us it was possibly the most successful year of our lives, for others perhaps its a year we'd rather forget. Either way-that year is gone. The question is, what will we make of this next one? I was watching this video (CLICK HERE ) and I began questioning my attitude about life. Who I am and how I respond to the trials I face each day..the big and the small. Sometimes I think it would be great if everything in my life were just peachy with no sadness or hardship but Neal A Maxwell says, "So often in life a deserved blessing is quickly followed by a needed stretching. Spiritual exhilaration may be quickly followed by a vexation or temptation. Were it otherwise, extended spiritual reveries or immunities from adversity might induce in us a regrettable forgetfulness of others in deep need." I believe we are all in need of stretching if for no other reason than to keep us mindful of those around us who are also in need. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: "I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable" ("Lindbergh Nightmare," Time, 5 Feb. 1973, 35). That 'willingness to remain vulnerable' is the challenge. No one wants to be vulnerable. We build walls around ourselves to prevent it. But those walls can and often do, prevent us from moving. We are fortified in our safe zone. yes we may experience less pain, less failure, but we also experience less joy and less accomplishment. We will not achieve, we will not serve, and we will not become who we are meant to be without that willingness to be vulnerable. That willingness is what allows us to get back up...to finish strong. Annie Swetchine said, "Those who have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and be understood by all" through out trials we learn empathy. we are able to relate to others and have others relate to us. I hope to finish this new year, and the rest of my life strong. To get back up each time I fall. Not only to get up but to get up smiling looking forward with hope for the future and gratitude for the things I have learned knowing that I can and will succeed. I hope each time I get up I can bring someone else up with me. To understand those around me an appreciate them for who they are- vulnerability and all. Neal a Maxwell says, " though we live in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail" and so with that said I will include one of my favorite poems...it is long but I love it and it is a great reminder for this coming year!
The Race

"Quit, give up, you're beaten"
They shout at you and plead
"There's just too much against you
This time you can't succeed".

And as I start to hang my head
In front of failures face
My downward fall is broken by
The memory of a race

And hope refills my weakened will
As I recall that scene
Or just the thought of that short race
Rejuvenates my being

Children's race, young boys
Young men, how I remember well
Excitement sure, but also fear
It wasn't hard to tell

They all lined up so full of hope
Each thought to win that race
Or tie for first, or if not that
At least take second place

The fathers watched from off the side
Each cheering for his son
And each boy hoped to show his dad
That he could be the one

The whistle blew and off they went
Young hearts and hopes afire
To win and be the hero there
Was each young boys desire

And one boy in particular
Whose dad was in the crowd
Was running near the lead and thought
"My dad will be so proud"

But as they speeded down the field
Across a shallow dip
The little boy who thought to win
Lost his step and slipped

Trying hard to catch himself
With hands flew out to brace
And amid the laughter of the crowd
He fell flat on his face

But as he fell his dad stood up
And showed his anxious face
Which to the boy so clearly said
"Get up and win the race"

He quickly rose, no damage done
Behind a bit that's all
And ran with all his might and mind
To make up for the fall

So anxious to restore himself
To catch up and to win
His mind went faster than his legs
He slipped and fell again

He wished then that he had quit before
With only one disgrace
"I'm hopeless as a runner now
I shouldn't try to race"

But in the laughing crowd he searched
And found his fathers face
That steady look which said again
"Get up and win the race"

So up he jumped to try again
Ten yards behind the last
If I'm going to gain those yards he though
I've got to move real fast

Exerting everything he had
He regained eight or ten
But trying hard to catch the lead
He slipped and fell again

Defeat, he lay there silently
A tear dropped from his eye
There's no sense running anymore
Three strikes, I'm out, why try?

The will to rise had disappeared
All hope had fled away
So far behind so error prone
A loser all the way

"I've lost, so what", he thought
I'll live with my disgrace
But then he thought about his dad
Whom soon he'd have to face

"Get up" the echo sounded low
"Get up" and take your place
You were not meant for failure here
"Get up", and win the race

With borrowed will "Get up" it said
"You haven't lost at all"
For winning is no more than this
To rise each time you fall

So up he rose to run once more
And with a new commit
He resolved, that win or lose
At least he shouldn't quit

So far behind the others now
The most he'd ever been
Still he'd give it all he had
And run as though to win

Three times he'd fallen, stumbling
Three times he'd rose again
Too far behind to hope to win
He still ran to the end

They cheered the winning runner
As he crossed the line first place
Head high and proud and happy
No falling, no disgrace

But when the fallen youngster
Crossed the line, last place
The crowd gave him the greater cheer
For finishing the race

And even though he came in last
With head bent low, unproud
You would have thought he'd won the race
To listen to the crowd

And to his dad he sadly said
"I didn't do too well"
"To me you won", his father said
"You rose each time you fell"
by D. H. Groberg

An Inspiration

This picture is a truly incredible family. They are, and have been over the last year and half, a pillar of strength to me. The beautiful woman in the middle is Melanie. Melanie passed away yesterday morning after a long hard battle with cancer.
About a year and a half ago Melanie worked with me at the Gap. She was scheduled to come in but called to tell me that she was sick...she had walking pneumonia and was told to stay home and rest. About a week later she came into the store with her girls. She pulled me into the back room and I asked her how she was feeling. She looked at me, in an attempt to be strong, and told me that she had just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I had no words. We both had a good cry together and she told me she was going to fight it. Soon after this Melanie's oldest daughter and Melanie's sister started working at the store and they kept us informed. The cancer spread. Just a few weeks ago it had spread to her liver and they realized there was nothing left to do but to make her as comfortable as possible. (you can read her blog here)

