Oh the places you'll go...

Where Ever I Go...

2012-01-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

If there was one place on this earth I would not expect to find a creeper it would be in the temple. But that assumption was incorrect. Even creepers go to the temple. Let me explain for you. So the other day I had some time and I decided to go to the temple. I was the very last person they let in the room, the session wasn't full so I sat on a row all by myself. which I loved. Anyway being the last person in the room I was also the last person to go into the 'celestial room' (for anyone who maybe doesn't know what that is it's basically the most beautiful room I've ever been in. white and clean with beautiful chandeliers. Also no one really talks so its a great place to reflect on everything) While I was getting in line I noticed this guy..probably early 30s move from his spot to the back of his line. whatever I just ignored it and moved on. Once I got into the Celestial room I went to my normal spot by the window. (I LOVE that spot) It was extra nice this day because there was no one anywhere near me- they were all on the other side of the room. while sitting there I noticed my awkward friend go to the west side of the building and stand by the door. (There are 3 doors and they are all on the same side of the room- the opposite side than I was sitting on) As I'm sitting by myself I notice this guy keeps looking at me. I just tried to ignore it but then I saw him move in my direction. He started walking toward me so I braced myself for an awkward moment. He was almost to me, made eye contact and then continued to walk around the other side of the room and out the door. What the heck? I mean, I'm not sorry to have missed the awkward pick up in the celestial room but he was NOT smooth. If he wanted to just leave the door was much closer to where he was originally. Or maybe at the last minute her realized it is inappropriate to hit on someone in the temple. Just proves that awkward people can and will find me where ever I go.

Isn't that the Point?

2012-01-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

As I'm walking through the relatively vacant parking lot to the gym I notice an SUV attempting to park. I don't normally notice every car that parks in the parking lot but this one struck me as odd. Mostly because this huge vehicle was attempting to park in the empty spot closest to the building. Unfortunately for them, they were coming from the wrong angle. As I'm watching this car make its 15 point turn in an effort to secure the very closest spot I'm realizing how ridiculous this is. There are five or six spots open 4 spaces down. But this driver chooses to spend 2 minutes pulling in and backing out over and over so they can have the 1st spot. Isn't the whole point of going to the Gym to burn calories? Wouldn't parking 4 spaces down burn more calories? I mean, unless this person is planning on a work out so strenuous they couldn't possibly make it another ten yards to their car. Why waste the time to save yourself a few steps when your whole purpose for being there is to work out? I'm sorry I just don't get it.

In A Slump

2012-01-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

I've decided that this weekend I need to head out into the greater Orem area...find a nice cliche dating spot and just sit back and enjoy the show. I LOVE to watch people on dates... I need some new material for this blog. I mean, it has been quite some time since I've written a good post about dates. mostly because I haven't been on any 'good' ones. Or because I felt bad about it...although, it has been long enough that I probably could get away with it now. I will think about that. But I'm still going to get myself a good dose of people watching this weekend. Blog posts to follow.

Just Suck it Up

2012-01-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

I officially think I have a vitamin deficiency of some kind...vitamin d maybe? I have no idea really. And since my doctor keeps testing me for anemia and coming up with nothing- I think it's time to find a new doctor. Normally I would just hang the whole process- I NEVER go to the doctor. For one very good reason. They always tell me I'm fine. So for the majority of my life I simply go on as if I am. My motto: Suck it up! And that's what I've been doing for the last 2 years. And to be honest- I think I'm doing pretty well. I go to work, I go to zumba, I socialize. Yes I'm still every bit as tired as I have been but I'm learning to deal. I mean really in the grand scheme of things it could be much worse.
However, I think I am going to find a new doctor and take one more stab at it before my fantastic health insurance goes away. why? well because this week I've started getting dizzy at random times and sometimes I also feel slightly sick to my stomach and have to sit down...(NO I am NOT Pregnant. ha..ha.) it really only lasts for a few minutes...but what if I happen to be driving during those few minutes? I can deal with it myself but I sure do not want to kill someone in my attempts to just deal. I'm sure it will still be nothing...maybe it's just part of getting old. :) also if anyone knows of any actually good doctors in Utah county let me know ( my insurance probably covers them- it covers most everyone.) But until then...I will continue to suck it up.

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

2012-01-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless

accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,

and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No

Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No

If No, explain:

______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No

pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION

AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers

are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO

THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,

NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE

WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________

Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________

Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and

non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do

not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would

cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be

notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.

(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself please start studying, Daddy's Rules for Dating

My Bucket List

2012-01-22T17:03:00.001-07:00

I finally got my bucket list to 100 things. I'm sure i'm missing some must do things but my brain hurts from thinking. If you know of something that might be of interest let me know so I can decide if it does in fact need to be added to my list....or if you want to help me cross something off my list that would be fantastic as well....so here it is-in no particular order:

1.visit the Ben and Jerry's factory
2.fly in a hot air balloon
3.spend the 4th of July in dc
4.tour western Europe
5.ski- (snow and water)
6. sumo suit wrestling
7. four wheeling in Moab
8. duck tours in Boston
9.see Wicked in orchestra seats
10.Learn archery
11.become a marksman-(riffle and hand gun)
12. Learn to play the violin
13.be cast in a lead role in Les Miserables or Miss Saigon
14. learn to ride a horse
15.work at Disneyland
16.go on a cruise
17.snorkel in Maui
18.go to Carlo's bakery in NY
19.visit Pearl Harbor
20.sing the national anthem at the strawberry days rodeo
21. ride a gondola in Venice
22.visit Jerusalem
23.visit the valley of the kings/ great pyramids
24. attend a renaissance fair
25. get good at tennis
26. go deep sea fishing
27. learn snowboarding
28.learn fencing
29.learn french
30.learn latin
31.learn to read music
32.go to the Grand Ole Oprey in Nashville
33.learn to tap dance
34.ride an elephant
35.visit the Titanic in a sub.
36.go on a helicopter ride
37.learn to indoor rock climb
38.visit the San Diego zoo
39. milk a cow
40.visit Niagara falls
41.visit Yellowstone
42.visit the Parthenon
43.go inside the Statue of Liberty
44.visit the Notre Dame cathedral
45.visit the Taj Mahal
46.visit the Colosseum in Rome
47.tour the Louvre
48.watch a live sumo wrestling match
49.visit Universal Studios
50.tour Hearst Castle
51.learn to play chess
52.restore a classic car
53.sleep in a castle
54.stay in the Disneyland Grand hotel
55.see a play on Broadway
56.go to the Sundance Film Festival
57.see Cirque de Soleil
58.attend a masquerade ball
59.go to the Kentucky derby
60.attend an Olympic event
61.watch the Macy's thanksgiving day parade live from time square
62.see a show at the Radio City Music Hall
63.watch the Rose Parade live
64.attend a murder mystery dinner
65.tour the wax museum in L.A.
66.visit Auschwitz
67.learn calligraphy
68.get an MBA
69.eat at the undersea restaurant Ithaa
70.attend a civil war re-enactment
71.go to Bryce canyon
72. learn to change my oil
73. learn to change a tire
74. sing on an EFY CD
75. sing at the conference center
76. eat pizza in Italy
78. visit the boardwalk in Atlantic city
79. take the church history tour
80. get married (what the heck- that can go on a bucket list right? )
81. Go to Disneyland at Christmas time
82. Visit Ford's theater
83. Arlington National Cemetery
84. go inside Buckingham Palace
85. See the Sistine Chapel
86. finish the quilts I started
87. Make my own CD
88. Get a law degree
89. Dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point
90. write a book
91. Ride a train ( a real one not the one at the zoo)
92. Be in a show at the Hale Theater
93. Find my Grandpa's family
94. visit the city of Pompeii
95. ride a zip line
96. Meet Clinton Kelly
97. Go to the Hershey Factory
98. do a session at all Utah temples
99. Become a certified EMT
100. Learn to golf.

Why Is There No Mute Button??

2012-01-21T22:40:00.002-07:00

why are girls SO loud? Sometimes I wish I had a tiny remote that would allow me to mute some people. Or at least turn them down several notches. I never really noticed just how loud women are until the last few months. I have been working in the slower section of my store lately and this section of the store is catered to women. Which means when I do get people in my store they are usually traveling in groups. For some reason they all feel like they need to talk over one another or that their friend has suddenly become hard of hearing and they need to shout even though the friend is only 2 feet away. Doesn't matter if they are 15 or 50 the behavior is still the same. Or the other thing that happens is that groups of women will walk past my store and I will hear VERY clearly the details of their conversation. When I am standing at least 30 ft from the entrance I should not hear a conversation going on outside. I have thought about this a lot lately. And being as I am a woman I should just know the answer-no thinking needed. But I am going to refrain from including myself here- I am not, by nature, a loud person. I rarely need to be the center of attention and I generally prefer to listen to others than to be heard myself. (Probably the product of being #5 of 6 kids. It's just easier to accept your fate and move on) Don't get me wrong- I like attention and I like people to listen to me- but only if they want to. I don't like to fight for what I should naturally be given. Anyway, in my musings about this I have drawn two conclusions as to why women are so loud.
1. They are super self centered and feel that everyone should pay attention to them 100% of the time. That what they have to say is more important than anything anyone else might have to say.
2. They have a total lack of self confidence. They need attention to make themselves feel important. They are afraid if they aren't the focus of the conversation they will be over looked and then they feel insecure.
Which one is it? Both. Just depends on the girl. I think both are sad though. And both create a behavior that I find incredibly annoying. Take it down a few notches- the whole world doesn't need to know your life.

In Over My Head

2012-01-21T11:15:00.001-07:00

I think I might be in over my head. I have a 3o minute voice lesson once a week and a master class once a month. (3 lessons and masterclass) Well, I have decided to compete in NATS (National Association of Teachers of Singing- or something like that) its a voice competition. Last year I competed in the Adult Belter division and this year I am doing it again. But I have decided I want to compete Legit as well (legit is somewhere between classical and belt). The thing is....I don't sing legit. I have done one legit song in my life. NATS is the first weekend in march so that means I have exactly 4 lessons to learn 4 songs. Two of which are TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. Great. Here is what I'm singing: (click on the titles to hear the songs)

Legit:
Vanilla Ice Cream from She loves me
Love don't turn away from 110 in the shade or Your Daddy's Son from Ragtime (I have yet to decide on one- feel free to leave your vote)

Belt:
Here I am from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Woman from the Pirate Queen (I was going to do a solo version of You are My Home from the Scarlett pimpernel but I now realize I don't have time to learn and perfect it so I'm picking something I already know)

I know exactly 1 of these songs well, another 2 semi well and the others not really at all. like I said 4 weeks to perfect 4 songs....in WAY over my head.

If You Couldn't Fail

2012-01-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this question. It's actually a really hard question to answer. What would you do? The only way I could answer it was to ask myself, "What things have I not done because I'm afraid of failing?" Honestly, I always try to do the things that scare me-I don't want to end up with a life of regrets. But am I honestly giving it my all? Or am I doing just enough to say, "I tried." But not really extending myself far enough to make 'failure' possible. In what areas of my life am I afraid of failing? How am I protecting myself and preventing failure?
Some of these are going to sound so dumb but they are legit fears- some of them I didn't even know I had until I really started thinking about this question.
1. I would move to DC
2. I would audition on Broadway/voice of a Disney princess
3. I would go to Tennessee to research my Grandpa's family
4. Share the gospel with some very special people
5. Get married.
I told you, some of those sounds strange. Some of them even sound like, "why are you afraid of failing at that?" I can't really explain it. actually, yes I can. I am a bit of a perfectionist with myself. Other people I can forgive/overlook failure or mistakes. In myself it is nearly impossible. Especially if it is financial failure. Nothing scares me more than debt. well-almost nothing.
Many of you know my original plan was to go to law school and do constitutional law. Civil rights and all that. what better place to do that than Washington D.C. Well, then I remembered the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I would be Mr. Smith. Full of noble ideas up against the corrupt world of politics. If I knew I couldn't fail- I would move to DC and change everything that is wrong with our government.
number 2 is pretty easy to figure out. If I knew I couldn't fail I would love to do a show on Broadway- the next Sutton Foster. But I am still working on community theater. Broadway is a dream. A big bright scary one. And if not Broadway-I would love to be the singing voice for a Disney princess. Dream come true.
3 is another one of those.."why would you fail at that?" My grandpa's family pretty much does not exist before 1860. I know. I've done a lot of Internet searching. They were poor and the courthouse was burned-taking all the records with it. So what am I afraid of? Spending money to take and extended trip to Tennessee, spending hours on hours searching and still coming home with nothing but greater frustration. So if I don't look, I can't fail. But if I don't look I fail anyway right?
4-most the time I don't have a problem sharing my testimony and the gospel- except when I think it won't be received well. No big deal right? that's their loss. But who I am is so deeply rooted in my testimony of Jesus Christ that for someone to reject or belittle my belief is like a literal slap in the face. If I feel safe I will share anything with anyone- but if I feel like a person doesn't care or isn't interested I keep things to myself. Trivial things. So if I can't share trivial things for fear of rejection, think how much harder it is to share the foundation of your character with someone who couldn't care less.
and the last one. Yep. I said it. I am afraid of having a failed marriage. That is why I date losers. I know things won't work out. Then I can just have failed relationships and an excuse for not getting married. If you don't get married you can't get divorced. STOP. before you jump into a lecture, I know this thinking is messed up. This was my underlying belief for most of my life. I only recently realized that I even had this subconscious belief. But I realize it now. I know where it came from and I am working to replace it. (thus my dating and marriage 'goals') but unfortunately, walls that have been built and fortified for decades do not come down easily. But like they say, admitting it is the first step.
Now that I've shared WAY too much about my beliefs and thought processes I want you all to think..."what would YOU do if you knew you could not fail?" you don't have to blog about it, but you might learn some pretty interesting things about yourself in the process...

