Don't Flatter Me So

Today is gorgeous.  On gorgeous days I like to go for walks.  It is actually my favorite thing about spring/summer- Sunday walks.  Today I went on a walk with my friends Amanda and tori.  Amanda was a gem.  As we are walking through the neighborhood she is telling tori why she didn't invite her to go with us to Salt Lake last week. She says, "Tori, I didn't invite you because YOU have friends."  Subtext: Lori YOU don't have friends so we invited you.  Thanks Amanda. 

Then after we had turned around and were on our way home I started to turn up the street we had come down and Amanda says to me,
"no Lori, we are going to go up the next street. " 
Me: "why?"
 Amanda: "We have to vary our path, in case we are being tracked by a cougar".

Um okay Amanda....a Cougar. really? we are in the middle of pleasant grove, on a fairly busy street, in the middle of the afternoon.  Probably we are not being tracked by a cougar.  But thanks for watching my back ;)

My Boys

I just have to say how much I love Psych.  Shawn and Gus make me laugh so much.  The writers are amazing oh and also they have cool guest stars like molly Ringwald (sixteen candles), William Shatner (star trek), and Cary Elwes (princess bride).  How can a TV show get cooler.  I think the only show that can compete with Psych is Castle.  Because I love Richard castle as well.  Two shows that bring a smile to my face and make me laugh right out loud! LOVE

Procrastination

Yesterday's lazy cures today's crazy.  Normally I don't agree with this sort of thing because it usually works the other way in my life.  But today- it is gospel truth.  I have been meaning to clean out my car FOREVER!  I have gotten as far as putting all the trash into a bag but that's about it.  Well today I had a dentist appointment that I made last minute and sort of forgot about.  I woke up with plenty of time to spare but for some reason I was running late and had a million things going on in my head and I ran out the door and drove to alpine.  I got there a few minutes early and realized I forgot to floss and brush my teeth. SICK!! Even worse- she's going to pick at my teeth, it's not like I can just munch on a breath mint and call it good.  I panicked for a second and then remembered I had a toothbrush in my car.  I searched for a second and then to my delight found my toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pack of dental floss.  Even better was I didn't bring my water bottle in from zumba so I even had water to rinse with.  For the first time in weeks I was so happy my car is NOT clean. 

Adoring Public

Last night I pretended to be a real person.  I went up to Salt Lake with some friends and had a grand old time.  Once in Salt Lake, well, cottonwood heights, we met some more friends for dinner and tried out a restaurant called Porcupine Grill.  Yummy.  Greek pizza- yes! It is a crazy long wait for a table but if you bring fun people it is no big deal.  Also, there is plenty of people watching to fill up the time.  After dinner was when the fun really began.  We drove to down town for hot chocolate.  Hot chocolate my friend Amanda said I had to try. 

I can't remember what the place was called....Hatch something.  Anyway, the line was super long and about half way through our wait time I started looking at the wall art.  I noticed that all the pictures were of little people. Then Amanda says, "oh those are the owners".  At this point I realize that I am in the chocolate store of "the Little Chocolatiers".  You know, the TV show.  So I approach the counter and it is the man himself ringing me up.  Let me tell you...he is a sassy pants.  But kind of funny. 

Bad news about it...they only serve frozen hot chocolate in the summer.  However, after talking to my new friend Mike (see above picture), Mr. sassy said that if we called ahead he would make it for us next time.  So nice of him.  As Mike was telling me about this conversation he says to me, "He is a really nice guy.  I am totally going to patronize him.  I mean, not him personally, but his establishment."  Nice Mike.  I will for sure be making another trip up- except, I can't remember how to get there.  I'll have to fix that.
This is my friend Amanda in this pic.  I was originally sitting across from her, but I was missing all the people watching so I moved to the bench to cuddle with her.  This lady to my right obviously thought we were crazy because she moved away from us pretty soon after this photo was taken.  funny thing is, the person who sat there next also got up and moved pretty quickly.  Coincidence? I think maybe not.  Perhaps we were just too cool for them.  they felt inferior being in such a close proximity to my awesomeness. 

After quite some time enjoying chocolate in all forms and laughing our guts out we decided it was time to head on back to Utah county.  As we walked out to the car I was a little confused because my dear friend Amy, who was riding shot gun, followed me to the back driver's side of the car.  And practically sat on my lap.  I was like "um, what the heck?" and then I looked up.  What did I see?  A middle aged couple making out right next to Amy's car door.  The best part was, the couple didn't even care that we were right next to them watching.  I mean, we weren't watching really but more looking on wondering how long they could possibly go.  They had to know we wanted to leave and their little game of tonsil hockey was stalling our departure.  They finally took a time out and we were able to pile in the car and make our way home.  It never ceases to amaze me the things I see when I enter the public arena.

The Ultimate Analogy

This statement-I feel like this is me.  I am sleeping right now.  Not really because I want to be, but more because it isn't my turn to move mountains.  Maybe my mountains are not ready to be moved.  Or maybe I'm not strong enough yet for the mountains that await me.  Do you ever get a 'feeling' of your potential? like a picture you can almost see but not clearly....maybe a Polaroid that is only half way developed.  You have an idea of what you will be- but you are not sure how you are going to get there?  That's how I feel today.  Wondering when it will be my turn to become the person who moves mountains...
 
   In case you don't know- the Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies- I can relate anything in it to real life principles. It is the answer to all moral dilemmas.  okay maybe not ALL.  And yes this does connect...it may be a stretch but I will connect the two concepts here....

   So, for those who have been deprived of their basic education.  Sarah goes into a Labyrinth to find her baby brother.  She knows where she needs to go- to the center of the labyrinth.  She gets just inside and she meets this guy.  A worm with a British accent (who makes me so mad)  But HE is not the object of this post- right after she talks to him she is running and running down a path.  She gets frustrated and comes close to giving up hope.  she just sees a straight line forever.  With no where to turn.  But when she stands still and looks a little closer she sees that there are actually pathways right in front of her.  They are just camouflaged.  She has been running past her opportunities.  I think we do this all the time.  We are looking for something specific, something we think is the answer and we don't see the less obvious opportunities that are right in front of us.  I am walking along my own labyrinth.  Just waiting to find the pathway that will lead me to the center of my journey.  And when I do find the right path to take, when I wake from my sleeping state, I will move mountains.  That's why we are here isn't it?  Not just to walk the already paved pathways- but to move mountains from the pathways we are forming.  To clear our own trails and pathways.  At least I certainly hope so!!

Cheap and Easy

Reading my blog you would think I never go on any great dates.  Or any semi normal dates for that matter. It is true that I have an abnormally large number of awkward dates with awkward and clueless men.  But occassionally I do go on good dates.  In all my dating history my two favorite dates have been free- or nearly so.  They weren't super planned and there was zero pressure.  I have had lots of fun dates, Ice blocking (which is only fun with the right people) carriage rides in SLC, building hot air balloons, games, etc.  And then of course the standard dinner, movies, theater...that sort of thing. But standing out above all of those are two very distince dates.  what were these dates?  I will tell you- these are in chronological order.  They both trump all the others....

first:  My date (who is actually still one of my very best friends-even though he wouldn't go to Disneyland with me when I had free passes) came and picked me up.  We drove to the grocery store, got ice cream, then went back to the park by my house, sat on the swings and talked for a couple of hours.  Until the sprinklers turned on and forced us to leave.

second:  we drove up to a mountain in provo (stop. don't think it. It was not squaw peak- it was a well populated mountain) and sat talking in the car while over looking the city.  Then after a really great conversation he rolled the windows down, turned up the music, and we danced in the parking lot.  Yes I was slightly self conscious at first (mostly because the goon in the car next to us was starring at me)  but after a few seconds I forgot all about everyone else.  I love to dance...choreographed or not. :) 

maybe these dates sound lame or boring to some- but I love dates that are pressure free.  I like to forget that i'm on a date.  I am much more relaxed when I feel like i'm just talking to a friend rather than trying to impress a date.  I love spontaneous creative things.  And above all else, I love to talk.  I could walk up and down the same street and do nothing else and if there was a good conversation involved- it would be the best date in the world. 

