Just When You Think Things Are Quiet

So today I headed over to the salon to do a basic all over color.  My client wanted her extensions colored and I have never colored extensions before.  To make it even better, she is getting married in a week.  I didn't want bride-zilla on my hands so I went to the salon early to ask a co-worker, Melissa, about this color line and how I should formulate for the extensions.  Turns out Melissa's color client had cancelled and she was procrastinating running some errands.  She and I were just sitting at our stations talking about extension and other things when a woman came into the salon.  I had not met her or my client so I at first thought it might be my client.  Turns out she was the woman who lives next door.  she came in to say hello.  We talked to her for a few minutes and then she bent over and was looking at the floor.  Melissa and I both just sort of looked at each other in confusion- she was bent over for a long time.  Then she walked over to another station and opened a color book.  I noticed at this point that she was shaking slightly.  Another few seconds went by- she had opened the 3 ring book and was trying to put the swatches back in but was shaking more and more.  Melissa went over to help but she wouldn't let her.  Melissa told her she should sit down but she refused.  Then Melissa told her it was time to go home and she said no. She couldn't.  At this point Melissa looked at me and I jumped up to call 911.  I had no idea if she was on drugs...wasn't on drugs she should be on...who knew.  All I knew is there was a lady convulsing in my salon where there are scissors, razors, and sharp things and she refused to leave. 
First 911 call...I had no idea how many questions they ask.  After they got my address, which I barely could remember from all the adrenaline pumping through my body, they asked me the woman's name.  Which I couldn't remember at all.  Then they started asking me questions about if she was pregnant? Does she have diabetes?  Um, remember how I told you she lives next door and I just met her 30 seconds ago.  I have no idea if she could be pregnant.  Anyway- about halfway through the call as I'm waiting for the cops to show up she has a full on seizure and crashes to the floor.  She passed out just before the cop arrived.  Then the paramedics showed up.  Our whole salon parking lot was full of emergency vehicles.  As all this was happening my client showed up.  Awesome.  I guess it's a good thing the salon wasn't full of people and that Melissa didn't leave me alone.  I probably would have freaked out had I had to deal with that myself.  The paramedic on his way out was saying, "Now Melissa, next time this happens do this and that".... I was thinking, oh please bless there is NO NEXT TIME!!  ahhh.  My life is full of excitement. 

Now you See it...

Remember my post about the blind date in SLC? The "you look just like Anne Hathaway" date. No? click HERE.  Well friends, a few days ago I got a text from a very dear friend/ old roommate and this is what it said:

"Oh my gosh Lori-Do you remember that awkward date where you went with the boy up to SLC and the recital was in Spanish- I just found a picture of you and a baldish man on facebook.  From the girl who sang in Spanish.  We totally went to high school together- but cute picture of the three of you!"

So apparently this picture is floating on the social network for all the world to see...except for me, because I don't even know who the girl is.  So other people can see a picture of me I've never seen. awesome.  But really funny all at the same time.  Gotta love facebook.

Spaz-tastic Me

So tonight while getting ready for bed...actually, let me back up.  I am leaving my current position at my full time job- which means very shortly I am losing my health insurance which is amazing.  So I've been on a 'stay-cation' for about 1 1/2 weeks now.  using my paid time off.  Anyway, while on this break I decided to take care of stuff that I usually don't make time for.  So this morning I had some blood drawn and then I went and had a really ugly mole removed.  At this point I just want to stop and say that the only people working in the Dr's offices today were attractive 20 something year old men.  I was anticipating an embarrassing moment but to my delight- it never came.
Anyway, the Dermatologist did his thing and put a band aid over it.  I left his office and went about my day.  Part of my day was also phase one of cleaning my car.  Wash it, vacuum out the inside. (phase 2 is on Saturday when I get to scrub and extract the filth from the upholstery.  which I hate but it has to be done.  If anyone wants to help just let me know!). 
Then on to my recital which wasn't horrible- I'm not completely happy with it, but I never am.  Came home and watched a psych episode and started getting ready for bed around 9pm (yes I know that's early but I'm exhausted.  I would be asleep already but I wanted to blog first) 
As I am taking the bobby pins out of my hair I'm looking at the place where he removed my mole and I'm thinking something looks a little off.  I realized the skin around it was lighter than the rest of my skin. I had a brief moment where I thought, "weird, I wonder if the neosporin is bleaching my skin.  But in a perfect circle?"  Seriously- perfectly symmetrical- like a crop circle, only on my neck.  Then I realized that my arms, and chest were sunburned.  And THEN I remembered that he had put a round band aid on my neck and I had it on while washing my car- outside.  My skin isn't bleaching, just everything else around it got darker.  Sometimes I think I should dye my hair blond and just accept my dumb moments.  Either that or I need to get outside more often so I can remember what tan lines look like.  I wish I could have taken a picture but it is so faint that you can't really see it except in person.  But I thought anyone who knows me might enjoy my spacey moment. 

The Drifter

So tonight I almost died. NBD. actually it was a big deal.  My friend Amber and I were driving down to Provo on the I-15 freeway.  Before we even got on the freeway I noticed a lady in a car in front of us- super tailgating the car in front of her.  If you have ever been on Utah roads you know that this is pretty common place.  Where I began to pay closer attention was when she got to the stop sign.  She stopped FOREVER!  It has been my experience that people who are compulsive tailgaters do NOT make complete stops.  Especially when there is no oncoming traffic.  As we continued behind her toward the freeway Amber pointed out that she was having trouble staying in her lines- she almost drove into the orange construction cone.  Anyway, we got in another lane and got on the freeway and I forgot all about her.  At least I did until Amber pointed out that she was somehow in front of us again.  Tailgating an SUV.  Also, swerving like a crazy person.  She almost drove into the cement divider several times.  When she wasn't playing chicken with the cement block she was swerving into the lane to the right of her.  We watched this for a few minutes and then Amber decided she was just going to pass her really fast so that when she did crash into something we wouldn't end up in the aftermath.  Well, that sounded like a great idea until we actually sped up.  Because guess who started drifting again...toward my side of the car.  Amber laid on the horn but it was almost like it drew her in....like a moth to the flame.  I looked over in her car and she was laughing.  Driving right toward my passenger side door, alone in the car, and laughing.  She over corrected and ended up in the other lane again.  At this point Amber just gunned it and got out of there. 
Honestly, I don't know if she was on meds, alcohol, talking on her phone, really tired, or just possessed.  Either way- at 80 mph I really didn't want to get close enough to find out.  And I almost did.  I am 100% positive that if she hadn't corrected at the last second I would not be writing this blog.  I kind of like my life- imperfect as it may be.  I don't appreciate people doing stupid things at high speeds with heavy machinery. 

Never again..

I hate to drink water.  In order for me to drink water one of three conditions has to occur:

1. Exercising
2. just brushed my teeth
3. eating

If one of those three is not happening and I try to drink water I will literally gag.  Not even joking.  I spend most of my life being dehydrated.  Well, this week my brother suggested this stuff called MIO.  Its a sugar free flavoring and it is awesome.  Since I got this stuff I have been drinking about 70 oz of water a day.  Awesome right?  No, not awesome.  With the increase of water I have also increased my restroom visits.  SO annoying!! I hate being bothered with things like that.  I definitely don't enjoy being woken up every morning super early.  I don't like having to stop what I'm doing every two hours...I am still deciding if this drinking water is worth all the changes to my lifestyle.  I'll give it a week- maybe my body will adjust.  If not, I may have to go back to being dehydrated.  I also promise not to make fun of any of my friends who are forever and always in the bathroom. 

Lend Me Your Ear And I'll Sing You A Song...