Today I Love...

2012-01-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

Right now I am loving being in my cute and comfy PJs, sitting in my big fluffy warm bed. I also love that it rained yesterday instead of snowing. I love that I had the day off today. I love that I had voice lessons today. I love that I made one of my favorite desserts and that I plan on eating it for breakfast. (yes I have not given up all of my college habits- and I probably never will) I love that I got to go to zumba this morning with my second favorite teacher and dance my little heart out. I love that I got to talk to some of my very favorite people today (sadly not all of them). I love that I have a mother who helps me sort out my thoughts. I love that I own so many books and can read them anytime I want. I love that my hard cover (expensive) copy of Grimm fairy tales did NOT get thrown in the trash (since I put it in a box in the garage-don't ask why, I have no idea. I don't even remember doing it) I love that I made someone smile today- sure they may have been laughing at me because I was singing in my car by myself-but a smile is a smile. I love that my house is quiet and I can go to sleep and not get woken up until my alarm goes off for work tomorrow. I love that I get to blog whenever I need to. These are a few things I Love today. What do you love?

Just Go With It

2012-01-19T12:13:00.000-07:00

What is the thing I dislike about my singing voice? too much vibrato. I was afraid to sing in front of ANYONE after the age of twelve so I pretty much sang in my room. what did I sing to? The original, which means 1980s, recordings of Miss Saigon and Les Miserables. Back then Vibrato was the way to sing. Everyone did it, and that's how I trained myself- trying to sound like those women. Well, now I'm singing and trying to eliminate a lifetime of bad habits. It's actually really hard. Most of the time I don't realize I'm doing it, until someone records it and lets me hear it. Why am I talking about this again...well because it occurred to me today that perhaps I shouldn't fight it quite so hard. Linda Eder has TONS of vibrato and people love her. Also, perhaps I should just sing country. Then I wouldn't have to change anything- it's supposed to sound that way. If Taylor Swift can sing, (which she really can't without all her pitch correction technology) then I for sure can do it! :) This will be my new experiment this month.

Note: This does not mean I am going to give up my show tunes- I don't think I could if I tried.

Don't Touch

2012-01-18T23:07:00.000-07:00

I hate when people touch things they shouldn't. This week at work I had a co-worker say to me, "Lori, this mannequin is leaking powder".....I'm sorry, it's what?!!?! For all those who don't work in retail or don't do a lot of visual merchandising that is NOT NORMAL! So I go to check out this situation- when I pull off the arm to get a good look I realize the problem. The hand is broken. A customer decided that instead of asking the associate to remove the shirt, she would just do it herself. first problem- Mannequins have a weird weight distribution and if you are not used to it you will probably drop and or break the mannequin- guess what? they are SUPER expensive and also we can't order more. They are only sent every few years so if you break it I hate you because now my store looks ghetto. The second problem- she replaced the shirt with something ugly. (ugly outfits don't sell. Call me crazy but I don't like my untrained customers who can't even figure out how to coordinate colors to choose my featured items) Seriously Don't touch stuff that isn't yours. Just wait until the associate is available to help you. And if this doesn't deter your impatience you should know that sometimes there can be super painful consequences. I work with mannequins ALL the time. I dress and redress them several times a week and still tonight- while changing the windows- I pinched my finger between the shoulder and arm of a magnetic mannequin's arm. HUGE blood blister that hurts every time I touch anything (seriously its been like 5 hours and it is still throbbing). Too bad that didn't happen to my 'do it yourself' customer. Did I mention she didn't even buy the stupid shirt. She broke my mannequin for no reason at all. So please- if you have a considerate bone in your body- please don't help yourself to the displays at the mall. There are people who are trained to work with that stuff so just let them do their job. Okay? okay!

Small but Studly

2012-01-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I was driving home from church and I noticed a small child walking down the sidewalk toward me. Let me paint you a picture-He was probably about 6 years old. Curly blondish hair, glasses, a sucker sticking sideways out of his mouth, and a slightly over sized suit. His shirt was untucked and sticking out of his jacket at the bottom. His hands were in his pockets and he definitely walked with a swagger. So in short...he was a STUD. He made me smile and secretly wish that my boys, should I have any, look just like that!!

One Step

2012-01-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

I have concluded that I am a sap. Really. I'm sitting on my couch crying over a TV show. which TV show? Extreme Makeover-home edition. See, sappy. I don't watch TV often so it's been a few years probably since I've watched and episode but I LOVE it. I watch these people who build houses and the quote "A man who does what he loves will never work a day in his life" comes to mind. These people are doing what they love and not only doing what they love. They are using their skills and what they love to change lives. To lift people who are usually at the lowest points in their lives. That's what I want to do. Not build houses, I don't have those skills. But I don't see myself changing lives in an office building crunching numbers. I have decided not to get my MBA at this time...some of my friends think I'm crazy but I want to do what I love and I want to help people while I do it. How am I going to do that? well...I'm haven't completely figured that out yet.
Sometimes I come home and everyone is asleep. the lights are all out and I have to walk in the dark to my room. All the way hoping no one left anything on the floor in my path. Sometimes they do, I stub my toe and it hurts like crazy. But I adjust my path and eventually make it to my room and into the light. That's what this feels like to me. I'm just walking forward, one step at a time. hoping I don't stub my toes. But eventually I will figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Just one step at a time.

Not Going to Work?

2012-01-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

So yesterday a man used a $100 bill to pay for his items at work. We gave him his change and he walked away. Not two minutes later I'm called over again because this guy has come back and he would like to trade his $20 bill for a new one. "This one has a tear on the corner and I'm not sure it will work"....really?? You are not sure it will work? The only place that bill won't work is in a vending machine and who puts a 20 in a vending machine?? so basically he is either

1. Completely stupid and doesn't realize that legal tender is legal tender ripped or not or

2. He has obsessive compulsive tendencies and doesn't like the idea of money in his wallet which is slightly worn.

Either way the guy is special.

The Deadline Approaches

2012-01-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

I guess you don't realize how much stuff you really have until you have to move it. Blah. I've been moving, organizing, and cleaning since Thursday. (also I've still been working full time at my job) So pretty much from sun up to sun down I'm busy. Here is the lame part...I'm only about HALF way. I've moved everything out of my mom's room but now I have to tackle my own. Let me tell you how frightening that is....I've tucked things in every corner imaginable. And under my bed- well it's a couple feet off the ground so you can only imagine how much stuff I can fit under there....okay. Time to stop procrastinating. I've given myself until Thursday night to be done with everything. So here goes nothing. Wish me luck.

All I Ever Wanted...

2012-01-07T22:54:00.001-07:00

Oh Walmart. I hate Walmart. I find it is a necessary evil. However, tonight I was trying to organize several rooms at a time and I realized I needed some command hooks if I was going to do a decent job of it. Let me first back up and tell you that, considering my feelings, today was probably not the day to go to Walmart. I left my house just before 8:30am this morning, stayed at work a little late-which put me home at almost 7pm. Then I had to clean the "guest" room that my sister recently vacated before I could even begin to think about moving my stuff back into it. And I also had a lesson to finalize for church tomorrow. So when I decided to go to Walmart I was already stressed and VERY tired. Not a stellar beginning for a trip to Walmart on a Saturday night in Utah county.

Anyway, I went out into the cold frigid night to get my hooks. (why was it so important I get the hooks tonight? ...I have a hard time focusing on things (like a lesson plan)-if I have clutter surrounding me. I work better in a clean organized environment. And right now my environment is anything but organized) where was I? oh yes, I braved the cold and entered the zoo only to find that they are SOLD OUT of command hooks. Great. Of course they are. Why do they never re-stock? They have probably been out of them for weeks if not months! I get that sometimes they run out of stuff...I work retail, I know this. But come on! This is Walmart...they carry the same stuff all year long! Ugh whatever. I left Walmart without spending a dime, which I think is a record for me, and headed to Macey's. (It's on my way home) Guess what?! they don't have them either. So I decided I would just get my favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry's to make up for my lack of hooks. NOPE- they don't even carry it anymore (which is a bigger tragedy than you realize- I don't super love ice cream. There are very few flavors I will eat and this Macey's was the ONLY one that carried my flavor) LAME! I got in my car feeling totally dissatisfied with the world and drove home. Now that I wasted and hour of my very packed night (did I mention I also bailed on one of my best friends so I could get all this done?) I got on the computer to print out my lesson outline...low and behold...the dumb website will only print page one. Nice but I kind of need more than just the "preparation" page. I had to get fancy and use my brain to fix the problem- but long story short- I had a slight emotional break down. Seriously- all I ever wanted was a dumb hook to hang my headbands on. Is that so much to ask? I guess it was. I am learning something from this experience...what? what am I learning?

You can't have everything you want right when you want it. I need to not take on bigger projects than I can realistically complete in the time I have. Also I need a hard copy of my teacher's manual because I am not going to mess with this kind of thing every time I teach :) And most importantly, Life goes on. Tomorrow will come whether I have my hooks or not. "Tomorrow is a new day-Fresh with no mistakes in it" Tomorrow I can choose to be happy. And tomorrow I will not let small things get to me. (which means I should go to bed so I'm not tired- because tired makes me irritable)

Was it Worth it??

2012-01-04T23:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not saying Marylin Monroe is a favorite of mine. In fact it's quite the opposite. I really don't think she could sing, she was a horrible actress, and she basically sold her body and along the way pretended to be incredibly stupid. Not the makings of a person I can respect. Really the only good thing about her is that she was before the days of twiggy and she had a very positive body image. That being said- I was reading through some quotes of hers and I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I mean really, Norma Jean Baker wanted so badly to be famous she sold herself- and in so doing cut her life short. She had all kinds of attention, positive and negative, but she didn't have any real friends. No one really respected her. Men used her. What did she get out of her Hollywood experience? Nothing of REAL value. I wonder, if she knew how it was all going to play out, would she do it again or would she stay Norma Jean?

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

She was not a stupid woman. I agree with this statement- except for the part about trusting only yourself...those are words of a hurt and jaded woman. Someone who has been taken advantage of too many times.

"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't."

She accepted the image Hollywood gave to her-Sad.

"Success makes so many people hate you. I wish it wasn't that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you."

I'm guessing she didn't have very many real friends.

"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."

again, just sad. She sounds lonely and a little bitter.

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents."

She wasn't exaggerating. She did sell her soul to become Marylin. I truly hope she got everything she dreamed. I hope she was satisfied with her life, although she doesn't really sound like she was. At least not 100% of the time. Was it worth it? I would say no....

Speed Dating

2012-01-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Oh New Year's Eve...not my favorite holiday of the year. Secretly I hate it. Anyway, I already wrote that post last year...this one is going to be more fun. So this year I decided to not be such a stick in the mud and I went to a YSA dance. I know what you are thinking...because it's exactly what I thought. I had no intentions of going to this one but my dear friend Amanda is on on the planning committee and she assured me since this one involved several stakes it wouldn't be as bad as previous years. So I dolled myself up, because I don't get to do that very often- and it was actually fun. Smokey eyes and leopard print stilettos. yes please!! Anyway, while the dance was in progress they also had speed dating going on in another room. I totally did it and it was actually fun. I didn't actually play by all the rules but I did sit at the table and talk to a new guy every 60 seconds. And to be fair...most of the guys were actually pretty normal. I LOVE YSA activities sometimes. Anyway- so this speed dating gig was pretty intense. As you walk into the room they hand you a slip of paper that says:

Speed dating 101:

Get a 3x5 card and pen (girls colored/guys white)

write your name on the front of your card. make it legible please.

on the back discreetly write your phone number (for admin eyes only)

Meet and write the name of your speed date on the back

converse with person across from you for allotted time

use provided questions as icebreakers

ascertain if you would like admin. to provide your speed date with your phone number or not

if yes indicate next to speed date's name. if no indicate next to speed dates name.

when notified, bid farewell and move to next date

at the end of the night admin will take matches and distribute phone number accordingly.

whew...that is a mouth full...but don't you worry. There is more. Flip over the paper to find this:

Dating tips:

Be authentic with compliments

inquire about your date

be confident in your self

be thou not overbearing

avoid questions that can be answered with yes or no

be clean. physically, morally

Speak highly of your mom

men- open doors

women-walk through open doors

plan your date

Pair off on your date

Pay for your date

Avoid day-long first dates

Call. Don't FB or text
Dress for success. Try wearing something ironed and appropriate

guys remember 90-10 (will smith)

Girls. Its ok to date when you have a missionary

***Adherence to afore mentioned doesn't guarantee marriage***

Um, can we say amazing. Especially the part about your mom! Also the disclaimer at the bottom....classic.

