Can't Get That Back

Oh traffic school.  I don't think we should see each other again....EVER!  I was really hoping for a good looking cop or an attractive man in the seat next to me.  You know, just something to make the passage of time a little more enjoyable.  Did I get that? NO.  I did not.  What did I get?  I got about 4 people who had a comment or question for EVERYTHING the cop said.  I am not exaggerating.  I'm not sure what they were doing when the cop said, "depending on you and your questions this could either be 1.5 hrs or 2 hrs"....subtext: If you don't interrupt me you can be home a half an hour earlier.  SCORE!  Or at least it could have been.  But it wasn't.  And they did indeed ask stupid questions.  Questions that were not pertinent to anyone in the room.  For example, so you don't think I am being ungenerous, the officer mentioned that Utah and Texas are the only two states with an 80 mph area because Wyoming recently pulled theirs.  After said statement, a kid in the back raises his hand and says, "well why did they lower the speed limit in Wyoming?"  WHO CARES?!?!  you don't live in Wyoming...why are you wasting my time!?!  Keep it relevant. Or another kid grilling the officer about the difference between a drinking citation and a DUI and what the LEGAL limits are for under aged drivers.  ummm...duh.  There is no LEGAL limit because drinking under 21 is ILLEGAL!  so it really doesn't matter.  Also he told you three times already that if you are driving its a DUI...if you aren't driving it's not a DUI...because the D in DUI stands for DRIVING.  They choose those letters for a reason.  But thanks all the same for wasting my time with your endless questions Einstein.  The evening was filled with questions and comments about similar things..."can't we force people to wear helmets" "people should have to take a motorcycle safety class in order to have a drivers license"...blah blah blah...the class would have been 3 hours if the officer hadn't speed through the last few items. There go two hours of my life I will never get back. If I ever get pulled over again I will just take the points on my record...bring it. 

All The King's Horses...

I love my friends. They make me laugh.  Which is probably why they are still my friends.  Tonight after work I went out to play with said friends because laughing is one of my favorite things. The topic of dating came up (as it usually does) and I think we were talking about an awkward engaged couple we all know and agreeing on the theory that there is someone for everyone.  Conversation goes as follows:
Amanda: "well for every humpty there is a dumpty"
Lori: ewww, I don't want to be dumpty.  (what would you see if you were looking at a 'dumpty' person? - yuck)
Amanda: fine, you can be humpty.
Lori: I don't think I really want to be humpty either.  (the connotation on that alone. no thank you)
Amanda: okay you can be tweedle dumb
Lori: no, the guy can be tweedle dumb, The girl can be Dee
Amanda: (completely serious) Tweedle Dee is a girl?? I thought they were both boys?
Mallory: (chiming in) No, Amanda.  They ARE BOTH boys
Lori: except you were using them to describe a relationship so unless you are planning on a same sex relationship they need to take on gender roles.

I don't actually know if that's funny to anyone else.  Perhaps you need to know Amanda, or perhaps you needed to be in the car having just watched a crazy show at the Hale and loaded with high quantities of hot chocolate.  But I guess it's just a testament to how easily I am amused.

Did You Need Something?

Please tell me that I am not the only one that has lame people in my life.  Or actually I kind of hope I am the only one and the rest of the world has better friends than I do.  That being said- MOST of my friends are fantastic!! Best people EVER.  so before I come off sounding super harsh let me just say- I don't think these people I'm about to blog about do any of this on purpose.  In fact, they probably don't even realize how they are acting or making people feel.  maybe I am too sensitive or maybe just fed up. 
I think most everyone has these people in there lives.  People who knowingly, or unknowingly, think that they are the center of the earth.  They are constantly updating the world on their life.  Their frustrations, successes, etc...but have you ever noticed that these people never know what's going on in the lives of others.  They rarely, if ever, initiate contact with you.  When YOU initiate contact with them they ask things like, "how is everything going for you?"....translation:  I don't know anything specific that is happening in your life right now so I'm just going to generically and impersonally ask how EVERYTHING is.  These are the people who ask how you are, but don't really want to hear the truth.  they want a straight forward- "I'm great".  If you said anything else they would probably feel uncomfortable or find some way out of the conversation before you are finished sharing.  They are also the kind of people that ask how you are and then are easily diverted and never come back to hear your answer.  I have had WAY too many of these "friends" in my life and my patience for these people lessens by the year.  Again let me clarify- this in no way includes the good friends who for one reason or another don't talk to you on a frequent basis- those good friends usually make up for the time passage by diving in and asking lots of questions.  So even thought months have gone by- you still feel super valued by the time your conversation is over.  I mean the people who live in the same city, who are supposed to be your good friends, and yet know nothing about you- not even the big stuff- like weddings, funerals, job changes, that sort of thing...
Heaven knows I'm not perfect.  Sometimes my life gets in the way and I am a crappy friend.  But I always feel bad and try and make up for it by making an effort to fill in the gaps I've created with substance.  I'm also not saying I want everyone to talk to me every day- ick I know I couldn't handle that- but don't talk to me just when you need something...take a few seconds to understand someone besides yourself.  (Disclaimer: to my friends reading this- and who read my blog on a semi regular basis-I'm probably not talking about you since you are investing the time to read my thoughts.  Love you)  And if you think this is you- TRY HARDER!  People don't like to feel used or like a left over.  If you are supposed to be a good friend- try to be one. 

Don't Flatter Me So

Today is gorgeous.  On gorgeous days I like to go for walks.  It is actually my favorite thing about spring/summer- Sunday walks.  Today I went on a walk with my friends Amanda and tori.  Amanda was a gem.  As we are walking through the neighborhood she is telling tori why she didn't invite her to go with us to Salt Lake last week. She says, "Tori, I didn't invite you because YOU have friends."  Subtext: Lori YOU don't have friends so we invited you.  Thanks Amanda. 

Then after we had turned around and were on our way home I started to turn up the street we had come down and Amanda says to me,
"no Lori, we are going to go up the next street. " 
Me: "why?"
 Amanda: "We have to vary our path, in case we are being tracked by a cougar".

Um okay Amanda....a Cougar. really? we are in the middle of pleasant grove, on a fairly busy street, in the middle of the afternoon.  Probably we are not being tracked by a cougar.  But thanks for watching my back ;)