Just When You Think Things Are Quiet

So today I headed over to the salon to do a basic all over color.  My client wanted her extensions colored and I have never colored extensions before.  To make it even better, she is getting married in a week.  I didn't want bride-zilla on my hands so I went to the salon early to ask a co-worker, Melissa, about this color line and how I should formulate for the extensions.  Turns out Melissa's color client had cancelled and she was procrastinating running some errands.  She and I were just sitting at our stations talking about extension and other things when a woman came into the salon.  I had not met her or my client so I at first thought it might be my client.  Turns out she was the woman who lives next door.  she came in to say hello.  We talked to her for a few minutes and then she bent over and was looking at the floor.  Melissa and I both just sort of looked at each other in confusion- she was bent over for a long time.  Then she walked over to another station and opened a color book.  I noticed at this point that she was shaking slightly.  Another few seconds went by- she had opened the 3 ring book and was trying to put the swatches back in but was shaking more and more.  Melissa went over to help but she wouldn't let her.  Melissa told her she should sit down but she refused.  Then Melissa told her it was time to go home and she said no. She couldn't.  At this point Melissa looked at me and I jumped up to call 911.  I had no idea if she was on drugs...wasn't on drugs she should be on...who knew.  All I knew is there was a lady convulsing in my salon where there are scissors, razors, and sharp things and she refused to leave. 
First 911 call...I had no idea how many questions they ask.  After they got my address, which I barely could remember from all the adrenaline pumping through my body, they asked me the woman's name.  Which I couldn't remember at all.  Then they started asking me questions about if she was pregnant? Does she have diabetes?  Um, remember how I told you she lives next door and I just met her 30 seconds ago.  I have no idea if she could be pregnant.  Anyway- about halfway through the call as I'm waiting for the cops to show up she has a full on seizure and crashes to the floor.  She passed out just before the cop arrived.  Then the paramedics showed up.  Our whole salon parking lot was full of emergency vehicles.  As all this was happening my client showed up.  Awesome.  I guess it's a good thing the salon wasn't full of people and that Melissa didn't leave me alone.  I probably would have freaked out had I had to deal with that myself.  The paramedic on his way out was saying, "Now Melissa, next time this happens do this and that".... I was thinking, oh please bless there is NO NEXT TIME!!  ahhh.  My life is full of excitement. 

Now you See it...

Remember my post about the blind date in SLC? The "you look just like Anne Hathaway" date. No? click HERE.  Well friends, a few days ago I got a text from a very dear friend/ old roommate and this is what it said:

"Oh my gosh Lori-Do you remember that awkward date where you went with the boy up to SLC and the recital was in Spanish- I just found a picture of you and a baldish man on facebook.  From the girl who sang in Spanish.  We totally went to high school together- but cute picture of the three of you!"

So apparently this picture is floating on the social network for all the world to see...except for me, because I don't even know who the girl is.  So other people can see a picture of me I've never seen. awesome.  But really funny all at the same time.  Gotta love facebook.

Spaz-tastic Me

So tonight while getting ready for bed...actually, let me back up.  I am leaving my current position at my full time job- which means very shortly I am losing my health insurance which is amazing.  So I've been on a 'stay-cation' for about 1 1/2 weeks now.  using my paid time off.  Anyway, while on this break I decided to take care of stuff that I usually don't make time for.  So this morning I had some blood drawn and then I went and had a really ugly mole removed.  At this point I just want to stop and say that the only people working in the Dr's offices today were attractive 20 something year old men.  I was anticipating an embarrassing moment but to my delight- it never came.
Anyway, the Dermatologist did his thing and put a band aid over it.  I left his office and went about my day.  Part of my day was also phase one of cleaning my car.  Wash it, vacuum out the inside. (phase 2 is on Saturday when I get to scrub and extract the filth from the upholstery.  which I hate but it has to be done.  If anyone wants to help just let me know!). 
Then on to my recital which wasn't horrible- I'm not completely happy with it, but I never am.  Came home and watched a psych episode and started getting ready for bed around 9pm (yes I know that's early but I'm exhausted.  I would be asleep already but I wanted to blog first) 
As I am taking the bobby pins out of my hair I'm looking at the place where he removed my mole and I'm thinking something looks a little off.  I realized the skin around it was lighter than the rest of my skin. I had a brief moment where I thought, "weird, I wonder if the neosporin is bleaching my skin.  But in a perfect circle?"  Seriously- perfectly symmetrical- like a crop circle, only on my neck.  Then I realized that my arms, and chest were sunburned.  And THEN I remembered that he had put a round band aid on my neck and I had it on while washing my car- outside.  My skin isn't bleaching, just everything else around it got darker.  Sometimes I think I should dye my hair blond and just accept my dumb moments.  Either that or I need to get outside more often so I can remember what tan lines look like.  I wish I could have taken a picture but it is so faint that you can't really see it except in person.  But I thought anyone who knows me might enjoy my spacey moment. 