With a Little Attitude

2012-01-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time I was in hair school. I spent about 10 hours a day just focused on physical appearance. Either mine or someone else's. Our seats in the classroom faced a mirrored wall so for four hours a day you got to stare at yourself and find all your flaws. Needless to say, the other 4-6 hours, if I had down time I spent perfecting my own hair and make up. Back then I was pretty daring with my cosmetics. Where is this leading? I have decided that red lipstick is not utilized nearly enough. I used to wear it at least once a week back when I was in school. Now I have down graded and it's become just my stage make up. LAME. A friend of mine wore it to a dance last night and she inspired me to pull it out again. So yes. I wore red lipstick to church today. And also my red heels with my most amazing dress in my closet...then topped it off with my pearls. Pretty much I felt like a classy retro chick. (If I had known I was going to blog about this I would have taken a picture.) I plan on wearing my red lips at least once a week again and I think more people should join me in my quest!! And I don't want to hear "I can't pull it off" because everyone can!! you just need the right shade and a lot of attitude ;)

Finish Strong

2012-01-01T01:01:00.000-07:00

In honor of the new year I wanted to revisit a topic that I think is super important. Endurance. We have just finished another year. For some of us it was possibly the most successful year of our lives, for others perhaps its a year we'd rather forget. Either way-that year is gone. The question is, what will we make of this next one? I was watching this video (CLICK HERE ) and I began questioning my attitude about life. Who I am and how I respond to the trials I face each day..the big and the small. Sometimes I think it would be great if everything in my life were just peachy with no sadness or hardship but Neal A Maxwell says, "So often in life a deserved blessing is quickly followed by a needed stretching. Spiritual exhilaration may be quickly followed by a vexation or temptation. Were it otherwise, extended spiritual reveries or immunities from adversity might induce in us a regrettable forgetfulness of others in deep need." I believe we are all in need of stretching if for no other reason than to keep us mindful of those around us who are also in need. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: "I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable" ("Lindbergh Nightmare," Time, 5 Feb. 1973, 35). That 'willingness to remain vulnerable' is the challenge. No one wants to be vulnerable. We build walls around ourselves to prevent it. But those walls can and often do, prevent us from moving. We are fortified in our safe zone. yes we may experience less pain, less failure, but we also experience less joy and less accomplishment. We will not achieve, we will not serve, and we will not become who we are meant to be without that willingness to be vulnerable. That willingness is what allows us to get back up...to finish strong. Annie Swetchine said, "Those who have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and be understood by all" through out trials we learn empathy. we are able to relate to others and have others relate to us. I hope to finish this new year, and the rest of my life strong. To get back up each time I fall. Not only to get up but to get up smiling looking forward with hope for the future and gratitude for the things I have learned knowing that I can and will succeed. I hope each time I get up I can bring someone else up with me. To understand those around me an appreciate them for who they are- vulnerability and all. Neal a Maxwell says, " though we live in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail" and so with that said I will include one of my favorite poems...it is long but I love it and it is a great reminder for this coming year!
The Race

"Quit, give up, you're beaten"
They shout at you and plead
"There's just too much against you
This time you can't succeed".

And as I start to hang my head
In front of failures face
My downward fall is broken by
The memory of a race

And hope refills my weakened will
As I recall that scene
Or just the thought of that short race
Rejuvenates my being

Children's race, young boys
Young men, how I remember well
Excitement sure, but also fear
It wasn't hard to tell

They all lined up so full of hope
Each thought to win that race
Or tie for first, or if not that
At least take second place

The fathers watched from off the side
Each cheering for his son
And each boy hoped to show his dad
That he could be the one

The whistle blew and off they went
Young hearts and hopes afire
To win and be the hero there
Was each young boys desire

And one boy in particular
Whose dad was in the crowd
Was running near the lead and thought
"My dad will be so proud"

But as they speeded down the field
Across a shallow dip
The little boy who thought to win
Lost his step and slipped

Trying hard to catch himself
With hands flew out to brace
And amid the laughter of the crowd
He fell flat on his face

But as he fell his dad stood up
And showed his anxious face
Which to the boy so clearly said
"Get up and win the race"

He quickly rose, no damage done
Behind a bit that's all
And ran with all his might and mind
To make up for the fall

So anxious to restore himself
To catch up and to win
His mind went faster than his legs
He slipped and fell again

He wished then that he had quit before
With only one disgrace
"I'm hopeless as a runner now
I shouldn't try to race"

But in the laughing crowd he searched
And found his fathers face
That steady look which said again
"Get up and win the race"

So up he jumped to try again
Ten yards behind the last
If I'm going to gain those yards he though
I've got to move real fast

Exerting everything he had
He regained eight or ten
But trying hard to catch the lead
He slipped and fell again

Defeat, he lay there silently
A tear dropped from his eye
There's no sense running anymore
Three strikes, I'm out, why try?

The will to rise had disappeared
All hope had fled away
So far behind so error prone
A loser all the way

"I've lost, so what", he thought
I'll live with my disgrace
But then he thought about his dad
Whom soon he'd have to face

"Get up" the echo sounded low
"Get up" and take your place
You were not meant for failure here
"Get up", and win the race

With borrowed will "Get up" it said
"You haven't lost at all"
For winning is no more than this
To rise each time you fall

So up he rose to run once more
And with a new commit
He resolved, that win or lose
At least he shouldn't quit

So far behind the others now
The most he'd ever been
Still he'd give it all he had
And run as though to win

Three times he'd fallen, stumbling
Three times he'd rose again
Too far behind to hope to win
He still ran to the end

They cheered the winning runner
As he crossed the line first place
Head high and proud and happy
No falling, no disgrace

But when the fallen youngster
Crossed the line, last place
The crowd gave him the greater cheer
For finishing the race

And even though he came in last
With head bent low, unproud
You would have thought he'd won the race
To listen to the crowd

And to his dad he sadly said
"I didn't do too well"
"To me you won", his father said
"You rose each time you fell"
by D. H. Groberg

Still My Most Embarrassing Moment Thus Far...

2011-12-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

This story is SO much better in person, but I feel like sharing it, some of you may have already heard this, but its always good for a laugh. In may of 2005 I had emergency surgery to have my appendix removed.. but the story doesn't start there.....background: (gosh I can't believe I'm writing this...those who know me well will enjoy this story) okay, so first of all, while at school I had double insurance, BYU and my parents. BYU insurance sucks and my parents only covered me in Cali except for Emergencies. At about 3pm on a Monday I wasn't feeling too well but decided that my dance tights (which I always wore all day-it was just easier) were just too tight so I finished my shift at work and turned in my ten page paper and walked to my apartment. At about 7pm I decided I still didn't feel well and was going to bed. my roommate Jeni came in to keep me company and we discussed my symptoms. At this point I was not just feeling sick but actually was starting to have a lot of pain. Jeni informed me that it was probably just gas or something because if it was anything more serious I would be in tears. I wasn't so naturally Jeni must be right. I mostly just wanted her to be right because I sure as heck was not going to pay a $50 copay for gas! About an hour or so later my friend fawn came over to visit and she was telling a story...at this point I decided that I had better call my mom because I was in SO much pain I hadn't heard anything fawn said. I had never felt such intense pain in my life. My mom informed me that according to her medical book I should have gone to the hospital 3 hours earlier. who knew that 8 hrs of pain might suggest a larger problem. I agreed to have a blessing and go to the hospital. however, once I got there my pain had nearly disappeared. I thought to myself "great it was just gas..how embarrassing". I checked in anyway because in my blessing I was specifically told to seek medical attention. so after some seriously awful tests my roommate and I were in the ER having a good old time laughing and joking. In typical family tradition I had no standard symptoms beyond pain.
But like all hospitals they wanted me to undress from the waist up and put on a stupid gown. so I did, but I didn't do exactly as they asked. I left my bra on. why shouldn't I? I was going home. Or so I thought. they sent me for a CT scan (which by the way you aren't supposed to have any metal on in those things...does under wire count?) . blah blah blah...the super hunky 30 something year old doctor comes in after my scan and tells me I have 20 minutes before I go to surgery and I need to take the rest of my clothes off and then he left. uh oh. it is at this point that the mortification comes into play....well, when I first was admitted to the ER they put an IV in my arm. As I am trying to follow Dr. Studly's orders I realize that I can't get my bra strap over the IV in my arm. so my roommate and I, who have obviously been making great choices all night, take the IV bag off its hook and try to thread it through the bra strap. It didn't work so we started looking for scissors...no luck. I was totally tangled. the doctor comes back and asks through the curtain if I'm ready. to which I had to reply in utter humiliation, "no, I'm stuck"....he opened the curtain, took one look at the situation and just shook his head. he comes over in complete frustration but trying to appear patient and tries to help. about this point, one of the single and oh so attractive male nurses comes in and asks, "is she ready yet"....he then assesses the situation and comes over to try his hand at untangling me....no luck. A third very attractive male nurse comes in the room and says, "is she ready yet?" he then says, "oh, let me try I'm good at this sort of thing!" meanwhile I am just sitting there too embarrassed to even really be embarrassed, it was like a bad dream, really. I felt like a 3 yr old who just got caught coloring on the walls or something. I couldn't look at any of them. about five minutes later they finally got me unhooked. so maybe to some that doesn't sound too bad, three men helping me get undressed. however, it is not something I am accustomed to. the experience was WAY out of my comfort zone! ahhh. I guess the good part was, I was too worried about the situation to worry about the surgery. but yeah, I have done and said a lot of embarrassing things in my life, but this was the worst so far!

He Sends Angels

2011-12-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

"have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men?"... "Behold I say unto you, Nay; for . . . it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men. . . . "in times of special need, He sent angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, reassure them that heaven was always very close and that His help was always very near...when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. (Elder Holland Oct 2008 conference)

I was reminded of this conference talk while talking to my sister. She is always great to talk to because she is so full of insight. She looks at things in new ways and helps me to sort out my thoughts. I was struggling with a decision and as we talked about not judging others too quickly she shared an experience she had just that day.

she said, "and yet a refiners fire will sometimes make more of a man then a perfect past can. Today I stopped to help this lady get her car out of the snow. I was weak and sick and wearing leather shoes I stood in ice water for 20 minutes trying to push her car out and finally i started praying for angels because once i offered to help I had to finish what I started. so guess what the angel looked like? he had black scraggly hair down to his waist, and a mangy tangled goatee and a tattoo on his neck. he was the only one besides me who stopped to help. A physically sick girl and a obviously wounded soul was he and yet he helped. He wished us a good day and expressed concern that we be careful because the roads were icy."

I am grateful for my sister's story. My family is so often the angels in my life to lift me up. she reminded me that sometimes our angels aren't who we expect them to be..they don't look how we think they should look or have the lifestyle we think they should have, "but the Lord places certain people in our lives to teach us something no one else can" ...and sometimes it is our responsibility to be the angel. I include Elder Holland's testimony as he shares my thoughts so perfectly..." I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. "[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved." On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal... In the process of praying for those angels to attend us, may we all try to be a little more angelic ourselves—with a kind word, a strong arm, a declaration of faith "

Christmas Recital

2011-12-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

Okay Folks...I can't believe I'm doing this. I am posting the link for my recital video. It isn't perfect and normally I wouldn't share something that isn't perfect. But I am trying to get over that. I always expect perfection and lets face it...that never happens. I am accepting the fact that I am my biggest critic and I often let that stop me from sharing things with the people I love. Like this video...I didn't want to share it with 50 people I love because of one or two people who might judge me and say mean things about the few mistakes. Not cool. I need to just ignore those people and accept it for what it is. I think that's why I get so nervous...I am afraid of what people are saying. Also there are things about my voice I don't love, I'm working on changing them but that takes time. It's getting better- but no one but me expects a finished product with so little time and effort...so that's what this is...a work in progress and I'm sharing it with anyone who wants to see it. Scary. Also please remember that I am not a jazz singer...this style is WAY out of my comfort zone.

