The Ultimate Analogy

This statement-I feel like this is me.  I am sleeping right now.  Not really because I want to be, but more because it isn't my turn to move mountains.  Maybe my mountains are not ready to be moved.  Or maybe I'm not strong enough yet for the mountains that await me.  Do you ever get a 'feeling' of your potential? like a picture you can almost see but not clearly....maybe a Polaroid that is only half way developed.  You have an idea of what you will be- but you are not sure how you are going to get there?  That's how I feel today.  Wondering when it will be my turn to become the person who moves mountains...
 
   In case you don't know- the Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies- I can relate anything in it to real life principles. It is the answer to all moral dilemmas.  okay maybe not ALL.  And yes this does connect...it may be a stretch but I will connect the two concepts here....

   So, for those who have been deprived of their basic education.  Sarah goes into a Labyrinth to find her baby brother.  She knows where she needs to go- to the center of the labyrinth.  She gets just inside and she meets this guy.  A worm with a British accent (who makes me so mad)  But HE is not the object of this post- right after she talks to him she is running and running down a path.  She gets frustrated and comes close to giving up hope.  she just sees a straight line forever.  With no where to turn.  But when she stands still and looks a little closer she sees that there are actually pathways right in front of her.  They are just camouflaged.  She has been running past her opportunities.  I think we do this all the time.  We are looking for something specific, something we think is the answer and we don't see the less obvious opportunities that are right in front of us.  I am walking along my own labyrinth.  Just waiting to find the pathway that will lead me to the center of my journey.  And when I do find the right path to take, when I wake from my sleeping state, I will move mountains.  That's why we are here isn't it?  Not just to walk the already paved pathways- but to move mountains from the pathways we are forming.  To clear our own trails and pathways.  At least I certainly hope so!!

My Bucket List

I finally got my bucket list to 100 things.  I'm sure i'm missing some must do things but my brain hurts from thinking.  If you know of something that might be of interest let me know so I can decide if it does in fact need to be added to my list....or if you want to help me cross something off my list that would be fantastic as well....so here it is-in no particular order:


1.visit the Ben and Jerry's factory
2.fly in a hot air balloon
3.spend the 4th of July in dc
4.tour western Europe
5.ski- (snow and water)
6. sumo suit wrestling
7. four wheeling in Moab
8. duck tours in Boston
9.see Wicked in orchestra seats
10.Learn archery
11.become a marksman-(riffle and hand gun)
12. Learn to play the violin
13.be cast in a lead role in Les Miserables or Miss Saigon
14. learn to ride a horse
15.work at Disneyland
16.go on a cruise
17.snorkel in Maui
18.go to Carlo's bakery in NY
19.visit Pearl Harbor
20.sing the national anthem at the strawberry days rodeo
21. ride a gondola in Venice
22.visit Jerusalem
23.visit the valley of the kings/ great pyramids
24. attend a renaissance fair
25. get good at tennis
26. go deep sea fishing
27. learn snowboarding
28.learn fencing
29.learn french
30.learn latin
31.learn to read music
32.go to the Grand Ole Oprey in Nashville
33.learn to tap dance
34.ride an elephant
35.visit the Titanic in a sub.
36.go on a helicopter ride
37.learn to indoor rock climb
38.visit the San Diego zoo
39. milk a cow
40.visit Niagara falls
41.visit Yellowstone
42.visit the Parthenon
43.go inside the Statue of Liberty
44.visit the Notre Dame cathedral
45.visit the Taj Mahal
46.visit the Colosseum in Rome
47.tour the Louvre
48.watch a live sumo wrestling match
49.visit Universal Studios
50.tour Hearst Castle
51.learn to play chess
52.restore a classic car
53.sleep in a castle
54.stay in the Disneyland Grand hotel
55.see a play on Broadway
56.go to the Sundance Film Festival
57.see Cirque de Soleil
58.attend a masquerade ball
59.go to the Kentucky derby
60.attend an Olympic event
61.watch the Macy's thanksgiving day parade live from time square
62.see a show at the Radio City Music Hall
63.watch the Rose Parade live
64.attend a murder mystery dinner
65.tour the wax museum in L.A.
66.visit Auschwitz
67.learn calligraphy
68.get an MBA
69.eat at the undersea restaurant Ithaa
70.attend a civil war re-enactment
71.go to Bryce canyon
72. learn to change my oil
73. learn to change a tire
74. sing on an EFY CD
75. sing at the conference center
76. eat pizza in Italy
78. visit the boardwalk in Atlantic city
79. take the church history tour
80. get married (what the heck- that can go on a bucket list right? )
81. Go to Disneyland at Christmas time
82. Visit Ford's theater
83. Arlington National Cemetery
84. go inside Buckingham Palace
85. See the Sistine Chapel
86. finish the quilts I started
87. Make my own CD
88. Get a law degree
89. Dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point
90. write a book
91. Ride a train ( a real one not the one at the zoo)
92. Be in a show at the Hale Theater
93. Find my Grandpa's family
94. visit the city of Pompeii
95. ride a zip line
96. Meet Clinton Kelly
97. Go to the Hershey Factory
98. do a session at all Utah temples
99. Become a certified EMT
100. Learn to golf.

