Dumpster Diving

If you want to see some strange things just spend a little time at the mall.  Yesterday on my way to my car...actually, let me back up a bit.  A few days ago the boutique white house black market closed at my mall.  Because of this there is a huge dumpster in the parking lot for them to toss all their junk in.  now, back to last night.  I am walking out to my car and I see a girl climb up and look into the dumpster.  She then gets down and they boy she is with climbs up and into the dumpster.  Sick.  I immediately start thinking of all the nasty germs.  And I maybe started quoting 'Better Off Dead' to myself. "Its a shame folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy."

So this boy is in the dumpster and he starts handing down half forms. (mannequins that are made of fabric with no head and no limbs.)  By the time I got close she had put 3 in her car.  He must have asked her the question I was thinking, "what are you going to do with these?"  because I heard her say, "you know.  You can  decorate them...and like put them in your house and stuff." 

We have a hoarder in the making folks.  What kind of person decorates their house with mannequins?  She probably saw it on pinterest.  How would you decorate a mannequin anyway?  Also gross.  They are fabric so they can't really be washed and here is a fact:  Just because the dumpster is currently filled with life size dolls and cardboard does not mean that is what was in it last time it was full.  They do not sanitize those before they rent them to the next person.  So who knows what germs are now nicely embedded in your new 'decorations'.  I'm sorry.  I just think it's weird.

Happiness In Store- FALSE!

Some people are just crazy.  Tonight I learned that an employee at Petsmart feels that gold fish have more rights than people.  Yep.  I am not kidding.  Every year we (we means the Gap) volunteer to help with a carnival for big brothers big sisters non profit organization.  We have to host two carnival stations and one of them is the gold fish toss.  Get a ball into a jar and you get a goldfish to take home.  Today I called Petsmart to see how many goldfish they had in the store because we needed about 100 fish.  What happened to me when I called?....well, the associate was SO RUDE!!!

me: hi, how many fish can I buy at a time?
Girl:  that depends.
Me: Depends on what?
Girl: what are you feeding?
Me: I am not feeding anything I'm giving them away
Girl: did I talk to you ten minutes ago.
Me: No.  You didn't talk to ME.  But how many fish can I buy?
Girl: well what are you feeding?
Me: I already told you I'm not feeding anything I'm giving them to under privileged children.
Girl: well petsmart's policy is no fish for carnivals, weddings, or parties.


Um, I'm sorry.  What?!  You are refusing to sell me goldfish?  how often do they sell $30 worth of goldfish?  They are going to die in two days anyway- right?!  so let me get this straight- it's not okay to give the fish away because it might kill them but it is okay to FEED them to another fish???  Isn't the outcome the same.  Either way the fish dies.  So sell me the dumb fish and make your customers happy.  It is not any of your business what I'm doing with the fish.  You are a retailer and your job is to sell things, not to pry into my business and make sure what I'm doing fits into your moral standards.  What would happen if I did that in my store? 

customer: I'd like to buy this lingerie
Me:  what are you using it for? Are you married?
Customer: No.
Me: oh well then I can't sell it to you.

Ridiculous right?!  you just don't do that to your customers!

My head of store went into petsmart anyway to buy the fish and they refused to sell the fish.  Surprise!  We had purchased a gift card for the purpose of buying the fish and the store refused to return the gift card.  So we called the corporate offices and turns out that harassing customers is NOT their policy.  They do sell fish for carnivals- especially for a non profit organization.  They really didn't fix anything though.  We still had to go to walmart and buy the fish over there.  Because petsmart is a little too involved in the lives of their customers and some how have the confused idea that goldfish have more rights that humans... I mean why not right? They have what? a 5 second memory...seems logical that an employee would be rude to a customer to protect those rights.  Um actually no it does not.  For a store whose motto is "happiness in store" they sure do a crappy job of making their customers happy.  I will never shop at petsmart!  Worst store ever!!!

Please Just Stay Home

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt!.  Amen!

