A fact about me: I often feel pain for other people's loss. Sometimes I hate it. I'm not saying I want to change that fact but I guess I just wish I could control it a little more.
Every Sunday on my way to church I have to pass a cemetery. I don't usually think about it too much or pay attention to it I just know I have to turn there. Except for yesterday. As I was approaching the cemetery I noticed a white truck waiting to exit the driveway of the cemetery. But as I got closer I realized he was not trying to exit at all. He had missed several clear opportunities to turn onto the street and still just stayed in the driveway. I noticed that he was an old man- white hair and in a suit. He was sitting in his car with his hand up covering his eyes. He was crying. I assume he was mourning the loss of his wife. I don't know either of these people but guess what happened to me. I started crying. I cried the whole rest of the way to church and had to stay in the parking lot for a minute before I walked in. can you imagine walking in to church, "Lori, what is wrong?" "oh nothing. I just saw someone I don't know crying I started crying as well." yep that would go over well in a singles ward.
Then today I was watching "who do you think you are" (because I love genealogy) and as I'm listening to a historian tell Rashida Jones that her Jewish family in Latvia were all exterminated in 1941 I was a mess. you'd think someone had just told me that MY family had been killed. Even right now I can hardly see the dumb computer screen because I'm thinking about it. Why? why can I not just keep it in. I don't want to change how I feel I just want to be a little less demonstrative. That's all I really want.
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