"What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?...I get by with a little help from my friends" I heard that song tonight and I was thinking how applicable those words are at times in our lives. I started asking myself who are my friends? What does it mean to be a friend?
Last week was kind of hard for me- Not my worst by far, but still pretty emotionally draining. I don't like when people try to intimidate me. I don't like when people try to manipulate me with guilt. And I don't appreciate thinly veiled insults. Especially when these things come from people who are supposed to be my friends. Over the last few weeks I've had several experiences that make me question if some of my friends really know me at all or if they are just my friend when I'm listening to them or supporting them in their concerns. Because lately, with a VERY small number of these friends, I've felt like if I step out of line even a little from what they expect of me they are guilt tripping, manipulating, or just flat out insulting me to get me back in line where they are comfortable.
Turns out some of my "friends" would stand up and walk out on me- and then there are others who have been so supportive. Others who know me so well that they don't condemn me when I say or do something they don't like-but know just the right way to talk to me. They ask just the right questions to understand what is really going on below the surface-because there usually is something. They don't just jump to conclusions and throw my flaws in my face. Truth is, I'm really a happy person. So if i'm snippy or sarcastic or short tempered there is probably something bigger happening behind my "everything is just peachy" facade.
The crappy thing is- I've never been a fighter in these people situations. Goals yes but people no. I don't get angry- I just get numb. When people hurt me I put walls between us so that it can't happen again. That sounds a little unfair right? I know. I can't help it. If I don't feel safe and accepted I close off. I need to know that I can be me, even if it is not happy me.
Don't get me wrong- I've had arguments with friends/family members and they've said harsh things to me- things that affected me for decades. The difference is- I always knew they still loved me. I understood their motivation for saying and doing things that upset me. No matter what happened or was said I knew I was ultimately accepted even if I was driving them crazy at the moment. I guess that's what is missing with these people- I don't know that they would accept me as is, for better or worse. I won't trash talk them. I still think they are/or will be great people ...I'm just not going to line up to be back handed by them again. Perhaps I'm a coward. I am still friends with these people...but the depth of our relationship has changed. Or maybe it never was deep to begin with- maybe I just imagined it was more than it really is or ever would have been. Maybe some day things will change and we can have a great friendship again...but they will have to stop trying to mold me and just take me as I am...flaws, failures, frustrations and all.

"lend me your ear and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key.." I try to be a good person. I try to be a good friend. I try - but I cannot promise I won't fail. The point is- real friends stay and let you try again...even if you fail at perfection.

Take One Down...

I have decided that this summer I am going to try and conquer many of the more realistic items on My Bucket List.  This weekend, I accomplished #95- Ride a zip line.  Done.  Although now that I've done it I want to ride the zip line that goes over Vegas and the huge one in South America- I think it's maybe in Brazil somewhere.  First check mark- 99 to go.

With Skin As White As Snow

My friend Britnee is super woman.  Really she is.  Just last week she coordinated a fundraiser for an elementary school in Orem.  It was basically and outdoor carnival with tons and tons of stations.  A few months ago, in preparation for this carnival she asked me if I could be snow white.  I of course said yes.  I love any excuse to dress up as a princess.  Plus I feel like it justifies how much money I actually spent making the dumb dress.  Anyway, So last Friday night I dressed up and sat in an archway for the princess bean bag toss.  They toss the bean bags and then they get to take a picture with the princess if they want to.  Not hard.  I didn't even have to run the game- just sit there, smile, and wave. 

I have decided that I need to do this stuff more often.  It was great on my self esteem.  Tons of little girls just starring wide eyed at me.  Also hearing things like "Oh! She is Sooooo pretty!"  who doesn't like that?!  At one point Britnee's daughter came over to play and I was a little nervous she would recognize me- since she comes into work all the time with her mom.  But she didn't.  She was all smiles and it made my night.  Later, talking to Britnee I found out that her daughter said, "Mom, how did you get the real snow white to come?"  YES!!  I am convinced it's because my skin really is pale and I don't wear a wig like so many girls do.  I'm real and they are not. Win!! 

As the carnival was winding down I did realize that hundreds of strangers were going home with pictures of me.  That was a little weird, but the girl running the booth pointed out that if I was at Disneyland it would be thousands.  So I decided to not let it bother me.  It was so much fun- the only problem I had was sore cheeks from smiling for 3 hours. 

Some People's Parents

Why do some parents act like they have zero control over what their children do?  let me give you two examples of what I mean. 

1. I am at work.  Super crazy busy and I hear the sound of the towers beeping at the door.  I go up to see what's going on and there is a small child.   Maybe 7 months old crawling on the mall floor (sick btw- I don't even want to know the germs she is picking up since no one even knows the last time that floor was disinfected.  yuck)  But not only is she crawling but she is simultaneously pushing one of our carts (carts we use to fold on) out the door.  On top of this car is a whole bunch of sensors a co-worker had been using.  So as she is pushing the towers are responding to the senors and the parents are just laughing.  Meanwhile I have to stop what I'm doing to take the cart away from the child and bring it back into the store.  Last time I checked mom or dad could have just picked her up and avoided the whole thing.  If not for social reasons for health reasons. 

2.  I went to dinner with some friends and as we are talking we hear this shrill whistle sound.  I look up and there is a toddler at the next table holding a whistle.  Don't worry mom didn't take it away.  She let him continue to blow on it even though is was disturbing to every other patron of the restaurant.  This child is going to be horrible when he grows up because the sister took the whistle and mom got mad at her.  She gave it back to the little boy and he continued to blow on it while mom just smiled. 

Parents.  you are bigger than your kids.  Just take stuff away.  Also, don't sit there and smile at unacceptable behavior.  Your children are going to get arrested because they don't know what is and is not okay in a public venue.  At this stage in life you still have some control over your children- so I suggest you teach them now and not wait until they are teenagers and towering over you.  They can barely walk/talk- don't act like you can't stop them. 

Less Water Works Please

A fact about me: I often feel pain for other people's loss.  Sometimes I hate it.  I'm not saying I want to change that fact but I guess I just wish I could control it a little more. 

Every Sunday on my way to church I have to pass a cemetery.  I don't usually think about it too much or pay attention to it I just know I have to turn there.  Except for yesterday.  As I was approaching the cemetery I noticed a white truck waiting to exit the driveway of the cemetery.  But as I got closer I realized he was not trying to exit at all.  He had missed several clear opportunities to turn onto the street and still just stayed in the driveway.  I noticed that he was an old man- white hair and in a suit.  He was sitting in his car with his hand up covering his eyes.  He was crying.  I assume he was mourning the loss of his wife.  I don't know either of these people but guess what happened to me.  I started crying.  I cried the whole rest of the way to church and had to stay in the parking lot for a minute before I walked in.  can you imagine walking in to church, "Lori, what is wrong?"  "oh nothing.  I just saw someone I don't know crying I started crying as well."  yep that would go over well in a singles ward. 

Then today I was watching "who do you think you are" (because I love genealogy) and as I'm listening to a historian tell Rashida Jones that her Jewish family in Latvia were all exterminated in 1941 I was a mess.  you'd think someone had just told me that MY family had been killed.  Even right now I can hardly see the dumb computer screen because I'm thinking about it.  Why? why can I not just keep it in.  I don't want to change how I feel I just want to be a little less demonstrative.  That's all I really want. 

How Do You Win This Game???

I LOVE to watch dates.  Maybe because I'm not good at dating and I have resigned myself to the fact that I never will be.  I've posted on this topic before (see HERE)... I'm sassy .  I'm direct. I'm smart.  If I want to know something I ask.   This is just not appealing to most men and every time I watch someone on a date I remember why I'm okay with it.  If I am to be single,  and judged by the community at large for my singleness, I wish to at least hold on to my self respect. 

Let me tell you about the date I observed this weekend.  My friend Madison and I saw The Secret Garden at the HCTO and sitting directly in front of us was a couple.  Awesome.  This blog has been lacking any real inspiration lately and I was super excited about this one.  Now, as I was saying. This girl seemed pretty normal but she very quickly began exhibiting the behavior of the BYU co-ed trying to catch a man.  So many girls fall into the same snare...poor things.  And before you continue reading I have to preface this by saying I don't know this girl who inspired the post- so this is not a critique on her personally just a commentary on exhibited behavior.  No more, no less.

The first thing I noticed was her blowing on her finger nails.  Fingernails, which I'm positive, had been dry for several hours.  Why was she doing this? well, obviously she was trying to get said boy to notice her glitter nails and compliment her on them.  I can only assume he did not since her next move was to pull out her lotion and rub it on the top of her hands...still flashing the nails.  Finally she decided to rub the lotion in like a normal person-or so I thought.  But she kept rubbing it and rubbing it.  I'm not exaggerating when I say she rubbed her hands together for probably a good 5-10 minutes.  I'm sure it was to make sure they were good and soft for when he held her hand later.  But the whole time she was doing it all I could see was the skinny kid from the sandlot saying, "lotioning and oiling, oiling and lotioning".  STOP!!! It has absorbed and now you are just making me anxious. 