Ten Second Tom

Lately I have had zero concentration.  I can't remember anything.  My short term memory is almost non existent these days.  I can't remember if I put my keys in my purse.  I can't remember why I walked into a room.  Did I lock my door?  where did I put the money my friend paid me?  seriously I've lost $32 in cash this week.  I think I shouldn't be allowed to take cash anymore.  Let me share with you a conversation I had today at church.  The bishopric member was making the announcements for the week and he mentioned that for FHE we would be playing murder in the dark.  I turned to my friend Amanda and said:

Oh I love that game.  did you go to FHE where we played murder in the dark for Halloween?
Amanda:  No I didn't.
Lori:  oh it was so fun.
Amanda: are you coming then?
Lori: coming to what?
Amanda: FHE.
Lori: what are we doing?
Amanda: MURDER IN THE DARK!

wow. her face was priceless.  But I seriously couldn't remember anything.  I think I might have to find that better doctor soon and maybe get a brain scan or something.  I used to have a photographic short term memory...perhaps it's just old age.  who knows.  

Dinner and A Show

I have been craving PF Chang's for over six months now.  Today my mom and I were at the mall shopping for a bridal shower gift and decided to stop in and pick up dinner to go.  This meant we were sitting by the take out place against a wall with time to kill.  which also means I got to do one of my favorite things- people watch.  And boy did I get a show! I had no idea that P.F. Chang's offered entertainment while you wait.  There was an empty table just in front of us at which two servers sat down to count out their tips for the day.  One had crazy hair and the other was actually pretty attractive.  Almost immediately a girl materialized from no where and sat down next to Mr. muscles.  I assume she was some sort of manager because she wasn't dressed like everyone else and she had a key card on her wrist.  See how smart I am.  That made one of us.  This girl, who may quite possibly be a genius in other circumstances, became ridiculous.  She could not have flirted more obviously if her life depended on it.  And let me tell you, she thought she was SO cute.  She may be an experienced flirt but she stinks at reading people.  This guy could not have looked more disinterested.  He didn't smile, he hardly even looked in her direction.  Which was actually pretty skilled since she was practically sitting on his lap.  He got up several times and each time- so did she.  She followed him to the left, then to the right, she probably would have followed him right off a cliff.  He was super nice about it.  Totally polite but still totally uninterested.  She followed him until he finally left the building.  Poor girl. So clueless. 

Et tu, Brute?

Tonight I was talking to a friend- I was telling this friend about some experiences from my not so distant past.  I told this friend a story that involves two other of our mutual friends.  Friend A directly, Friend B, indirectly.  As I was sharing these experiences we both decided that friend B would be hurt beyond measure if they knew what I had done.  In fact, friend B might even kill me for what I have done.  This is why friend B does not know about this experience.  I love this person and I don't want them to be hurt.  But even knowing this...I wouldn't change my actions.  Does that make me a bad person??  My actions didn't really bring any benefit into my life- in fact I would say it brought the opposite.  That choice- once again, made me a pawn in someone else's game.  A thing to be used in order to make them feel better.  And even knowing all this- I still don't think I would change anything.  In my never ending quest to find someone worth believing in- I helped one person boost their confidence while simultaneously secretly hurting another.  I feel a little like Judas.  only my intentions were different.  I wasn't trying to hurt anyone- I just made a choice- a choice for me.  A choice I thought would make me happy.  I suppose everyone involved would have been better off had I put someone else first.  But that's what life is about right?  learning.  Sometimes the lessons are painful- but the lessons have to be learned one way or another.  But did I learn the lesson if I don't feel bad about it?  I would feel awful if Friend B knew, but they don't....and that is all I would feel bad about.  Guess I still have lessons to learn....

I love Dead People

Do you ever have things you want to do or things you know you should do but you avoid them like the plague??  I do it all the time.  But not for normal procrastinating reasons.  And not because I just don't want to do them- sometimes I really want to do them.  fact about me: when I start something I want to finish it immediately.  This is why it is hard for me to read.  I LOVE reading but once I start it sort of consumes my life.  Also, genealogy.  I can't stand not finding what I'm looking for so I sacrifice sleep, my social life, basically anything that is not manditory to keep looking.  These really good things consume every spare second I have and suddenly they are not so great- totally my fault.  I need to be better at self discipline.  Anyway, I recently discovered a new thing that has been consuming my time.  (if you will notice I haven't blogged in a few days because of it.)  Indexing. (Indexing = transcribing vital records so that they are easy to read) I've been avoiding this for years.  But I finally gave in and started.  probably sounds boring to some but I have a morbid curiosity with dead people.  Not with the actual body (even that is questionable- forensics also fascinates me) but the "who were they?"  I was indexing death records the other day and I was literally crying on my couch.  Most of them are just old people dying of natural causes but there were two that really caught my interest.  One was an 18 year old black man, died from a gun shot wound to the head.  Murdered outside a cafe in Texas in 1968.  The other was a 20 year old housewife who committed suicide. Lysol poisoning.  I start wondering who these people were and what circumstances brought each of them to that point.  was he involved with the wrong people or was he a victim of racial injustice?  was she mentally unstable or was her marriage so bad she saw no other way out?  It really makes no difference but I love figuring people out -and the WHY just fascinates me- people fascinate me. 

It's V day

well it is almost Valentines Day.  Or as some like to call it- Singles Awareness Day.  Here is the thing, I really don't care for Valentine's day.  And no it's not because I'm single.  Truth is, even if I had been dating someone I would have found a way for us to break up before this day.  I always do.  I have never in my entire life dated someone over a holiday.  At least not a gifting holiday. (Halloween and the 4th of July don't count) So you see, I would have found a way to be single on Valentine's day anyway.  So, as I was saying, I don't think people should show affection and appreciation out of obligation.  People spend all kinds of money and energy just so they can have a gift to give someone because the calendar says they should.  Because if they don't, it could ruin someone else's entire day and possibly lead to an exchange of angry words.  As if anyone needs another excuse for contention- which is why this day causes so much anxiety for some people.  I think a Gerber daisy on a random Tuesday is much more meaningful than a dozen roses on Feb. 14th.  Tomorrow is one of my least favorite holidays.  But for those who disagree with me- Happy Valentine's Day! 

NEVER: get engaged or married on valentine's day.  It is just too cheesy to be acceptable.  sorry to anyone reading this who did either.

What I Learned Tonight

as most of you are aware- the Grammy's were on tonight.  I am a lover of music so naturally I turned them on.  After about two minutes I remembered all the things I hate about award shows.  Arrogance.  As the camera man scanned the audience full of celebrities you could see self importance slathered all over their faces.  Truth is half the people I know sing better than most of the people in that room.  They just happen to have more money and better connections than my friends.  I also learned tonight that you apparently do not need to sing on key to perform at the Grammy's.  Does that seem weird to anyone else? An award show honoring musical excellence yet you can't stay on pitch? 

There was also a performer- not sure who he was but he was singing a beach boys song and he kept doing the awkward microphone squat.  The one where he just didn't extend the mic stand far enough so now he has one hip pushed out to the side and he's kind of hunched over- tapping one foot on rhythm while holding the mic with both hands because he doesn't know what else to do with said hands.  All while eating the microphone because he thinks that makes him look intense or something.  Not sure why people think that's cool- it just looks like he's doing the potty dance on stage.  "Ahh, I gotta pee but I have to finish this song first!"  Not cool. 

To be fair- there are a few people in that room with real talent.  Stevie Wonder.  George Straight. Tony Bennett, Jennifer Hudson, Adele, etc.  And others who SHOULD have been there- Whitney Houston. (What a waste of talent- and it could have been avoided. sad.) What did I see amongst this talent- in the middle of a standing ovation the camera sweeps the audience and two women remained sitting holding their smart phones.  Seriously, this is a pretty incredible experience and you are posting/tweeting/texting...PUT THE PHONE DOWN and live in the moment.  Experience your life for real!!

My Impractical Hobbies

I have a friend at work who has a recipe blog where there are evil things.  Everything is made with butter and cream cheese and basically everything I've ever made has been divine.  But so not low calorie.  which I am not overly concerned about.  This is my dessert theory- If you want to watch calories you shouldn't be eating dessert anyway.  Go find a carrot.  If you are going to bake, do it right.  Use the good stuff.