The Drifter

So tonight I almost died. NBD. actually it was a big deal.  My friend Amber and I were driving down to Provo on the I-15 freeway.  Before we even got on the freeway I noticed a lady in a car in front of us- super tailgating the car in front of her.  If you have ever been on Utah roads you know that this is pretty common place.  Where I began to pay closer attention was when she got to the stop sign.  She stopped FOREVER!  It has been my experience that people who are compulsive tailgaters do NOT make complete stops.  Especially when there is no oncoming traffic.  As we continued behind her toward the freeway Amber pointed out that she was having trouble staying in her lines- she almost drove into the orange construction cone.  Anyway, we got in another lane and got on the freeway and I forgot all about her.  At least I did until Amber pointed out that she was somehow in front of us again.  Tailgating an SUV.  Also, swerving like a crazy person.  She almost drove into the cement divider several times.  When she wasn't playing chicken with the cement block she was swerving into the lane to the right of her.  We watched this for a few minutes and then Amber decided she was just going to pass her really fast so that when she did crash into something we wouldn't end up in the aftermath.  Well, that sounded like a great idea until we actually sped up.  Because guess who started drifting again...toward my side of the car.  Amber laid on the horn but it was almost like it drew her in....like a moth to the flame.  I looked over in her car and she was laughing.  Driving right toward my passenger side door, alone in the car, and laughing.  She over corrected and ended up in the other lane again.  At this point Amber just gunned it and got out of there. 
Honestly, I don't know if she was on meds, alcohol, talking on her phone, really tired, or just possessed.  Either way- at 80 mph I really didn't want to get close enough to find out.  And I almost did.  I am 100% positive that if she hadn't corrected at the last second I would not be writing this blog.  I kind of like my life- imperfect as it may be.  I don't appreciate people doing stupid things at high speeds with heavy machinery. 

Never again..

I hate to drink water.  In order for me to drink water one of three conditions has to occur:

1. Exercising
2. just brushed my teeth
3. eating

If one of those three is not happening and I try to drink water I will literally gag.  Not even joking.  I spend most of my life being dehydrated.  Well, this week my brother suggested this stuff called MIO.  Its a sugar free flavoring and it is awesome.  Since I got this stuff I have been drinking about 70 oz of water a day.  Awesome right?  No, not awesome.  With the increase of water I have also increased my restroom visits.  SO annoying!! I hate being bothered with things like that.  I definitely don't enjoy being woken up every morning super early.  I don't like having to stop what I'm doing every two hours...I am still deciding if this drinking water is worth all the changes to my lifestyle.  I'll give it a week- maybe my body will adjust.  If not, I may have to go back to being dehydrated.  I also promise not to make fun of any of my friends who are forever and always in the bathroom. 

Lend Me Your Ear And I'll Sing You A Song...

"What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?...I get by with a little help from my friends" I heard that song tonight and I was thinking how applicable those words are at times in our lives. I started asking myself who are my friends? What does it mean to be a friend?
Last week was kind of hard for me- Not my worst by far, but still pretty emotionally draining. I don't like when people try to intimidate me. I don't like when people try to manipulate me with guilt. And I don't appreciate thinly veiled insults. Especially when these things come from people who are supposed to be my friends. Over the last few weeks I've had several experiences that make me question if some of my friends really know me at all or if they are just my friend when I'm listening to them or supporting them in their concerns. Because lately, with a VERY small number of these friends, I've felt like if I step out of line even a little from what they expect of me they are guilt tripping, manipulating, or just flat out insulting me to get me back in line where they are comfortable.
Turns out some of my "friends" would stand up and walk out on me- and then there are others who have been so supportive. Others who know me so well that they don't condemn me when I say or do something they don't like-but know just the right way to talk to me. They ask just the right questions to understand what is really going on below the surface-because there usually is something. They don't just jump to conclusions and throw my flaws in my face. Truth is, I'm really a happy person. So if i'm snippy or sarcastic or short tempered there is probably something bigger happening behind my "everything is just peachy" facade.
The crappy thing is- I've never been a fighter in these people situations. Goals yes but people no. I don't get angry- I just get numb. When people hurt me I put walls between us so that it can't happen again. That sounds a little unfair right? I know. I can't help it. If I don't feel safe and accepted I close off. I need to know that I can be me, even if it is not happy me.
Don't get me wrong- I've had arguments with friends/family members and they've said harsh things to me- things that affected me for decades. The difference is- I always knew they still loved me. I understood their motivation for saying and doing things that upset me. No matter what happened or was said I knew I was ultimately accepted even if I was driving them crazy at the moment. I guess that's what is missing with these people- I don't know that they would accept me as is, for better or worse. I won't trash talk them. I still think they are/or will be great people ...I'm just not going to line up to be back handed by them again. Perhaps I'm a coward. I am still friends with these people...but the depth of our relationship has changed. Or maybe it never was deep to begin with- maybe I just imagined it was more than it really is or ever would have been. Maybe some day things will change and we can have a great friendship again...but they will have to stop trying to mold me and just take me as I am...flaws, failures, frustrations and all.