The lights dim and she squeals in her seat- like she had just been given orchestra tickets to see the original cast of wicked on Broadway.  Whatever, maybe it's her favorite book or something.  Really I suspect she was just trying to make sure her date knew she was as into theater as he was.  The show plays and I begin to hear her laughing at the most inappropriate times.  For instance, Mary walks onto the stage dragging her jump rope because she is depressed.  Her whole life is empty and cold and she's just realized her garden is dead.  It's a dramatic scene and queen laughs a lot starts giggling.  Seriously? why is that funny? I still am not sure. 

About half way through the first act she decides it's time to pull out the big guns.  Sweep the hair off your neck and lay your head on his shoulder.  But not just head on the shoulder- the brace your chin with your hand so that your face is in his peripheral vision strategy.  Unmistakable for "I'm interested/we are a couple".  Super PDA- That is a major move in the man hunt.  That is pretty much the position she stayed in until the end of the show.  With the exception of her clapping at the end of each number.  She sat up so straight and clapped with great enthusiasm.  I was surprised that the word "bravo" did not come out of her mouth.  Her date didn't really respond to her invasion of space -But I suspect that's mostly because he knew he was being watched by Madison and I.  Still ladies- a word of advice, if you throw out the "I'm interested" signal and put your head on his shoulder and he does not respond the first or second time, he probably isn't going to and you should salvage your pride and just stop.  Maybe he is into you but perhaps there is a reason he is not reacting the way you want.  Respect his space (and yourself)- even if you don't understand his reasoning. 

Okay like I said, I'm not trying to be critical of this girl in particular, just female wiles in general.  Why? Why do girls do such things?  Why is being dumb attractive?  Why do they play such ridiculous games to get attention?  Apparently it works- but if that is what it takes to get a man then I guess I will just have to stay single forever.  Because I like being sassy and sarcastic.  I like being right sometimes. I like not having to pretend I don't know something I secretly know a ton about because it might be a turn off. i like not having to worry about my nails chipping and if they match my outfit.  I like my hoodies and messy ponytails.  I like to educate myself- formally and informally- and I don't intend to stop or hide it because it's against the rules of the game.  Single ladies of Utah County- Play your games.  Just know, I will be watching - and you just might find yourself as an example on my blog.

Did That Really Just Happen?

Yesterday at work I had just finished putting out new product. I was standing by the cash register steaming the last of the clothes for the mannequines when a woman approached me. I thought she was homeless, she might just have been eccentric. I'm not sure. She had crazy hair, super layered clothes, and had a lot of bags with her. She asked for another bag because her's was ripping. I gave her the bag and expected her to leave but she didn't. She stayed and talked to me for at least 15 minutes. Please keep in mind that there are not really very many customers in the store. Just another associate and myself . What did we talk about? Let me share with you some of the gems that stood out to me:

Lady: "I was watching all the women go by. They are really beautiful but they all look the same. They have on lots of make up but you can't tell because it's so natural looking. Where do you think they get that make up. why do you think they wear it like that?
Me: I don't know, maybe people magazine decided it was in style. I am pretty sure most of those women try really hard to look the same as everyone else.
Lady: well that's ridiculous.
Lady: Today is Cinco De Mayo. What is the big deal? so they broke off from France- who cares. But I guess the parties are fun.
Me: yeah my friend is having a party.
Lady: well is she a Mormon or a Mexican? I didn't know Mormon's celebrated Cinco De Mayo. Are you a Mormon or a baptist? (because obviously those are the only two options)
Me: I am a Mormon. but my grandfather's parents were baptist I believe.
Lady: oh then you understand both sides. good for you. Do you work here a lot? are you a manager?
Me: yes I am and I work a ton.
Lady: well you shouldn't work so much. what are you- 21?
Me: no I am 29.
Lady: well why aren't you married??
Me: well, I guess I just haven't met the right guy
Lady: yeah you seem like a smart girl, independent - you need a smart guy. a strong leader right?! well what's the problem? isn't the Mormon church full of strong leaders?
me: I guess it is.
Lady: well don't you worry. Jesus has a plan. Jesus has a plan for everyone. why are you ironing those clothes?
me: they go on the mannequins.
Lady: well you are doing a great job....this went on forever. she continued to talk about the dollar store, lipstick that doesn't fade, sea salt scrubs, something about "Jesus is dead but sin lives on"

She finally left and when she was gone I turned to Kaylie and we shared a look. What was that?! Super personal questions from a complete stranger. I don't know why these people find me or how? But I couldn't bring myself to be mean and blow her off. All I could do was answer her straight forward and sincerely asked questions and humor her until she decided to go. She was very nice but the situation was unreal. Maybe like something you would see in a television sitcom. But I'm 100 percent sure that situation like this just have a way of finding me and leaving me asking the person next to me...."did that really just happen?"

Worth A Thousand Words

You know those stickers people put on their rear windshields? The ones where each member of the family is represented.  Well, today on my way to work I was behind a mini van with these stickers.  Mom, dad, two boys, a girl, and a baby.  The boy stickers were both on skateboards, the baby had a bow in her hair but the interesting one was the girl.  She was holding an ice cream cone.  I'm sorry mom and dad- that is semi insulting.  Those stickers tell the world who you are- basically they are telling the world that the daughter is the fat kid of the family.  They boys are active and the girl eats ice cream.  nice.  Can I just say I'm grateful you are not my parents.

In Those Shoes

Before I actually begin I just want to say that this is not a sermon.  I am not trying to preach to anyone just thinking through my fingers again.  I 100% include myself in everything I write here.  Over the last several months I've been on the receiving and giving end of impatience and intolerance.  Of passing judgement and being angry at others for their choices, reactions, and feelings.  As I've gotten older I will say I've improved in this area.  I'm better than some at stepping back and trying to understand where others are coming from, but I'm still not as proficient as others.  We are all on the same upward climb.  Some of us just climb faster than others.
Life and relationships can be hard.  We are not perfect and due to that fact- we have the propensity to hurt the people around us.  Quite often the ones we love the most.  When this happens, I think I'm safe in saying, most of the time we end up sorry for it and want to be forgiven.  But sometimes a person who needs and wants desperately to be forgiven or to be given a second chance does not extend that same courtesy to others in their life.  They rationalize that what they have done is so much better than what was done to them and therefore they deserve to be forgiven.  But not just forgiven, they desire the action to be completely forgotten as well.  But the truth is- to the person they hurt, their actions might well have caused the same level of pain.  Every single one of us has a different experience on this earth.  We all have our individual trials and we all learn at a different rate.  What might be life shattering for one person may look like a walk in the park to another.  We cannot say that someone needs to let go, or move on, or forgive based on our time line.  They have to work through those issues at their own pace.  It is not our place to pass judgement.  If we are their friend, it is our place to stop preaching and just love the person.  Preaching has it's time and its place- like on my blog right? ;)  No but seriously, part of being a good friend is knowing when to speak and when to stay quiet.  Both are equally important. 
I will be the first to admit- this is hard sometimes.  it is very easy to find fault with someone else, to place blame for any discord with them and not ourselves.  It is easy, especially for me, to look at another person and say, "okay, it's time to suck it up and move on."  But the truth is- it is not my trial to bare.  And that is why that particular trial was not given to me.  As cliche as it may sound, we really cannot judge another until we've walked a mile in their shoes...

Enough For a Lifetime.

What is it about me that attracts creepy people?  If you follow my blog you have probably realized that I have an unusually high number of stories about creepy men.  Well I have another one.  Not as good as some of the others, but I suppressed my instinct to be nice and ended this one as quickly as it began.  This morning I was awoken by a text message.  The text message said, "Is this Jodi?"  no big deal right?  We have all sent a text to the wrong number before.  I responded and simply said.  "no, sorry.  You have the wrong number"  they responded, "sorry to bother U".  Which I hate (just spell out the dumb word, it's not that long and is not hard to spell).   A few minutes later I get another text from the same number.  "Are U a woman? If so can I ask U a question?"  seriously? that is what creepy people do.  You don't know me so why would you want my opinion about anything.  You might be a perfectly nice person with good intentions but you don't say things like that, over text, to someone you've never met.  It's just weird.  I didn't respond to that one- I shudder to think what the question might have been.  Okay, secretly I wanted to know so I could make this post slightly more interesting to read but I just don't have the energy for a stalker right now..and who knows where that would have lead.  I think I'm learning, even at the cost of spicing up my blog, it's best just to leave the creeper to the women in Provo.  I've had enough to last me a life time.