Please click HERE to watch the video. (My favorite part is when I unconsciously started fixing the belt on my dress. nice)

Black Ice Ahead

2011-12-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

Having been raised in Sacramento, Ca snow is not something I am on particularly good terms with. I look upon it as something to be avoided, a necessary evil if you will. However, a few years ago I acquired a rush-hour commute from Pleasant Grove to Provo and learned some valuable lessons along the way. One Tuesday morning in November, I woke up expecting to find mounds of snow piled high on the streets. To my surprise the snow had been cleared from the roads...SCORE!! I was off the hook for another morning...or so I thought. Once I hit Orem it was a different story. Lets just say the road crews in Orem are not quite as efficient ...black ice and snow covered the roads...traffic slowed and I was a little tense but so far doing okay. My turn was coming up. As I attempted to move to the left hand turn lane I slid on ice. Having never driven in snow I reacted and made the wrong decision. I finally was able to stop my car. Unfortunately, the front end of my car was in the lane to my right and I didn't have enough room to straighten out and complete the turn. For the first time in my life I felt utterly helpless behind the wheel of my car. I wanted to get out and just walk away. I wanted someone..anyone else to drive my car and fix my problem. The problem I was sure I could not fix on my own. I was done. I didn't want to keep going. I know that sounds dramatic but I literally felt helpless. I was sure that if I drove any further my car would be history and I would probably take someone with me in the process. However, reality struck hard and I realized that walking away was not a viable option. I couldn't just leave my car on state street! I chose to turn my car in the right direction once again and go straight...there was more than one way to get to work. I would just have to try another intersection. So down the ice-covered hill I went. I made it successfully down the hill and stopped at the light. I was almost there-I could see the hospital. I was only a few minutes away from walking safely into work when my car lurched forward. Yes, the guy behind me slid on ice and right into the back of my car. Great. I never submitted a claim for it. My car wasn't dented. He only scratched some paint off my bumper. I wasn't hurt. Besides, there were scratches in other places on my car - it was an accident. It could have just as easily been me who hit someone else. I let it go.

Why do I write this...because all my life I've listened to people tell incredible stories about things they learned from seemingly small experiences...and I FINALLY got my own. What did I learn...1. I learned that quite often, I think I've got things all figured out. I assume that because a 'road' or a choice looks like its going to be easy it may not stay that way. There may be unseen and unanticipated obstacles along the way. 2. I learned that there will always be 'ice' on the roads of life...but the choices we make and how we react is the important thing. 3. I learned that even if we make a wrong choice...we can start over...there is always another right choice...we may have to stay on the 'ice' a little longer...but we'll eventually get there. 4. I learned that sometimes we choose a path and at the last second be are 'prompted' to take another path. We don't always get to know why. 5. I learned that sometimes you think you are safe. That you've made it without a scratch- and then life hits you from behind. We are left with a few scratches but it's nothing that the atonement cannot correct. 6. And I learned that through all this...the bumps and scratches...when things get hard and we just want to quit...to say "that's it..I've had enough..I just want to walk away" ...we can't. We have to keep going...we don't have to do it alone..our Savior is there to take the wheel and direct our paths...but we have to be willing to move forward..we have to finish...

Save the Excuses

2011-12-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

Pet Peeve for today:

When people say they don't have time. Honestly I've said this before. But the truth of the matter is, YOU MAKE TIME FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU. So if you say you don't have time, what you are really saying is: "YOU are NOT important to me. Okay maybe you don't have time today or this week...but if you want to see someone or do something you will make time for it. Actions speak louder than words...so instead of saying, "I don't have time" just say, "you know what, you are not important enough for me to rearrange my schedule or go out of my way." What will happen is you will be left with very few friends- however, if we are being honest, if they weren't important to you, then you had very few REAL friends to begin with. So all you've done is stopped the nagging and the necessity to make excuses.

Creeper stories continued

2011-12-26T00:03:00.001-07:00

By now most of you have read my previous post about my FB creeper Clark. Well, right after I found out the logical part of me just wanted to block the loser and be done with it. But something kept me from it. I couldn't block him...but I didn't really want him on my page either...so I put him on my restricted friends list. It's perfect. He only has access to what I make public and well, I never make anything public. But the beauty of it is, I still have full access to his page. Some of you are probably thinking "who cares. why would you want that" I will tell you why. Tonight I was contacted by another girl, a real one this time, that had a date set for next week. She noticed we had 22 friends in common, one of them being him. So she messaged me to see if he was safe. I sent her to my blog and she said she had the same experience with him. Then while I was looking at his page for kicks and giggles I noticed he had updated his status. His friend 'Blake' had commented (don't worry Blake only has one fb friend and guess who it is...Clark) but above him I noticed a girl had liked the status. I clicked on her and she had almost 800 friends....I knew she was legit. I sent her a message with the link to my blog and hopefully spared her the same creeper story. This guy is totally targeting the BYU network. So now I see why I couldn't delete him. I feel like I need to be available for girls to contact me about him...I will just have to see how long it takes him to catch on and delete me from his friends list.

Cynicism Isn't Always Bad

2011-12-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

I am a bit of a cynic. Sometimes I hate that about myself. I wish I could just believe the best of everyone and take them at face value. I try. I really do. But even if I tell myself to give this person a chance, the nagging at the back of my mind rears its ugly head. It's a little voice that says, "yeah right? No way is this all true". On the other hand, sometimes that little voice saves me from getting sucked into things I shouldn't be sucked into. Lets be honest, I have a knack for attracting creepers. The funny thing is, I can have the same "friend" on Facebook as someone else and they will only creep on me...why is that?

Let me explain that one quickly before I move onto the GOOD stuff. About a year ago one of my sister's FB friends requested I add them. I figured it was someone who used to babysit me or something like that so I accepted. All of a sudden this person started chatting with me and pushing to do a photo shoot with them. Over and over again they kept trying to get me to model for them. She said she was a mother of 2 but really after several short chats I am convinced it was a man posing as a woman. I won't go into the details about how I figured that one out (totally gross)...but this person NEVER creeped on my sister. Seriously, she has over 100 friends she doesn't even know and non of them are weirdies. I have only ever in my life added 3 people I hadn't met before and ALL 3 turned out to be mistakes. Actually each consecutive one got more creeper-ish than the last. Which brings me to my last and final FB creeper. I have officially learned my lesson -but I did pick up a fantastically entertaining story along the way. So sit back and enjoy as I recount this one :)

About a week ago I got a friend request from a guy named Clark Holland. We didn't have any friends in common and I was hesitant to add him-mostly because I think it's weird. But after looking at his page I decided I would add him-I felt bad for the guy. He was supposedly a widower and a single dad. I figured I would accept the request and if he turned out to be psycho I would just block him. He started chatting with me, (I think it was the following day) and I am a pretty chill person so I figured I would just go with it for awhile. Apparently he had sent me a message the day before but I never got a notification about it so I only read it after he apologized for possibly creeping me out with said message. (obviously he doesn't know me if he thinks an email message will creep me out...ME? the girl who had her FB page stolen and copied (see here)) Anyway, he sent me his resume...not a business one but the "this is why you should date me" resume. Which was impressive. A little TOO impressive. But I don't like to come across as a cynic the first time people talk to me so I tried to be as polite as possible. When I asked him how he came across my page (since we had nothing in common I knew FB didn't suggest it) He said, "The way I came across you was very random. I was actually using the browse feature on here to search for my sisters boyfriend (not you or anyone else). Usually when you do a browse search on here you only pass the link to someones page just once. I remember passing your page three different times. By the third time I had a strong feeling in my gut that I needed to say something, or Id somehow regret it."

Did he really just play the spiritual inspiration card. From a search on FB? Okay, that's weird. But just go with it. I talked to him for a few more minutes, mostly about his daughter and then he got off...but don't you worry. Before he did he said the most cheesy thing anyone has EVER said to me....especially to someone they've never met "Goodnight princess charming"....WHAT is THAT??!! please don't ever call me that again. At that point I'm starting to think maybe this guy actually is a creeper and I should not have added him. Now, let me share with you the resume-

"The names Clark Jackson Holland-27-Oldest of twelve-Quadruplet-Eleven Sisters-From Park City, Utah-Returned Missionary (Hong Kong)-Widower-Proud parent of a perfect 13 month old girl-Seminary Teacher/wish coordinator extraordinare-Finished one masters degree just last week. Finishing another in April 2012-Pilot-Pianist-Song Writer-Avid dancer-Seen 81 Temples-World Traveler-Fluent in 8 Languages-Worlds Biggest Bookworm-Worlds Most Hopeless Romantic-Fought Cancer Twice When I Was Young-Proud Latter Day Saint-Eagle Scout-Cancer Advocate -Science Geek-Regular Funny Guy-Tri-athlete" (that is a direct quote copied and pasted. Wouldn't you think someone with TWO masters degrees could spell Extraordinaire? Just sayin')

Now really come on? I've met some amazing men in my life but NO ONE has done all that...at least not in 27 years. He is, amazingly enough, accomplished in every area any girl could ever be interested in. But seriously? That is TOO good to be true. Also, do you know any university that would allow someone to enroll in TWO master's programs while teaching seminary full time and doing a ton of volunteer work? The two programs I've looked into don't even let you work your first year let alone do an entirely different program at the same time. Whatever. And when has he had time to travel the world between recovering from cancer, re-teaching himself to walk and to eat, serving a mission, getting married, having a baby, finishing an undergrad and two masters and working a full time job. please. And if he did find time, how does he pay for all that on the salary of a seminary teacher?

Besides this resume...I of course searched his FB page and found some more hints to my creeper friend. His seminary students comment on his page and apparently he lets them babysit for him. Hello?! This just doesn't sound like a smart idea. Young single teacher has his female students come over to his house to watch his child? Isn't he afraid that one of them will accuse him of improper advances?? or maybe one of their mom's? I mean, people are sick. Also, do they have early morning seminary in Utah? I thought it was all release time. One of his students is graduating from Provo High school next year...but he lives in Park City. How does that work? does she drive up there every day? Another interesting observation- the few friends who comment on his stuff have no FB activity before November...most are from December. Please tell me one high school student you know who doesn't LIVE on FB...they should have a million posts per day. Nope. Just a few picture changes. And his "sister" is gender confused. "Meghan changed HIS profile picture"...probably if Meghan were real she would know what gender she was and have it accurately represented on her page.

Anyway, back to the story, he commented on a few things on my page and then I started a chat with him...I just had to ask some questions and see where another conversation would go. I like to test out my suspicions. His first comment is to tell me I'm beautiful. But my favorite comments were, "I can't believe you aren't taken yet" and "something tells me you won't be single long". I don't think he was ready for my cynical comment of "well I won't hold my breath" He then asks me what I look for in a guy. Seriously? fine. I gave him my basic 4. A testimony, uses their temple recommend, a sense of humor, and treats me well. I quickly changed the subject because I thought that was a weird line of conversation and he kept calling me Hon. yuck. we've never even met please don't call me that.

Anyway, after my basics list he proceeds to ask me on a date to the temple. Um what? first of all that's a weird date with someone you've never met. You cannot talk during a session. How am I supposed to get to know someone that way. Just because I said I want someone who attends the temple doesn't mean that needs to be our date. Although...for safety sake, if you are going out with someone you've never met it might not be a bad idea to meet them after you pass the recommend desk. Then if he can't actually get in because he's a rapist or something then you can go do a session and he will be gone by the time you come out. Perfect. Anyway, I was super caught off guard and said I'd go...but I left myself and out by saying that I had a funeral to attend and I would have to work and I didn't know my schedule for either. (sometimes having a variable schedule comes in super handy) He sent me his phone number and told me to text him later. I said sure. (but I was really thinking Yeah right-I don't want you to have my number) I started asking him general questions about temples and distances from his house and told him I'd never been to park city...he invited me up for new years. To which I replied that he should really slow down- I could be a psycho after all. (which was really a nice way of saying HE could be a psycho and there is no way I'm going up to park city with a strange man). From there he decided that we were going out on Friday...even though I had just finished telling him that I didn't have my work schedule. Whatever I wasn't going anyway so no sense arguing. I got offline and went to play with some girlfriends. While I was out with them I got a message from one of his "friends"...this is the part where all my suspicions are confirmed.

This girl starts out by telling me that Clark is a fraud. She gives me a website to check out with his phone number- "this page will tell you all about him" She writes this big huge thing about how her brother is a cop and she's going to stay friends with him until they can "nail" him. Clark is a monster and I should just run away from him as fast as I can. I replied with a short thank you and went to the site she suggested. It was very entertaining and sad at the same time. So many vulnerable women in this world. Turns out this guy has had 44 complaints associated with his number dating back to last summer. He has several different names that he uses but the lines and resume are always the same. Sometimes his daughter is older sometimes younger. He adds people, makes dates, and then comes clean about his lies right before they go out. He makes profile pages for his friends and comments on his own page as them. After reading this I realized that this girl, the one who sent the warning message, was indeed Clark himself. This was his way of "coming clean" without actually having to fess up. Funny thing is...we didn't actually have a date set. (can I just for one second say that there are some stupid women in this world! most of those women gave their addresses to this guy to pick them up for the date. HELLO! DO NOT give your address to a man you only know through the Internet!!)

How do I know this was him and not some well meaning girl. 1. If she knows he has fake friends on him page, how did she know I was not a fake friend? She could have 'blown her cover' by telling me...unless "she" was "him" and knew for a fact that I was NOT a made up friend. 2. if her brother really is a cop then he knows this guy has not actually broken any laws. he adds people, they choose to allow it and he talks to them...but last time I checked, lying was not a crime in any of the 50 states. So they can't actually "nail" him on anything. You cannot arrest someone for being a sociopath. 3. She was super dramatic about the whole thing. She said she threw up over it and he was a monster. I'm picturing a serial killer...not some sad man who has no life. I mean really, I kind of feel bad for the guy. If he can pretend to be so good, why can't he just choose to actually BE good? Who knows. Its just sad. 4 she has a similar writing style to Clark. The phrasing and grammatical structures have very strong similarities and if that wasn't enough evidence, 5. her page doesn't have any FB activity either.

