Operation Ladies Man

Friday night my stake went ice skating.  I wasn't going to go because I had to work early Saturday but at the last minute I decided to suck it up and be social.  which turned out to be the right decision.  Why you ask?  Well, this.  This post is why.
I was wandering around the arena pretending to be a social butterfly when I ran into a guy who used to be in my ward.  I hadn't seen him in a year...maybe two and thankfully I remembered his name.  We talked for a second and then he says to his girlfriend, " this is operation ladies man" to which she responded with complete understanding.  I, however, was still totally confused.  Seeing my confusion he decided to fill me in... Since it was about me anyway.
Apparently back when he was in the ward someone told him... Or he overheard me say that I don't date guys in my ward.  He naturally decided that this statement was made not as truth but as a challenge.  A challenge that he and two other guys made their personal mission to take on.  They used a risk board and mapped out exactly how the task was to be accomplished.  They were going to corner me at a ward activity and this guy was going to ask me on a date in front of 20 people and the bishop.  The faulty logic here is that I would be unable to say no.  They called it operation ladies man.
This is where I have to laugh because clearly these guys knew nothing about me.  That kind of peer pressure has never worked on me.  I don't care if I look like a jerk, I don't do things I feel pressured into.  And also, how mean is it to put someone in that position?  Why would you even want to go out with someone you knew doesn't want to be with you? 
I had a good laugh with this guy at the arena and he confessed at the end of the conversation that he decided not to go through with the plan because, (and I quote) "you seem like you have a fierce personality and I figured if you went you would probably be angry about it the whole time"  to which I told him he was absolutely correct.  I do not like to be coerced into things...especially things that should be fun.  Fact is, even if I want to do something, if I feel forced or pressured I won't want to do it anymore.  Ask my mom how many times I cleaned my room when she told me I had to...
The best part about his plan was that one of his co-conspirators tried his it and asked me out in front of the bishop and I still said no.  He later "blackmailed" me into going and I was bugged pretty much the whole time.
 If these boys (yes boys) wanted to succeed, patience would have been better than pressure.  I knew my rule was stupid and I have since broken it several times but only with people who became my friends and talked to me and asked me out in ways that showed respect for me  and my agency.
Happily my friend from the skating arena is now dating a beautiful and sweet lady and seems to be exceptionally happy.  So everything worked out in the end.  Except operation ladies man.

A Level Below

I have discovered a new level in emotional relationships. (If you have not read my blog on relationship levels please click HERE) The highest being a Crush.  Less intense is a crinkle and the lowest level of interest being A Dog ear.  For those who don't understand, a dog ear  or ear marking a page is when you fold over the corner so you can come back to your spot at a later date.  That is the lowest level "crush" in known existence.  I didn't realize this until just a few weeks ago.  I was talking to a guy- I knew it wasn't really a crinkle because I wasn't even sure I liked him most of the time.  I talked to him because he talked to me but he was exhausting to talk to. The only thing he'd really ever say is, "hey what's up?" or something along those lines.  In all honesty he could have stopped talking at any time and I probably wouldn't have noticed.  And, in fact, he did.  Just a day after I last heard from him facebook told me he was in a relationship.  That is when I discovered the existence of the 'dog ear'.  If I had even been invested at the crinkle level I would have been disappointed.  But I wasn't.  I really couldn't have cared less.  I think I WANTED to be more disappointed than I was.  But you can't force a feeling.  At this point I was talking to my friend Megan about my lack of feeling over the situation and we realized there is a level lower than a crush.  This boy was a page I didn't really want to stay on, or a book I didn't want to keep open, but that page was interesting enough to ear mark.  Just in case I ever wanted to go back.  But in this particular case I won't be re-opening that book!

You Look Like a Real Prince but...

I read one of my favorite books tonight.  I think I've mentioned it before.  The Paper Bag Princess.  It's a children's book.  But not really.  Yes, children will be entertained by it but the message is for adults as well. 

The story line is as follows,  A fire breathing dragon burns down her castle and steals her fiance away.  She is left with nothing but ashes and an old paper bag.  After donning the bag she follows the dragon, outsmarts him, and saves her fiance.  This is how the book ends:

He looked at her and said, "Elizabeth, you are a mess!  you smell like ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag.  Come back when you are dressed like a real princess."

"Ronald," said Elizabeth, "your clothes are really pretty and your hair is very neat.  You look like a real prince, but you are a bum."  They didn't get married after all.

why do I love this book with it's non traditional happy ending? Because she dodges a bullet.  To think, she almost married that bum.  That shallow man who didn't appreciate her brains, her determination, and her commitment.  In the first place- Ronald should have been attempting to save himself.  Second, he should have loved her not in spite of her haggard appearance but because of it.  So kudos to you Elizabeth.  Go use your life loving skills to find a real prince who can see past your paper bag.  ;)

Shhhh...It's a secret

Over the last several weeks I have had some eye opening conversations with some of my male friends.  I've been talking to a couple friends about girls they are interested in and been shocked to find that, as much as I refused to believe it, a lot of guys are afraid of girls.  Which in some cases is totally justified.  Girls can be crazy.  But most of us are not. 