Not Good Enough

I just want to buy these shoes. However, the stupid website keeps removing them from my shopping cart.  Annoying.  I thought, "well maybe you have to register"  the website also keeps erasing my registration information.  Apparently my money is not good enough for Toms.  I'm super mad right now.  Super. 

If I were a rich man...

Turns out all the money in the world can not make you classy.  Who watches the Voice? better yet who watched it tonight?  eww.  Christina.  What are you thinking girl?  If you looked up white trash in the dictionary a picture of her in her get up tonight would be right next to it.  Her eyeshadow was terrible.  Her extensions were showing-ick.  Her hair was matted and fried.  Oh and also she looked like a stuffed sausage in that way too small outfit.  her heels were so high she couldn't even walk- thus supporting my last blog post.  Don't get me wrong. I'm totally in support of her loving her body and being happy with where she is but honey- you can be proud of your curves and classy all at the same time.  Christina, your pipes sell themselves- you don't need to dress like a stripper for people to recognize your talent. In fact, I really think it's more of a distraction.  I really do not want to see THAT much of you...ever again.  Christina - you just need to get a deep conditioner, a new make up artist, and a stop into White House Black Market.  Guess being rich doesn't make you classy. Nuff said.

Street... "Walking"??

let's talk about the purpose of heels.  They are not only to make us ladies appear taller.  Sure they do that too, but the real purpose of heels is to make our legs look sexy, and to change our gait.  They are supposed to increase the sway of your hips.  So explain to me why people buy heels so high and platform-y that they can't walk normal.  They put on the heels and it's like this crazy plopping.  not sway just trudging.  I imagine if someone dipped their feet in cement and then tried to walk- that's what it looks like.  NOT sexy.  Those are hooker shoes.  Because hookers don't actually walk in them. They stand on the corner and then get in a car.  But for the rest of us- heels like this are just not practical.  Loose the major platform and just get some classy sexy heels.

But I don't Speak Dutch?!

This last Monday I auditioned at the Hale Center Theater Orem for a show called Crazy For You.  I have auditioned, maybe four or five times at the Hale and I've never been called back.  Which is fine- my resume is itty bitty and I get kind of nervous when people are so close they are practically looking up my nose.  Also, I have a really hard time acting when I'm in my work clothes.  Put me in a costume with make up and hair and I'm all over it.  But it's hard to be "me" and pretend to be someone else.  ANYWAY- Tuesday night I was getting off line and getting ready to go to bed when I thought, "I maybe should check that email address that I NEVER check".  So I did and I looked at it for probably 30 seconds before I realized that it was not junk mail, that it was in fact and email telling me I got called back for a dance audition.  No big deal right? I was a composite dance major for two years- I've done almost everything.  However, it's been six years since I graduated  which means it's been about 8 years since I've done any rhythm or footwork type classes and this audition: TAP.  Not awesome.  Tap was one of the two classes I did NOT take at BYU.  So I went to bed Tuesday night thinking of all my friends who tap and hoping someone could teach me some basics on such short notice. 
Well old lady luck was on my side.  My awesome friend Aimee came up and taught me some basic steps.  I practiced and practiced for over an hour until I had all the necessary sounds.  Yay.  After said practice I started to feel slightly less terrified and thought, "yes, I can totally fake my way through this". 
Well, the time for dancing had arrived.  Feeling pretty confident I stepped out on the floor and David started teaching the choreography and I am pretty sure my mouth hit the floor.  He said he was doing a time step but I have had two different people teach me a time step and what he did looked NOTHING like what I was shown before.  He moved on to some even crazier steps then started adding shoulders and arms and turns and toes and jumps...I kind of just wanted to walk out.  But that is super unprofessional so I didn't.  Here is the thing:  I usually have a hard time remembering the sequence of steps in the time frame we are given.  HOWEVER- at least in other auditions I know what the steps are and have seen them before. I have done a 3 count turn, a jazz step, etc.  I can usually get about 75% of it.  But to try and remember a sequence of steps that I have never in my life seen before is impossible.  It was like walking into a Dutch language class, having the teacher rattle off a paragraph and then turn to you and say, "okay now you and this other person repeat that back to me in unison while everyone else watches/listens to you.  oh and I'll be judging you to see if you are as good as the girl in the back who has been speaking dutch her whole life. Don't worry, I can tell if you have the capacity to learn by what you show me after this five minute lesson."  WHAT?!?!  It really feels awful to have to walk out in front of people you respect, knowing you are totally out of your element and about to show them something that is way below your capacity.  ugh...so humiliating.  I never perform at sub standard quality- I would normally kill myself practicing before I would perform what I had to perform today. I have no plans to repeat that experience any time soon.

This is The Voice

This is my frivolous post. Do you watch "The Voice"?  I just started this season and I think I like it.  I don't know if I like it enough to watch it again next season...but for now it's entertaining.  Anyway- my point: Every show I keep hearing the judges say, "oh your voice is so unique"  I disagree.  I think there are only a few women on the show this season with unique voices.  The rest of them just have one of two sounds.  The belt voice with lots of soul and runs or the bubble in the throat forced vibrato, don't open my mouth, indie sound that belts a few notes.  I hate the indie sound- maybe because I can hear the technical mis-steps...also, that can't feel good plus it's ugly.  I hope none of these girls make it very far.  I think I want a man to win.  Girls are annoying. 
one major pet peeve with shows like this...everyone tries to play the sympathy card.  They all have an epic tale of woe. My jaw was broken, I play on the streets, my mom is sick, I am homeless...blah blah. Yep that sucks.  Life is hard but this isn't about how has the saddest story- it's about who can sing the best right? whatever.

Hard to Hold On To

Do you ever feel like you just can't get ahead?  For the last four years I have had a $16,000 loan hanging over my head.  I finally paid it off.  Last month I officially became debt free.  Let me tell you- that is a fantastic feeling.  However, about that same time I decided it was time to start doing the thing I went in debt for.  I am going to start working in a salon.  So over the next 6-8 weeks I am going to transition from full time manager to full time stylist.  But it seems like ever since I made the decision to leave my current position and give up my benefits and steady pay check my money has been pretty hard to hold on to.  First it was car insurance, then it was a speeding ticket, traffic school, New breaks, new lug nuts for one of my tires and now next month I've got safety and emissions and registration on my car...oh and also I need to still pay $400 in rent on my salon for the month and also buy $300-$400 worth of product for my salon.  AHHH....even though I'm not in debt I still feel like I have NO money.  When you know your paychecks are limited you start to pay attention to where every dollar is going.  I'm wishing I hadn't been so free with my money over the last few years...think how much more money I could have saved.  Oh well...I guess I should just be thankful I do have a job for the next 6-8 weeks it could be worse. 

Can't Get That Back

Oh traffic school.  I don't think we should see each other again....EVER!  I was really hoping for a good looking cop or an attractive man in the seat next to me.  You know, just something to make the passage of time a little more enjoyable.  Did I get that? NO.  I did not.  What did I get?  I got about 4 people who had a comment or question for EVERYTHING the cop said.  I am not exaggerating.  I'm not sure what they were doing when the cop said, "depending on you and your questions this could either be 1.5 hrs or 2 hrs"....subtext: If you don't interrupt me you can be home a half an hour earlier.  SCORE!  Or at least it could have been.  But it wasn't.  And they did indeed ask stupid questions.  Questions that were not pertinent to anyone in the room.  For example, so you don't think I am being ungenerous, the officer mentioned that Utah and Texas are the only two states with an 80 mph area because Wyoming recently pulled theirs.  After said statement, a kid in the back raises his hand and says, "well why did they lower the speed limit in Wyoming?"  WHO CARES?!?!  you don't live in Wyoming...why are you wasting my time!?!  Keep it relevant. Or another kid grilling the officer about the difference between a drinking citation and a DUI and what the LEGAL limits are for under aged drivers.  ummm...duh.  There is no LEGAL limit because drinking under 21 is ILLEGAL!  so it really doesn't matter.  Also he told you three times already that if you are driving its a DUI...if you aren't driving it's not a DUI...because the D in DUI stands for DRIVING.  They choose those letters for a reason.  But thanks all the same for wasting my time with your endless questions Einstein.  The evening was filled with questions and comments about similar things..."can't we force people to wear helmets" "people should have to take a motorcycle safety class in order to have a drivers license"...blah blah blah...the class would have been 3 hours if the officer hadn't speed through the last few items. There go two hours of my life I will never get back. If I ever get pulled over again I will just take the points on my record...bring it. 