So anyway- I love to bake.  It is one of my hobbies.  Everything always looks so pretty when you are done and my treats can bring smiles to grumpy faces.  I'm really quite good at baking.  Tonight I had some time so I decided to bake the Mousse Trifle you see above.  But this little beauty has to set up for 8 hrs before it can be served.  So naturally I had to make something else that could be eaten tonight.  If you've been reading this blog for awhile you know my dad doesn't like to wait for his desserts.  (Click here to be enlightened)So I couldn't make something and then tell him he gets nothing until tomorrow.  So I made the delicious Pumpkin Spice Bunt cake you see below.

I wasn't sure about this one when I started, but it was fairly inexpensive and NOT time consuming compared to what I'm planning for next week.  So light and fluffy- even the cream cheese glaze was light and delicious. 

Problem with this hobby is that there are only 3 people in my house.  Three people can not possibly eat all this dessert.  Even if we wanted to.  We would be sick.  Turns out my hobbies are not super practical.  I will need to find someone to share this stuff with ASAP- otherwise it will all just get thrown away.  Boo.  These are meant to be enjoyed not discarded.

Later this month:

Cranberry Cheesecake Bars.  I make the caramel apple cheesecake bars all the time and they are amazing so I'm hoping these are just as good. Still need someone else to eat them all for me...

In Your Dreams

I hate spiders.  The last two nights I have had a spider in my dreams.  But not just any spider.  The biggest spider in the world.  Seriously it was the size of a small dog.  And no I have not been watching Harry Potter recently.  This spider was light brown, it's body was at least 7 inches long and about 5 inches wide.  And the LEGS- The legs were probably two feet long and hairy.  This thing could move too.  In my first dream it was in my apartment, and my roommate and I were trying to kill it.  But it's pretty hard to kill a spider that big...it has hard bones that crunch.  I hate crunching.  I can kill spiders, as long as they are smaller than a quarter.  Anything bigger makes noise upon death.  I killed a cricket once- made me sick to my stomach all night.  Okay I'm getting off topic now.  So anyway, this monster is running at me and I catch it between my knees.  I wanted to just hit its head and knock it out but I couldn't get a good angle.  Plus I was terrified of being bitten.  A bite from a spider that size could kill me.  I got so freaked out I woke up.  Never killed it.  Then last night I was in a house and the spider was outside sitting on a bush.  Same spider.  But this time the window was open.  He was only a foot away- so I quickly shut the window.  So what the heck does that mean???  I have no idea...I looked it up online but I'm not having an "ah ha" moment.  This is what the Internet said:
To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck.


On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.
To dream that you are bitten by a spider represents a conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship.
actually, now that I've read it again...I can think of a few things in my life this could be a result of...here is to hoping I never see this spider again.  I don't think I could actually kill that spider, not even in my dreams.

Restriction Lifted

I got back on facebook.  Actually I went an extra day.  My restriction was from Sunday night to Sunday night.  But Sunday night rolled around and I felt like I didn't really care to check facebook.  I didn't feel the NEED to get on.  So I re-activated Monday night...just because.  I think I have come up with a solution to help me from getting too attached again.  I deleted the facebook app from my phone.  Trashed.  That was my bad habit.  Everytime I took my phone out I checked facebook or updated this or that.  If facebook is only accessible on my laptop I won't get on it very often.  Problem solved.  For now.  I'm sure I'll have to put myself in a time out again but hopefully not for awhile. 

Who Is This?

Today when I came home from work I had a wedding invitation waiting for me.  I wasn't expecting one so I opened it a little confused.  I was thinking, "who the heck do I know getting married?" I opened the envelope and I looked at the picture.  And I looked at the picture.  I probably stared at it for about a minute thinking- who the heck is this and why am I getting invited to their wedding?  Finally my brain turned on and I decided to look at the guy instead of trying to figure out who the girl is.  Turns out it's one of my friends from high school. I've only known him for 14 years- why wouldn't I recognize him.  Gees.  I even had a conversation with him about my address and his reception in Orem, but that was before Christmas.  Possibly before thanksgiving so I had forgotten that it had even happened.  It also doesn't help that I have been struggling with concentration today.  I can't seem to finish a thought. 

Hello, It's Mr. Nasty

I was talking to my mom the other day, and like I said, she's a pretty smart lady.  I was complaining again and she said to me, "Lori, why don't you write something nice about someone in your blog?"  Jokingly I said, "mom, I write a non-fiction blog."  But then later I started thinking about that conversation and I realized I've been a mean person lately.  I have been short tempered and impatient.  I have been looking for flaws in everyone and myself.  I can honestly say I have not been super proud of myself the last month or so.  I don't know why I have been so crusty.  My only conclusion is that I have been too focused on me.  I admit I've been feeling super vulnerable and slightly threatened the last month.  Not like bodily threatened but emotionally.  So my defense is to get tough.  To pretend I don't care about anything and anyone and it builds and builds and all of a sudden I wake up and realize I maybe have hurt quite a few people in my effort to protect myself from getting hurt.  How is that fair?  It's not.  I hate it.  I have told some friends this before, (and I promise it's relevant)  I would 100% rather get dumped by someone than dump the person I'm dating.  I hate to hurt people.  I know they get over it-but I don't like causing pain for even half a second. 
So then Why? Why do I do it? to protect myself.  It's an automatic defense mechanism and I was thinking I maybe am a little like the Horned lizard. 

"Horned lizards use a wide variety of means to avoid predation. Their coloration generally serves as camouflage. When threatened, their first defense is to remain still to avoid detection. If approached too closely, they generally run in short bursts and stop abruptly to confuse the predator's visual acuity. If this fails, they puff up their body to cause it to look more horny, making it appear larger and more difficult to swallow. At least four species are also able to squirt an aimed stream of blood from the corners of the eyes for a distance of up to five feet. This not only confuses predators, but also the blood tastes foul to canine and feline predators."
1st line of defense- don't be noticed.  If I'm uncomfortable a lot of the time I will just try and get out of the situation.  Avoid it all together.  2nd- if I'm feeling threatened I usually run away and then come back.  Fool proof for confusing people.  If confused enough they will just go away.  The 3rd way-is puffing myself up and pricking people around me.  I make myself seem more important, more threatening.  I am really good at looking unapproachable when I want to be left alone. If you get too close I will prick you and make you uncomfortable.  But sadly the thing I'm best at is not shooting blood from my eye but venom from my mouth.  I can say really mean and cutting things.  you know on you've got mail when Tom Hanks tells Meg Ryan that when you say the exact thing you want to say at the exact moment you want to say it, remorse inevitably follows.  "Hello, it's Mr. Nasty".  well, it is true.  I ALWAYS feel bad.  Sure sometimes it feels great to zing someone...but it doesn't last long.  It just leaves everyone around you with a foul taste. 
So to anyone I may have hurt or offended (they probably aren't reading this blog).  Or to anyone who has had to listen to me for the last month I give you my deepest apologies.  I am going to try to be a nicer person.

I Could Be Wrong...

The local mall has this really great feature in it.  A fireplace.  A big one.  And near this fireplace are a few cozy chairs.  The down side to this is that people forget that this fireplace is not their own personal place- that they are still in public.  Last week while playing at the mall with some friends we happened upon a double date.  A picnic or sorts consisting of Little Caesar's Pizza.  I have included a photo of said picnic...with my friends in the foreground as a decoy.   Is this weird to have  a picnic date in the middle of the mall?? Not in Provo/Orem it isn't.  I've seen picnic dates on the median divide on major streets...this is a step up I guess. 

Then today I was walking through the mall and there was a couple sitting in A comfy chair.  Yes just one chair for both.  He was sitting and she was in his lap.  He was all snuggled up into her- with intermittent making out. Gross.  You are in public.  Fireplace or not- the mall is not really a romantic spot.  At least I don't think a high traffic area full of strangers constitutes romance.  But I could be wrong-

Almost There

You know what's a really great feeling? Finally having more money in the bank than I owe on my hair school loan.  I'm almost to the point where all my money is MY money and I can decide how I want to spend it and not feel guilty for doing fun things.  Which also means I can start thinking about making some huge life decisions and working on that bucket list of mine!! I am SO excited.  To do things comfortably I just need to be patient for about four more months. There is nothing I hate more than being in debt.  I just have to give a HUGE shout out to my parents for letting me live in their house rent free so that I could pay off $11,000 last year! The End. 

