If You Couldn't Fail

I have been thinking about this question. It's actually a really hard question to answer. What would you do? The only way I could answer it was to ask myself, "What things have I not done because I'm afraid of failing?" Honestly, I always try to do the things that scare me-I don't want to end up with a life of regrets. But am I honestly giving it my all? Or am I doing just enough to say, "I tried." But not really extending myself far enough to make 'failure' possible. In what areas of my life am I afraid of failing? How am I protecting myself and preventing failure?
Some of these are going to sound so dumb but they are legit fears- some of them I didn't even know I had until I really started thinking about this question.
1. I would move to DC
2. I would audition on Broadway/voice of a Disney princess
3. I would go to Tennessee to research my Grandpa's family
4. Share the gospel with some very special people
5. Get married.
I told you, some of those sounds strange. Some of them even sound like, "why are you afraid of failing at that?" I can't really explain it. actually, yes I can. I am a bit of a perfectionist with myself. Other people I can forgive/overlook failure or mistakes. In myself it is nearly impossible. Especially if it is financial failure. Nothing scares me more than debt. well-almost nothing.
Many of you know my original plan was to go to law school and do constitutional law. Civil rights and all that. what better place to do that than Washington D.C. Well, then I remembered the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I would be Mr. Smith. Full of noble ideas up against the corrupt world of politics. If I knew I couldn't fail- I would move to DC and change everything that is wrong with our government.
number 2 is pretty easy to figure out. If I knew I couldn't fail I would love to do a show on Broadway- the next Sutton Foster. But I am still working on community theater. Broadway is a dream. A big bright scary one. And if not Broadway-I would love to be the singing voice for a Disney princess. Dream come true.
3 is another one of those.."why would you fail at that?" My grandpa's family pretty much does not exist before 1860. I know. I've done a lot of Internet searching. They were poor and the courthouse was burned-taking all the records with it. So what am I afraid of? Spending money to take and extended trip to Tennessee, spending hours on hours searching and still coming home with nothing but greater frustration. So if I don't look, I can't fail. But if I don't look I fail anyway right?
4-most the time I don't have a problem sharing my testimony and the gospel- except when I think it won't be received well. No big deal right? that's their loss. But who I am is so deeply rooted in my testimony of Jesus Christ that for someone to reject or belittle my belief is like a literal slap in the face. If I feel safe I will share anything with anyone- but if I feel like a person doesn't care or isn't interested I keep things to myself. Trivial things. So if I can't share trivial things for fear of rejection, think how much harder it is to share the foundation of your character with someone who couldn't care less.
and the last one. Yep. I said it. I am afraid of having a failed marriage. That is why I date losers. I know things won't work out. Then I can just have failed relationships and an excuse for not getting married. If you don't get married you can't get divorced. STOP. before you jump into a lecture, I know this thinking is messed up. This was my underlying belief for most of my life. I only recently realized that I even had this subconscious belief. But I realize it now. I know where it came from and I am working to replace it. (thus my dating and marriage 'goals') but unfortunately, walls that have been built and fortified for decades do not come down easily. But like they say, admitting it is the first step.
Now that I've shared WAY too much about my beliefs and thought processes I want you all to think..."what would YOU do if you knew you could not fail?" you don't have to blog about it, but you might learn some pretty interesting things about yourself in the process...