Do You Feel Lucky?

Once upon a time...I knew a STUPID boy who had an amazing girl who truly believed he was great.  She was so excited to be dating him.  And then one day he broke her heart.  And he proved himself to be the MOST stupid boy on earth because he let an incredible woman get away.  This boy will live to regret his decision...and he should!  The End. 

Okay actually it's not the end.  Why are some men so stupid?  Maybe not even stupid.  Maybe blind is a better word.  Or Masochistic.  That sometimes works too.  It's as if someone offers them a million dollars and they say, "no thanks.  I think I'll wait and see if I get a better offer"  or "no I think I'll just continue to pay this debt the rest of my life" 
They can get so wrapped up in finding perfection (even though they are pretty close to it and just haven't opened their eyes to see it) or because they get sucked in by the flirtatious model type or maybe they have a needy girl and they want to fix all her problems for her. (half her problems are self created to get your attention and manipulate your feelings) Well let me tell you something...YOU are not perfect.  Her looks will fade (or you will spend a fortune trying to maintain them) and that needy girl will make you feel like superman for a little while.  But one day you will wake up and realize you have enough of your own problems to take care of without having to fix all hers too.  Maybe you will wake up and realize you want a woman who can help you solve YOUR problems or at least be there to hold you up while you solve them...not a woman who can't make a single choice by herself.

no this is not just a random tangent of mine. There are some very specific boys I'm writing about.  And I chose to call them boys...not men. Grown up men don't just toss aside patient, beautiful, smart, confident, driven, kind, spiritual, fun women!  And to those boys I say good luck.  Because no matter how book smart you think you are....you are lacking real wisdom and will walk a hard road of your own making.  Good luck with your future...I have a hunch you will need all the luck you can get.  because eternity is a VERY long time to live with a bad choice. 

I'm going to be slightly personal because I can...it's my blog after all.  I just hate it when my gorgeous and incredibly amazing friends get their hearts broken.  I hate to see their confidence shattered because of a guy who then goes off and chooses a girl 100 times not as awesome.  And as much as I know it's his loss...it still really hurts.  It's hard to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart when the person you've trusted to hold it breaks it apart.  It's hard- but amazing girls do it.  They sweep up the pieces and they pain stakingly glue it back together.  And they wait...they wait for someone who isn't selfish.  Someone who realizes the value of what he's been given.  Sometimes it takes a long time for him to come, and sometimes we mistake him for someone else and we give our hearts to a boy who isn't ready to be trusted with something so special... he is careless and we break a little.  But I think those breaks increase your value!  It shows that when things get hard, and they will, you can pick yourself up and go on.  You have experience and empathy and now you are even more awesome than before!! So forget the dumb boys and wait for a man who is equally amazing!!  Now it's the end.

All The King's Horses...

I love my friends. They make me laugh.  Which is probably why they are still my friends.  Tonight after work I went out to play with said friends because laughing is one of my favorite things. The topic of dating came up (as it usually does) and I think we were talking about an awkward engaged couple we all know and agreeing on the theory that there is someone for everyone.  Conversation goes as follows:
Amanda: "well for every humpty there is a dumpty"
Lori: ewww, I don't want to be dumpty.  (what would you see if you were looking at a 'dumpty' person? - yuck)
Amanda: fine, you can be humpty.
Lori: I don't think I really want to be humpty either.  (the connotation on that alone. no thank you)
Amanda: okay you can be tweedle dumb
Lori: no, the guy can be tweedle dumb, The girl can be Dee
Amanda: (completely serious) Tweedle Dee is a girl?? I thought they were both boys?
Mallory: (chiming in) No, Amanda.  They ARE BOTH boys
Lori: except you were using them to describe a relationship so unless you are planning on a same sex relationship they need to take on gender roles.

I don't actually know if that's funny to anyone else.  Perhaps you need to know Amanda, or perhaps you needed to be in the car having just watched a crazy show at the Hale and loaded with high quantities of hot chocolate.  But I guess it's just a testament to how easily I am amused.

Did You Need Something?

Please tell me that I am not the only one that has lame people in my life.  Or actually I kind of hope I am the only one and the rest of the world has better friends than I do.  That being said- MOST of my friends are fantastic!! Best people EVER.  so before I come off sounding super harsh let me just say- I don't think these people I'm about to blog about do any of this on purpose.  In fact, they probably don't even realize how they are acting or making people feel.  maybe I am too sensitive or maybe just fed up. 
I think most everyone has these people in there lives.  People who knowingly, or unknowingly, think that they are the center of the earth.  They are constantly updating the world on their life.  Their frustrations, successes, etc...but have you ever noticed that these people never know what's going on in the lives of others.  They rarely, if ever, initiate contact with you.  When YOU initiate contact with them they ask things like, "how is everything going for you?"....translation:  I don't know anything specific that is happening in your life right now so I'm just going to generically and impersonally ask how EVERYTHING is.  These are the people who ask how you are, but don't really want to hear the truth.  they want a straight forward- "I'm great".  If you said anything else they would probably feel uncomfortable or find some way out of the conversation before you are finished sharing.  They are also the kind of people that ask how you are and then are easily diverted and never come back to hear your answer.  I have had WAY too many of these "friends" in my life and my patience for these people lessens by the year.  Again let me clarify- this in no way includes the good friends who for one reason or another don't talk to you on a frequent basis- those good friends usually make up for the time passage by diving in and asking lots of questions.  So even thought months have gone by- you still feel super valued by the time your conversation is over.  I mean the people who live in the same city, who are supposed to be your good friends, and yet know nothing about you- not even the big stuff- like weddings, funerals, job changes, that sort of thing...
Heaven knows I'm not perfect.  Sometimes my life gets in the way and I am a crappy friend.  But I always feel bad and try and make up for it by making an effort to fill in the gaps I've created with substance.  I'm also not saying I want everyone to talk to me every day- ick I know I couldn't handle that- but don't talk to me just when you need something...take a few seconds to understand someone besides yourself.  (Disclaimer: to my friends reading this- and who read my blog on a semi regular basis-I'm probably not talking about you since you are investing the time to read my thoughts.  Love you)  And if you think this is you- TRY HARDER!  People don't like to feel used or like a left over.  If you are supposed to be a good friend- try to be one. 

Don't Flatter Me So

Today is gorgeous.  On gorgeous days I like to go for walks.  It is actually my favorite thing about spring/summer- Sunday walks.  Today I went on a walk with my friends Amanda and tori.  Amanda was a gem.  As we are walking through the neighborhood she is telling tori why she didn't invite her to go with us to Salt Lake last week. She says, "Tori, I didn't invite you because YOU have friends."  Subtext: Lori YOU don't have friends so we invited you.  Thanks Amanda. 

Then after we had turned around and were on our way home I started to turn up the street we had come down and Amanda says to me,
"no Lori, we are going to go up the next street. " 
Me: "why?"
 Amanda: "We have to vary our path, in case we are being tracked by a cougar".

Um okay Amanda....a Cougar. really? we are in the middle of pleasant grove, on a fairly busy street, in the middle of the afternoon.  Probably we are not being tracked by a cougar.  But thanks for watching my back ;)

My Boys

I just have to say how much I love Psych.  Shawn and Gus make me laugh so much.  The writers are amazing oh and also they have cool guest stars like molly Ringwald (sixteen candles), William Shatner (star trek), and Cary Elwes (princess bride).  How can a TV show get cooler.  I think the only show that can compete with Psych is Castle.  Because I love Richard castle as well.  Two shows that bring a smile to my face and make me laugh right out loud! LOVE

Procrastination

Yesterday's lazy cures today's crazy.  Normally I don't agree with this sort of thing because it usually works the other way in my life.  But today- it is gospel truth.  I have been meaning to clean out my car FOREVER!  I have gotten as far as putting all the trash into a bag but that's about it.  Well today I had a dentist appointment that I made last minute and sort of forgot about.  I woke up with plenty of time to spare but for some reason I was running late and had a million things going on in my head and I ran out the door and drove to alpine.  I got there a few minutes early and realized I forgot to floss and brush my teeth. SICK!! Even worse- she's going to pick at my teeth, it's not like I can just munch on a breath mint and call it good.  I panicked for a second and then remembered I had a toothbrush in my car.  I searched for a second and then to my delight found my toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pack of dental floss.  Even better was I didn't bring my water bottle in from zumba so I even had water to rinse with.  For the first time in weeks I was so happy my car is NOT clean. 