I was informed today just after I arrived at work that she had passed away. Surprisingly I held it together for a 9hr shift. I had to. I was in charge and it's Christmas. But then I got home and I got on her facebook page and saw the pictures of her before and of her after and I pretty much crumbled. Honestly I'm not horribly upset for Melanie- the last year of her life has been hard. I know she is with her Father in Heaven and being taken care of. She was a righteous woman who was a joy to be around. Everyone loved her. But what makes my heart break is her four children. The oldest is 20 and the youngest only 12. It makes me sad to think that her girls are going to get married and they won't have their mom to help them pick out their dresses or be at their high school and college graduations. She won't be there to hold their babies or when her son comes home from his mission. I know they are strong. I know they will get through it. I know that the atonement will carry them through this time and times to come...but it is hard for me to watch. My mom is one of my best friends and I know how completely my heart would break if she were to pass away. I have several friends who have lost their mother's to cancer- and because I love them- every mother's day my heart breaks a little for them. It has become a bitter sweet day for me. Sweet because I love my mother and get to talk to her everyday. Bitter because my dearest friends don't have that opportunity.
I admire this family so much. They are so strong. They are an inspiration to me. She will be missed by everyone who knew her.

My own trail of tears

Memorial day is a great holiday. I am a sentimental person so I'm all about memorials and remembering. That's one reason I love history and genealogy so much. But along with being great its also a little sad. I am grateful to everyone who has sacrificed so that my life could be better. But I also feel things very deeply. So when I remember, I feel keenly the loss of those same individuals. Even people I don't know. When I touched the Vietnam memorial wall or walked through the Holocaust museum in Washington DC I felt physically ill thinking of all the families that have been touched by sadness and pain. I also remember those I have known, my grandparents and my friends and I have a selfish moment thinking how great things would be if they were still here...but I know life doesn't work like that. We can't live forever. All we can do is make the most of the time we are given and cherish the memories we make. So yes, its a wonderful holiday- those who have gone before us should be remembered and celebrated for their accomplishments and sacrifice but with those memories comes my own trail of tears.

Day 3- My parents

These are my parents. Some of you know them, some of you don't. They are pretty great. They have worked their whole lives to raise six children and that is no easy task- but as far as I'm concerned they have been pretty successful teachers. My parents have shaped and molded us into the people we are today. How did they do it- they taught us correct principles and let us govern ourselves. Smart parents. My parents also are really great at encouraging us to achieve our goals and to work hard for what we want....

This is my mom. She doesn't like her picture taken but I don't know why because I think she is gorgeous! My mom is hilarious- she has a crazy language that comes out when she's stressed and she would probably be so mad if she knew I put that on here but we all love it! My mom has an amazing testimony of the gospel and taught me to love and serve the Lord. My mom is the social one of my parents and she loves to talk- especially to her family. My mom can't ever sit down, she always has to be doing something for someone- she gets that from her mom. My mom is always supportive and gives the best back tickles. She is pretty cool.

This is my dad. He is a handsome guy. My dad is the hardest worker EVER. He has owned his own businesses and even worked for the secret service when my parents first married. He is a jack of all trades and excels at everything he tries. From my dad I learned how to work hard and do my very best. My dad is super intelligent and an inventor and makes the most amazing things. He teaches himself new skills and does an amazing job at anything he puts his mind to. Education is very important to my dad and so he encouraged us all to try hard and finish our education. Also he gives the BEST head rubs ever. My dad is pretty amazing.

Something to aspire to...

"I have never seen a woman in my life, who would endure every species of fatigue and hardship, from month to month, and from year to year, with that unflinching courage, zeal, and patience, which she has ever done..she has been tossed upon the ocean of uncertainty- she has breasted the storms of persecution, and buffeted the rage of men and devils, which would have borne down almost any other woman" -Lucy Mack Smith (said of daughter in Law Emma Smith)

EMMA SMITH

Just the other day my mom was watching a show on KBYU (I think) and I was only half listening when my attention was drawn away from my computer. A woman was retelling a story about Emma Smith. She wanted a blessing from her husband Joseph Smith before he was taken to Carthage jail. There was not time so Joseph told her to write the things she most desired and he would sign it on his return. I have included the blessing below because I think it is beautiful. She was a very intelligent and wise woman and one of my hero's. I know she gets a lot of flack for her actions after Joseph's death but in my book, Emma is still someone to be admired. These are her words:

"first of all that I would crave as the richest of Heaven's blessings would be wisdom from my Heavenly Father bestowed daily, so that whatever I might do or say, I could not look back at the close of the day with regret, nor neglect the performance of any act that would bring a blessing. I desire the Spirit of God to know and understand myself, that I desire a fruitful, active mind, that I may be able to comprehend the designs of God, when revealed through his servants without doubting. I desire a spirit of discernment, which is one of the promised blessings of the Holy Ghost. I particularly desire wisdom to bring up the children that are, or may be committed to my charge, in such a manner that they will be useful ornaments in the Kingdom of God, and in a coming day arise up and call me blessed. "

"I desire Prudence that I may not through ambition abuse my body and cause it to become prematurely old and care-worn, but that I may wear a cheerful countenance, live to perform all the work that I covenanted to perform in the spirit-world and be a blessing to all who in any wise need aught at my hands."

"I desire with all my heart to honor and respect my husband as my head, ever to live in his confidence and by acting in unison with him retain the place which God has given me by his side, and I ask my Heavenly Father that through humility, I may be enabled to overcome that curse which was pronounced upon the daughters of Eve. I desire to see that I may rejoice with them in the blessings which God has in store for all who are willing to be obedient to his requirements. Finally, I desire that whatever may be my lot through life I may be enabled to acknowledge the hand of God in all things"

I echo many of her desires. Not all of them apply to me in my life right now, but I think and hope that someday they will.