There once was a time in my life when I lived and worked in a county full of people with some weird ideas and who take offense at every turn.  You are probably all aware that in retail we dress mannequins.  These mannequins do not change themselves.  The associates in the store periodically have to strip them of one outfit to replace a new and more current outfit.  Just the other day one of the male associates I work with was doing just that.  He was in the women's department updating the visuals in the front of the store when a woman approached him.  She said something along these lines, "I don't think it's appropriate for you to be dressing that mannequin."   Um, uptight much?  He wasn't feeling her up- he was putting clothes on a life size doll.  First of all...the mannequins are not exactly anatomically correct.  Also they are grey tinted plastic.  Oh and also if those first two didn't make it totally appropriate- because maybe you still think somehow they might be mistaken for a real person, um- they have no heads.  I have decided that some people need to get out more OR, better yet,  find hobbies that keep them inside and away from normal people.  If they stay inside they can't say stupid things that make them sound absolutely ridiculous. 

Just When You Think Things Are Quiet

So today I headed over to the salon to do a basic all over color.  My client wanted her extensions colored and I have never colored extensions before.  To make it even better, she is getting married in a week.  I didn't want bride-zilla on my hands so I went to the salon early to ask a co-worker, Melissa, about this color line and how I should formulate for the extensions.  Turns out Melissa's color client had cancelled and she was procrastinating running some errands.  She and I were just sitting at our stations talking about extension and other things when a woman came into the salon.  I had not met her or my client so I at first thought it might be my client.  Turns out she was the woman who lives next door.  she came in to say hello.  We talked to her for a few minutes and then she bent over and was looking at the floor.  Melissa and I both just sort of looked at each other in confusion- she was bent over for a long time.  Then she walked over to another station and opened a color book.  I noticed at this point that she was shaking slightly.  Another few seconds went by- she had opened the 3 ring book and was trying to put the swatches back in but was shaking more and more.  Melissa went over to help but she wouldn't let her.  Melissa told her she should sit down but she refused.  Then Melissa told her it was time to go home and she said no. She couldn't.  At this point Melissa looked at me and I jumped up to call 911.  I had no idea if she was on drugs...wasn't on drugs she should be on...who knew.  All I knew is there was a lady convulsing in my salon where there are scissors, razors, and sharp things and she refused to leave. 
First 911 call...I had no idea how many questions they ask.  After they got my address, which I barely could remember from all the adrenaline pumping through my body, they asked me the woman's name.  Which I couldn't remember at all.  Then they started asking me questions about if she was pregnant? Does she have diabetes?  Um, remember how I told you she lives next door and I just met her 30 seconds ago.  I have no idea if she could be pregnant.  Anyway- about halfway through the call as I'm waiting for the cops to show up she has a full on seizure and crashes to the floor.  She passed out just before the cop arrived.  Then the paramedics showed up.  Our whole salon parking lot was full of emergency vehicles.  As all this was happening my client showed up.  Awesome.  I guess it's a good thing the salon wasn't full of people and that Melissa didn't leave me alone.  I probably would have freaked out had I had to deal with that myself.  The paramedic on his way out was saying, "Now Melissa, next time this happens do this and that".... I was thinking, oh please bless there is NO NEXT TIME!!  ahhh.  My life is full of excitement. 