One Step

I have concluded that I am a sap. Really. I'm sitting on my couch crying over a TV show. which TV show? Extreme Makeover-home edition. See, sappy. I don't watch TV often so it's been a few years probably since I've watched and episode but I LOVE it. I watch these people who build houses and the quote "A man who does what he loves will never work a day in his life" comes to mind. These people are doing what they love and not only doing what they love. They are using their skills and what they love to change lives. To lift people who are usually at the lowest points in their lives. That's what I want to do. Not build houses, I don't have those skills. But I don't see myself changing lives in an office building crunching numbers. I have decided not to get my MBA at this time...some of my friends think I'm crazy but I want to do what I love and I want to help people while I do it. How am I going to do that? well...I'm haven't completely figured that out yet.
Sometimes I come home and everyone is asleep. the lights are all out and I have to walk in the dark to my room. All the way hoping no one left anything on the floor in my path. Sometimes they do, I stub my toe and it hurts like crazy. But I adjust my path and eventually make it to my room and into the light. That's what this feels like to me. I'm just walking forward, one step at a time. hoping I don't stub my toes. But eventually I will figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Just one step at a time.

Finish Strong

In honor of the new year I wanted to revisit a topic that I think is super important. Endurance. We have just finished another year. For some of us it was possibly the most successful year of our lives, for others perhaps its a year we'd rather forget. Either way-that year is gone. The question is, what will we make of this next one? I was watching this video (CLICK HERE ) and I began questioning my attitude about life. Who I am and how I respond to the trials I face each day..the big and the small. Sometimes I think it would be great if everything in my life were just peachy with no sadness or hardship but Neal A Maxwell says, "So often in life a deserved blessing is quickly followed by a needed stretching. Spiritual exhilaration may be quickly followed by a vexation or temptation. Were it otherwise, extended spiritual reveries or immunities from adversity might induce in us a regrettable forgetfulness of others in deep need." I believe we are all in need of stretching if for no other reason than to keep us mindful of those around us who are also in need. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: "I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable" ("Lindbergh Nightmare," Time, 5 Feb. 1973, 35). That 'willingness to remain vulnerable' is the challenge. No one wants to be vulnerable. We build walls around ourselves to prevent it. But those walls can and often do, prevent us from moving. We are fortified in our safe zone. yes we may experience less pain, less failure, but we also experience less joy and less accomplishment. We will not achieve, we will not serve, and we will not become who we are meant to be without that willingness to be vulnerable. That willingness is what allows us to get back up...to finish strong. Annie Swetchine said, "Those who have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and be understood by all" through out trials we learn empathy. we are able to relate to others and have others relate to us. I hope to finish this new year, and the rest of my life strong. To get back up each time I fall. Not only to get up but to get up smiling looking forward with hope for the future and gratitude for the things I have learned knowing that I can and will succeed. I hope each time I get up I can bring someone else up with me. To understand those around me an appreciate them for who they are- vulnerability and all. Neal a Maxwell says, " though we live in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail" and so with that said I will include one of my favorite poems...it is long but I love it and it is a great reminder for this coming year!
The Race

"Quit, give up, you're beaten"
They shout at you and plead
"There's just too much against you
This time you can't succeed".