"lend me your ear and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key.." I try to be a good person. I try to be a good friend. I try - but I cannot promise I won't fail. The point is- real friends stay and let you try again...even if you fail at perfection.

Take One Down...

I have decided that this summer I am going to try and conquer many of the more realistic items on My Bucket List.  This weekend, I accomplished #95- Ride a zip line.  Done.  Although now that I've done it I want to ride the zip line that goes over Vegas and the huge one in South America- I think it's maybe in Brazil somewhere.  First check mark- 99 to go.

With Skin As White As Snow

My friend Britnee is super woman.  Really she is.  Just last week she coordinated a fundraiser for an elementary school in Orem.  It was basically and outdoor carnival with tons and tons of stations.  A few months ago, in preparation for this carnival she asked me if I could be snow white.  I of course said yes.  I love any excuse to dress up as a princess.  Plus I feel like it justifies how much money I actually spent making the dumb dress.  Anyway, So last Friday night I dressed up and sat in an archway for the princess bean bag toss.  They toss the bean bags and then they get to take a picture with the princess if they want to.  Not hard.  I didn't even have to run the game- just sit there, smile, and wave. 

I have decided that I need to do this stuff more often.  It was great on my self esteem.  Tons of little girls just starring wide eyed at me.  Also hearing things like "Oh! She is Sooooo pretty!"  who doesn't like that?!  At one point Britnee's daughter came over to play and I was a little nervous she would recognize me- since she comes into work all the time with her mom.  But she didn't.  She was all smiles and it made my night.  Later, talking to Britnee I found out that her daughter said, "Mom, how did you get the real snow white to come?"  YES!!  I am convinced it's because my skin really is pale and I don't wear a wig like so many girls do.  I'm real and they are not. Win!! 

As the carnival was winding down I did realize that hundreds of strangers were going home with pictures of me.  That was a little weird, but the girl running the booth pointed out that if I was at Disneyland it would be thousands.  So I decided to not let it bother me.  It was so much fun- the only problem I had was sore cheeks from smiling for 3 hours. 

Some People's Parents

Why do some parents act like they have zero control over what their children do?  let me give you two examples of what I mean. 

1. I am at work.  Super crazy busy and I hear the sound of the towers beeping at the door.  I go up to see what's going on and there is a small child.   Maybe 7 months old crawling on the mall floor (sick btw- I don't even want to know the germs she is picking up since no one even knows the last time that floor was disinfected.  yuck)  But not only is she crawling but she is simultaneously pushing one of our carts (carts we use to fold on) out the door.  On top of this car is a whole bunch of sensors a co-worker had been using.  So as she is pushing the towers are responding to the senors and the parents are just laughing.  Meanwhile I have to stop what I'm doing to take the cart away from the child and bring it back into the store.  Last time I checked mom or dad could have just picked her up and avoided the whole thing.  If not for social reasons for health reasons. 

2.  I went to dinner with some friends and as we are talking we hear this shrill whistle sound.  I look up and there is a toddler at the next table holding a whistle.  Don't worry mom didn't take it away.  She let him continue to blow on it even though is was disturbing to every other patron of the restaurant.  This child is going to be horrible when he grows up because the sister took the whistle and mom got mad at her.  She gave it back to the little boy and he continued to blow on it while mom just smiled. 