May I Have This Dance?

So once upon a time I minored in ballroom dance at BYU.  I was on team for about a year and a half and loved every second of it.  I took both latin and standard classes but usually performed standard routines. which I loved!!  This was my favorite waltz.  A vienesse waltz.  I am the one on the left...if you watch closely you can follow me throughout the whole routine and if you can't keep track of me, cause sometimes it's tricky I am also the one on the left at the end of the dance.  The formations are pretty cool to watch as well...although since this was the first semester on team for some of my teammates- the lines are not always perfect.  The formation routines were choreographed and directed by Brady Stevenson.  He is fabulous.  Some day, when technology is not smarter than me I will figure out out how to post another waltz, a jive and a samba... but for now this will have to do.  Don't let the length scare you- i'm only in the first 2 or 3 minutes.  But if you want to keep watching after there is a foxtrot perfomed by two members of the touring company (I can't remember their names) and a samba performed by Emron Grover and Natalie Wakefield.  Then the latin formation team does a cha-cha.  

    

(if you can't get the video to load CLICK HERE)

You Go 90%....or do you?

Remember how movies aren't real?  That just because something is in them doesn't make it fact.  How many people reading this have ever seen Hitch? Funny flick but not without flaw. 
I was informed this weekend, by a male friend of mine, that many men use Hitch's advice in their own dating lives.  What am I talking about? The infamous porch scene.  In the movie, Hitch tells Albert that if the girl fiddles with her keys that means she wants him to kiss her.  This is the exact thing I'm talking about.  yes perhaps in some circumstances it does mean she wants to be kissed.  But there are a number of other factors to consider first. 
1. is she actually fiddling with her keys? or were you in the middle of a conversation and she is waiting for you to finish your sentence before she turns her back on you to unlock the door. 
2. Maybe she got her keys out because her purse is too big and she didn't want to search for them awkwardly while you stood there waiting. 
3. Maybe she just likes to talk to you and be in your company. 
4. Or perhaps she doesn't even know you consider this a date.  If you asked her using the words "hang out" or "play" she is not even considering the possibility of any physical contact beyond maybe a hug and therefore may not even be aware of what she is doing with her keys.  If this isn't a date then he shouldn't even be considering attacking the poor girl.  And if you do consider attacking her...consider it again, and very carefully, because you may not get a chance to redeem yourself if you are wrong. 

Has Anyone Ever Told You that You Look Like Anne Hathaway??

Let me share another winner of a date. My sister-in-law set me up with this guy.  I can't remember where he lived but I was meeting him in Salt Lake City.  I hate to drive in rush hour traffic and I had the day off so I decided I would just go to the temple while I was up there and then meet him afterward.  We finalized everything and he was going to meet me at 5:30ish.  My session would be out at 5 giving me 30 minutes to put my bag in my car and change my shoes.
WRONG! My date got there early and was waiting just inside the door for me.  He had sent me a text letting me know he was there and that there were two guys on the couch and I would have to guess which one he was.  Little did he know I had already facebook stalked him.  Like I am going to go all the way up to Salt Lake without any idea who to look for.  Anyway, I "guessed" (which I hate!) and he proceeds to tell me that he is really glad I'm not an ugly girl.  because according to him, blind dates usually are and then you have to pretend to not be disappointed.  wow, thanks.  strike one.  Dude sounds shallow.
He then tells me we are going to go eat dinner and that we should probably just walk because it isn't very far.  Please remember that because he was early I didn't get to prep as well as I would have liked, which means I still have my temple bag slung over my shoulder, a purse, and I am wearing 3" heels.  But I used to dance in heels, I can handle a few blocks.  well, a few blocks turned into probably a few miles.  We walked from temple square all the way to the gateway mall, but not in a straight line.  he was looking for some crazy restaurant so we walked up and down several streets.  Several sketchy street.  Finally he finds where it SHOULD be.  But it's been closed.  He then says, "okay well I guess we can keep walking and find somewhere else"  NO! NO...I am done walking.  So I spied a Jason's Deli and said, "actually why don't we just eat there".  In a voice that meant "This is what we ARE doing".  which I never do- I think if a guy is paying he should pick the restaurant so that he is comfortable with the price range.  But at this point I was done caring about things like that.  

Over dinner he asked me if anyone had ever told me I look like Anne Hathaway.  NOPE.  cause I don't.  Also, I can't stand Anne Hathaway.  She might possibly be my least favorite actress...2nd only to Kristen Stewart.  Word of advice- before you tell someone they look like a celebrity-find out how they feel about said celebrity. 
After dinner I now get to trudge back to temple square in my heels. But this time I get to do it twice as fast because we are going to be late for the concert his ex-girlfriend's little sister is performing.  Awesome.  As we are walking out he says to me, "oh, have you had that bag this whole time?"  YES!!!  strike two- not observant or considerate.
We arrived just a minute or two late and found our seats. She sang her first song and for an opera singer she had a beautiful voice.  But I don't really love classical sopranos.  And to make it even better- it was ALL in Spanish.  Every song for the whole hour was in Spanish.  I took 3 yrs of Spanish in high school so I could pick up a few words here and there.  But spoken Spanish and sung Spanish are two different things.  Also, my date was  fluent in Spanish.  So he was enjoying the show!  I was SO bored and my feet felt like they needed to be amputated.  About half way through he leaned over to ask if I was enjoying the concert and told me how amazing this girl was and how great her older sister is. (Also he told me 3 more times during the concert that I looked like Anne Hathaway.)  Strike Three- talking repeatedly about an ex girlfriend. 

The show ended and he introduced me to her whole family and made me take a picture with them. Awkward. But the end is in sight. We start to head out and he says, "Do you want to go get dessert?".  Actually no I don't but how do you respond to that without being rude.  If I say no I might as well just say, "Actually I have had a horrible time with you tonight and I'd rather not extend it thank you."  Even I couldn't bring myself to do that.  I said the only thing I could.  "Sure, as long as I don't have to walk far"  What is another 20 minutes anyway.  Over dessert he told me two more times how much I look like Anne Hathaway.  okay seriously STOP!!!  I played the tired card- which was in fact true.  I was TIRED of being told I looked like Anne.  Also I was emotionally exhausted.  He walked me to my car, I drove home, and told my sister-in-law about this date.  She has not tried to set me up since.

Oh Boy

Over the course of the weekend I had several people tell me I needed to watch this video.  I did. Hilarious.  It has a few swears in it so if you are super sensitive to that don't watch it...but it's a BYU kid after his wisdom teeth come out. ( my mom watched it and she thought it was funny)

Please enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhvcauQCEVs

So Many Options

If I didn't have a slight phobia of nudity I would seriously consider joining a nudist colony.  Okay maybe not that seriously.  Where is this coming from? well every stinking time I eat anything I end up wearing it.  I was eating dinner tonight and I was standing up talking to my mom and guess where my dinner ended up.  On my leg!!  This happens so frequently in my life that instead of changing I simply walked into the laundry room and sprayed my leg with shout.  But think how much easier and cheaper it would be to be naked and just wash it off.  I suppose the other viable option would be to learn to eat like an adult and NOT a toddler. 

Break Time

I did it again.  I took a break from Facebook.  I know that might cripple me socially for awhile, and I will miss out on important events but that is a chance I have to take.  I know I will go back, and I'm fine with that.  But I'm feeling a 'need' to check facebook and update my status and this and that and the other and I hate that.  So it's break time again.  The crazy thing is...I'm more concerned with my stats dropping on my blog than I am with actually deactivating the dumb account.  Most of my referrals to this blog are from facebook.  oh well...guess that's the chance I'll have to take.