And as I start to hang my head
In front of failures face
My downward fall is broken by
The memory of a race

And hope refills my weakened will
As I recall that scene
Or just the thought of that short race
Rejuvenates my being

Children's race, young boys
Young men, how I remember well
Excitement sure, but also fear
It wasn't hard to tell

They all lined up so full of hope
Each thought to win that race
Or tie for first, or if not that
At least take second place

The fathers watched from off the side
Each cheering for his son
And each boy hoped to show his dad
That he could be the one

The whistle blew and off they went
Young hearts and hopes afire
To win and be the hero there
Was each young boys desire

And one boy in particular
Whose dad was in the crowd
Was running near the lead and thought
"My dad will be so proud"

But as they speeded down the field
Across a shallow dip
The little boy who thought to win
Lost his step and slipped

Trying hard to catch himself
With hands flew out to brace
And amid the laughter of the crowd
He fell flat on his face

But as he fell his dad stood up
And showed his anxious face
Which to the boy so clearly said
"Get up and win the race"

He quickly rose, no damage done
Behind a bit that's all
And ran with all his might and mind
To make up for the fall

So anxious to restore himself
To catch up and to win
His mind went faster than his legs
He slipped and fell again

He wished then that he had quit before
With only one disgrace
"I'm hopeless as a runner now
I shouldn't try to race"

But in the laughing crowd he searched
And found his fathers face
That steady look which said again
"Get up and win the race"

So up he jumped to try again
Ten yards behind the last
If I'm going to gain those yards he though
I've got to move real fast

Exerting everything he had
He regained eight or ten
But trying hard to catch the lead
He slipped and fell again

Defeat, he lay there silently
A tear dropped from his eye
There's no sense running anymore
Three strikes, I'm out, why try?

The will to rise had disappeared
All hope had fled away
So far behind so error prone
A loser all the way

"I've lost, so what", he thought
I'll live with my disgrace
But then he thought about his dad
Whom soon he'd have to face

"Get up" the echo sounded low
"Get up" and take your place
You were not meant for failure here
"Get up", and win the race

With borrowed will "Get up" it said
"You haven't lost at all"
For winning is no more than this
To rise each time you fall

So up he rose to run once more
And with a new commit
He resolved, that win or lose
At least he shouldn't quit

So far behind the others now
The most he'd ever been
Still he'd give it all he had
And run as though to win

Three times he'd fallen, stumbling
Three times he'd rose again
Too far behind to hope to win
He still ran to the end

They cheered the winning runner
As he crossed the line first place
Head high and proud and happy
No falling, no disgrace

But when the fallen youngster
Crossed the line, last place
The crowd gave him the greater cheer
For finishing the race

And even though he came in last
With head bent low, unproud
You would have thought he'd won the race
To listen to the crowd

And to his dad he sadly said
"I didn't do too well"
"To me you won", his father said
"You rose each time you fell"
by D. H. Groberg

This Ain't Disneyland....

I really don't like drop rides. I can handle most other roller coasters but I just don't like the sensation of falling. I force myself to ride tower of terror at Disneyland because well...it just has to be done. But I don't ride it like everyone else...I sort of fold myself in half so I don't feel it as much- I'm never in any pictures which is fine with me but its probably pretty entertaining to watch...also I trust Disney to keep their rides in working order.

I never have understood why people like drop rides. Why do people like to feel out of control? Because you trust that the ride is going to work- that its going to catch where it needs to catch and not plummet you to your death. Why am I blogging about drop rides? because I feel like I've just climbed onto one. Let me explain...

when I hear the phrase "leap of faith" I picture Indiana Jones and the last crusade- for those of you who have not seen it (crime) Harrison Ford is standing on a cliff that is basically a black hole with no bottom and he has to step out having only faith that there is something to catch his fall....turns out there is an invisible beam....

okay Indiana Jones and drop rides- do you see where I am going with this? A leap of faith-could lead to the drop ride feeling, the feeling of falling. Lets say the catch isn't exactly level from the place you step...you might fall a little before you catch and go back up...