Hello Captain Creeper. You are a sad pathetic person who seriously has TOO much time on your hands. My question is though....why did these other women not see these red flags? From their comments it sounds like their interactions went on for awhile. I feel like so many of these flags are pretty obvious. What did I learn about myself through all this? I am still a little shallow. He used the incorrect spelling of 'their' in a chat. I hate that. There, They're, and Their. TOTALLY different meanings. And the other reason...in some of his pictures (which aren't really him) he is wearing yarn stitched jeans. I HATE when men wear stitched or studded jeans. SO girly. I feel like any man wearing this is shouting very loudly "I am high maintenance." ick. who wants that?! And I wouldn't want to be a second wife. Granted, if I had to choose I would want the spouse to have passed than to just be divorced and around as baggage. But I just really still want to be the 1st and only wife. Also, I am sometimes grateful for my cynicism. It keeps me from attaching myself to people who don't deserve my trust. But man was that a fun ride!!

Excuse me?? What?

2011-12-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

"I need a boyfriend... preferably tall, baby faced, with big brown eyes and a foreign accent ;)"

This is my niece's facebook status right now. She is 15-VERY 15. I read it and was going to say, "You are not old enough for a boyfriend. Try again next Christmas"

No big deal right? Problem is...Another friend. A male friend had a status update just above hers that said.."Who wants to see Jim Gaffigan and Mike Birbiglia this January with me?" And it was under THAT status that I started to type my response. Boy would he have been confused. I think maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night...good thing I'm not driving very far today :)

An Inspiration

2011-12-22T01:07:00.000-07:00

This picture is a truly incredible family. They are, and have been over the last year and half, a pillar of strength to me. The beautiful woman in the middle is Melanie. Melanie passed away yesterday morning after a long hard battle with cancer.
About a year and a half ago Melanie worked with me at the Gap. She was scheduled to come in but called to tell me that she was sick...she had walking pneumonia and was told to stay home and rest. About a week later she came into the store with her girls. She pulled me into the back room and I asked her how she was feeling. She looked at me, in an attempt to be strong, and told me that she had just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I had no words. We both had a good cry together and she told me she was going to fight it. Soon after this Melanie's oldest daughter and Melanie's sister started working at the store and they kept us informed. The cancer spread. Just a few weeks ago it had spread to her liver and they realized there was nothing left to do but to make her as comfortable as possible. (you can read her blog here)

I was informed today just after I arrived at work that she had passed away. Surprisingly I held it together for a 9hr shift. I had to. I was in charge and it's Christmas. But then I got home and I got on her facebook page and saw the pictures of her before and of her after and I pretty much crumbled. Honestly I'm not horribly upset for Melanie- the last year of her life has been hard. I know she is with her Father in Heaven and being taken care of. She was a righteous woman who was a joy to be around. Everyone loved her. But what makes my heart break is her four children. The oldest is 20 and the youngest only 12. It makes me sad to think that her girls are going to get married and they won't have their mom to help them pick out their dresses or be at their high school and college graduations. She won't be there to hold their babies or when her son comes home from his mission. I know they are strong. I know they will get through it. I know that the atonement will carry them through this time and times to come...but it is hard for me to watch. My mom is one of my best friends and I know how completely my heart would break if she were to pass away. I have several friends who have lost their mother's to cancer- and because I love them- every mother's day my heart breaks a little for them. It has become a bitter sweet day for me. Sweet because I love my mother and get to talk to her everyday. Bitter because my dearest friends don't have that opportunity.
I admire this family so much. They are so strong. They are an inspiration to me. She will be missed by everyone who knew her.

Just a Wish

2011-12-21T14:23:00.000-07:00

Random Facts about me:

1. I LOVE ornaments. I have gotten at LEAST one every Christmas since I was a toddler.

2. I LOVE to dress up

3. I like to have ornaments of the things I dress up as.

As many of you know I dress up as Snow White quite often. Well, I buy ornaments that remind me of Snow White. This year I bought a red apple ornament. I was totally satisfied with this...but you see, the other night I was watching 'you've got mail' with my niece and I noticed Meg Ryan hanging a tiny pair of ruby slippers on her Christmas tree. Suddenly I needed a pair of tiny ruby slippers since I dressed up as Dorothy this last Halloween. Problem is- its a Hallmark keepsake ornament from 1998(ish)(bottom slippers) or the keepsake from 2009 (top). Which means that one ornament is about $30-$50. I just don't feel like I can justify that. But I really really LOVE it. I mean look at those tiny blingy slippers....SO CUTE! They would look amazing on my tree. Perhaps next year. But that ornament is going on my bucket list. My "things to buy before I kick the bucket" list. And when I do, I will take a picture of them on my tree and blog about it. But for now they will stay on my wish list.

Always Last

2011-12-20T22:27:00.001-07:00

I have said it before and I'll say it again, I get really really nervous when I sing in front of anyone. The longer I wait to do it the worse my nerves get. Last time I sang in church they had me sing before the first speaker- which was fantastic! No time to get nervous. It was over before I could think about it. Well, such is not the case at my voice recitals. I am almost always one of the last 3 people to sing out of a group of 15-20. I am not complaining really, I know it's good for me and I'm learning to control my nerves. Today I didn't get nervous until just four people before me. (Out of 18 that's not bad) Also, I got to sit by my friend Madison whom I LOVE. So there were lots of good things about going 2nd to last today. Also, I got to wake everyone up before they drove home :) j/k

Overall the recital went well. There were a few spots that I didn't feel were great- I've sung them 100 times better, but I have also sung them 100 times worse. So I feel pretty okay about the whole thing. Now I have to sing on Sunday and possibly a show in February...hooray for facing fears right?!

Words to Live By

2011-12-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

In relief society today the teacher passed around a HUGE basket of dove chocolates. It went around the room several times bringing joy to one and all. Well, as you may know, Dove chocolates have short sayings on the inside of each wrapper. I LOVE to see what mine will say. Most of the time they are pretty cheesy but today I found them particularly profound. Mine said:

Smile.
I fully support this. Everyone should smile and as often as possible. Men are that they might have Joy. Besides, everyone is more attractive with a smile on their face!

Dance with your heart.
If your heart is not in it then it isn't as fulfilling. I have done both. I have danced because I was told to, to get a grade, to pass a test, but the times I found the most joy in it was when I was competing or performing. I did both simply because I loved it!! Those who dance with their hearts are more fun to watch!!

You're gorgeous.
Always nice to hear, especially after you've chowed several pieces of chocolate ;) But mostly I just wish all women believed this about themselves. We are gorgeous- especially happy righteous women. I have so many gorgeous friends- they are an inspiration to me every time I see them.

Love yourself.
If you don't, it's hard to love anyone else. "love thy neighbor as thyself" We were all created by the same loving Father in Heaven- if others are worthy of love, YOU are just as worthy.

Get a good night's sleep.
Everything seems better when your mind and body are rested. Hope is restored when problems are faced with a strong mind and body. Also, it's just really good advice.

Seek out small pleasures.
Not everything has to be over the top. Sometimes the best thing in the world is a simple but meaningful conversation with a friend. Singing Disney songs in your car at the top of your lungs. Or Dove chocolates in Relief Society ;) (yes I ate six of them-stop judging me! haha)

*Not all sayings were so helpful- my dear friend Erin got two that said "Draw a hot bath" she thought maybe it was a hint that she needed one. Not so..my friend Erin smells good all the time. Love her!

Censoring

2011-12-18T00:53:00.000-07:00

I have pretty great vision. I don't wear contacts and I never wear glasses. I have some for reading far away and for night driving- but I hate wearing them so I just don't read far away (since I'm done with school that really isn't an issue anymore) and I never drive at night in places I'm not already familiar with. That being said, the only glasses I ever wear are sunglasses when I drive- sometimes. My sunglasses are quite large and fairly dark so they over half my face, the half that is the most expressive. Those who spend any time around me know that the censor between my thoughts and my expression is inactive 98% of the time. If I think it, it's probably going to show on my face. Sometimes I hate it! But for the most part- it's who I am and I've learned to just accept that sometimes it will get me in trouble.

Well, a few months ago I bought some fake glasses at an accessory store for a 'How to Host a Murder' party. Somewhere along the line I decided to wear them to work, to play, to anywhere really. (I don't really do jewelry so glasses and hair accessories have become my way to put effort into my outfits) Today was one of those days when I just felt like wearing the glasses to work. I was walking through the mall, which was a bad idea since it's the Saturday before Christmas, and I realized I was rolling my eyes and letting my eyes express my thoughts. Why? well, because on some level I was under the false impression that because I had glasses on, no one could see my expressions. WRONG. They are clear plastic- everyone could see me. After my epiphany I schooled my features and made more appropriate faces to the strangers at the mall. Oh to have a working censor...but then, if I did, I wouldn't have had anything to blog about today and I wouldn't be me.

Sucka'

2011-12-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

I just bought a whole album off itunes for one song. So basically I just paid $10 for one song. Wow....but the worst part is, this is not the first time I've done that. I did it one other time (it was a samba that I really really needed). What song did I need so bad today that it was worth $10?? What song could I just not live without any longer?? Please click HERE for enlightenment.

Don't judge me. You know you love this song too.

Thanks to High School

2011-12-11T00:19:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I had some pretty phenomenal friends in high school. As I listen to my nieces and nephews talk about their experiences I am ever more grateful for what I had. I mean, I knew I had it pretty good but I guess I didn't realize just how good.

I grew up in Sacramento California where diversity is the norm. I had only a few LDS friends and the rest were of various faiths. But I think it was due to this fact that my friends accepted me and my crazy standards. I was never asked to try anything or go anywhere that would have made me feel uncomfortable. I was never teased or ridiculed for the things I believed. Seriously my friends didn't even cuss in front of me because they knew I didn't like it. It even went so far that after awhile they would correct others for me. "hey, don't say that. Lori doesn't like it". Now how many teenagers do you know who are like that?? I don't know many.

High school can be really hard for a lot of teenagers. My high school experience was pretty painless. Sure I had some bad teachers, I was terrified of boys, and there are always a few mean girls who stab you in the back just because they can, but I got along with most everyone and never felt uncomfortable for being me. I will be eternally grateful for those friends- they helped me along my road to becoming who I am today. They are amazing people and I will forever cherish their friendship during such a pivotal point in my life.

Let's Respect the Bubble okay?

2011-12-09T21:55:00.001-07:00

I am a BIG fan of my personal space. I like boundaries. I let very few people cross those boundaries. My bubble is my safe zone. Seriously, I am not joking. There are very few people in this world I will even give a real hug to. Anyway, I like to keep a safe distance from me and basically the rest of the world.

Today however, I had to go pick up some stuff for my mom on my lunch break. I went into Sees Candy- bad idea during the month of December. The lines are Awful. Well, I'm standing in line and I realize there is a middle aged man standing behind me. But not just behind me- he is standing so close to me he is basically on my back. Like a barnacle attached to the Titanic. Being a person who really isn't comfortable with a strange person breathing on my neck I inched forward. What does he do? He inches forward as well. I mean really?! its not like someone is going to rush from the back of the line and slip into the millimeter of space between us. I know I am dramatic sometimes but I'm really not exaggerating. If this man had been any closer I would have been mistaken for Quasimodo.

It's just awkward. I don't like people I know to stand that close to me so why on earth would I want a strange man to do so? The answer is I don't. I think everyone should have to pass a social acceptability test before they are allowed to go out in public.

Get Off!!

2011-12-07T14:43:00.000-07:00

When I first saw this picture I just thought it was funny. Then I looked at it again and started to wonder how something like this happens. THEN I realized it happens all the time, and not just with dogs. For our purposes, Lets call the dog on the ground Buster and the dog sitting, Chief.

Things I noticed about this photo:

1. Same kind of dog

2. They are pretty much the same size

3. Buster looks sad and defeated

4. Chief looks like its the most natural thing in the world. It has become so common place that he hardly even notices what's happening.

So my conclusion is that Buster allowed Chief to over power him and be in control. who cares? they are just dogs.

So many times I find myself being "sat on" by other people. People who are similar to me, who are not any better than I am (physically, mentally, or emotionally) and yet, for one reason or another, I allow myself to be intimidated into submission. Not as often as I used to, and maybe not to this extreme but it does happen.

We all make choices to allow ourselves to be put down by people around us. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." We allow it to happen. Sometimes these people do it on purpose, either through subtle hints or blatant put downs. Sometimes they are people close to us who don't even realize they are making us feel "squished". Fact is, Buster is just as great of a dog as Chief but over time or experience he has let himself believe that Chief is stronger and more capable. I have done this so many times. Because of experiences I've had or things people have said to me, I let myself believe that other people deserve more. That it's okay to let people use me and have their way ALL the time. Frankly, its not true. I need to become my biggest fan. Especially when I find myself on the ground being crushed under the weight of another. I need to find my inner strength-and face my "Chief" head on. We were not sent to this earth to act small. Or to allow others to make our decisions or determine how we feel and where we will go in life. We were created equal. We have all been created for greater things and it's time we start acting like it.