Adoring Public

Last night I pretended to be a real person.  I went up to Salt Lake with some friends and had a grand old time.  Once in Salt Lake, well, cottonwood heights, we met some more friends for dinner and tried out a restaurant called Porcupine Grill.  Yummy.  Greek pizza- yes! It is a crazy long wait for a table but if you bring fun people it is no big deal.  Also, there is plenty of people watching to fill up the time.  After dinner was when the fun really began.  We drove to down town for hot chocolate.  Hot chocolate my friend Amanda said I had to try. 

I can't remember what the place was called....Hatch something.  Anyway, the line was super long and about half way through our wait time I started looking at the wall art.  I noticed that all the pictures were of little people. Then Amanda says, "oh those are the owners".  At this point I realize that I am in the chocolate store of "the Little Chocolatiers".  You know, the TV show.  So I approach the counter and it is the man himself ringing me up.  Let me tell you...he is a sassy pants.  But kind of funny. 

Bad news about it...they only serve frozen hot chocolate in the summer.  However, after talking to my new friend Mike (see above picture), Mr. sassy said that if we called ahead he would make it for us next time.  So nice of him.  As Mike was telling me about this conversation he says to me, "He is a really nice guy.  I am totally going to patronize him.  I mean, not him personally, but his establishment."  Nice Mike.  I will for sure be making another trip up- except, I can't remember how to get there.  I'll have to fix that.
This is my friend Amanda in this pic.  I was originally sitting across from her, but I was missing all the people watching so I moved to the bench to cuddle with her.  This lady to my right obviously thought we were crazy because she moved away from us pretty soon after this photo was taken.  funny thing is, the person who sat there next also got up and moved pretty quickly.  Coincidence? I think maybe not.  Perhaps we were just too cool for them.  they felt inferior being in such a close proximity to my awesomeness. 

After quite some time enjoying chocolate in all forms and laughing our guts out we decided it was time to head on back to Utah county.  As we walked out to the car I was a little confused because my dear friend Amy, who was riding shot gun, followed me to the back driver's side of the car.  And practically sat on my lap.  I was like "um, what the heck?" and then I looked up.  What did I see?  A middle aged couple making out right next to Amy's car door.  The best part was, the couple didn't even care that we were right next to them watching.  I mean, we weren't watching really but more looking on wondering how long they could possibly go.  They had to know we wanted to leave and their little game of tonsil hockey was stalling our departure.  They finally took a time out and we were able to pile in the car and make our way home.  It never ceases to amaze me the things I see when I enter the public arena.

The Ultimate Analogy

This statement-I feel like this is me.  I am sleeping right now.  Not really because I want to be, but more because it isn't my turn to move mountains.  Maybe my mountains are not ready to be moved.  Or maybe I'm not strong enough yet for the mountains that await me.  Do you ever get a 'feeling' of your potential? like a picture you can almost see but not clearly....maybe a Polaroid that is only half way developed.  You have an idea of what you will be- but you are not sure how you are going to get there?  That's how I feel today.  Wondering when it will be my turn to become the person who moves mountains...
 
   In case you don't know- the Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies- I can relate anything in it to real life principles. It is the answer to all moral dilemmas.  okay maybe not ALL.  And yes this does connect...it may be a stretch but I will connect the two concepts here....

   So, for those who have been deprived of their basic education.  Sarah goes into a Labyrinth to find her baby brother.  She knows where she needs to go- to the center of the labyrinth.  She gets just inside and she meets this guy.  A worm with a British accent (who makes me so mad)  But HE is not the object of this post- right after she talks to him she is running and running down a path.  She gets frustrated and comes close to giving up hope.  she just sees a straight line forever.  With no where to turn.  But when she stands still and looks a little closer she sees that there are actually pathways right in front of her.  They are just camouflaged.  She has been running past her opportunities.  I think we do this all the time.  We are looking for something specific, something we think is the answer and we don't see the less obvious opportunities that are right in front of us.  I am walking along my own labyrinth.  Just waiting to find the pathway that will lead me to the center of my journey.  And when I do find the right path to take, when I wake from my sleeping state, I will move mountains.  That's why we are here isn't it?  Not just to walk the already paved pathways- but to move mountains from the pathways we are forming.  To clear our own trails and pathways.  At least I certainly hope so!!

Cheap and Easy

Reading my blog you would think I never go on any great dates.  Or any semi normal dates for that matter. It is true that I have an abnormally large number of awkward dates with awkward and clueless men.  But occassionally I do go on good dates.  In all my dating history my two favorite dates have been free- or nearly so.  They weren't super planned and there was zero pressure.  I have had lots of fun dates, Ice blocking (which is only fun with the right people) carriage rides in SLC, building hot air balloons, games, etc.  And then of course the standard dinner, movies, theater...that sort of thing. But standing out above all of those are two very distince dates.  what were these dates?  I will tell you- these are in chronological order.  They both trump all the others....

first:  My date (who is actually still one of my very best friends-even though he wouldn't go to Disneyland with me when I had free passes) came and picked me up.  We drove to the grocery store, got ice cream, then went back to the park by my house, sat on the swings and talked for a couple of hours.  Until the sprinklers turned on and forced us to leave.

second:  we drove up to a mountain in provo (stop. don't think it. It was not squaw peak- it was a well populated mountain) and sat talking in the car while over looking the city.  Then after a really great conversation he rolled the windows down, turned up the music, and we danced in the parking lot.  Yes I was slightly self conscious at first (mostly because the goon in the car next to us was starring at me)  but after a few seconds I forgot all about everyone else.  I love to dance...choreographed or not. :) 

maybe these dates sound lame or boring to some- but I love dates that are pressure free.  I like to forget that i'm on a date.  I am much more relaxed when I feel like i'm just talking to a friend rather than trying to impress a date.  I love spontaneous creative things.  And above all else, I love to talk.  I could walk up and down the same street and do nothing else and if there was a good conversation involved- it would be the best date in the world. 

Ten Second Tom

Lately I have had zero concentration.  I can't remember anything.  My short term memory is almost non existent these days.  I can't remember if I put my keys in my purse.  I can't remember why I walked into a room.  Did I lock my door?  where did I put the money my friend paid me?  seriously I've lost $32 in cash this week.  I think I shouldn't be allowed to take cash anymore.  Let me share with you a conversation I had today at church.  The bishopric member was making the announcements for the week and he mentioned that for FHE we would be playing murder in the dark.  I turned to my friend Amanda and said:

Oh I love that game.  did you go to FHE where we played murder in the dark for Halloween?
Amanda:  No I didn't.
Lori:  oh it was so fun.
Amanda: are you coming then?
Lori: coming to what?
Amanda: FHE.
Lori: what are we doing?
Amanda: MURDER IN THE DARK!

wow. her face was priceless.  But I seriously couldn't remember anything.  I think I might have to find that better doctor soon and maybe get a brain scan or something.  I used to have a photographic short term memory...perhaps it's just old age.  who knows.  

Dinner and A Show

I have been craving PF Chang's for over six months now.  Today my mom and I were at the mall shopping for a bridal shower gift and decided to stop in and pick up dinner to go.  This meant we were sitting by the take out place against a wall with time to kill.  which also means I got to do one of my favorite things- people watch.  And boy did I get a show! I had no idea that P.F. Chang's offered entertainment while you wait.  There was an empty table just in front of us at which two servers sat down to count out their tips for the day.  One had crazy hair and the other was actually pretty attractive.  Almost immediately a girl materialized from no where and sat down next to Mr. muscles.  I assume she was some sort of manager because she wasn't dressed like everyone else and she had a key card on her wrist.  See how smart I am.  That made one of us.  This girl, who may quite possibly be a genius in other circumstances, became ridiculous.  She could not have flirted more obviously if her life depended on it.  And let me tell you, she thought she was SO cute.  She may be an experienced flirt but she stinks at reading people.  This guy could not have looked more disinterested.  He didn't smile, he hardly even looked in her direction.  Which was actually pretty skilled since she was practically sitting on his lap.  He got up several times and each time- so did she.  She followed him to the left, then to the right, she probably would have followed him right off a cliff.  He was super nice about it.  Totally polite but still totally uninterested.  She followed him until he finally left the building.  Poor girl. So clueless. 