Both guys (separate from one another) told me about a girl they were interested in and their plan to talk to said girl.  They then proceeded to ask something to the effect of:  "but would that be weird?"  "is that creepy?" "Will she think I'm crazy?". 
My response is simply that you are over thinking things.  Fact is, there is no definite answer.  But here is a little secret: 
If she is interested in you she won't think it's weird.  She will be flattered to have the attention.  If she isn't interested- yes you will probably be blogged about and filed away as a creeper ;)

But I'm kind of serious.  You just won't know what she will think until you try.  I know it's scary but you are just going to have to gain (or fake) a little bit of confidence and jump in with both feet.  One of two things will occur:
1.  She's interested and you get a date
2.  She thinks your a creeper, and you can dust your shoulder off and find a girl worth your time.

Think of all the time that's wasted hemming and hawing over all those "what ifs" ... Just do it.  I think you will find that unless she's a spoiled princess, she is not going to shoot you where you stand for saying hi, or sending a text/message, or asking her out.  We may not want to marry you but most of us are pretty nice. 

Not My First Trip

So...as many of you know I am no stranger to awkward experiences.  And guess what? I'm about to share another one.  First- the reader's digest version of the story:

About 3 or 4 years ago (I can't remember now) this guy found me on facebook and asked me on a date.  My first reaction was to say no but my mom gave me the "you need to be more open minded" lecture and I relented and said yes.  He took me to tucanos for dinner which would have been fun except my jaw was locked at the time so I really couldn't chew anything but pineapple.  The wait to get in was over an hour so I asked a lot of questions and tried to be a fun date.  While waiting we ran into my brother's friend and he says to me, "so, how long have you two been dating?".  Umm...nope. we aren't.  As we are eating dinner, the waiter then asks, "how long have you two been married?"  Later in the meal my date keeps saying awkward things to me like, "you have a really beautiful mouth"  by this point in the date I have already figured out that I will not need a second date with this guy.  After dinner we went to twilight (I think) and after the movie he tells me that I look like Kristen Stewart.  I hate Kristen Stewart.  so not a good move on his part. 
After the date I tell him thanks but that I really am not interested in going out again but somehow the guy talks me into another date.  I still to this day am not sure how he managed that.  Anyway- he is divorced with two kids and over the next few weeks he starts showing up, with his kids, to the mall to take me to lunch on my breaks.  Which some people might find charming but his kids were fighting over who got to sit by me and the little girl would scream and cry if I didn't hold her.  It was really weird.  He went to Hawaii and sent me a post card.  He would leave poems and pictures of roses he had drawn out of letters and symbols on my facebook wall.  he would send me long messages of nonsense.  I ended up going out with him a few more times (even though I really didn't want to) and finally I just told him we were done and were never going to be more than friends.  He asked if we could still see each other and go on dates and I said no.  So he un-friended me on facebook and stopped talking to me.  Perfect.  I never thought of this guy again.  Until this last Friday night.  dun dun dun...

Friday and Saturday this last week I was asked to sing at a family festival with the Hale center theater orem.  I got up, sang my song for a few hundred people, then went to the side of the stage to wait for the others to finish singing their songs.  As I'm standing there talking to a friend I feel a tap on my shoulder.  I turn around and there is this guy from three years ago.  This is how the conversation went:

Guy:  Hey, you did a really great job!
Me: Oh hey! Thank you.  How've you been?
Guy: How do I know you??
At this point I'm totally shocked.  What do you mean HOW do you know me?  I may not remember the names of all my blind dates but I do remember THEM.  Especially people I've been out with more than one time.  But hey if he didn't remember I sure wasn't going to be the one to remind him.
Me: oh gosh it was so long ago I'm not totally sure.  Maybe facebook?!
Guy: oh okay my name is so and so... and great job on your song.
Me: Thanks!

He walks away leaving me to wonder...did he really not remember a whole month of his life?  Or was he just testing me to see if I would say something?  Maybe he was crazy stalker date with every girl and just had so many he doesn't remember me.  Just because I never forget anyone's face doesn't mean everyone else is the same.  Maybe he got in a horrible accident and suffered memory loss.  Or maybe he is just awkward and instead of being an adult (in his thirties) and just saying "hi how are you?" he decided to play games and try and make me feel bad/awkward for the past.  But I don't.  I was honest from the beginning and he manipulated me and my emotions, dragging the whole thing out longer than it needed to be.  If he was hurt it was his own fault, but apparently he recovered just fine and has blocked the whole experience out of his mind.  Thank you ten second tom for, what was to me, an unforgettable experience.  But I am sorry to inform you that was not my first trip around the awkward block. 