Basically I am going to be taking a leap of faith very soon, and I am anticipating a little or a big drop before I go back up...knowing how I feel about this sensation, I should be terrified. I am not. I feel good about making a decision....I won't tell you what it is because it really sounds crazy. My logical mind can tell you all the reasons its irrational and why its a bad decision. But I feel really good about it. I can't tell you why-I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for it from everyone I know. I can hear it now "what are you thinking?" "have you lost all your ambition?" "you are better than this, you are wasting your life"....maybe I am. But every time I go for my 'rational smart' options I feel absolutely sick with anxiety. And my crazy unexplainable option...I feel really calm about. It might lead to some of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life or the best, I'm not really sure. It's crazy....I'm willingly taking my leap of faith, getting on my real life drop ride....its not Disneyland but I'm trusting that my Father is going to catch me and bring me back up at just the right time.

Still More

Today I was reading the priesthood session of General Conference-And I read a talk by a general authority that I have never heard of- Elder Waddell. (read talk here) As I read his talk I was thinking- "man this guy is saying exactly what I think but so much better!" As I finished the talk I realized that I probably need to apologize to quite a few people who have probably misunderstood things I've said. Lets be honest-for those of you who know me well or even semi-well you know that I just speak without censoring. If it comes in my head I just say it-I don't always have the skill to process it first and make sure it will be taken exactly how I want it to.

Let me explain. Many of you have probably heard me say that I hate when every comment a person makes is about their mission. I have even said that they need to let go and move on. But what I really mean by that, and I didn't realize how I was coming across until I read this talk today, is that sometimes people get stuck in their missions. Its the biggest learning experience of their lives and before they know it, they've been back a few years and haven't been able to move on. Here, I'm doing it again.

I think missions are great. I respect those who sacrifice so much to fulfil their priesthood responsibility. I love missionaries. I know that a mission is a huge opportunity filled with spiritual and personal growth. I am glad that so many missionaries love their missions and the people in them- they should!! I totally respect that. I love to hear mission stories and I love when people can invite the spirit by sharing something they learned while serving. But I also feel that a mission should be a jumping off point- when missionaries come home, they need to keep growing and serving...I don't want them to forget those things but they need to ADD to the mission experience. I know it won't be quite as dramatic but there are still people to teach and experiences to be had right in your own neighborhood. The mission teaches lessons that would otherwise take a lifetime to learn- but "the ongoing blessings associated with missionary service require application after the sacrifice" These missionaries need to take the lessons out of the mission and apply them to their life NOW!! If ten years after the mission-the only spiritual experiences you've had are from the mission- you are cheating yourself and everyone around you!

Maybe I didn't clear anything up at all- but I love missionaries, I applaud those who have served faithful missions-I love hearing your stories and feeling your spirits! I just don't want you to cheat yourself by thinking that's all you've got- The things learned on the mission are essential to making you who you will become, but it is not everything...there is a lot of life to still be lived after your mission!!

Teaching the Teacher

So yesterday was my Sunday to teach gospel doctrine. When I prepared I thought it was going to be a really hard lesson, really disjointed and without reading the entire book of Hebrews, totally unconnected. It didn't really flow...so instead of trying to connect it myself I broke it down in a few sections and had my class teach the really long parts. I wasn't really sure how that would go over, and I'm usually not a huge fan of group work but nothing else was coming to me which was probably the spirit saying, "I know you hate this but today Lori we are going to do things MY way and you will just have to like it". Cause lets be honest, sometimes I need to be put in my place. Anyway-there is a point to all this. We were reading Hebrews 11. That chapter is all about people who acted in faith. Not a new concept for Sunday school but what happened was I had an epiphany about my own life. Right in the middle of class.

Hebrews 11:8

"By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went."