The 8:30 Girl

A few weeks ago I was asked on a date by a friend of a friend.  He called me while I was at work and left a message.  I called him back a few hours later and he paused like he didn't know who I was.  (this should have been my first clue to what the date would be like)  Anyway, he asks me when would be good for me and I told him Saturday would probably be the best.  So he says, "ok great. Saturday it is. oh wait...maybe I better make sure I'm available".  Uh yeah..maybe you should.  Anyway- turns out he was free- surprise.  He then tells me he will call me later in the week to let me know what is going on.  Well, Saturday rolls around and I still have yet to hear from this guy.  It's getting to be afternoon and I'm still not sure even what time I'm supposed to be leaving on this date.  Which is annoying because I have other things to do but I have no idea how much time I've got left to do it. 
Finally about 1pm he calls and tells me he is going to pick me up around 5pm.  wow, that's kind of early but okay.  He tells me we are going to go get dinner and then, and I quote "do some other stuff".  ummm....okay.  That either sounds like you have nothing planned past dinner OR you are a creeper.  I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he just has poor planning skills. 
 He picks me up and I start asking him the normal questions.  Where do you go to school? what are you studying?  He tells me his major and then in the same breath tells me he has no idea what he plans to do with it.  (Did I mention the guy is almost 30 yrs old) We finally get to the Mexican restaurant in Pleasant Grove and by this time all of my standard questions have been asked.  Mostly because the guy could only really give a one word response enabling us to get through a plethora of questions in a very short time.  By the time the server came I was pretty much out of questions.  The server gave me a short reprieve and I was able to get him going about the menu and he was quite entertaining actually.  But then he had to leave.  And I was left with Mr. One word response.  Well, at this point I realize that there is no chance this date is going anywhere so I begin to babble.  I start asking questions I don't really care about the answers to and rambling on about stupid things just to fill up the silence.  I am usually okay with a little silence but with this guy it was awkward silence.  Not comfortable silence.  Somehow I managed to make it through dinner.  After dinner we get in the car and head down toward Orem.  Let me just say I didn't think I would live to see my home again-he was one of the most terrifying drivers I have ever had the misfortune of riding with.  He drives down and as we are getting off on university parkway he says, "Oops I meant to get off on center street".  which could be flattering- maybe he was so into what I was saying that he missed his exit.  But that was not the case. 
We get off the freeway and drive back toward orem center.  As we approach Iceberg he asks me if I like Ice cream.  I don't really love ice cream but I don't hate it either.  I am not high maintenance so if that's what he has planned I will just go with it.  Except that I was still totally full from dinner.  Fifteen minutes is just simply not enough time.  (also if you have been to iceberg you know that their ice cream is WAY over sized) basic dating rule: if you are going to do dinner and ice cream you need to put something in between.  A movie, golf, a walk, anything.  you cannot do them back to back.  My stomach can't hold that much and then I will feel sick and not be a fun date. Anyway, We park the car and on the way in he says, "do you like eggnog?"  wow- random.  To which I honestly replied "not really".  I think that was the wrong answer because he got super quiet after that.  I knew I said something wrong but I didn't really know why it was wrong- until we walked in and I saw an add for eggnog milkshakes.  So now I am at a loss. I am not sure what he was planning? was I supposed to share this milkshake with him? cause really I wouldn't have done that anyway- I don't even know the guy.  So we stand there for probably ten minutes.  I was waiting for him to say something to me or the employees so I could get some idea of what was expected of me.  Finally he moves and we order.  After about half an hour he says, "well your ice cream is melting in it's cone and I we shouldn't make a mess so we should go"  Great.
We start driving and at this point I realize he is taking me home.  Really?? It's 8:30 on a Saturday night. 
Please don't get me wrong.  I was pretty emotionally exhausted from this ordeal but wow.  That was a record for me.  My question is...if he had nothing planned after that- why did he not just pick me up later.  I would have been fine with 7:30....at least then it would have been after 10 when I went home.  which is a much more acceptable time to be brought home. 
The best part about this last detail...3 days later I went on a date with someone else and I was again home by 8:30pm.  Ouch.  Now that's a blow to the ego.  I guess I'm not as fun of a date as I thought.  They just can't wait to take me home.

Taking from an Amputee

I had loads of fun this weekend but my people watching plans failed miserably.  However, in my many conversations I was reminded about a date I went on a few years ago.  This is going to sound like an awful date but I am so glad I went.  They guy was good looking and actually we are still friends but the date itself was a joke.  But such a great story to tell.  Here is how the story goes:

Once upon a time a boy asked out a girl.  This boy and three of his friends got tickets for the local AAA baseball team.  What fun.  So the boy picks up girl in his dad's truck and they head downtown to meet up with the two other couples.  The conversation was good and so far everything seemed normal.  Until it was time to park the car.  We parked and got out but instead of just paying and parking this boy asks his friend (who had recently had his foot amputated as a result of cancer) if he can use his handicapped parking pass so that he doesn't have to pay for parking.  classy.
Now it's time to head into the park and get dinner.  I would like to point out that the guys had decided to eat in the park rather than eating before.  Which you can probably guess is the more expensive option.  So into the park the couples go.  Once in line the boy says to the girl- "so do you want the soft pretzel?" (the cheapest thing on the menu).  Girl is pretty laid back so she says "sure".  And chuckles a little to herself.  The game goes on.  I can't remember who won and who lost but it was a fun time.  The game ended and the three couples head out to their cars.
Boy starts car and says, "oh, looks like I'm almost out of gas.  I think if I put in $1.50 I can get us home".  Really?  I realize this is daddy's car but I really want to make it home and not stall on the freeway so maybe could you put $5 in?  Anyway, the car gets enough juice to drive the 40 min back home.  While the girl prays to herself the whole ways. 
At this point the group had planned to go out and get ice cream but the main boy in this story suggests they all just go to his parent's house and eat their ice cream.  The group goes along with the plan and soon thereafter calls it a night.  Boy drives girl home and I'm assuming had enough gas to make it back home himself.  Now as for his dad the next morning? well, who knows. 

Here is the thing...I'm all about cheap dates.  Some of my best dates have cost absolutely nothing.  But don't plan a date you can't afford or don't WANT to pay for.  I have never felt more like an imposition in my whole life.  I seriously was to the point of just offering to pay for it myself.   I had to keep reminding myself that HE asked ME.  Ah well...thing is, it's not really his fault.  His parents are pretty tight with money so the guy had zero chance.  But taking a handicapped person's parking sticker ?!?! I'm STILL trying to understand how he thought THAT was a great idea.

Where Ever I Go...

If there was one place on this earth I would not expect to find a creeper it would be in the temple.  But that assumption was incorrect.  Even creepers go to the temple.  Let me explain for you.  So the other day I had some time and I decided to go to the temple.  I was the very last person they let in the room, the session wasn't full so I sat on a row all by myself.  which I loved.  Anyway being the last person in the room I was also the last person to go into the 'celestial room' (for anyone who maybe doesn't know what that is it's basically the most beautiful room I've ever been in.  white and clean with beautiful chandeliers.  Also no one really talks so its a great place to reflect on everything) While I was getting in line I noticed this guy..probably early 30s move from his spot to the back of his line.  whatever I just ignored it and moved on.  Once I got into the Celestial room I went to my normal spot by the window. (I LOVE that spot) It was extra nice this day because there was no one anywhere near me- they were all on the other side of the room.  while sitting there I noticed my awkward friend go to the west side of the building and stand by the door.  (There are 3 doors and they are all on the same side of the room- the opposite side than I was sitting on) As I'm sitting by myself I notice this guy keeps looking at me.  I just tried to ignore it but then I saw him move in my direction.  He started walking toward me so I braced myself for an awkward moment.  He was almost to me, made eye contact and then continued to walk around the other side of the room and out the door.  What the heck?  I mean, I'm not sorry to have missed the awkward pick up in the celestial room but he was NOT smooth.  If he wanted to just leave the door was much closer to where he was originally.  Or maybe at the last minute her realized it is inappropriate to hit on someone in the temple.  Just proves that awkward people can and will find me where ever I go.

Isn't that the Point?

As I'm walking through the relatively vacant parking lot to the gym I notice an SUV attempting to park. I don't normally notice every car that parks in the parking lot but this one struck me as odd.  Mostly because this huge vehicle was attempting to park in the empty spot closest to the building.  Unfortunately for them, they were coming from the wrong angle.  As I'm watching this car make its 15 point turn in an effort to secure the very closest spot I'm realizing how ridiculous this is.  There are five or six spots open 4 spaces down.  But this driver chooses to spend 2 minutes pulling in and backing out over and over so they can have the 1st spot.  Isn't the whole point of going to the Gym to burn calories?  Wouldn't parking 4 spaces down burn more calories?  I mean, unless this person is planning on a work out so strenuous they couldn't possibly make it another ten yards to their car.  Why waste the time to save yourself a few steps when your whole purpose for being there is to work out? I'm sorry I just don't get it. 