Dear Winter

2011-12-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Winter,

Let me tell you why you will never be my one true love.

I Do not Like:
1. being cold
2. Driving in the snow
3. Dry skin
4. staticy hair
5. walking on black ice
6. scraping my windows

Things I do like:
1. holidays
2. hot chocolate
3. layering
4. Christmas lights

As you can see the dislikes out weight the likes and really, you could argue that my #1 and #4 like are pretty much the same. If I am being honest, I really don't mind snow as long as I don't have to drive in it. I think you can be beautiful as long as I get to stay inside by my fireplace drinking hot chocolate. I love sweaters, jackets, and turtlenecks. I love hats, gloves, and scarves. But not for 8 months. I can do maybe 4 and then the fun is over. I know if I had a man to cuddle with I would probably not mind you so much- And I am open to revisit my feelings about you when that day comes. But for now, winter, please don't stay too long and don't be too harsh. okay? okay!

Sincerely,
A cold girl

With a Smile on My Face

2011-12-04T23:07:00.000-07:00

What I learned today:

Never verbalize that you are really happy with your life right now. The second you say it, Satan will swoop in and try his hardest to change it. Then you must decide if you are going to let him.

Seriously, within hours of telling my bishop that I was genuinely happy things just sort of fell apart for me...which landed me on my bed with nothing left in me to hold it together. So what do you do when all your stitches break? you cry like a helpless infant.

And now that I have had a good cry, I will pick myself up. Dust myself off and put it behind me. I am happy with my life right now. Yes I'm tired. Yes my life isn't perfect...but it's not bad either. I want to be happy- I like to be the friend who is the solid one that makes everyone smile when they are having a bad day. So that's who I choose to be. That is who I will be tomorrow. Just me- with a smile on my face.

Isn't it about Time?

2011-12-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

Its interesting how things happen isn't it? Or I should say, when things happen. I was talking to my mom today-because she's a great person to talk to, and I was reminded of an incident that happened about six years ago. Back when I had to have my appendix out. No, I know what some of you are thinking...its true that my most embarrassing moment is also associated with this trip to the hospital but that is not the topic of my blog today. Perhaps another day.

Anyway, the conversation reminded me of part of a blog I had written just yesterday about the scriptures I was reading. (See Here) Near the end of the blog there is a quote by Hugh Nibley that says, "the miracle is in the timing, not in the event" and it made me realize how grateful I am for the timing of the Lord in my life.

This particular event happened near the end of my fourth year at BYU. I had just finished writing a 15 pg term paper for one of my upper level Political Science classes. (when I say JUST I mean I was literally walking out of my professors office after turning in my paper) On my way home from campus I started to experience some pain in my abdomen. I will skip all the fun parts of this story and just tell you that around 3am I was taken into emergency surgery and admitted to the hospital until later that afternoon. At the time, my apt was on the 3rd floor, try walking up six flights of stairs after having your lower abdomen cut open and restitched. Not fun. I was alone except for when my roommates didn't have class because my family was still living in California at the time. I couldn't even sleep in my own bed because it was too high and I couldn't climb into it without hurting myself.

I was supposed to stay in bed for a week, but after 4 days I couldn't stand it anymore. I almost passed out in the shower and then had my roommates drive me to church where I taught my Sunday school class sitting down (got chewed out by the Sunday school pres later -nice huh) anyway- what I'm getting at here is that it was a really hard week for me. I was restricted to my couch and I was not supposed to do any physical activity for two weeks.

Doesn't sound too bad? two week vacation from school. what's two weeks right? Wrong. This particular semester I had five dance classes in addition to my poly sci classes. And this was 3 weeks away from the end of the term. I missed a mid-term but I had an incredible poly sci teacher who I had taken a class from previously who told me not to worry about it until I was recovered. I also had several dance teachers who could have failed me for not participating but chose to count just coming to class toward my grade. It sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not- just illustrating the situation.

What did I learn from all this? Situations can't always be avoided so be grateful for the blessings you get. Blessing #1-I had great teachers who knew I was a good student and took some pressure off me!! Blessing #2- had my surgery been a week later, or even a few days later I would have had to take an incomplete on all my dance classes for the entire term. I would have wasted half my tuition money. As it was, my final exams in two dance classes were 13 days after my surgery. So not having practiced in two weeks I took my tests...I passed but it hurt like crazy...have you ever tried to samba/cha cha/rumba with fairly new incisions? Hip rib isolations are not a desirable post surgery activity. Just saying. Blessing #3- my roommates mom was in town and made me food for the first two days of recovery. Blessing #4- I had double insurance so I only paid $15 for a $16,000 surgery. I would love to complain about having the surgery or not being able to practice for my finals but I can't. I am just grateful I was able to take the finals at all!! That I was able to finish my paper beforehand and that the surgery landed on just the right date to allow me to recover for almost the 2 weeks before having to dance again. Its not the event, but the timing of the event that is the miracle. Big or small I am eternally grateful for the miracles in my life.

Lazy

2011-12-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

I really need to stop texting. My grammar is suffering. Usually on my phone I don't really use punctuation- mostly because I have to switch to my other keyboard and its just annoying to do. I'm lazy when I text. But the problem is, it's crossing over into the rest of my life. I keep forgetting to put an apostrophe on my 'its'. what is that?!?! I never miss stuff like that! Oh but I did, my facebook page confirms my laziness in action. Things have got to change-from now on, perfect grammar in my text messaging.

Way to go Einstein

2011-12-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

Well...I found the missing prize envelope with my gift certificates in it....and guess what?! my studio recording time expired in September. Nice. way to go me! I LOVE when I do stuff like that. what a waste. That's it- I'm winning again this year, both legit and belt and I'm going to march myself straight in and use the stuff before it all expires. LAME!!!

Spice of Life

2011-11-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

I know, I'm post happy tonight. I just got back from zumba and I've decided that I am pretty picky about my zumba instructors. What makes a good one?? variation. I hate when all the songs sound the same, have the same tempo, and have similar footwork or choreography. There are hundreds of zumba songs...spice things up. I don't want to use the same 4 muscles for an hour. I also hate when they change the tempo of a perfectly good song to make it weird. I like to hear the rhythm of the song so that I can count it and memorize the sequence..if its a weird tempo I don't feel like I get a good work out...I don't know why...I just don't. That was the case tonight, it started out great...but after about 30 minutes it started to feel like the same song over and over and over again. I considered just leaving early since I was already cooled down and pretty much knew my work out was over...but I stayed. I was right though...longest 'cool down' of my life. whatever, I guess it was better than sitting on my couch all night.

Why don't I listen??

2011-11-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

once upon a time I entered a vocal competition at BYU. I won said competition and inside my packet was a voucher for 2 free hours of studio recording time. The lady handing them out said, "now there is good stuff in these packets so make sure you put them somewhere safe, don't just toss them under your bed". Well friends guess what I did. I used one thing and put the envelope somewhere and now I have NO IDEA where that packet is and I think it expires in January! AHH!! so I need to get my butt into the studio and use my winnings....looks like its time to tear my room apart...what better way to spend my day off tomorrow. right? right. ugh. wish me luck.

Interesting

2011-11-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

If you are looking for something interesting to read....go ahead and click HERE

This Ain't Disneyland....

2011-11-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

I really don't like drop rides. I can handle most other roller coasters but I just don't like the sensation of falling. I force myself to ride tower of terror at Disneyland because well...it just has to be done. But I don't ride it like everyone else...I sort of fold myself in half so I don't feel it as much- I'm never in any pictures which is fine with me but its probably pretty entertaining to watch...also I trust Disney to keep their rides in working order.

I never have understood why people like drop rides. Why do people like to feel out of control? Because you trust that the ride is going to work- that its going to catch where it needs to catch and not plummet you to your death. Why am I blogging about drop rides? because I feel like I've just climbed onto one. Let me explain...

when I hear the phrase "leap of faith" I picture Indiana Jones and the last crusade- for those of you who have not seen it (crime) Harrison Ford is standing on a cliff that is basically a black hole with no bottom and he has to step out having only faith that there is something to catch his fall....turns out there is an invisible beam....

okay Indiana Jones and drop rides- do you see where I am going with this? A leap of faith-could lead to the drop ride feeling, the feeling of falling. Lets say the catch isn't exactly level from the place you step...you might fall a little before you catch and go back up...

Basically I am going to be taking a leap of faith very soon, and I am anticipating a little or a big drop before I go back up...knowing how I feel about this sensation, I should be terrified. I am not. I feel good about making a decision....I won't tell you what it is because it really sounds crazy. My logical mind can tell you all the reasons its irrational and why its a bad decision. But I feel really good about it. I can't tell you why-I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for it from everyone I know. I can hear it now "what are you thinking?" "have you lost all your ambition?" "you are better than this, you are wasting your life"....maybe I am. But every time I go for my 'rational smart' options I feel absolutely sick with anxiety. And my crazy unexplainable option...I feel really calm about. It might lead to some of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life or the best, I'm not really sure. It's crazy....I'm willingly taking my leap of faith, getting on my real life drop ride....its not Disneyland but I'm trusting that my Father is going to catch me and bring me back up at just the right time.

Must I really?

2011-11-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

This last summer was really hard for me- My ward became inundated with high school seniors. I suddenly felt ancient. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't go through that ever again. Unfortunately the only way to avoid it was to go back to the home ward and teach nursery (not gonna happen) or to get married. So I made a goal to be engaged by the end of August 2012. Why did I give myself a timeline? well, because all good goals need to be measurable and they need to have a deadline. It sounds totally crazy- and maybe it is. Marriage is not something you can control but at the time I didn't care-it was the light at the end of my very very young and dark tunnel.

The last few weeks I have started to think about that goal and why I made it. It not your typical goal. And lets be honest, I'm not going to make my timeline. I refuse to get married unless I've dated someone for at least a year...oops-guess that rules out august. I'm not super concerned about meeting my time frame though - what I am concerned about is the why? and I have learned some very important things about myself.

As a general rule, I hate dating. Why? lots of reasons. I very rarely get excited for a date, its actually usually the opposite. I am forever and always being set up on blind dates or I get the "hey my friend thinks you are cute can I give him your number" I hardly ever go out with guys I'm actually interested in. I have almost completely stopped getting ready -in any manner- for my dates. I just go as is. My dates don't make me laugh and half of them can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes. And even when I am interested, it usually doesn't last long because the guy doesn't ask me about me. We talk about him ALL night long- its not fun to be interested in someone who is more interested in themselves.

the other reason I don't like dating is that I don't like to be an imposition on anyone. Some girls are like "hey free meal right?" NO...I hate that. If I don't like a guy I feel horrible making him pay for me. I guess I am just used to taking care of myself. I'm getting better but its totally hard for me. I also am super busy-so if I'm not interested in my date, its hard for me to keep myself in the moment. I start thinking of all the other things I could be getting done. Instead I have to make conversation with someone who isn't helping. Have you ever tried to ask someone questions while at the same time trying not to ask too many questions so you don't seem overly interested when you are not. Its exhausting.

So you see, its not really about the goal or the timeline- its about making myself date and get out of my comfort zone. Maybe if I can force myself on enough awkward dates, I will change my attitude and someday enjoy the process. Maybe.

This is what I've learned this week:

Short dates are a blessing when you have nothing in common
People who can't hold a conversation shouldn't major in communications
If you want to make a good impression you should have a plan
when awkward people don't talk I say stupid things and sound like a jerk or a moron
its a bad sign when you have more fun with your server than with your date

I went on two dates this week-both really nice guys. Really they are, they are just not for me. They didn't meet my basics...

Ambition is a must. If you are 27 please don't tell me you have no idea what you want to do with your life. I don't care what you want to do...but have something. You don't need to make a million dollars you just need to have a plan to get up off your coach.

An active member of the church who holds and uses his temple recommend. Its important to me and I want to see that its important to him.

A sense of humor. I love to laugh. I want someone to make me laugh. Also my family is a little crazy and I don't want to be with someone who takes themselves too seriously. There is a time and a place for serious..but life should be fun.

Someone who isn't scared of me. I'm not that scary. He should know when to talk and when to listen. I like to talk but not all the time- sometimes I just want to listen to someone else talk. I have a lot of opinions and sometimes they aren't right- I need someone who isn't afraid to tell me so. I mean- I want to get my way 95% of the time- but I admit that sometimes I need to be put in my place. That can't happen if a man is afraid of me.

That is my first set of minimums- I have another list of nice to haves but I never get to that list because I rarely go out with a guy who meets even one of the above...and that is why I hate dating and why I make crazy goals for myself ....