It Doesn't Have To Be So Bad...

Here are a few tips for successful dating.  I know that sounds ridiculous coming from me since I'm still single but I have been on A LOT of dates.  I see the same mistakes made over and over.  And really when I want to be, I can be a really really fun date.  So I think more people should not discount my advice.  I have directed my post toward men but ladies you can for sure benefit from this as well.  Most of these go both ways.  I only direct it toward men because typically they are the ones asking and planning the dates...or at least they should be.  (yes this is for real)

10.  Don't talk about the money you are spending.  $5 or $50 just don't bring it up, even jokingly.  It makes us feel a little awkward/guilty and it's kind of tacky.  You planned the date- if it's too expensive you should have planned something cheaper. 

9.  Don't over do your first date.  Keep it simple with lots of opportunity to talk.  If you can't carry on a conversation on the first date you might as well cut your losses now.  A more elaborate/expensive date does not guarantee she will like you more.  In fact it might be the opposite.

8.  if she doesn't return your call/texts- don't keep trying.  If the world were fair, She would just tell you she's not interested but let's be honest- most girls won't just come out and say it.  so salvage your pride and let it go.  If she changes her mind she's got your number. 

7.  Don't come on too strong.  Show your interest but give her a chance to miss you!  If your date is fantastic it's fine to text her the next day but don't over do it.  Allow her time to figure out if she likes you...let her think about you.  She can't do that if you don't give her some space.  Leave the conversation at a high point...leave her wanting more.  Think about it- Even if you love cheesecake you will be sick of it if someone asked you to eat too much of it at once.  Same idea here. Give her just enough to stay interested.

6. Don't get too physical too fast.  Even if a date is going well you might ruin things for the future if you push too fast.  Your date may leave feeling like that's all you want.  As the saying goes:

5.  Don't try to sell yourself to her- Ask her questions.  Find out about her!! Then Listen when she answers you.  That is the easiest way to keep a conversation going and figure out if you are compatible with this person. 

4. be respectful of your date and of their time.  People are busy these days.  If someone has taken time to go out with you- be fun.  use your time together well-don't play video games/watch YouTube videos/get stuck talking to other people, etc. (those have their time and place but not on a first or second date and please use in moderation) Men open doors and ladies thank him for it!

3.  Do Not text while on your date.  In fact, unless you have an emergency (which you should probably reschedule your date if that is the case) don't even take your phone out.  Turn it off.  Put it away.  Be in the moment.  You can talk to anyone else when you get home.

2.  Do not talk about ex's, past dates, other people you are attracted too.  unless for some freak reason it is relevant to the conversation and then don't dwell on it.  Live in the present. 

1.  Do not air all your dirty laundry.  We all have our past- your date doesn't need to know every thing you've ever done wrong in your lifetime.  Give them a chance to get to know who you are NOW before you tell them how you got there.  Telling your date too much before they are ready to hear it is an unfair position to put them in.

To Crush or Not to Crush?

I am going to go out on a limb and assume that most of you have had a crush on a person at some point in your life.  So you are pretty familiar with a "crush".  They call it that because you pretty much end up like this coke can here.  You obsess over this person.  You get butterflies everytime you see them.  They can pretty much do NO wrong.  You justify everything they do to manipulate the facts so that you still think there might be hope that this person could possibly return your feelings.  In the end, they usually don't and your hopes as well as your feelings...and usually your self-esteem end up "crushed".  Hence the name. 

Are we all clear on that?  Good.  Now let me explain a term less well known but one I am very very fond of.  A crinkle.  Yes you heard me right.  Fortunately, I have not had a crush since I was 21yrs old but I do at times harbor a crinkle.  What the heck is a crinkle?  Let me enlighten you. 

A crinkle is a low level crush but more than a passing interest.  A crinkle can dissipate as quickly as it develops.  It is an interest in someone but not one with a deep emotional connection.  A crinkle can be eradicated if that person says or does something stupid, doesn't reciprocate the interest, etc... Your hopes are not pinned on this person and you do not need to build them up or justify their actions.  It is possible, and highly likely, that a person will have more than one crinkle at a time.  If things don't work out you just move on.  Much like this piece of paper.  It's crinkled, but smooth it out a little and it's still usable. Unlike the crushed can.     

The reason for this post?  I was confessing a crinkle a few weeks ago to a good friend and she was not even sure what I meant...so hopefully I have cleared up any confusion between the terms.  :)  Crinkles are far less exhausting.  But they are also not as exciting.  And maybe a little more confusing- since your feelings can change from hour to hour.  So, if you suffer from either I wish you luck! 

 

Now you See it...