It hit me that I have been promised things too...but, unlike Abraham, I have been so afraid of making a wrong choice, that I haven't been making any choices at ALL. I am stagnant. I am simply existing, not really stepping out and taking chances. I know what I'm capable of...but since I don't have a map laid out in front of me I've been resisting taking any steps at all. what the heck is that?! That's not me!! Well maybe it was me in high school but that hasn't been me for almost a decade and I refuse to regress. So what am I saying? I'm saying if I want to be where I know I can and should be I need to start moving. Where? well I don't really know. My only plan right now is to move forward...if a door is open I'm going to walk through. And if its not a door- maybe I'll just have to climb through a few windows right?!?! yikes...I'm having a panic attack right now. But faith is relinquishing control sometimes and I do need to practice that a little...or a lot. so wish me luck.

Giving up my pearls....

I have a decision to make. One I am absolutely not excited to make. And for most of you who read this it will sound like nothing, but to me, I feel like my heart is literally being ripped out of my chest.
(If you have not heard the story of Jenny and her pearls please read it HERE now so that my future references make sense-its not very long)

For the past 21 yrs of my life my major goal has been to be cast as Eponine in Les Miserables. For 19 1/2 of those 21 yrs I was too terrified to sing in front of anyone and one day I realized, you do not get cast in lead roles unless you have some experience. So, I faced my fears and started voice lessons, auditioning, and doing theater. Which I have loved. I love performing and dressing up and meeting lots of new people. This dream of mine has been lurking in my mind my whole life...its something I really really want. Its also something I know I could do if I put in the time and made the sacrifice...that's where this gets difficult. This is my plastic pearl necklace.

Last night I went out with 3 of my very best friends. I put my phone in the bottom of my purse and forgot about everyone in the world except them. we didn't do anything exciting, talked and went to dinner- but I haven't laughed that hard in months. I literally hurt from laughing. I got home and remembered that I used to do that ALL the time. I love to laugh. I love to be with amazing people who bring out the best in me- people who inspire me to laugh. People who accept me with all my strength and especially my weakness! I realize I miss this more than I can express. When did something so important to me get pushed so far to the back of my life?

When did I sacrifice my meaningful relationships for shallow competitive backbiting ones. Relationships where people want you to do well as long as its not better than them. When did I trade feeling comfortable in my own skin for feeling self conscious and uncomfortable?

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone in theater is shallow and self centered...I have met some very fantastic people on my way! I have met people who have changed my life and become some of my very best friends!! People I will love forever. But the vast majority of people I meet are not people I want to get close to...they are not people who would be a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with or talk to about the gospel and life until 2am...and for me, those are the things that make life full and meaningful.

I realized that I have spent so much time trying to make my way in theater and build my resume that I have been neglecting people I love and things that are of eternal significance. I hate that and this realization has caused me to think that maybe its time I removed myself from the distraction. Maybe theater- as much as I love it, is not my path. Maybe its time to give up my necklace...

It breaks my heart because I feel like I'm giving up on a dream...something I've wanted and something I know I could eventually have if I continue to work hard. I know I could accomplish my goal....but at what cost?? when I really step back and look rationally- I'm letting my life goals rob my eternal goals. I love theater, I love singing...but I know there will be other ways to share my voice with those around me...I think, as of right now my Disney audition in 2 weeks will be my last audition. I am walking away, I'm not sure if its forever, but right now I need to get the rest of my life in order and remember the things that are of eternal importance- my relationships, with my friends, my family, and most important my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

What does balanced mean???