Still More

2011-11-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

Today I was reading the priesthood session of General Conference-And I read a talk by a general authority that I have never heard of- Elder Waddell. (read talk here) As I read his talk I was thinking- "man this guy is saying exactly what I think but so much better!" As I finished the talk I realized that I probably need to apologize to quite a few people who have probably misunderstood things I've said. Lets be honest-for those of you who know me well or even semi-well you know that I just speak without censoring. If it comes in my head I just say it-I don't always have the skill to process it first and make sure it will be taken exactly how I want it to.

Let me explain. Many of you have probably heard me say that I hate when every comment a person makes is about their mission. I have even said that they need to let go and move on. But what I really mean by that, and I didn't realize how I was coming across until I read this talk today, is that sometimes people get stuck in their missions. Its the biggest learning experience of their lives and before they know it, they've been back a few years and haven't been able to move on. Here, I'm doing it again.

I think missions are great. I respect those who sacrifice so much to fulfil their priesthood responsibility. I love missionaries. I know that a mission is a huge opportunity filled with spiritual and personal growth. I am glad that so many missionaries love their missions and the people in them- they should!! I totally respect that. I love to hear mission stories and I love when people can invite the spirit by sharing something they learned while serving. But I also feel that a mission should be a jumping off point- when missionaries come home, they need to keep growing and serving...I don't want them to forget those things but they need to ADD to the mission experience. I know it won't be quite as dramatic but there are still people to teach and experiences to be had right in your own neighborhood. The mission teaches lessons that would otherwise take a lifetime to learn- but "the ongoing blessings associated with missionary service require application after the sacrifice" These missionaries need to take the lessons out of the mission and apply them to their life NOW!! If ten years after the mission-the only spiritual experiences you've had are from the mission- you are cheating yourself and everyone around you!

Maybe I didn't clear anything up at all- but I love missionaries, I applaud those who have served faithful missions-I love hearing your stories and feeling your spirits! I just don't want you to cheat yourself by thinking that's all you've got- The things learned on the mission are essential to making you who you will become, but it is not everything...there is a lot of life to still be lived after your mission!!

Well Put

2011-11-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

My mom is the best. seriously, she makes me laugh all the time. This morning I was waiting to go to work and I had crawled into my dad's side of the bed and was just chatting with my mom. we were talking about dating and the type of guys I usually date and she says to me, "There aren't very many great guys out there. And the really good guys are taken by paraplegics and girls with no arms". Wow mom. Really? I died laughing.

Then tonight she went with me to the grocery store. Normally I just park where ever, I'm not super into parking way close. I don't mind walking. But my mom is having a knee replacement in about a week and I didn't want her to have to walk far so I was trying to find a good spot. I spotted a car about to pull out of their spot and so I sat and waited. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: "gees, why are they taking so long to pull out"
Mom: "well, what's wrong with the spot right next to them?"
Me: "oh. Nothing. I guess it is just as close"

She just has a fantastic way of saying things. So matter of fact. It makes me smile!

You think i'm kidding.

2011-11-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

Once when I was like 12 years old my mom let me take piano lessons. I was super excited for about 2 weeks and then I got bored. I was the oldest student my teacher had and I think she just didn't know how to think outside the box. She just moved to slow-made my go page by page through the baby books- and after a few years I finally quit. I never practiced, I just memorized my songs about 20 min before my lesson and then on to the next- never really LEARNING anything. Piano started taking time away from the rest of my life- I had church callings to fulfill grades to maintain, and money to earn. So piano lessons and I went our separate ways. To be honest I have never really regretted that decision. Its not now, nor will it ever be, a passion of mine. I respect and admire people who play but diversity makes the world great right?!

Because I don't play anything I'm not super great at reading music. I took piano long enough to know the difference between a quarter note and a whole note. I know what a measure is and the time signature. I know how to read dynamics and basically follow along. What I can't do is look at music and tell you what key its written in or what note falls on which line (unless its middle C) and I can't look at a note and sing it right off the page. I have to hear it played and then I usually just memorize pretty quick. But I'm not completely clueless. Where is this going? let me tell you.

So tonight I was at my ward choir practice for our Christmas program. There weren't very many people there and we started 2 new songs I've never heard before. I asked the pianist to play my part a few times and made the mistake of saying "I can't read music" Big mistake. The obnoxious boy- and yes I deliberately use the word boy even though he is at least 21-decided he was going to take that information and show how much smarter he is than me as far as music goes. Seriously, I don't even know this kid's name but I want to punch him in the face every week. He talks incessantly and distracts the rest of the tenors so that the choir director has to repeat herself and it takes twice as long to get through anything. He makes the most irrelevant comments and well, he is basically a train wreck. The sad part is he has a pretty nice voice...he just needs to use it for more singing and less talking.

So tonight, remember this is the first time we've ever heard the song, he starts nit picking about ending words together and what dynamics we should be singing. "is it MF or MP?" "We should be pronouncing it like this blah blah blah"...really kid. The reason we aren't holding it is because we are still figuring out what notes we are supposed to be singing...we haven't even started working on timing and dynamics. Then when he wasn't doing that, he was saying things like, "this is a dumb song. I don't want to sing this. can't we sing a normal Christmas song." so if this wasn't reason enough for a person like me to get irritated and kick him, he starts talking down to me like I'm retarded and have no idea what's going on. Yes, its true, I can't pick a note out of thin air but I'm not totally retarded...I have been taking private lessons for almost two years...I can manage my way through a choir piece without his help! ahh...I might have told him that we didn't need his attitude and that if he didn't have anything positive to say he didn't need to come back next week...he thought I was kidding...but kind of I wasn't. I predict he will be single for a very very long time.

Not Yours to Gamble...

2011-11-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

Guess what...you are NOT Paul Walker and you have not been cast in Too Fast Too Furious. Seriously, I have driven to work the last two days and I have almost been hit 3 times. Two of those times were within 5 minutes of each other. Mr. Honda Civic with the extra large headlights decided he was going to pass me on the right and then barely leave enough room when he decided to cut me off AND THEN 2 minutes later a silver Subaru with something to prove decides that even though his lane is ending, he's going to continue to speed up. Good thing I was paying attention because if I had not stepped on my brakes he would have hit my car from the right at about 60 mph knocking me into on coming traffic. Nice. I love when other people decide to take chances with my life and/or property. The worst part about all this, within one light, they both ended up BEHIND me anyway. The funny thing is, at the time I didn't really even think about that they could have killed me. The first thing I thought was, "I would never date a guy who drove like that". Sounds irrational? maybe. but maybe not. You see, a person who drives like that is selfish. They are only thinking of themselves and what they want. Which is a symptom of the way their brain processes. Also, someone who drives like that is probably going to have high insurance premiums due to multiple tickets/accidents. Also that person has a higher chance of killing themselves in an accident. Moral of the story...don't be a Jerk!! My life is not yours to gamble.

Excessive Touching

2011-11-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went with a friend to hear a band play at Valour. Its a small venue where lots of local bands play for their fans. Anyway, we are standing there listening to this band and I started to notice the people around me. I first noticed the guys behind me. Three guys in their early twenties, one of which was very vocal. He was also kind of dimwitted. Amy (the singer of the band) was talking about her guitar player and said his solo made her weep. The Einstein behind me yells back, "YOU make ME weak"....she was so confused. And rightly so. Since she said WeeP and not weaK. He continued to drool over her all night. I was slightly embarrassed for him.

The second thing I noticed was the awkward couple in front of me. she was totally cute. Her boyfriend on the other hand....um..yeah. He was like a foot shorter than her with greasy red hair and unkempt facial hair. He had zero rhythm and he repeatedly rubbed his hand, back and forth across the small of her back. And I don't mean just a few times or for a few minutes. He probably rubbed a whole in her shirt. His hand went back and forth for over and HOUR. Seriously? if that had been me I would have chopped his hand off. She didn't even flinch...actually she didn't even look at him once, its like they were at the concert separately and the only indication they had of being together was his bloody hand!! What is worse than awkward couples, awkward couples touching each other!

Not just about the numbers

2011-11-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

Its Veteran's day. Did you know that? This holiday always makes me sad...mostly because so many people forget about it. Everyone is so excited on facebook about it being 11-11-11. Big deal. What about the real significance of today...what about all those people who have sacrificed so much so that we could be on facebook freaking out about the date. I just want to publicly say how grateful I am to so many great men and women who have sacrifice so much! Here is an article about one amazing veteran of WWII. Its worth reading-he was an incredible example of what this country is missing today.

Happy Veteran's Day!!!

The Pitfalls of Running

2011-11-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've posted about this before...I probably have, but if that's true its been awhile so I'm going to do it again.

A few nights ago I went with a friend to a dessert party for an old MTC companion of hers. The companion isn't old, its just been awhile since they were companions. Anyway, we were talking about how she is close to graduating from BYU and what her plans were now. Turns out she and so many of my friends share a common frustration. A frustration that is probably only common in Mormon society.

As a good LDS girl you are raised with the plan that you will get married and start a family. You go to school and you meet people but nothing works out. So one day you find yourself graduated from a university with your original plan unfulfilled. Now what? well, you can't just sit there and hope prince charming comes along -so you make another plan. With this new plan, you date guys and they ask what you are doing now that you are done with school. You tell them, and now they don't want to date you because you have a plan and they don't want to get in the way of that plan; Or maybe they are simply intimidated by it. Either way its stupid. Of course you have a plan...anyone with a healthy level of self respect would have a plan. It doesn't mean you aren't willing to adjust your plan for someone stellar so that you can finish out your original plan.

This is the catch 22, no one wants a girl who sits around and does nothing, but apparently most men don't want a girl who has plans. If you tell them you have a plan they run away. If you tell them you want to get married they run twice as fast. This is why I have so many amazing friends who are single..they are smart, funny, motivated, spiritual women who know who they are and what they want....apparently that is NOT attractive. Go figure.

my theory-Men need to act like men. Seriously they need more confidence in themselves and more faith in the Lord. They get scared too easily and run away. Well, I'm not a runner. I hate running. So if a man runs away from me I will just let him go...maybe he'll trip over a rock, hit his head, and gain some common sense.

I Am Thankful ....

2011-11-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

So the other day my friend asked me to think of the things about me that I'm thankful for. Everyone could probably make a list of 100 things they are thankful for on the spot...but can we do it about ourselves? I think for most of us its much easier to come up with a list of things we don't like about ourselves or the things we've failed at or just done less than perfect. I was talking to a good friend of mine one night-and I said I was kind of boring, that sometimes I felt like I didn't contribute much to my friendships. That my friends did most the talking and I was just kind of there. She told me that she could see what I was talking about but it wasn't because I was boring- it was the opposite. She compared it to a coloring book. She said that other people bring the book with the monotoned pictures -they bring the structure -and I bring the crayons and I color in their pictures. I bring them to life and add to their stories. I was so busy seeing how I thought I fell short that I didn't see myself from another perspective. I am too often guilty of focusing on my faults so I am going to make a list (don't worry it won't be 100 things) of things about me I'm thankful for.

I would challenge everyone reading this to do the same thing...you don't have to blog about it but I think everyone should just focus on the positive every once in awhile. So here is my list, in no particular order:

I am thankful for....

My expressive face

my height which allows me to wear heals of any height

my singing voice

the ability to learn quickly

the ability to remember people and things

my sense of humor

my testimony

the ability to understand people and their motives

a fairly even temperament

the ability to forgive quickly

my work ethic

the gift of discernment

being happy most of the time/I don't get depressed

the ability to handle pressure

healthy body-I almost never get sick

the ability to hide nerves

the skills of communicating -writing and public speaking

my love of history

good nail beds

strong teeth

self control

the ability to accept things as they are

ability to make friends

willingness to try new things and confront fears

being financially responsible

independence

good problem solving skills

my very pale skin-I know tan is considered beautiful but I like my complexion

not taking offense easily

easily entertained

relating to people of all ages

being a little nerdy

these are some of the things I'm grateful for about myself. And anytime I'm feeling down on myself I'm going to re-read this blog and remind myself that I'm pretty cool. Elder Holland has said, "I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking about ourselves. we see our own faults, we speak-or at least think-critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable".

we are all pretty awesome! Lets be our biggest fans and make the world around us a better happier place!

Two Reasons to Stay Single

2011-11-07T23:30:00.001-07:00

Singles wards. I'm not sure how anyone makes it out alive. Last night I went to the CES fireside. Well, I went to a broadcast of it because the Marriott center chairs are SUPER uncomfortable. Anyway, they broadcast it in a building on the temple lot and basically my whole stake is invited to come...so all of alpine, pleasant grove, Lindon...you get the drift.

I am just going to say- EVERY TIME I go to something like this I realize why I, and so many of my friends, are still single. There was a guy on the row behind me who was not bad looking..but seriously the guy could not shut his mouth. He talked and laughed through the whole fireside. I am all about laughing and having a good time but seriously?! at 20 something years old you should know when it is and is not appropriate and you should be able to somewhat control yourself. A serious turn off!!