Et tu, Brute?

Tonight I was talking to a friend- I was telling this friend about some experiences from my not so distant past.  I told this friend a story that involves two other of our mutual friends.  Friend A directly, Friend B, indirectly.  As I was sharing these experiences we both decided that friend B would be hurt beyond measure if they knew what I had done.  In fact, friend B might even kill me for what I have done.  This is why friend B does not know about this experience.  I love this person and I don't want them to be hurt.  But even knowing this...I wouldn't change my actions.  Does that make me a bad person??  My actions didn't really bring any benefit into my life- in fact I would say it brought the opposite.  That choice- once again, made me a pawn in someone else's game.  A thing to be used in order to make them feel better.  And even knowing all this- I still don't think I would change anything.  In my never ending quest to find someone worth believing in- I helped one person boost their confidence while simultaneously secretly hurting another.  I feel a little like Judas.  only my intentions were different.  I wasn't trying to hurt anyone- I just made a choice- a choice for me.  A choice I thought would make me happy.  I suppose everyone involved would have been better off had I put someone else first.  But that's what life is about right?  learning.  Sometimes the lessons are painful- but the lessons have to be learned one way or another.  But did I learn the lesson if I don't feel bad about it?  I would feel awful if Friend B knew, but they don't....and that is all I would feel bad about.  Guess I still have lessons to learn....

I love Dead People

Do you ever have things you want to do or things you know you should do but you avoid them like the plague??  I do it all the time.  But not for normal procrastinating reasons.  And not because I just don't want to do them- sometimes I really want to do them.  fact about me: when I start something I want to finish it immediately.  This is why it is hard for me to read.  I LOVE reading but once I start it sort of consumes my life.  Also, genealogy.  I can't stand not finding what I'm looking for so I sacrifice sleep, my social life, basically anything that is not manditory to keep looking.  These really good things consume every spare second I have and suddenly they are not so great- totally my fault.  I need to be better at self discipline.  Anyway, I recently discovered a new thing that has been consuming my time.  (if you will notice I haven't blogged in a few days because of it.)  Indexing. (Indexing = transcribing vital records so that they are easy to read) I've been avoiding this for years.  But I finally gave in and started.  probably sounds boring to some but I have a morbid curiosity with dead people.  Not with the actual body (even that is questionable- forensics also fascinates me) but the "who were they?"  I was indexing death records the other day and I was literally crying on my couch.  Most of them are just old people dying of natural causes but there were two that really caught my interest.  One was an 18 year old black man, died from a gun shot wound to the head.  Murdered outside a cafe in Texas in 1968.  The other was a 20 year old housewife who committed suicide. Lysol poisoning.  I start wondering who these people were and what circumstances brought each of them to that point.  was he involved with the wrong people or was he a victim of racial injustice?  was she mentally unstable or was her marriage so bad she saw no other way out?  It really makes no difference but I love figuring people out -and the WHY just fascinates me- people fascinate me. 

It's V day

well it is almost Valentines Day.  Or as some like to call it- Singles Awareness Day.  Here is the thing, I really don't care for Valentine's day.  And no it's not because I'm single.  Truth is, even if I had been dating someone I would have found a way for us to break up before this day.  I always do.  I have never in my entire life dated someone over a holiday.  At least not a gifting holiday. (Halloween and the 4th of July don't count) So you see, I would have found a way to be single on Valentine's day anyway.  So, as I was saying, I don't think people should show affection and appreciation out of obligation.  People spend all kinds of money and energy just so they can have a gift to give someone because the calendar says they should.  Because if they don't, it could ruin someone else's entire day and possibly lead to an exchange of angry words.  As if anyone needs another excuse for contention- which is why this day causes so much anxiety for some people.  I think a Gerber daisy on a random Tuesday is much more meaningful than a dozen roses on Feb. 14th.  Tomorrow is one of my least favorite holidays.  But for those who disagree with me- Happy Valentine's Day! 

NEVER: get engaged or married on valentine's day.  It is just too cheesy to be acceptable.  sorry to anyone reading this who did either.

What I Learned Tonight

as most of you are aware- the Grammy's were on tonight.  I am a lover of music so naturally I turned them on.  After about two minutes I remembered all the things I hate about award shows.  Arrogance.  As the camera man scanned the audience full of celebrities you could see self importance slathered all over their faces.  Truth is half the people I know sing better than most of the people in that room.  They just happen to have more money and better connections than my friends.  I also learned tonight that you apparently do not need to sing on key to perform at the Grammy's.  Does that seem weird to anyone else? An award show honoring musical excellence yet you can't stay on pitch? 

There was also a performer- not sure who he was but he was singing a beach boys song and he kept doing the awkward microphone squat.  The one where he just didn't extend the mic stand far enough so now he has one hip pushed out to the side and he's kind of hunched over- tapping one foot on rhythm while holding the mic with both hands because he doesn't know what else to do with said hands.  All while eating the microphone because he thinks that makes him look intense or something.  Not sure why people think that's cool- it just looks like he's doing the potty dance on stage.  "Ahh, I gotta pee but I have to finish this song first!"  Not cool. 

To be fair- there are a few people in that room with real talent.  Stevie Wonder.  George Straight. Tony Bennett, Jennifer Hudson, Adele, etc.  And others who SHOULD have been there- Whitney Houston. (What a waste of talent- and it could have been avoided. sad.) What did I see amongst this talent- in the middle of a standing ovation the camera sweeps the audience and two women remained sitting holding their smart phones.  Seriously, this is a pretty incredible experience and you are posting/tweeting/texting...PUT THE PHONE DOWN and live in the moment.  Experience your life for real!!

My Impractical Hobbies

I have a friend at work who has a recipe blog where there are evil things.  Everything is made with butter and cream cheese and basically everything I've ever made has been divine.  But so not low calorie.  which I am not overly concerned about.  This is my dessert theory- If you want to watch calories you shouldn't be eating dessert anyway.  Go find a carrot.  If you are going to bake, do it right.  Use the good stuff.

So anyway- I love to bake.  It is one of my hobbies.  Everything always looks so pretty when you are done and my treats can bring smiles to grumpy faces.  I'm really quite good at baking.  Tonight I had some time so I decided to bake the Mousse Trifle you see above.  But this little beauty has to set up for 8 hrs before it can be served.  So naturally I had to make something else that could be eaten tonight.  If you've been reading this blog for awhile you know my dad doesn't like to wait for his desserts.  (Click here to be enlightened)So I couldn't make something and then tell him he gets nothing until tomorrow.  So I made the delicious Pumpkin Spice Bunt cake you see below.

I wasn't sure about this one when I started, but it was fairly inexpensive and NOT time consuming compared to what I'm planning for next week.  So light and fluffy- even the cream cheese glaze was light and delicious. 

Problem with this hobby is that there are only 3 people in my house.  Three people can not possibly eat all this dessert.  Even if we wanted to.  We would be sick.  Turns out my hobbies are not super practical.  I will need to find someone to share this stuff with ASAP- otherwise it will all just get thrown away.  Boo.  These are meant to be enjoyed not discarded.

Later this month:

Cranberry Cheesecake Bars.  I make the caramel apple cheesecake bars all the time and they are amazing so I'm hoping these are just as good. Still need someone else to eat them all for me...

In Your Dreams

I hate spiders.  The last two nights I have had a spider in my dreams.  But not just any spider.  The biggest spider in the world.  Seriously it was the size of a small dog.  And no I have not been watching Harry Potter recently.  This spider was light brown, it's body was at least 7 inches long and about 5 inches wide.  And the LEGS- The legs were probably two feet long and hairy.  This thing could move too.  In my first dream it was in my apartment, and my roommate and I were trying to kill it.  But it's pretty hard to kill a spider that big...it has hard bones that crunch.  I hate crunching.  I can kill spiders, as long as they are smaller than a quarter.  Anything bigger makes noise upon death.  I killed a cricket once- made me sick to my stomach all night.  Okay I'm getting off topic now.  So anyway, this monster is running at me and I catch it between my knees.  I wanted to just hit its head and knock it out but I couldn't get a good angle.  Plus I was terrified of being bitten.  A bite from a spider that size could kill me.  I got so freaked out I woke up.  Never killed it.  Then last night I was in a house and the spider was outside sitting on a bush.  Same spider.  But this time the window was open.  He was only a foot away- so I quickly shut the window.  So what the heck does that mean???  I have no idea...I looked it up online but I'm not having an "ah ha" moment.  This is what the Internet said:
To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck.