Remember my post about the blind date in SLC? The "you look just like Anne Hathaway" date. No? click HERE.  Well friends, a few days ago I got a text from a very dear friend/ old roommate and this is what it said:

"Oh my gosh Lori-Do you remember that awkward date where you went with the boy up to SLC and the recital was in Spanish- I just found a picture of you and a baldish man on facebook.  From the girl who sang in Spanish.  We totally went to high school together- but cute picture of the three of you!"

So apparently this picture is floating on the social network for all the world to see...except for me, because I don't even know who the girl is.  So other people can see a picture of me I've never seen. awesome.  But really funny all at the same time.  Gotta love facebook.

How Do You Win This Game???

I LOVE to watch dates.  Maybe because I'm not good at dating and I have resigned myself to the fact that I never will be.  I've posted on this topic before (see HERE)... I'm sassy .  I'm direct. I'm smart.  If I want to know something I ask.   This is just not appealing to most men and every time I watch someone on a date I remember why I'm okay with it.  If I am to be single,  and judged by the community at large for my singleness, I wish to at least hold on to my self respect. 

Let me tell you about the date I observed this weekend.  My friend Madison and I saw The Secret Garden at the HCTO and sitting directly in front of us was a couple.  Awesome.  This blog has been lacking any real inspiration lately and I was super excited about this one.  Now, as I was saying. This girl seemed pretty normal but she very quickly began exhibiting the behavior of the BYU co-ed trying to catch a man.  So many girls fall into the same snare...poor things.  And before you continue reading I have to preface this by saying I don't know this girl who inspired the post- so this is not a critique on her personally just a commentary on exhibited behavior.  No more, no less.

The first thing I noticed was her blowing on her finger nails.  Fingernails, which I'm positive, had been dry for several hours.  Why was she doing this? well, obviously she was trying to get said boy to notice her glitter nails and compliment her on them.  I can only assume he did not since her next move was to pull out her lotion and rub it on the top of her hands...still flashing the nails.  Finally she decided to rub the lotion in like a normal person-or so I thought.  But she kept rubbing it and rubbing it.  I'm not exaggerating when I say she rubbed her hands together for probably a good 5-10 minutes.  I'm sure it was to make sure they were good and soft for when he held her hand later.  But the whole time she was doing it all I could see was the skinny kid from the sandlot saying, "lotioning and oiling, oiling and lotioning".  STOP!!! It has absorbed and now you are just making me anxious. 

The lights dim and she squeals in her seat- like she had just been given orchestra tickets to see the original cast of wicked on Broadway.  Whatever, maybe it's her favorite book or something.  Really I suspect she was just trying to make sure her date knew she was as into theater as he was.  The show plays and I begin to hear her laughing at the most inappropriate times.  For instance, Mary walks onto the stage dragging her jump rope because she is depressed.  Her whole life is empty and cold and she's just realized her garden is dead.  It's a dramatic scene and queen laughs a lot starts giggling.  Seriously? why is that funny? I still am not sure. 

About half way through the first act she decides it's time to pull out the big guns.  Sweep the hair off your neck and lay your head on his shoulder.  But not just head on the shoulder- the brace your chin with your hand so that your face is in his peripheral vision strategy.  Unmistakable for "I'm interested/we are a couple".  Super PDA- That is a major move in the man hunt.  That is pretty much the position she stayed in until the end of the show.  With the exception of her clapping at the end of each number.  She sat up so straight and clapped with great enthusiasm.  I was surprised that the word "bravo" did not come out of her mouth.  Her date didn't really respond to her invasion of space -But I suspect that's mostly because he knew he was being watched by Madison and I.  Still ladies- a word of advice, if you throw out the "I'm interested" signal and put your head on his shoulder and he does not respond the first or second time, he probably isn't going to and you should salvage your pride and just stop.  Maybe he is into you but perhaps there is a reason he is not reacting the way you want.  Respect his space (and yourself)- even if you don't understand his reasoning. 

Okay like I said, I'm not trying to be critical of this girl in particular, just female wiles in general.  Why? Why do girls do such things?  Why is being dumb attractive?  Why do they play such ridiculous games to get attention?  Apparently it works- but if that is what it takes to get a man then I guess I will just have to stay single forever.  Because I like being sassy and sarcastic.  I like being right sometimes. I like not having to pretend I don't know something I secretly know a ton about because it might be a turn off. i like not having to worry about my nails chipping and if they match my outfit.  I like my hoodies and messy ponytails.  I like to educate myself- formally and informally- and I don't intend to stop or hide it because it's against the rules of the game.  Single ladies of Utah County- Play your games.  Just know, I will be watching - and you just might find yourself as an example on my blog.

All The King's Horses...