The Drifter

So tonight I almost died. NBD. actually it was a big deal.  My friend Amber and I were driving down to Provo on the I-15 freeway.  Before we even got on the freeway I noticed a lady in a car in front of us- super tailgating the car in front of her.  If you have ever been on Utah roads you know that this is pretty common place.  Where I began to pay closer attention was when she got to the stop sign.  She stopped FOREVER!  It has been my experience that people who are compulsive tailgaters do NOT make complete stops.  Especially when there is no oncoming traffic.  As we continued behind her toward the freeway Amber pointed out that she was having trouble staying in her lines- she almost drove into the orange construction cone.  Anyway, we got in another lane and got on the freeway and I forgot all about her.  At least I did until Amber pointed out that she was somehow in front of us again.  Tailgating an SUV.  Also, swerving like a crazy person.  She almost drove into the cement divider several times.  When she wasn't playing chicken with the cement block she was swerving into the lane to the right of her.  We watched this for a few minutes and then Amber decided she was just going to pass her really fast so that when she did crash into something we wouldn't end up in the aftermath.  Well, that sounded like a great idea until we actually sped up.  Because guess who started drifting again...toward my side of the car.  Amber laid on the horn but it was almost like it drew her in....like a moth to the flame.  I looked over in her car and she was laughing.  Driving right toward my passenger side door, alone in the car, and laughing.  She over corrected and ended up in the other lane again.  At this point Amber just gunned it and got out of there. 
Honestly, I don't know if she was on meds, alcohol, talking on her phone, really tired, or just possessed.  Either way- at 80 mph I really didn't want to get close enough to find out.  And I almost did.  I am 100% positive that if she hadn't corrected at the last second I would not be writing this blog.  I kind of like my life- imperfect as it may be.  I don't appreciate people doing stupid things at high speeds with heavy machinery. 

Did That Really Just Happen?

Yesterday at work I had just finished putting out new product. I was standing by the cash register steaming the last of the clothes for the mannequines when a woman approached me. I thought she was homeless, she might just have been eccentric. I'm not sure. She had crazy hair, super layered clothes, and had a lot of bags with her. She asked for another bag because her's was ripping. I gave her the bag and expected her to leave but she didn't. She stayed and talked to me for at least 15 minutes. Please keep in mind that there are not really very many customers in the store. Just another associate and myself . What did we talk about? Let me share with you some of the gems that stood out to me:

Lady: "I was watching all the women go by. They are really beautiful but they all look the same. They have on lots of make up but you can't tell because it's so natural looking. Where do you think they get that make up. why do you think they wear it like that?
Me: I don't know, maybe people magazine decided it was in style. I am pretty sure most of those women try really hard to look the same as everyone else.
Lady: well that's ridiculous.
Lady: Today is Cinco De Mayo. What is the big deal? so they broke off from France- who cares. But I guess the parties are fun.
Me: yeah my friend is having a party.
Lady: well is she a Mormon or a Mexican? I didn't know Mormon's celebrated Cinco De Mayo. Are you a Mormon or a baptist? (because obviously those are the only two options)
Me: I am a Mormon. but my grandfather's parents were baptist I believe.
Lady: oh then you understand both sides. good for you. Do you work here a lot? are you a manager?
Me: yes I am and I work a ton.
Lady: well you shouldn't work so much. what are you- 21?
Me: no I am 29.
Lady: well why aren't you married??
Me: well, I guess I just haven't met the right guy
Lady: yeah you seem like a smart girl, independent - you need a smart guy. a strong leader right?! well what's the problem? isn't the Mormon church full of strong leaders?
me: I guess it is.
Lady: well don't you worry. Jesus has a plan. Jesus has a plan for everyone. why are you ironing those clothes?
me: they go on the mannequins.
Lady: well you are doing a great job....this went on forever. she continued to talk about the dollar store, lipstick that doesn't fade, sea salt scrubs, something about "Jesus is dead but sin lives on"

She finally left and when she was gone I turned to Kaylie and we shared a look. What was that?! Super personal questions from a complete stranger. I don't know why these people find me or how? But I couldn't bring myself to be mean and blow her off. All I could do was answer her straight forward and sincerely asked questions and humor her until she decided to go. She was very nice but the situation was unreal. Maybe like something you would see in a television sitcom. But I'm 100 percent sure that situation like this just have a way of finding me and leaving me asking the person next to me...."did that really just happen?"

Worth A Thousand Words

You know those stickers people put on their rear windshields? The ones where each member of the family is represented.  Well, today on my way to work I was behind a mini van with these stickers.  Mom, dad, two boys, a girl, and a baby.  The boy stickers were both on skateboards, the baby had a bow in her hair but the interesting one was the girl.  She was holding an ice cream cone.  I'm sorry mom and dad- that is semi insulting.  Those stickers tell the world who you are- basically they are telling the world that the daughter is the fat kid of the family.  They boys are active and the girl eats ice cream.  nice.  Can I just say I'm grateful you are not my parents.