one blog post in July? none in August? wow, I'm really slipping. Mostly I'd say its a lack of balance in my life. There are so many things I want to do, and so many things I have to do and no time to sit and get it all straight. Each week bleeds over into the next and before you know it, all the things I have to do take over my life, make me tired, and then all of a sudden those other important things just fall through the cracks. I hate that.
I've been thinking lately about who I want to be and the habits I want to have. I want people to be important in my life. And theoretically they are. But my actions don't reflect that. I have a friend on a mission I never write. I have friends in Idaho that I love but never call back. I have friends in salt lake that I never call and a standing rain check to go dancing with a friend I haven't really spent time with in almost 2 years. I am a crappy friend. I think this is why all my life I've never had more than one or two really good friends at a time....I'm not good at balancing things and they probably just get fed up with me and find someone better. I don't blame them. But its not because I don't love these people...because I do. I think about them and so many others on a daily basis...I just can't straighten my life out long enough to actually make good on my thoughts. It frustrates me to no end.
I would wish for more time in my days, but it wouldn't do any good. I know I would some how manage to fill up those extra hours with good things...but am I filling my hours with the best things??
also, I think I have something called chronic fatigue syndrome...I get tired ALL the time. and not just a little tired...but exhausted beyond anything I have felt before I had mono. The problem is...I just need to learn to deal with it. Its not going to go away. which is another reason to find balance...if I do to much physically, mentally, or emotionally I am a walking zombie...so one way or the other I'm going to have to find my limits and stick to them so that I can be a better friend and get all that stuff done that I need to do and maybe even some of the stuff that would be nice to do....its a goal anyway.

Limbo

I'm going to get slightly personal on this- so if you are looking for a good laugh this probably isn't your post. I really should pick up my journal -that I never use- and write this there, but perhaps someone else is feeling the same way and will relate to this post. maybe not.

Limbo. Defined as, and intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place. That's what my life feels like right now. That is not something I'm used to feeling. I always have a goal I'm working toward. Always. I think, I see, and I achieve. that's who I am. That's who I've always been...until now. Don't get me wrong, its not because I'm not thinking or seeing...I am. Its just that every time I move forward I get yanked back.

To be honest, the one thing I really want to do is get married and start a family. But I can't really do that on my own and I have really no options on my doorstep right now. So, I made secondary plans to get my MBA. But every time I move forward with that decision something gets in my way to slow it down or prevent it from happening altogether. which leads me to believe that right now, maybe that isn't where I am supposed to be.

so where am I supposed to be? Because right now I am doing the same thing, day in and day out. its basically killing me. how? well you see, I can't stand to feel unproductive- so since I'm not "accomplishing" much or working on any long term goals right now- I manage to fill my life so full of other things that I wear myself out physically. Hundreds of little things in a week that are good, some are better, but not all are best for me.

I know where I'd like to be, and what I'd like to be doing. But I also know better than to act on a decision I know isn't right for me. So I'm learning to be patient in all things. I'm learning to trust in the timing of my Heavenly Father. I know he loves me-so I will continue to trust in his plan for me- even if it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

WHY??!!?!

I think If I try to cram anything else into my head today my brain may swell and explode. I am studying for the GMAT (so I can apply to the MBA program at BYU). The GMAT is probably one of the most horrible tests ever. I took a practice test last night and realized just how much I have forgotten. Lets talk about the math section. It was like trying to take a test in another language. I recognized the words but I didn't know what they meant. Its not even stuff that should be hard, its high school algebra. But if my life had depended on it I still couldn't have figured it out last night. I was so mad at myself, seriously I got A's in High school algebra but it has been 13 years since I've even looked at it. I thought I was so clever testing out of math in college-Even the answer explanations in the book are confusing.
The English section was a little easier for me, I didn't totally fail that part. However, the ones I did miss are still frustrating for me because even after I read the answer explanations I don't always agree with them. Especially on the sentence correction...I still think my choice is the best and their explanation contradicts everything I ever learned in English. AHHH worst test ever! What in the world was I thinking?!?! I have to take it, I paid almost $300 to take it...but it just might be the death of me.

"YES I hate technology.."

There are NO words to describe how completely irritated I am with my grad school application. For weeks the website has said it would be available sept. 1st so being as I am on a limited time schedule I got on sept 1st and it was down for maintenance. Lame. So I got on today, finally logged in, I finished the first portion and then....my Internet disconnected. So I got back on and it told me there was an error on the page because I didn't properly log out. AHHH. So I closed everything and about 30 min later finally got back on. Well as you can guess, all my information was lost. So I entered it again and then clicked the button that said, "save and continue" it did something but THEN....the page wouldn't load. So I logged out and back in...nothing changed. At this point I am so bugged I can feel my heart racing. In the interest of my own health I closed my laptop and walked away. Several hours later I logged back in...no changes. It still won't load. I emailed the tech support people ..and i'm sure its something stupid and they will probably email me to that effect but I am too frustrated to think clearly!! I just want to get it done!! AHHH Yes I hate technology... (sung to the tune of napoleon dynamite wedding song)

To be or not to be....just chose one already!