In A Slump

I've decided that this weekend I need to head out into the greater Orem area...find a nice cliche dating spot and just sit back and enjoy the show.  I LOVE to watch people on dates... I need some new material for this blog.  I mean, it has been quite some time since I've written a good post about dates.  mostly because I haven't been on any 'good' ones.  Or because I felt bad about it...although, it has been long enough that I probably could get away with it now.  I will think about that.  But I'm still going to get myself a good dose of people watching this weekend.  Blog posts to follow. 

Just Suck it Up

I officially think I have a vitamin deficiency of some kind...vitamin d maybe?  I have no idea really.  And since my doctor keeps testing me for anemia and coming up with nothing- I think it's time to find a new doctor.  Normally I would just hang the whole process- I NEVER go to the doctor.  For one very good reason. They always tell me I'm fine.  So for the majority of my life I simply go on as if I am.  My motto: Suck it up!  And that's what I've been doing for the last 2 years.  And to be honest- I think I'm doing pretty well.  I go to work, I go to zumba, I socialize.  Yes I'm still every bit as tired as I have been but I'm learning to deal.  I mean really in the grand scheme of things it could be much worse. 
However, I think I am going to find a new doctor and take one more stab at it before my fantastic health insurance goes away.  why? well because this week I've started getting dizzy at random times and sometimes I also feel slightly sick to my stomach and have to sit down...(NO I am NOT Pregnant. ha..ha.) it really only lasts for a few minutes...but what if I happen to be driving during those few minutes?  I can deal with it myself but I sure do not want to kill someone in my attempts to just deal.  I'm sure it will still be nothing...maybe it's just part of getting old. :) also if anyone knows of any actually good doctors in Utah county let me know ( my insurance probably covers them- it covers most everyone.)  But until then...I will continue to suck it up. 

My Bucket List

I finally got my bucket list to 100 things.  I'm sure i'm missing some must do things but my brain hurts from thinking.  If you know of something that might be of interest let me know so I can decide if it does in fact need to be added to my list....or if you want to help me cross something off my list that would be fantastic as well....so here it is-in no particular order:


1.visit the Ben and Jerry's factory
2.fly in a hot air balloon
3.spend the 4th of July in dc
4.tour western Europe
5.ski- (snow and water)
6. sumo suit wrestling
7. four wheeling in Moab
8. duck tours in Boston
9.see Wicked in orchestra seats
10.Learn archery
11.become a marksman-(riffle and hand gun)
12. Learn to play the violin
13.be cast in a lead role in Les Miserables or Miss Saigon
14. learn to ride a horse
15.work at Disneyland
16.go on a cruise
17.snorkel in Maui
18.go to Carlo's bakery in NY
19.visit Pearl Harbor
20.sing the national anthem at the strawberry days rodeo
21. ride a gondola in Venice
22.visit Jerusalem
23.visit the valley of the kings/ great pyramids
24. attend a renaissance fair
25. get good at tennis
26. go deep sea fishing
27. learn snowboarding
28.learn fencing
29.learn french
30.learn latin
31.learn to read music
32.go to the Grand Ole Oprey in Nashville
33.learn to tap dance
34.ride an elephant
35.visit the Titanic in a sub.
36.go on a helicopter ride
37.learn to indoor rock climb
38.visit the San Diego zoo
39. milk a cow
40.visit Niagara falls
41.visit Yellowstone
42.visit the Parthenon
43.go inside the Statue of Liberty
44.visit the Notre Dame cathedral
45.visit the Taj Mahal
46.visit the Colosseum in Rome
47.tour the Louvre
48.watch a live sumo wrestling match
49.visit Universal Studios
50.tour Hearst Castle
51.learn to play chess
52.restore a classic car
53.sleep in a castle
54.stay in the Disneyland Grand hotel
55.see a play on Broadway
56.go to the Sundance Film Festival
57.see Cirque de Soleil
58.attend a masquerade ball
59.go to the Kentucky derby
60.attend an Olympic event
61.watch the Macy's thanksgiving day parade live from time square
62.see a show at the Radio City Music Hall
63.watch the Rose Parade live
64.attend a murder mystery dinner
65.tour the wax museum in L.A.
66.visit Auschwitz
67.learn calligraphy
68.get an MBA
69.eat at the undersea restaurant Ithaa
70.attend a civil war re-enactment
71.go to Bryce canyon
72. learn to change my oil
73. learn to change a tire
74. sing on an EFY CD
75. sing at the conference center
76. eat pizza in Italy
78. visit the boardwalk in Atlantic city
79. take the church history tour
80. get married (what the heck- that can go on a bucket list right? )
81. Go to Disneyland at Christmas time
82. Visit Ford's theater
83. Arlington National Cemetery
84. go inside Buckingham Palace
85. See the Sistine Chapel
86. finish the quilts I started
87. Make my own CD
88. Get a law degree
89. Dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point
90. write a book
91. Ride a train ( a real one not the one at the zoo)
92. Be in a show at the Hale Theater
93. Find my Grandpa's family
94. visit the city of Pompeii
95. ride a zip line
96. Meet Clinton Kelly
97. Go to the Hershey Factory
98. do a session at all Utah temples
99. Become a certified EMT
100. Learn to golf.

Why Is There No Mute Button??

why are girls SO loud?  Sometimes I wish I had a tiny remote that would allow me to mute some people.  Or at least turn them down several notches.  I never really noticed just how loud women are until the last few months.  I have been working in the slower section of my store lately and this section of the store is catered to women. Which means when I do get people in my store they are usually traveling in groups.  For some reason they all feel like they need to talk over one another or that their friend has suddenly become hard of hearing and they need to shout even though the friend is only 2 feet away.  Doesn't matter if they are 15 or 50 the behavior is still the same.  Or the other thing that happens is that groups of women will walk past my store and I will hear VERY clearly the details of their conversation.  When I am standing at least 30 ft from the entrance I should not hear a conversation going on outside.  I have thought about this a lot lately.  And being as I am a woman I should just know the answer-no thinking needed.  But I am going to refrain from including myself here- I am not, by nature, a loud person.  I rarely need to be the center of attention and I generally prefer to listen to others than to be heard myself.  (Probably the product of being #5 of 6 kids.  It's just easier to accept your fate and move on)  Don't get me wrong- I like attention and I like people to listen to me- but only if they want to.  I don't like to fight for what I should naturally be given.  Anyway, in my musings about this I have drawn two conclusions as to why women are so loud.
1.  They are super self centered and feel that everyone should pay attention to them 100% of the time.  That what they have to say is more important than anything anyone else might have to say.
2.  They have a total lack of self confidence.  They need attention to make themselves feel important.  They are afraid if they aren't the focus of the conversation they will be over looked and then they feel insecure. 
Which one is it? Both.  Just depends on the girl.  I think both are sad though.  And both create a behavior that I find incredibly annoying.  Take it down a few notches- the whole world doesn't need to know your life.

In Over My Head

I think I might be in over my head. I have a 3o minute voice lesson once a week and a master class once a month. (3 lessons and masterclass) Well, I have decided to compete in NATS (National Association of Teachers of Singing- or something like that) its a voice competition. Last year I competed in the Adult Belter division and this year I am doing it again. But I have decided I want to compete Legit as well (legit is somewhere between classical and belt). The thing is....I don't sing legit. I have done one legit song in my life. NATS is the first weekend in march so that means I have exactly 4 lessons to learn 4 songs. Two of which are TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. Great. Here is what I'm singing: (click on the titles to hear the songs)

Legit:
Vanilla Ice Cream from She loves me
Love don't turn away from 110 in the shade or Your Daddy's Son from Ragtime (I have yet to decide on one- feel free to leave your vote)

Belt:
Here I am from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Woman from the Pirate Queen (I was going to do a solo version of You are My Home from the Scarlett pimpernel but I now realize I don't have time to learn and perfect it so I'm picking something I already know)

I know exactly 1 of these songs well, another 2 semi well and the others not really at all. like I said 4 weeks to perfect 4 songs....in WAY over my head.