I love my friends. They make me laugh.  Which is probably why they are still my friends.  Tonight after work I went out to play with said friends because laughing is one of my favorite things. The topic of dating came up (as it usually does) and I think we were talking about an awkward engaged couple we all know and agreeing on the theory that there is someone for everyone.  Conversation goes as follows:
Amanda: "well for every humpty there is a dumpty"
Lori: ewww, I don't want to be dumpty.  (what would you see if you were looking at a 'dumpty' person? - yuck)
Amanda: fine, you can be humpty.
Lori: I don't think I really want to be humpty either.  (the connotation on that alone. no thank you)
Amanda: okay you can be tweedle dumb
Lori: no, the guy can be tweedle dumb, The girl can be Dee
Amanda: (completely serious) Tweedle Dee is a girl?? I thought they were both boys?
Mallory: (chiming in) No, Amanda.  They ARE BOTH boys
Lori: except you were using them to describe a relationship so unless you are planning on a same sex relationship they need to take on gender roles.

I don't actually know if that's funny to anyone else.  Perhaps you need to know Amanda, or perhaps you needed to be in the car having just watched a crazy show at the Hale and loaded with high quantities of hot chocolate.  But I guess it's just a testament to how easily I am amused.

Cheap and Easy

Reading my blog you would think I never go on any great dates.  Or any semi normal dates for that matter. It is true that I have an abnormally large number of awkward dates with awkward and clueless men.  But occassionally I do go on good dates.  In all my dating history my two favorite dates have been free- or nearly so.  They weren't super planned and there was zero pressure.  I have had lots of fun dates, Ice blocking (which is only fun with the right people) carriage rides in SLC, building hot air balloons, games, etc.  And then of course the standard dinner, movies, theater...that sort of thing. But standing out above all of those are two very distince dates.  what were these dates?  I will tell you- these are in chronological order.  They both trump all the others....

first:  My date (who is actually still one of my very best friends-even though he wouldn't go to Disneyland with me when I had free passes) came and picked me up.  We drove to the grocery store, got ice cream, then went back to the park by my house, sat on the swings and talked for a couple of hours.  Until the sprinklers turned on and forced us to leave.

second:  we drove up to a mountain in provo (stop. don't think it. It was not squaw peak- it was a well populated mountain) and sat talking in the car while over looking the city.  Then after a really great conversation he rolled the windows down, turned up the music, and we danced in the parking lot.  Yes I was slightly self conscious at first (mostly because the goon in the car next to us was starring at me)  but after a few seconds I forgot all about everyone else.  I love to dance...choreographed or not. :) 

maybe these dates sound lame or boring to some- but I love dates that are pressure free.  I like to forget that i'm on a date.  I am much more relaxed when I feel like i'm just talking to a friend rather than trying to impress a date.  I love spontaneous creative things.  And above all else, I love to talk.  I could walk up and down the same street and do nothing else and if there was a good conversation involved- it would be the best date in the world. 

Dinner and A Show

I have been craving PF Chang's for over six months now.  Today my mom and I were at the mall shopping for a bridal shower gift and decided to stop in and pick up dinner to go.  This meant we were sitting by the take out place against a wall with time to kill.  which also means I got to do one of my favorite things- people watch.  And boy did I get a show! I had no idea that P.F. Chang's offered entertainment while you wait.  There was an empty table just in front of us at which two servers sat down to count out their tips for the day.  One had crazy hair and the other was actually pretty attractive.  Almost immediately a girl materialized from no where and sat down next to Mr. muscles.  I assume she was some sort of manager because she wasn't dressed like everyone else and she had a key card on her wrist.  See how smart I am.  That made one of us.  This girl, who may quite possibly be a genius in other circumstances, became ridiculous.  She could not have flirted more obviously if her life depended on it.  And let me tell you, she thought she was SO cute.  She may be an experienced flirt but she stinks at reading people.  This guy could not have looked more disinterested.  He didn't smile, he hardly even looked in her direction.  Which was actually pretty skilled since she was practically sitting on his lap.  He got up several times and each time- so did she.  She followed him to the left, then to the right, she probably would have followed him right off a cliff.  He was super nice about it.  Totally polite but still totally uninterested.  She followed him until he finally left the building.  Poor girl. So clueless. 

I Could Be Wrong...

The local mall has this really great feature in it.  A fireplace.  A big one.  And near this fireplace are a few cozy chairs.  The down side to this is that people forget that this fireplace is not their own personal place- that they are still in public.  Last week while playing at the mall with some friends we happened upon a double date.  A picnic or sorts consisting of Little Caesar's Pizza.  I have included a photo of said picnic...with my friends in the foreground as a decoy.   Is this weird to have  a picnic date in the middle of the mall?? Not in Provo/Orem it isn't.  I've seen picnic dates on the median divide on major streets...this is a step up I guess. 

Then today I was walking through the mall and there was a couple sitting in A comfy chair.  Yes just one chair for both.  He was sitting and she was in his lap.  He was all snuggled up into her- with intermittent making out. Gross.  You are in public.  Fireplace or not- the mall is not really a romantic spot.  At least I don't think a high traffic area full of strangers constitutes romance.  But I could be wrong-

You Go 90%....or do you?