Parents.  you are bigger than your kids.  Just take stuff away.  Also, don't sit there and smile at unacceptable behavior.  Your children are going to get arrested because they don't know what is and is not okay in a public venue.  At this stage in life you still have some control over your children- so I suggest you teach them now and not wait until they are teenagers and towering over you.  They can barely walk/talk- don't act like you can't stop them. 

Less Water Works Please

A fact about me: I often feel pain for other people's loss.  Sometimes I hate it.  I'm not saying I want to change that fact but I guess I just wish I could control it a little more. 

Every Sunday on my way to church I have to pass a cemetery.  I don't usually think about it too much or pay attention to it I just know I have to turn there.  Except for yesterday.  As I was approaching the cemetery I noticed a white truck waiting to exit the driveway of the cemetery.  But as I got closer I realized he was not trying to exit at all.  He had missed several clear opportunities to turn onto the street and still just stayed in the driveway.  I noticed that he was an old man- white hair and in a suit.  He was sitting in his car with his hand up covering his eyes.  He was crying.  I assume he was mourning the loss of his wife.  I don't know either of these people but guess what happened to me.  I started crying.  I cried the whole rest of the way to church and had to stay in the parking lot for a minute before I walked in.  can you imagine walking in to church, "Lori, what is wrong?"  "oh nothing.  I just saw someone I don't know crying I started crying as well."  yep that would go over well in a singles ward. 

Then today I was watching "who do you think you are" (because I love genealogy) and as I'm listening to a historian tell Rashida Jones that her Jewish family in Latvia were all exterminated in 1941 I was a mess.  you'd think someone had just told me that MY family had been killed.  Even right now I can hardly see the dumb computer screen because I'm thinking about it.  Why? why can I not just keep it in.  I don't want to change how I feel I just want to be a little less demonstrative.  That's all I really want. 

How Do You Win This Game???

I LOVE to watch dates.  Maybe because I'm not good at dating and I have resigned myself to the fact that I never will be.  I've posted on this topic before (see HERE)... I'm sassy .  I'm direct. I'm smart.  If I want to know something I ask.   This is just not appealing to most men and every time I watch someone on a date I remember why I'm okay with it.  If I am to be single,  and judged by the community at large for my singleness, I wish to at least hold on to my self respect. 

Let me tell you about the date I observed this weekend.  My friend Madison and I saw The Secret Garden at the HCTO and sitting directly in front of us was a couple.  Awesome.  This blog has been lacking any real inspiration lately and I was super excited about this one.  Now, as I was saying. This girl seemed pretty normal but she very quickly began exhibiting the behavior of the BYU co-ed trying to catch a man.  So many girls fall into the same snare...poor things.  And before you continue reading I have to preface this by saying I don't know this girl who inspired the post- so this is not a critique on her personally just a commentary on exhibited behavior.  No more, no less.

The first thing I noticed was her blowing on her finger nails.  Fingernails, which I'm positive, had been dry for several hours.  Why was she doing this? well, obviously she was trying to get said boy to notice her glitter nails and compliment her on them.  I can only assume he did not since her next move was to pull out her lotion and rub it on the top of her hands...still flashing the nails.  Finally she decided to rub the lotion in like a normal person-or so I thought.  But she kept rubbing it and rubbing it.  I'm not exaggerating when I say she rubbed her hands together for probably a good 5-10 minutes.  I'm sure it was to make sure they were good and soft for when he held her hand later.  But the whole time she was doing it all I could see was the skinny kid from the sandlot saying, "lotioning and oiling, oiling and lotioning".  STOP!!! It has absorbed and now you are just making me anxious. 

The lights dim and she squeals in her seat- like she had just been given orchestra tickets to see the original cast of wicked on Broadway.  Whatever, maybe it's her favorite book or something.  Really I suspect she was just trying to make sure her date knew she was as into theater as he was.  The show plays and I begin to hear her laughing at the most inappropriate times.  For instance, Mary walks onto the stage dragging her jump rope because she is depressed.  Her whole life is empty and cold and she's just realized her garden is dead.  It's a dramatic scene and queen laughs a lot starts giggling.  Seriously? why is that funny? I still am not sure. 