On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.
To dream that you are bitten by a spider represents a conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship.
actually, now that I've read it again...I can think of a few things in my life this could be a result of...here is to hoping I never see this spider again.  I don't think I could actually kill that spider, not even in my dreams.

Restriction Lifted

I got back on facebook.  Actually I went an extra day.  My restriction was from Sunday night to Sunday night.  But Sunday night rolled around and I felt like I didn't really care to check facebook.  I didn't feel the NEED to get on.  So I re-activated Monday night...just because.  I think I have come up with a solution to help me from getting too attached again.  I deleted the facebook app from my phone.  Trashed.  That was my bad habit.  Everytime I took my phone out I checked facebook or updated this or that.  If facebook is only accessible on my laptop I won't get on it very often.  Problem solved.  For now.  I'm sure I'll have to put myself in a time out again but hopefully not for awhile. 

Who Is This?

Today when I came home from work I had a wedding invitation waiting for me.  I wasn't expecting one so I opened it a little confused.  I was thinking, "who the heck do I know getting married?" I opened the envelope and I looked at the picture.  And I looked at the picture.  I probably stared at it for about a minute thinking- who the heck is this and why am I getting invited to their wedding?  Finally my brain turned on and I decided to look at the guy instead of trying to figure out who the girl is.  Turns out it's one of my friends from high school. I've only known him for 14 years- why wouldn't I recognize him.  Gees.  I even had a conversation with him about my address and his reception in Orem, but that was before Christmas.  Possibly before thanksgiving so I had forgotten that it had even happened.  It also doesn't help that I have been struggling with concentration today.  I can't seem to finish a thought. 

Hello, It's Mr. Nasty

I was talking to my mom the other day, and like I said, she's a pretty smart lady.  I was complaining again and she said to me, "Lori, why don't you write something nice about someone in your blog?"  Jokingly I said, "mom, I write a non-fiction blog."  But then later I started thinking about that conversation and I realized I've been a mean person lately.  I have been short tempered and impatient.  I have been looking for flaws in everyone and myself.  I can honestly say I have not been super proud of myself the last month or so.  I don't know why I have been so crusty.  My only conclusion is that I have been too focused on me.  I admit I've been feeling super vulnerable and slightly threatened the last month.  Not like bodily threatened but emotionally.  So my defense is to get tough.  To pretend I don't care about anything and anyone and it builds and builds and all of a sudden I wake up and realize I maybe have hurt quite a few people in my effort to protect myself from getting hurt.  How is that fair?  It's not.  I hate it.  I have told some friends this before, (and I promise it's relevant)  I would 100% rather get dumped by someone than dump the person I'm dating.  I hate to hurt people.  I know they get over it-but I don't like causing pain for even half a second. 
So then Why? Why do I do it? to protect myself.  It's an automatic defense mechanism and I was thinking I maybe am a little like the Horned lizard. 

"Horned lizards use a wide variety of means to avoid predation. Their coloration generally serves as camouflage. When threatened, their first defense is to remain still to avoid detection. If approached too closely, they generally run in short bursts and stop abruptly to confuse the predator's visual acuity. If this fails, they puff up their body to cause it to look more horny, making it appear larger and more difficult to swallow. At least four species are also able to squirt an aimed stream of blood from the corners of the eyes for a distance of up to five feet. This not only confuses predators, but also the blood tastes foul to canine and feline predators."
1st line of defense- don't be noticed.  If I'm uncomfortable a lot of the time I will just try and get out of the situation.  Avoid it all together.  2nd- if I'm feeling threatened I usually run away and then come back.  Fool proof for confusing people.  If confused enough they will just go away.  The 3rd way-is puffing myself up and pricking people around me.  I make myself seem more important, more threatening.  I am really good at looking unapproachable when I want to be left alone. If you get too close I will prick you and make you uncomfortable.  But sadly the thing I'm best at is not shooting blood from my eye but venom from my mouth.  I can say really mean and cutting things.  you know on you've got mail when Tom Hanks tells Meg Ryan that when you say the exact thing you want to say at the exact moment you want to say it, remorse inevitably follows.  "Hello, it's Mr. Nasty".  well, it is true.  I ALWAYS feel bad.  Sure sometimes it feels great to zing someone...but it doesn't last long.  It just leaves everyone around you with a foul taste. 
So to anyone I may have hurt or offended (they probably aren't reading this blog).  Or to anyone who has had to listen to me for the last month I give you my deepest apologies.  I am going to try to be a nicer person.

I Could Be Wrong...

The local mall has this really great feature in it.  A fireplace.  A big one.  And near this fireplace are a few cozy chairs.  The down side to this is that people forget that this fireplace is not their own personal place- that they are still in public.  Last week while playing at the mall with some friends we happened upon a double date.  A picnic or sorts consisting of Little Caesar's Pizza.  I have included a photo of said picnic...with my friends in the foreground as a decoy.   Is this weird to have  a picnic date in the middle of the mall?? Not in Provo/Orem it isn't.  I've seen picnic dates on the median divide on major streets...this is a step up I guess. 

Then today I was walking through the mall and there was a couple sitting in A comfy chair.  Yes just one chair for both.  He was sitting and she was in his lap.  He was all snuggled up into her- with intermittent making out. Gross.  You are in public.  Fireplace or not- the mall is not really a romantic spot.  At least I don't think a high traffic area full of strangers constitutes romance.  But I could be wrong-

Almost There

You know what's a really great feeling? Finally having more money in the bank than I owe on my hair school loan.  I'm almost to the point where all my money is MY money and I can decide how I want to spend it and not feel guilty for doing fun things.  Which also means I can start thinking about making some huge life decisions and working on that bucket list of mine!! I am SO excited.  To do things comfortably I just need to be patient for about four more months. There is nothing I hate more than being in debt.  I just have to give a HUGE shout out to my parents for letting me live in their house rent free so that I could pay off $11,000 last year! The End. 

May I Have This Dance?

So once upon a time I minored in ballroom dance at BYU.  I was on team for about a year and a half and loved every second of it.  I took both latin and standard classes but usually performed standard routines. which I loved!!  This was my favorite waltz.  A vienesse waltz.  I am the one on the left...if you watch closely you can follow me throughout the whole routine and if you can't keep track of me, cause sometimes it's tricky I am also the one on the left at the end of the dance.  The formations are pretty cool to watch as well...although since this was the first semester on team for some of my teammates- the lines are not always perfect.  The formation routines were choreographed and directed by Brady Stevenson.  He is fabulous.  Some day, when technology is not smarter than me I will figure out out how to post another waltz, a jive and a samba... but for now this will have to do.  Don't let the length scare you- i'm only in the first 2 or 3 minutes.  But if you want to keep watching after there is a foxtrot perfomed by two members of the touring company (I can't remember their names) and a samba performed by Emron Grover and Natalie Wakefield.  Then the latin formation team does a cha-cha.  

    

(if you can't get the video to load CLICK HERE)

You Go 90%....or do you?

Remember how movies aren't real?  That just because something is in them doesn't make it fact.  How many people reading this have ever seen Hitch? Funny flick but not without flaw. 
I was informed this weekend, by a male friend of mine, that many men use Hitch's advice in their own dating lives.  What am I talking about? The infamous porch scene.  In the movie, Hitch tells Albert that if the girl fiddles with her keys that means she wants him to kiss her.  This is the exact thing I'm talking about.  yes perhaps in some circumstances it does mean she wants to be kissed.  But there are a number of other factors to consider first. 
1. is she actually fiddling with her keys? or were you in the middle of a conversation and she is waiting for you to finish your sentence before she turns her back on you to unlock the door. 
2. Maybe she got her keys out because her purse is too big and she didn't want to search for them awkwardly while you stood there waiting. 
3. Maybe she just likes to talk to you and be in your company. 
4. Or perhaps she doesn't even know you consider this a date.  If you asked her using the words "hang out" or "play" she is not even considering the possibility of any physical contact beyond maybe a hug and therefore may not even be aware of what she is doing with her keys.  If this isn't a date then he shouldn't even be considering attacking the poor girl.  And if you do consider attacking her...consider it again, and very carefully, because you may not get a chance to redeem yourself if you are wrong.