Remember how movies aren't real?  That just because something is in them doesn't make it fact.  How many people reading this have ever seen Hitch? Funny flick but not without flaw. 
I was informed this weekend, by a male friend of mine, that many men use Hitch's advice in their own dating lives.  What am I talking about? The infamous porch scene.  In the movie, Hitch tells Albert that if the girl fiddles with her keys that means she wants him to kiss her.  This is the exact thing I'm talking about.  yes perhaps in some circumstances it does mean she wants to be kissed.  But there are a number of other factors to consider first. 
1. is she actually fiddling with her keys? or were you in the middle of a conversation and she is waiting for you to finish your sentence before she turns her back on you to unlock the door. 
2. Maybe she got her keys out because her purse is too big and she didn't want to search for them awkwardly while you stood there waiting. 
3. Maybe she just likes to talk to you and be in your company. 
4. Or perhaps she doesn't even know you consider this a date.  If you asked her using the words "hang out" or "play" she is not even considering the possibility of any physical contact beyond maybe a hug and therefore may not even be aware of what she is doing with her keys.  If this isn't a date then he shouldn't even be considering attacking the poor girl.  And if you do consider attacking her...consider it again, and very carefully, because you may not get a chance to redeem yourself if you are wrong. 

Has Anyone Ever Told You that You Look Like Anne Hathaway??

Let me share another winner of a date. My sister-in-law set me up with this guy.  I can't remember where he lived but I was meeting him in Salt Lake City.  I hate to drive in rush hour traffic and I had the day off so I decided I would just go to the temple while I was up there and then meet him afterward.  We finalized everything and he was going to meet me at 5:30ish.  My session would be out at 5 giving me 30 minutes to put my bag in my car and change my shoes.
WRONG! My date got there early and was waiting just inside the door for me.  He had sent me a text letting me know he was there and that there were two guys on the couch and I would have to guess which one he was.  Little did he know I had already facebook stalked him.  Like I am going to go all the way up to Salt Lake without any idea who to look for.  Anyway, I "guessed" (which I hate!) and he proceeds to tell me that he is really glad I'm not an ugly girl.  because according to him, blind dates usually are and then you have to pretend to not be disappointed.  wow, thanks.  strike one.  Dude sounds shallow.
He then tells me we are going to go eat dinner and that we should probably just walk because it isn't very far.  Please remember that because he was early I didn't get to prep as well as I would have liked, which means I still have my temple bag slung over my shoulder, a purse, and I am wearing 3" heels.  But I used to dance in heels, I can handle a few blocks.  well, a few blocks turned into probably a few miles.  We walked from temple square all the way to the gateway mall, but not in a straight line.  he was looking for some crazy restaurant so we walked up and down several streets.  Several sketchy street.  Finally he finds where it SHOULD be.  But it's been closed.  He then says, "okay well I guess we can keep walking and find somewhere else"  NO! NO...I am done walking.  So I spied a Jason's Deli and said, "actually why don't we just eat there".  In a voice that meant "This is what we ARE doing".  which I never do- I think if a guy is paying he should pick the restaurant so that he is comfortable with the price range.  But at this point I was done caring about things like that.  

Over dinner he asked me if anyone had ever told me I look like Anne Hathaway.  NOPE.  cause I don't.  Also, I can't stand Anne Hathaway.  She might possibly be my least favorite actress...2nd only to Kristen Stewart.  Word of advice- before you tell someone they look like a celebrity-find out how they feel about said celebrity. 
After dinner I now get to trudge back to temple square in my heels. But this time I get to do it twice as fast because we are going to be late for the concert his ex-girlfriend's little sister is performing.  Awesome.  As we are walking out he says to me, "oh, have you had that bag this whole time?"  YES!!!  strike two- not observant or considerate.
We arrived just a minute or two late and found our seats. She sang her first song and for an opera singer she had a beautiful voice.  But I don't really love classical sopranos.  And to make it even better- it was ALL in Spanish.  Every song for the whole hour was in Spanish.  I took 3 yrs of Spanish in high school so I could pick up a few words here and there.  But spoken Spanish and sung Spanish are two different things.  Also, my date was  fluent in Spanish.  So he was enjoying the show!  I was SO bored and my feet felt like they needed to be amputated.  About half way through he leaned over to ask if I was enjoying the concert and told me how amazing this girl was and how great her older sister is. (Also he told me 3 more times during the concert that I looked like Anne Hathaway.)  Strike Three- talking repeatedly about an ex girlfriend. 

