Cast it in...

Fishing is an interesting thing...you bait your hook, you throw it out into a vast body of water, and you wait. You wait until a fish decides to bite. Then you reel it in...sometimes you keep the fish and sometimes you set it free. What does this have to do with anything? I will tell you...

ok the last couple of days I have had several interesting conversations with some pretty amazing friends. Specifically tonight I was talking to a friend. She's amazing, return missionary, strong testimony, gorgeous voice, smart- graduating from byu with a business degree, has a full time job lined up...she is a catch. She was expressing to me her frustration that all the guys she has been out with just want to be her friend. Specifically these boys will take her on dates, they call her, they spend hours talking to her about anything and everything-but they just want to be friends. I fully understand that a person has to be attracted to the person they choose to marry...so don't get me wrong. that's not the direction this ranting is going.

So during our conversation tonight she tells me that a guy she was on a date with last week told her that he doesn't want to marry a girl who is smarter than him. He wants a wife who needs him and depends on him. THIS is where I have a problem. So many guys don't think about their futures. I don't think he should marry a girl smarter than him but I also don't think he, or any other guy, should marry a girl who is not his equal. I think a lot of guys cheat themselves out of a really great relationship. I started thinking about the guys I know...and not all of them...but quite a few of them have settled for girls who don't encourage them to be better...and to keep progressing. on the flip side, I know too many girls who married the first guy who asked because they just wanted to be married. They wanted to be taken care of and start a family.

Again, let me clarify. I am not knocking the goal of getting married and having a family...in fact I am all about it. I am, however, not a fan of rushing into it. I am continually baffled that so many guys just want a wife that depends on them...they aren't thinking about the future. What happens if you can't provide for her anymore, what happens if work takes you away for awhile...will she be able to manage the household? If you pass away first, will she be able to balance her checkbook or pay the bills? Or will she suddenly be lost and insecure? That is where my confusion lies...I just have to ask myself how anyone can be truly happy that way. Let me see if I can explain my train of thought....

men: Don't you want a wife who is with you because she wants to be and not because she needs to be. Don't you want to know that she choose you for you..and not just because you could provide for her, because she needs you to take care of her. Don't you want to be with someone who understands you.

Women: Don't you want to be with someone you can have a conversation with, someone who isn't always telling you how things are but who asks for your input. Don't you want to know that you are helping your husband and not just adding to his responsibility.

I for one want an equal marriage or none at all...eternity is a long time. I once heard a very profound statement by a woman lawyer in DC...she said, "I will never love a man because I NEED him. But I will NEED a man because I love him."

And as for these boys and their "lets just be friends"- I say cut the cord. Lets face it...friendships with the opposite sex are not a lasting thing. (there are some exceptions) but generally as soon as one or both of you gets serious with someone your friendship is over- unless you are all friends but that is another story. The long walks, the chats over dinner...all those things are gone when you get engaged to someone else or at least they should be...so why waste the time...its sucks but move on to a smarter guy. Ladies...you don't want a fly fisher..you want a man who casts his reel and waits patiently, hooks a good one (you) and knows its a good one...If he doesn't know what he's got while he's got it...then he doesn't deserve to keep it. He deserves to go hungry.... :) too many metaphors? maybe? but you get my point.