Can't Get That Back

Oh traffic school.  I don't think we should see each other again....EVER!  I was really hoping for a good looking cop or an attractive man in the seat next to me.  You know, just something to make the passage of time a little more enjoyable.  Did I get that? NO.  I did not.  What did I get?  I got about 4 people who had a comment or question for EVERYTHING the cop said.  I am not exaggerating.  I'm not sure what they were doing when the cop said, "depending on you and your questions this could either be 1.5 hrs or 2 hrs"....subtext: If you don't interrupt me you can be home a half an hour earlier.  SCORE!  Or at least it could have been.  But it wasn't.  And they did indeed ask stupid questions.  Questions that were not pertinent to anyone in the room.  For example, so you don't think I am being ungenerous, the officer mentioned that Utah and Texas are the only two states with an 80 mph area because Wyoming recently pulled theirs.  After said statement, a kid in the back raises his hand and says, "well why did they lower the speed limit in Wyoming?"  WHO CARES?!?!  you don't live in Wyoming...why are you wasting my time!?!  Keep it relevant. Or another kid grilling the officer about the difference between a drinking citation and a DUI and what the LEGAL limits are for under aged drivers.  ummm...duh.  There is no LEGAL limit because drinking under 21 is ILLEGAL!  so it really doesn't matter.  Also he told you three times already that if you are driving its a DUI...if you aren't driving it's not a DUI...because the D in DUI stands for DRIVING.  They choose those letters for a reason.  But thanks all the same for wasting my time with your endless questions Einstein.  The evening was filled with questions and comments about similar things..."can't we force people to wear helmets" "people should have to take a motorcycle safety class in order to have a drivers license"...blah blah blah...the class would have been 3 hours if the officer hadn't speed through the last few items. There go two hours of my life I will never get back. If I ever get pulled over again I will just take the points on my record...bring it. 

Don't Flatter Me So

Today is gorgeous.  On gorgeous days I like to go for walks.  It is actually my favorite thing about spring/summer- Sunday walks.  Today I went on a walk with my friends Amanda and tori.  Amanda was a gem.  As we are walking through the neighborhood she is telling tori why she didn't invite her to go with us to Salt Lake last week. She says, "Tori, I didn't invite you because YOU have friends."  Subtext: Lori YOU don't have friends so we invited you.  Thanks Amanda. 

Then after we had turned around and were on our way home I started to turn up the street we had come down and Amanda says to me,
"no Lori, we are going to go up the next street. " 
Me: "why?"
 Amanda: "We have to vary our path, in case we are being tracked by a cougar".

Um okay Amanda....a Cougar. really? we are in the middle of pleasant grove, on a fairly busy street, in the middle of the afternoon.  Probably we are not being tracked by a cougar.  But thanks for watching my back ;)

Who Is This?

Today when I came home from work I had a wedding invitation waiting for me.  I wasn't expecting one so I opened it a little confused.  I was thinking, "who the heck do I know getting married?" I opened the envelope and I looked at the picture.  And I looked at the picture.  I probably stared at it for about a minute thinking- who the heck is this and why am I getting invited to their wedding?  Finally my brain turned on and I decided to look at the guy instead of trying to figure out who the girl is.  Turns out it's one of my friends from high school. I've only known him for 14 years- why wouldn't I recognize him.  Gees.  I even had a conversation with him about my address and his reception in Orem, but that was before Christmas.  Possibly before thanksgiving so I had forgotten that it had even happened.  It also doesn't help that I have been struggling with concentration today.  I can't seem to finish a thought. 

Oh Boy

Over the course of the weekend I had several people tell me I needed to watch this video.  I did. Hilarious.  It has a few swears in it so if you are super sensitive to that don't watch it...but it's a BYU kid after his wisdom teeth come out. ( my mom watched it and she thought it was funny)

Please enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhvcauQCEVs

Isn't that the Point?