I received a text message from a very good friend of mine tonight. I was just getting off work and I texted her back. A few minutes later I just felt like I needed to call her. For those of you who know me- I hate the phone. I hate calling anyone or being called unless there is something very specific that needs to be discussed. Anyway, this was a big deal for me but I dialed the number anyway. Turns out the phone call was, I hope in some way, useful to her but it also served as a reminder to me of a very valuable principle I sometimes forget. one about decision making.

When you make a choice, if its right, keep moving forward. Don't allow doubt to creep in and cause you to second guess that decision. Whatever the decision may be..a job, a spouse, a move..etc. don't allow doubt and regret to cloud your mind. Even if everyone else thinks you are crazy-Make your choice and be happy with it.

Lets be honest- this life is about learning...even if you make the wrong choice sometimes, which we all do, unless it kills you- you can make a new choice. Take what you've learned and head down a better path. But don't keep asking yourself if it is to be or not to be...pick one and be happy.

Before I kick the bucket...

So today I was thinking about my bucket list. For one thing it needs to be longer but for now I will share what i've got:

Shoot a bow and arrow/cross bow
Learn to play the violin
Become and expert marksman
Spend the 4th of July in DC
Fly in a hot air balloon
visit the Ben & Jerry's factory
learn to ski
tour europe
four wheeling in moab
have a lead in Les Miserables (Eponine or Fantine)
orchestra seats to Wicked
take the church history tour
law school
work at Disneyland
go on a cruise
learn to water ski
Eat a lobster tail from Carlos bakery in Jersey
snorkle in Maui
visit pearl harbor


i'm sure there are more things i'd love to do before I kick the bucket...if you have any suggestions let me know and I will evaluate them and see if they are worthy to be added to my list :)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury....

Verdict: Lori is officially crazy.
Yes, that's what I said. I must be crazy because there is no other logical explanation for what I have decided to do now. I know I know, I am always making plans and then somehow life gets in the way and changes things on me. And that may happen again...who knows. Why am I crazy? well because I have started studying for the LSAT. (the majorly huge 4 1/2 hr test you take to get into law school). Never mind the fact that it has been three years since I completed my undergrad or that I have no idea how I am going to pay for it...but I'm going. Law school was my plan while I was at BYU and somehow I got distracted. I think I was burned out, or maybe just lacking in confidence...I'm not really sure. So now all I have to do is study my butt off and pull a perfect 180 on my LSAT...haha...yep definitely crazy! ;)

use a pencil, not a sharpie

So....I did NOT start school in may. And I may or may not start school in the fall. I am registered for classes and so far that is my plan but as I was reminded today, while i'm busy making my plans, life is also busy making plans..and those are usually the plans that win out. So, I guess what i'm saying is, I have no definate plan. I will start school... unless something changes and then I will have to make some new plans :) which will be useless really but its nice to have something to work for anyway....

Professional Student

It has been just over two years since I graduated from BYU and almost a year since I finished hair school. And since then I have simply been working. Which don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I am a very goal oriented person. I'm all about planning and accomplishing. And lately neither of those have been happening. I was stuck. so I had a long talk with my mom...who is amazing and she and I decided that I should go back to school. so back to school I go. I will be starting school again in May...studying english. so while all my friends are dying to get out of school I am signing myself up again...haha call me crazy but i'm SO excited! I am on my way to accomplishing something again! :)

One Step Closer

Last friday was a crazy crazy day...I had to take one of my state tests to get my license...ahhh! talk about scary. The proctor was nice enough but it still isn't fun to have someone standing two feet behind you looking over your shoulder judgeing your every action...but the good news is...I passed. I just have to take the written portion of the test and then i'll be able to get my license. But the hard part is over....well..then I have to find a job..