If You Couldn't Fail

I have been thinking about this question. It's actually a really hard question to answer. What would you do? The only way I could answer it was to ask myself, "What things have I not done because I'm afraid of failing?" Honestly, I always try to do the things that scare me-I don't want to end up with a life of regrets. But am I honestly giving it my all? Or am I doing just enough to say, "I tried." But not really extending myself far enough to make 'failure' possible. In what areas of my life am I afraid of failing? How am I protecting myself and preventing failure?
Some of these are going to sound so dumb but they are legit fears- some of them I didn't even know I had until I really started thinking about this question.
1. I would move to DC
2. I would audition on Broadway/voice of a Disney princess
3. I would go to Tennessee to research my Grandpa's family
4. Share the gospel with some very special people
5. Get married.
I told you, some of those sounds strange. Some of them even sound like, "why are you afraid of failing at that?" I can't really explain it. actually, yes I can. I am a bit of a perfectionist with myself. Other people I can forgive/overlook failure or mistakes. In myself it is nearly impossible. Especially if it is financial failure. Nothing scares me more than debt. well-almost nothing.
Many of you know my original plan was to go to law school and do constitutional law. Civil rights and all that. what better place to do that than Washington D.C. Well, then I remembered the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I would be Mr. Smith. Full of noble ideas up against the corrupt world of politics. If I knew I couldn't fail- I would move to DC and change everything that is wrong with our government.
number 2 is pretty easy to figure out. If I knew I couldn't fail I would love to do a show on Broadway- the next Sutton Foster. But I am still working on community theater. Broadway is a dream. A big bright scary one. And if not Broadway-I would love to be the singing voice for a Disney princess. Dream come true.
3 is another one of those.."why would you fail at that?" My grandpa's family pretty much does not exist before 1860. I know. I've done a lot of Internet searching. They were poor and the courthouse was burned-taking all the records with it. So what am I afraid of? Spending money to take and extended trip to Tennessee, spending hours on hours searching and still coming home with nothing but greater frustration. So if I don't look, I can't fail. But if I don't look I fail anyway right?
4-most the time I don't have a problem sharing my testimony and the gospel- except when I think it won't be received well. No big deal right? that's their loss. But who I am is so deeply rooted in my testimony of Jesus Christ that for someone to reject or belittle my belief is like a literal slap in the face. If I feel safe I will share anything with anyone- but if I feel like a person doesn't care or isn't interested I keep things to myself. Trivial things. So if I can't share trivial things for fear of rejection, think how much harder it is to share the foundation of your character with someone who couldn't care less.
and the last one. Yep. I said it. I am afraid of having a failed marriage. That is why I date losers. I know things won't work out. Then I can just have failed relationships and an excuse for not getting married. If you don't get married you can't get divorced. STOP. before you jump into a lecture, I know this thinking is messed up. This was my underlying belief for most of my life. I only recently realized that I even had this subconscious belief. But I realize it now. I know where it came from and I am working to replace it. (thus my dating and marriage 'goals') but unfortunately, walls that have been built and fortified for decades do not come down easily. But like they say, admitting it is the first step.
Now that I've shared WAY too much about my beliefs and thought processes I want you all to think..."what would YOU do if you knew you could not fail?" you don't have to blog about it, but you might learn some pretty interesting things about yourself in the process...

Today I Love...

Right now I am loving being in my cute and comfy PJs, sitting in my big fluffy warm bed. I also love that it rained yesterday instead of snowing. I love that I had the day off today. I love that I had voice lessons today. I love that I made one of my favorite desserts and that I plan on eating it for breakfast. (yes I have not given up all of my college habits- and I probably never will) I love that I got to go to zumba this morning with my second favorite teacher and dance my little heart out. I love that I got to talk to some of my very favorite people today (sadly not all of them). I love that I have a mother who helps me sort out my thoughts. I love that I own so many books and can read them anytime I want. I love that my hard cover (expensive) copy of Grimm fairy tales did NOT get thrown in the trash (since I put it in a box in the garage-don't ask why, I have no idea. I don't even remember doing it) I love that I made someone smile today- sure they may have been laughing at me because I was singing in my car by myself-but a smile is a smile. I love that my house is quiet and I can go to sleep and not get woken up until my alarm goes off for work tomorrow. I love that I get to blog whenever I need to. These are a few things I Love today. What do you love?

Just Go With It

What is the thing I dislike about my singing voice? too much vibrato. I was afraid to sing in front of ANYONE after the age of twelve so I pretty much sang in my room. what did I sing to? The original, which means 1980s, recordings of Miss Saigon and Les Miserables. Back then Vibrato was the way to sing. Everyone did it, and that's how I trained myself- trying to sound like those women. Well, now I'm singing and trying to eliminate a lifetime of bad habits. It's actually really hard. Most of the time I don't realize I'm doing it, until someone records it and lets me hear it. Why am I talking about this again...well because it occurred to me today that perhaps I shouldn't fight it quite so hard. Linda Eder has TONS of vibrato and people love her. Also, perhaps I should just sing country. Then I wouldn't have to change anything- it's supposed to sound that way. If Taylor Swift can sing, (which she really can't without all her pitch correction technology) then I for sure can do it! :) This will be my new experiment this month.

Note: This does not mean I am going to give up my show tunes- I don't think I could if I tried.

Don't Touch

I hate when people touch things they shouldn't. This week at work I had a co-worker say to me, "Lori, this mannequin is leaking powder".....I'm sorry, it's what?!!?! For all those who don't work in retail or don't do a lot of visual merchandising that is NOT NORMAL! So I go to check out this situation- when I pull off the arm to get a good look I realize the problem. The hand is broken. A customer decided that instead of asking the associate to remove the shirt, she would just do it herself. first problem- Mannequins have a weird weight distribution and if you are not used to it you will probably drop and or break the mannequin- guess what? they are SUPER expensive and also we can't order more. They are only sent every few years so if you break it I hate you because now my store looks ghetto. The second problem- she replaced the shirt with something ugly. (ugly outfits don't sell. Call me crazy but I don't like my untrained customers who can't even figure out how to coordinate colors to choose my featured items) Seriously Don't touch stuff that isn't yours. Just wait until the associate is available to help you. And if this doesn't deter your impatience you should know that sometimes there can be super painful consequences. I work with mannequins ALL the time. I dress and redress them several times a week and still tonight- while changing the windows- I pinched my finger between the shoulder and arm of a magnetic mannequin's arm. HUGE blood blister that hurts every time I touch anything (seriously its been like 5 hours and it is still throbbing). Too bad that didn't happen to my 'do it yourself' customer. Did I mention she didn't even buy the stupid shirt. She broke my mannequin for no reason at all. So please- if you have a considerate bone in your body- please don't help yourself to the displays at the mall. There are people who are trained to work with that stuff so just let them do their job. Okay? okay!

Small but Studly

On Sunday I was driving home from church and I noticed a small child walking down the sidewalk toward me. Let me paint you a picture-He was probably about 6 years old. Curly blondish hair, glasses, a sucker sticking sideways out of his mouth, and a slightly over sized suit. His shirt was untucked and sticking out of his jacket at the bottom. His hands were in his pockets and he definitely walked with a swagger. So in short...he was a STUD. He made me smile and secretly wish that my boys, should I have any, look just like that!!

One Step

I have concluded that I am a sap. Really. I'm sitting on my couch crying over a TV show. which TV show? Extreme Makeover-home edition. See, sappy. I don't watch TV often so it's been a few years probably since I've watched and episode but I LOVE it. I watch these people who build houses and the quote "A man who does what he loves will never work a day in his life" comes to mind. These people are doing what they love and not only doing what they love. They are using their skills and what they love to change lives. To lift people who are usually at the lowest points in their lives. That's what I want to do. Not build houses, I don't have those skills. But I don't see myself changing lives in an office building crunching numbers. I have decided not to get my MBA at this time...some of my friends think I'm crazy but I want to do what I love and I want to help people while I do it. How am I going to do that? well...I'm haven't completely figured that out yet.
Sometimes I come home and everyone is asleep. the lights are all out and I have to walk in the dark to my room. All the way hoping no one left anything on the floor in my path. Sometimes they do, I stub my toe and it hurts like crazy. But I adjust my path and eventually make it to my room and into the light. That's what this feels like to me. I'm just walking forward, one step at a time. hoping I don't stub my toes. But eventually I will figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Just one step at a time.

Not Going to Work?