The show ended and he introduced me to her whole family and made me take a picture with them. Awkward. But the end is in sight. We start to head out and he says, "Do you want to go get dessert?".  Actually no I don't but how do you respond to that without being rude.  If I say no I might as well just say, "Actually I have had a horrible time with you tonight and I'd rather not extend it thank you."  Even I couldn't bring myself to do that.  I said the only thing I could.  "Sure, as long as I don't have to walk far"  What is another 20 minutes anyway.  Over dessert he told me two more times how much I look like Anne Hathaway.  okay seriously STOP!!!  I played the tired card- which was in fact true.  I was TIRED of being told I looked like Anne.  Also I was emotionally exhausted.  He walked me to my car, I drove home, and told my sister-in-law about this date.  She has not tried to set me up since.

The 8:30 Girl

A few weeks ago I was asked on a date by a friend of a friend.  He called me while I was at work and left a message.  I called him back a few hours later and he paused like he didn't know who I was.  (this should have been my first clue to what the date would be like)  Anyway, he asks me when would be good for me and I told him Saturday would probably be the best.  So he says, "ok great. Saturday it is. oh wait...maybe I better make sure I'm available".  Uh yeah..maybe you should.  Anyway- turns out he was free- surprise.  He then tells me he will call me later in the week to let me know what is going on.  Well, Saturday rolls around and I still have yet to hear from this guy.  It's getting to be afternoon and I'm still not sure even what time I'm supposed to be leaving on this date.  Which is annoying because I have other things to do but I have no idea how much time I've got left to do it. 
Finally about 1pm he calls and tells me he is going to pick me up around 5pm.  wow, that's kind of early but okay.  He tells me we are going to go get dinner and then, and I quote "do some other stuff".  ummm....okay.  That either sounds like you have nothing planned past dinner OR you are a creeper.  I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he just has poor planning skills. 
 He picks me up and I start asking him the normal questions.  Where do you go to school? what are you studying?  He tells me his major and then in the same breath tells me he has no idea what he plans to do with it.  (Did I mention the guy is almost 30 yrs old) We finally get to the Mexican restaurant in Pleasant Grove and by this time all of my standard questions have been asked.  Mostly because the guy could only really give a one word response enabling us to get through a plethora of questions in a very short time.  By the time the server came I was pretty much out of questions.  The server gave me a short reprieve and I was able to get him going about the menu and he was quite entertaining actually.  But then he had to leave.  And I was left with Mr. One word response.  Well, at this point I realize that there is no chance this date is going anywhere so I begin to babble.  I start asking questions I don't really care about the answers to and rambling on about stupid things just to fill up the silence.  I am usually okay with a little silence but with this guy it was awkward silence.  Not comfortable silence.  Somehow I managed to make it through dinner.  After dinner we get in the car and head down toward Orem.  Let me just say I didn't think I would live to see my home again-he was one of the most terrifying drivers I have ever had the misfortune of riding with.  He drives down and as we are getting off on university parkway he says, "Oops I meant to get off on center street".  which could be flattering- maybe he was so into what I was saying that he missed his exit.  But that was not the case. 
We get off the freeway and drive back toward orem center.  As we approach Iceberg he asks me if I like Ice cream.  I don't really love ice cream but I don't hate it either.  I am not high maintenance so if that's what he has planned I will just go with it.  Except that I was still totally full from dinner.  Fifteen minutes is just simply not enough time.  (also if you have been to iceberg you know that their ice cream is WAY over sized) basic dating rule: if you are going to do dinner and ice cream you need to put something in between.  A movie, golf, a walk, anything.  you cannot do them back to back.  My stomach can't hold that much and then I will feel sick and not be a fun date. Anyway, We park the car and on the way in he says, "do you like eggnog?"  wow- random.  To which I honestly replied "not really".  I think that was the wrong answer because he got super quiet after that.  I knew I said something wrong but I didn't really know why it was wrong- until we walked in and I saw an add for eggnog milkshakes.  So now I am at a loss. I am not sure what he was planning? was I supposed to share this milkshake with him? cause really I wouldn't have done that anyway- I don't even know the guy.  So we stand there for probably ten minutes.  I was waiting for him to say something to me or the employees so I could get some idea of what was expected of me.  Finally he moves and we order.  After about half an hour he says, "well your ice cream is melting in it's cone and I we shouldn't make a mess so we should go"  Great.
We start driving and at this point I realize he is taking me home.  Really?? It's 8:30 on a Saturday night. 
Please don't get me wrong.  I was pretty emotionally exhausted from this ordeal but wow.  That was a record for me.  My question is...if he had nothing planned after that- why did he not just pick me up later.  I would have been fine with 7:30....at least then it would have been after 10 when I went home.  which is a much more acceptable time to be brought home. 
The best part about this last detail...3 days later I went on a date with someone else and I was again home by 8:30pm.  Ouch.  Now that's a blow to the ego.  I guess I'm not as fun of a date as I thought.  They just can't wait to take me home.