About half way through the first act she decides it's time to pull out the big guns.  Sweep the hair off your neck and lay your head on his shoulder.  But not just head on the shoulder- the brace your chin with your hand so that your face is in his peripheral vision strategy.  Unmistakable for "I'm interested/we are a couple".  Super PDA- That is a major move in the man hunt.  That is pretty much the position she stayed in until the end of the show.  With the exception of her clapping at the end of each number.  She sat up so straight and clapped with great enthusiasm.  I was surprised that the word "bravo" did not come out of her mouth.  Her date didn't really respond to her invasion of space -But I suspect that's mostly because he knew he was being watched by Madison and I.  Still ladies- a word of advice, if you throw out the "I'm interested" signal and put your head on his shoulder and he does not respond the first or second time, he probably isn't going to and you should salvage your pride and just stop.  Maybe he is into you but perhaps there is a reason he is not reacting the way you want.  Respect his space (and yourself)- even if you don't understand his reasoning. 

Okay like I said, I'm not trying to be critical of this girl in particular, just female wiles in general.  Why? Why do girls do such things?  Why is being dumb attractive?  Why do they play such ridiculous games to get attention?  Apparently it works- but if that is what it takes to get a man then I guess I will just have to stay single forever.  Because I like being sassy and sarcastic.  I like being right sometimes. I like not having to pretend I don't know something I secretly know a ton about because it might be a turn off. i like not having to worry about my nails chipping and if they match my outfit.  I like my hoodies and messy ponytails.  I like to educate myself- formally and informally- and I don't intend to stop or hide it because it's against the rules of the game.  Single ladies of Utah County- Play your games.  Just know, I will be watching - and you just might find yourself as an example on my blog.

Did That Really Just Happen?

Yesterday at work I had just finished putting out new product. I was standing by the cash register steaming the last of the clothes for the mannequines when a woman approached me. I thought she was homeless, she might just have been eccentric. I'm not sure. She had crazy hair, super layered clothes, and had a lot of bags with her. She asked for another bag because her's was ripping. I gave her the bag and expected her to leave but she didn't. She stayed and talked to me for at least 15 minutes. Please keep in mind that there are not really very many customers in the store. Just another associate and myself . What did we talk about? Let me share with you some of the gems that stood out to me:

Lady: "I was watching all the women go by. They are really beautiful but they all look the same. They have on lots of make up but you can't tell because it's so natural looking. Where do you think they get that make up. why do you think they wear it like that?
Me: I don't know, maybe people magazine decided it was in style. I am pretty sure most of those women try really hard to look the same as everyone else.
Lady: well that's ridiculous.
Lady: Today is Cinco De Mayo. What is the big deal? so they broke off from France- who cares. But I guess the parties are fun.
Me: yeah my friend is having a party.
Lady: well is she a Mormon or a Mexican? I didn't know Mormon's celebrated Cinco De Mayo. Are you a Mormon or a baptist? (because obviously those are the only two options)
Me: I am a Mormon. but my grandfather's parents were baptist I believe.
Lady: oh then you understand both sides. good for you. Do you work here a lot? are you a manager?
Me: yes I am and I work a ton.
Lady: well you shouldn't work so much. what are you- 21?
Me: no I am 29.
Lady: well why aren't you married??
Me: well, I guess I just haven't met the right guy
Lady: yeah you seem like a smart girl, independent - you need a smart guy. a strong leader right?! well what's the problem? isn't the Mormon church full of strong leaders?
me: I guess it is.
Lady: well don't you worry. Jesus has a plan. Jesus has a plan for everyone. why are you ironing those clothes?
me: they go on the mannequins.
Lady: well you are doing a great job....this went on forever. she continued to talk about the dollar store, lipstick that doesn't fade, sea salt scrubs, something about "Jesus is dead but sin lives on"

She finally left and when she was gone I turned to Kaylie and we shared a look. What was that?! Super personal questions from a complete stranger. I don't know why these people find me or how? But I couldn't bring myself to be mean and blow her off. All I could do was answer her straight forward and sincerely asked questions and humor her until she decided to go. She was very nice but the situation was unreal. Maybe like something you would see in a television sitcom. But I'm 100 percent sure that situation like this just have a way of finding me and leaving me asking the person next to me...."did that really just happen?"

Worth A Thousand Words

You know those stickers people put on their rear windshields? The ones where each member of the family is represented.  Well, today on my way to work I was behind a mini van with these stickers.  Mom, dad, two boys, a girl, and a baby.  The boy stickers were both on skateboards, the baby had a bow in her hair but the interesting one was the girl.  She was holding an ice cream cone.  I'm sorry mom and dad- that is semi insulting.  Those stickers tell the world who you are- basically they are telling the world that the daughter is the fat kid of the family.  They boys are active and the girl eats ice cream.  nice.  Can I just say I'm grateful you are not my parents.