As I'm walking through the relatively vacant parking lot to the gym I notice an SUV attempting to park. I don't normally notice every car that parks in the parking lot but this one struck me as odd.  Mostly because this huge vehicle was attempting to park in the empty spot closest to the building.  Unfortunately for them, they were coming from the wrong angle.  As I'm watching this car make its 15 point turn in an effort to secure the very closest spot I'm realizing how ridiculous this is.  There are five or six spots open 4 spaces down.  But this driver chooses to spend 2 minutes pulling in and backing out over and over so they can have the 1st spot.  Isn't the whole point of going to the Gym to burn calories?  Wouldn't parking 4 spaces down burn more calories?  I mean, unless this person is planning on a work out so strenuous they couldn't possibly make it another ten yards to their car.  Why waste the time to save yourself a few steps when your whole purpose for being there is to work out? I'm sorry I just don't get it. 

Why Is There No Mute Button??

why are girls SO loud?  Sometimes I wish I had a tiny remote that would allow me to mute some people.  Or at least turn them down several notches.  I never really noticed just how loud women are until the last few months.  I have been working in the slower section of my store lately and this section of the store is catered to women. Which means when I do get people in my store they are usually traveling in groups.  For some reason they all feel like they need to talk over one another or that their friend has suddenly become hard of hearing and they need to shout even though the friend is only 2 feet away.  Doesn't matter if they are 15 or 50 the behavior is still the same.  Or the other thing that happens is that groups of women will walk past my store and I will hear VERY clearly the details of their conversation.  When I am standing at least 30 ft from the entrance I should not hear a conversation going on outside.  I have thought about this a lot lately.  And being as I am a woman I should just know the answer-no thinking needed.  But I am going to refrain from including myself here- I am not, by nature, a loud person.  I rarely need to be the center of attention and I generally prefer to listen to others than to be heard myself.  (Probably the product of being #5 of 6 kids.  It's just easier to accept your fate and move on)  Don't get me wrong- I like attention and I like people to listen to me- but only if they want to.  I don't like to fight for what I should naturally be given.  Anyway, in my musings about this I have drawn two conclusions as to why women are so loud.
1.  They are super self centered and feel that everyone should pay attention to them 100% of the time.  That what they have to say is more important than anything anyone else might have to say.
2.  They have a total lack of self confidence.  They need attention to make themselves feel important.  They are afraid if they aren't the focus of the conversation they will be over looked and then they feel insecure. 
Which one is it? Both.  Just depends on the girl.  I think both are sad though.  And both create a behavior that I find incredibly annoying.  Take it down a few notches- the whole world doesn't need to know your life.

Not Going to Work?

So yesterday a man used a $100 bill to pay for his items at work. We gave him his change and he walked away. Not two minutes later I'm called over again because this guy has come back and he would like to trade his $20 bill for a new one. "This one has a tear on the corner and I'm not sure it will work"....really?? You are not sure it will work? The only place that bill won't work is in a vending machine and who puts a 20 in a vending machine?? so basically he is either

1. Completely stupid and doesn't realize that legal tender is legal tender ripped or not or

2. He has obsessive compulsive tendencies and doesn't like the idea of money in his wallet which is slightly worn.

Either way the guy is special.

Toddlers and Tiaras

I admit it...I watched this show tonight. Mostly out of curiosity and it was everything I ever thought it would be. A bunch of spoiled misguided children and a bunch of shallow over baring parents. Something else I noticed and please no one take this the wrong way but all of the crazy moms (at least on this episode) were way over weight. Which seems really interesting for women who are so concerned with their children's physical appearance...you would think they would also be concerned with their own...But who knows, perhaps that's why they focus so much on their children. Crazy show!

Nothing to see ..

Why do men have to look around so much when they are driving? Have you ever noticed that? I swear every time I get behind a male driver he is always looking out his window. Instinctively I look because I am asking myself what the devil he is looking at and I see Nothing! What are they looking at..I see an empty field, a parking lot, a house...nothing of note. They just drive slower because they are looking at everything BUT the road. At least while you are driving a motor vehicle please look at the road!