Taking from an Amputee

I had loads of fun this weekend but my people watching plans failed miserably.  However, in my many conversations I was reminded about a date I went on a few years ago.  This is going to sound like an awful date but I am so glad I went.  They guy was good looking and actually we are still friends but the date itself was a joke.  But such a great story to tell.  Here is how the story goes:

Once upon a time a boy asked out a girl.  This boy and three of his friends got tickets for the local AAA baseball team.  What fun.  So the boy picks up girl in his dad's truck and they head downtown to meet up with the two other couples.  The conversation was good and so far everything seemed normal.  Until it was time to park the car.  We parked and got out but instead of just paying and parking this boy asks his friend (who had recently had his foot amputated as a result of cancer) if he can use his handicapped parking pass so that he doesn't have to pay for parking.  classy.
Now it's time to head into the park and get dinner.  I would like to point out that the guys had decided to eat in the park rather than eating before.  Which you can probably guess is the more expensive option.  So into the park the couples go.  Once in line the boy says to the girl- "so do you want the soft pretzel?" (the cheapest thing on the menu).  Girl is pretty laid back so she says "sure".  And chuckles a little to herself.  The game goes on.  I can't remember who won and who lost but it was a fun time.  The game ended and the three couples head out to their cars.
Boy starts car and says, "oh, looks like I'm almost out of gas.  I think if I put in $1.50 I can get us home".  Really?  I realize this is daddy's car but I really want to make it home and not stall on the freeway so maybe could you put $5 in?  Anyway, the car gets enough juice to drive the 40 min back home.  While the girl prays to herself the whole ways. 
At this point the group had planned to go out and get ice cream but the main boy in this story suggests they all just go to his parent's house and eat their ice cream.  The group goes along with the plan and soon thereafter calls it a night.  Boy drives girl home and I'm assuming had enough gas to make it back home himself.  Now as for his dad the next morning? well, who knows. 

Here is the thing...I'm all about cheap dates.  Some of my best dates have cost absolutely nothing.  But don't plan a date you can't afford or don't WANT to pay for.  I have never felt more like an imposition in my whole life.  I seriously was to the point of just offering to pay for it myself.   I had to keep reminding myself that HE asked ME.  Ah well...thing is, it's not really his fault.  His parents are pretty tight with money so the guy had zero chance.  But taking a handicapped person's parking sticker ?!?! I'm STILL trying to understand how he thought THAT was a great idea.

In A Slump

I've decided that this weekend I need to head out into the greater Orem area...find a nice cliche dating spot and just sit back and enjoy the show.  I LOVE to watch people on dates... I need some new material for this blog.  I mean, it has been quite some time since I've written a good post about dates.  mostly because I haven't been on any 'good' ones.  Or because I felt bad about it...although, it has been long enough that I probably could get away with it now.  I will think about that.  But I'm still going to get myself a good dose of people watching this weekend.  Blog posts to follow. 

Speed Dating

Oh New Year's Eve...not my favorite holiday of the year. Secretly I hate it. Anyway, I already wrote that post last year...this one is going to be more fun. So this year I decided to not be such a stick in the mud and I went to a YSA dance. I know what you are thinking...because it's exactly what I thought. I had no intentions of going to this one but my dear friend Amanda is on on the planning committee and she assured me since this one involved several stakes it wouldn't be as bad as previous years. So I dolled myself up, because I don't get to do that very often- and it was actually fun. Smokey eyes and leopard print stilettos. yes please!! Anyway, while the dance was in progress they also had speed dating going on in another room. I totally did it and it was actually fun. I didn't actually play by all the rules but I did sit at the table and talk to a new guy every 60 seconds. And to be fair...most of the guys were actually pretty normal. I LOVE YSA activities sometimes. Anyway- so this speed dating gig was pretty intense. As you walk into the room they hand you a slip of paper that says:

Speed dating 101:

Get a 3x5 card and pen (girls colored/guys white)

write your name on the front of your card. make it legible please.

on the back discreetly write your phone number (for admin eyes only)

Meet and write the name of your speed date on the back

converse with person across from you for allotted time

use provided questions as icebreakers

ascertain if you would like admin. to provide your speed date with your phone number or not

if yes indicate next to speed date's name. if no indicate next to speed dates name.

when notified, bid farewell and move to next date

at the end of the night admin will take matches and distribute phone number accordingly.

whew...that is a mouth full...but don't you worry. There is more. Flip over the paper to find this:

Dating tips:

Be authentic with compliments

inquire about your date

be confident in your self

be thou not overbearing

avoid questions that can be answered with yes or no

be clean. physically, morally

Speak highly of your mom

men- open doors

women-walk through open doors

plan your date

Pair off on your date

Pay for your date

Avoid day-long first dates

Call. Don't FB or text
Dress for success. Try wearing something ironed and appropriate

guys remember 90-10 (will smith)

Girls. Its ok to date when you have a missionary

***Adherence to afore mentioned doesn't guarantee marriage***

Um, can we say amazing. Especially the part about your mom! Also the disclaimer at the bottom....classic.

Interesting

If you are looking for something interesting to read....go ahead and click HERE