So yesterday a man used a $100 bill to pay for his items at work. We gave him his change and he walked away. Not two minutes later I'm called over again because this guy has come back and he would like to trade his $20 bill for a new one. "This one has a tear on the corner and I'm not sure it will work"....really?? You are not sure it will work? The only place that bill won't work is in a vending machine and who puts a 20 in a vending machine?? so basically he is either

1. Completely stupid and doesn't realize that legal tender is legal tender ripped or not or

2. He has obsessive compulsive tendencies and doesn't like the idea of money in his wallet which is slightly worn.

Either way the guy is special.

The Deadline Approaches

I guess you don't realize how much stuff you really have until you have to move it. Blah. I've been moving, organizing, and cleaning since Thursday. (also I've still been working full time at my job) So pretty much from sun up to sun down I'm busy. Here is the lame part...I'm only about HALF way. I've moved everything out of my mom's room but now I have to tackle my own. Let me tell you how frightening that is....I've tucked things in every corner imaginable. And under my bed- well it's a couple feet off the ground so you can only imagine how much stuff I can fit under there....okay. Time to stop procrastinating. I've given myself until Thursday night to be done with everything. So here goes nothing. Wish me luck.

All I Ever Wanted...

Oh Walmart. I hate Walmart. I find it is a necessary evil. However, tonight I was trying to organize several rooms at a time and I realized I needed some command hooks if I was going to do a decent job of it. Let me first back up and tell you that, considering my feelings, today was probably not the day to go to Walmart. I left my house just before 8:30am this morning, stayed at work a little late-which put me home at almost 7pm. Then I had to clean the "guest" room that my sister recently vacated before I could even begin to think about moving my stuff back into it. And I also had a lesson to finalize for church tomorrow. So when I decided to go to Walmart I was already stressed and VERY tired. Not a stellar beginning for a trip to Walmart on a Saturday night in Utah county.

Anyway, I went out into the cold frigid night to get my hooks. (why was it so important I get the hooks tonight? ...I have a hard time focusing on things (like a lesson plan)-if I have clutter surrounding me. I work better in a clean organized environment. And right now my environment is anything but organized) where was I? oh yes, I braved the cold and entered the zoo only to find that they are SOLD OUT of command hooks. Great. Of course they are. Why do they never re-stock? They have probably been out of them for weeks if not months! I get that sometimes they run out of stuff...I work retail, I know this. But come on! This is Walmart...they carry the same stuff all year long! Ugh whatever. I left Walmart without spending a dime, which I think is a record for me, and headed to Macey's. (It's on my way home) Guess what?! they don't have them either. So I decided I would just get my favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry's to make up for my lack of hooks. NOPE- they don't even carry it anymore (which is a bigger tragedy than you realize- I don't super love ice cream. There are very few flavors I will eat and this Macey's was the ONLY one that carried my flavor) LAME! I got in my car feeling totally dissatisfied with the world and drove home. Now that I wasted and hour of my very packed night (did I mention I also bailed on one of my best friends so I could get all this done?) I got on the computer to print out my lesson outline...low and behold...the dumb website will only print page one. Nice but I kind of need more than just the "preparation" page. I had to get fancy and use my brain to fix the problem- but long story short- I had a slight emotional break down. Seriously- all I ever wanted was a dumb hook to hang my headbands on. Is that so much to ask? I guess it was. I am learning something from this experience...what? what am I learning?

You can't have everything you want right when you want it. I need to not take on bigger projects than I can realistically complete in the time I have. Also I need a hard copy of my teacher's manual because I am not going to mess with this kind of thing every time I teach :) And most importantly, Life goes on. Tomorrow will come whether I have my hooks or not. "Tomorrow is a new day-Fresh with no mistakes in it" Tomorrow I can choose to be happy. And tomorrow I will not let small things get to me. (which means I should go to bed so I'm not tired- because tired makes me irritable)

Was it Worth it??

Okay, I'm not saying Marylin Monroe is a favorite of mine. In fact it's quite the opposite. I really don't think she could sing, she was a horrible actress, and she basically sold her body and along the way pretended to be incredibly stupid. Not the makings of a person I can respect. Really the only good thing about her is that she was before the days of twiggy and she had a very positive body image. That being said- I was reading through some quotes of hers and I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I mean really, Norma Jean Baker wanted so badly to be famous she sold herself- and in so doing cut her life short. She had all kinds of attention, positive and negative, but she didn't have any real friends. No one really respected her. Men used her. What did she get out of her Hollywood experience? Nothing of REAL value. I wonder, if she knew how it was all going to play out, would she do it again or would she stay Norma Jean?

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

She was not a stupid woman. I agree with this statement- except for the part about trusting only yourself...those are words of a hurt and jaded woman. Someone who has been taken advantage of too many times.

"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't."

She accepted the image Hollywood gave to her-Sad.

"Success makes so many people hate you. I wish it wasn't that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you."

I'm guessing she didn't have very many real friends.

"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."

again, just sad. She sounds lonely and a little bitter.

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents."

She wasn't exaggerating. She did sell her soul to become Marylin. I truly hope she got everything she dreamed. I hope she was satisfied with her life, although she doesn't really sound like she was. At least not 100% of the time. Was it worth it? I would say no....

Speed Dating

Oh New Year's Eve...not my favorite holiday of the year. Secretly I hate it. Anyway, I already wrote that post last year...this one is going to be more fun. So this year I decided to not be such a stick in the mud and I went to a YSA dance. I know what you are thinking...because it's exactly what I thought. I had no intentions of going to this one but my dear friend Amanda is on on the planning committee and she assured me since this one involved several stakes it wouldn't be as bad as previous years. So I dolled myself up, because I don't get to do that very often- and it was actually fun. Smokey eyes and leopard print stilettos. yes please!! Anyway, while the dance was in progress they also had speed dating going on in another room. I totally did it and it was actually fun. I didn't actually play by all the rules but I did sit at the table and talk to a new guy every 60 seconds. And to be fair...most of the guys were actually pretty normal. I LOVE YSA activities sometimes. Anyway- so this speed dating gig was pretty intense. As you walk into the room they hand you a slip of paper that says:

Speed dating 101:

Get a 3x5 card and pen (girls colored/guys white)

write your name on the front of your card. make it legible please.

on the back discreetly write your phone number (for admin eyes only)

Meet and write the name of your speed date on the back

converse with person across from you for allotted time

use provided questions as icebreakers

ascertain if you would like admin. to provide your speed date with your phone number or not

if yes indicate next to speed date's name. if no indicate next to speed dates name.

when notified, bid farewell and move to next date

at the end of the night admin will take matches and distribute phone number accordingly.

whew...that is a mouth full...but don't you worry. There is more. Flip over the paper to find this:

Dating tips:

Be authentic with compliments

inquire about your date

be confident in your self

be thou not overbearing

avoid questions that can be answered with yes or no

be clean. physically, morally

Speak highly of your mom

men- open doors

women-walk through open doors

plan your date

Pair off on your date

Pay for your date

Avoid day-long first dates

Call. Don't FB or text
Dress for success. Try wearing something ironed and appropriate

guys remember 90-10 (will smith)

Girls. Its ok to date when you have a missionary

***Adherence to afore mentioned doesn't guarantee marriage***

Um, can we say amazing. Especially the part about your mom! Also the disclaimer at the bottom....classic.

With a Little Attitude

Once upon a time I was in hair school. I spent about 10 hours a day just focused on physical appearance. Either mine or someone else's. Our seats in the classroom faced a mirrored wall so for four hours a day you got to stare at yourself and find all your flaws. Needless to say, the other 4-6 hours, if I had down time I spent perfecting my own hair and make up. Back then I was pretty daring with my cosmetics. Where is this leading? I have decided that red lipstick is not utilized nearly enough. I used to wear it at least once a week back when I was in school. Now I have down graded and it's become just my stage make up. LAME. A friend of mine wore it to a dance last night and she inspired me to pull it out again. So yes. I wore red lipstick to church today. And also my red heels with my most amazing dress in my closet...then topped it off with my pearls. Pretty much I felt like a classy retro chick. (If I had known I was going to blog about this I would have taken a picture.) I plan on wearing my red lips at least once a week again and I think more people should join me in my quest!! And I don't want to hear "I can't pull it off" because everyone can!! you just need the right shade and a lot of attitude ;)