Now, lets talk about the boy next to me. Remember how I draw the awkward ones no matter where I go. Well this one was awkward. I am pretty sure he has ADHD. At least I hope he does because that's the only logical explanation. The broadcast is only and hour from start to finish and this boy had to get up twice. Which was actually less distracting than when he stayed in his seat. He bounced his knee incessantly! oh except for when he would slap his knee super hard to stop the bouncing. Then he started break dancing with his arms. Then he laid his head down on the pew in front of us and started snaking and body rolling from his head down. Then he decided to put his coat on but not all the way and then take it off again. He did this more than once. wow.

Between the guy behind me and the guy next to me I felt a little like I was in primary. I tried really hard to listen close but I have a feeling I will have to print that talk off and read it again. Perhaps next time I will go with my Asocial tendencies and watch it on KBYU by myself.

Believe it or not, sometimes I know what I'm talking about

2011-11-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at work we were running a promotion- Spend $100 get $40 off. We were totally busy...and I jumped on a register to help move the line along. The customer who came up had a jacket he was purchasing and it rang up for $98. Being the nice person I am I asked him if he wanted to grab a pair of socks or something else to get his total to $100. He declined. I restated it by saying, "you know if you add on a pair of socks they will be free and it will save you $40. He again said "no I'll just take the jacket". WHAT THE?!?! no. Normally I'm all about respecting the agency of others but seriously I could not, in good conscience, let this guy pay $100 when he could walk out with the same item for $60. So I told him I was going to grab him a chap stick- he could give it to him mom, his sister, keep it or throw it away but I was adding it on for him. I grabbed a yummy mint flavored "gap-stick" and saved the guy $40. Honestly, he was about 16 or 17 years old and probably thought I was trying to sucker him into something. which I wasn't.

I had a few other people who were also lacking in common sense...there were others who were spending $70 and didn't want to spend the time to find $30 worth of free stuff. Its like they didn't understand that they would be paying the same amount and getting more stuff. who doesn't want that?? I think people need to make sure when they leave the house they need to bring their brains along because sometimes retail people really are just trying to get you the best deal-especially since I don't work on commission. Sometimes it pays to set your ideas aside and listen to what you are being told...

Whiter than I thought

2011-11-04T22:01:00.000-06:00

Hopefully you are familiar with the color code personality theory. Cause that's what this is about. I have always thought I was a split between red and blue. Then a few weeks ago an old friend said they saw me as more of a white...I blew off the comment but then this week I put some thought into it and decided to retake the color test. In the past I have always taken the test with other people around. Which was probably a bad idea because my family always get stuck on the fact that I'm pretty stubborn. They fixate on that and don't look at any other aspects or my personality. Today I took off my blinders and really thought about each question. I thought not only about work, which I usually do, but about relationships, about roommates, about confrontations I have had and looked a little deeper into my reactions to various situations. Turns out, I don't have as much red in my personality as I thought. yes, I am stubborn, determined, and goal oriented. But I am also emotional, loyal, and need to be understood. On top of that I am non confrontational, I'm a good listener and I get along with almost everyone. I pick my battles and want to connect emotionally more than I need to be in charge. Most of the time I just go with the flow but when I do have an opinion-you can bet I'm going to be passionate about it. Funny but I'm actually a very close count between blue and white. with less red. Go figure.

Goodbye Fingertips

2011-11-03T22:04:00.000-06:00

I can't feel my fingers. It's a wonder I'm even able to type. I needed extensions for Halloween. But I forgot to buy them until about an hour before I needed to wear them. So basically I cut them randomly and bobby pinned them in my hair. However, I decided since I spent so much money on the stupid things that I should spend another $15 dollars and buy the clips so I can actually use them after Halloween. So I did. I got all the stuff and I sat down and sewed my extension pieces to clips. OUCH! now I really have to wear the dumb things because I just sacrificed my finger tips for them. I'm not sure it was worth it.

What do you love?

2011-11-02T00:12:00.000-06:00

wow, two posts in one day...but I'm thinking right now and I'm not sure that will continue over until tomorrow. Last week our corporate offices sent out some rubber wrist bands...you know the ones that come in different colors and have slogans on them. Anyway...Not sure how many people know this but Gap was founded by Don and Dorris Fisher in 1969 (which is why all of our jeans say 1969 on the tag- that is not a distinguishing feature as many people like to think). Well, he was noted for saying "do what you love" and that is the phrase that was printed on this bracelet. We had a visit today from our regional director so I put the bracelet on-even though I HATE things on my wrists- and I wore it all day. On my way home it was bugging me and at a stoplight I stopped to read it again. "do what you love" and I started thinking...what do I love to do??

I love to sing. I love musical theater. I love genealogy. I love to read. I love to dance. I love to have long talks with good friends. I love to meet new people. I love to people watch. I love to solve problems. I love to learn. I love the temple. I love the gospel. I love pictures. I love to scrapbook. I love stained glass. I love history. I love philosophy and psychology. I love Disneyland. I love airplanes. I love to take ugly pictures. I love to laugh. I love to dress up. I love to just be silly. I love to make people smile. I love to write. I love to help people. I love so many things- and I don't make time for hardly any of them anymore. Life is too short not to enjoy. You are right Don, I need to make more time to do what I LOVE!!

Secretly Open

2011-11-01T23:03:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I forget that people will actually read my blog. I think sometimes I say too much. But that's who I am. I love to talk and I love to share things about myself with people who I feel like actually care. I mean if someone takes the time to ask and I feel like the genuinely want to know the answer-I will always answer openly-even if its a little embarrassing. The problem is, most people don't ask. Or they are happy with a shallow answer. To those people I probably seem closed off and private. But I'm secretly and open book. Can a person "secretly" be "open" ?? not sure...I am open to those who really want to know. And I guess I figure if someone is going to take the time to open my blog and read it then they probably care enough to be privy to my 'private' thoughts. right? right!

why write a blog about this? I don't really have a great reason. I was just thinking how I probably haven't written in my journal in over a year and even then it was probably only once...but my blog, something everyone has access to, I write in all the time. Just seemed strange to me. But I suppose I am strange. And I'm okay with that!

Red Sea Experience

2011-11-01T00:14:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been thinking about a class I attended at education week at BYU this last august. It was a class taught by Kevin Hinckley about educating your desires. At one point in his lecture he started talking about how we sometimes box the Lord in and don't allow him to answer our prayers as he would like...That our mind is so limited that we don't always pray for the things we should. He gave the example of moses and the Red Sea. He painted this visual for us:

Moses and the children of Israel get to the Red Sea. They can't keep going through the sea, they have the Egyptians coming up from behind so they say, 'okay, lets go to the left. Moses pray about going to the left"...he does and gets a stupor of thought. "okay so we must need to go right" He prays and gets another stupor of thought. Now what?? "we can't just sit here. But neither way was right. I guess maybe we just stay and let the Egyptians get us"....

His point was that we do this all the time. We have option A and Option B- but what happens when neither of those are right? what do we do then? He talked about letting the Lord give us our red sea experience. let the Lord decide your course. Perhaps he has plan C waiting and just needs us to be open to the idea. He is waiting for us to say, "thy will be done" "I'll go where you want me to go" and once we do...doors will open that we didn't even know existed.

I feel like I've been standing on the shore of my Red Sea...I can't go backward so I've been praying about whether I should go right or left, not getting a clear answer. But maybe that is my answer...maybe I just need to relinquish control and look for my Red Sea experience. I don't know when it will come, or how exactly those deep waters will part but I know they will. The Lord has his plan C in mind for me...

Nostalgic

2011-10-30T23:40:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt so close to someone you've never even met? It probably sounds crazy but it happens to me quite frequently. I have been reading my grandma's personal history- which I should have read years ago. She passed away in 2003 but I was too busy being into myself to take the time to think about connecting to my family. I got about 2 pages into it and started crying...which is NOT something new and different for me. What is interesting is the part I started crying about. My grandma was talking about her parents, about her mother specifically and from her description and from pictures I've seen, I just know we would have been kindred spirits. I can look at her face and tell you where I got so many of my personality traits. Which sounds crazy since she died in 1942. But I think personalities are genetic. My brothers have very similar personalities/mannerisms and they didn't really ever live together. Or maybe its not genetics at all. Maybe she and I were just really great friends in the pre-existance and spent lots of time together. I see so much of myself in this woman who I've never met. As I read about her, brief as the description was, I felt a deep loss. I am grateful to her for her for who she was...for pressing forward through hard times. I wish I could talk to her right now...I know I have to wait, but I can tell you that at the very least, the first 1000 yrs of my eternity will be spent in deep discussion with the incredible people who have made my life possible.

Highway Hellos

2011-10-30T22:20:00.001-06:00

almost every Sunday I go to visit my friend at her ward in Salt Lake City. I go to mine first and then swing up north for a few hours. I do this because I love her and because there is an unfair distribution of good looking successful men in Utah- they are all in her ward. Not fair. Anyway, today my friend Erin wanted to come along- apparently she didn't believe me when I told her there were tons of good looking men in SLC. As if I would make it up. Well Erin and I were driving along I-15 just having ourselves a good chat when a white truck pulls up to the right of us. I glance over...and then I look again. The man in the truck is holding an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper to his window and the paper says, "Hi Erin" she waves and he falls back behind us. I laughed and said, "wow, Erin who was that?" to which she replied, "I don't know. I don't recognize him" she really didn't know the man at all. Um, really? what are the chances of that? Did he just choose a name at random? happened to have that paper in his car and uses it to be a creeper on the freeway? Or maybe she just looks like an Erin? who knows...either way it was kind of creepy. And by 'kind of' I mean really creepy. But I am so glad I got to see it first hand...or I might not have believed it.

Time to grow up

2011-10-26T11:47:00.000-06:00

Do clothes make the man? no. They don't but sometimes they help the man feel good in his own skin. Okay really I'm not talking about a man. I'm talking about me. I'm not huge into retail therapy, I actually hate to shop. But for the last few weeks I've been hating my clothes. I put them on and I just feel like garbage. So a few days ago I went and I bought what I like to call "grown up" shirts. Basically they aren't T-shirts. Its funny but I put one on and I just felt empowered. I felt my age and I felt like I could move forward and get what I want out of life....it sounds a little crazy. My theory is this: All the clothes in my closet are old, they represent things from my past. Some of the shirts I don't EVER wear but I have kept them because they had some sentimental value. Well I got rid of those shirts, and I replaced them. Maybe its more symbolic for me- I needed to get rid of the past and get my appearance in line with my new life goals. I couldn't move forward because I was trying to hard to hang on to the past. It sounds ridiculous but when you are wearing clothes that make you feel like a teenager its really hard to grow up and make adult decisions. I am pretty much the baby in my family and inadvertently am treated as such a lot of the time. But in order to push my way out of that-I need to see myself as and adult. One way for me to do that is wear clothes that look like an adult. I'm not going to lie- adult clothes are more expensive. That's the worst part. But I am very much an adult, I have some life experience now and I'm getting more every day. I look much younger than I am. I feel like if I want people to take me seriously I need to make a change. I feel like I have a pretty good head on my shoulders. I know what I want. I can discern people and situations well. I catch on to things quickly. I listen, observe, and understand people. I can anticipate consequences very far into the future. I think I have a lot to offer- I just have to get people to look past my young face and give me a chance- therefore I must spend money on grown up clothes. It won't fix things entirely, but its a start....

No hassle!....yeah right!

2011-10-22T23:09:00.000-06:00

Here is a fact about me: I'm a pretty chill person. I don't anger easily, I don't hold grudges, and I don't really engage in confrontation. There are certain things that can trigger these responses in me- like when some jerk decides to almost run me over in his over sized pick up, or when I feel like someone has taken advantage of my chill-ness. Even then I will still try to remove my emotion and explain my position as calmly as possible. Which is what happened yesterday.

Let me explain the situation. A few weeks ago I bought a dress from a semi high end retailer (will remain nameless). I bought the dress online but when I got it I decided I didn't actually love it as much as I thought I would. This retailer happens to be located in the same mall where I work so I checked the return policy to make sure I could return it to the store and took it to work with me. After work I went to return it and the manager told me that I couldn't do any returns from online that were over $100. At which point I think to myself "well isn't everything in this store over $100?" whatever it didn't say that in the return policy but I work retail so I didn't make a big deal about it. I said that was fine and I'd just mail it back. The manager insisted I leave the dress and let them mail it back for me so I wouldn't have to deal with the hassle. I was kind of bugged about that but I gave in. Half way home my brain kicked in (where was it when I needed it) and I realized that without shipping, which I'm sure they were not going to refund, the dress was NOT over $100. Also she didn't give me anything to say she took my dress. I still decided I wouldn't freak out. I gave them 10 business days to credit my card and then decided to contact customer service.

Yesterday I sent them an email inquiring about the return policy and if they had received my dress. I explained the whole situation very calmly and with as much detail as I could so they would know I wasn't just making it up. They contacted me this afternoon. Which was great since it is Saturday and I wasn't expecting anything until at least Monday. The representative informed me they have NOT received my dress but was initiating my refund anyway. She also filed a complaint for me and informed me that the store should have returned my dress on the spot. It did not have to be mailed back at all. She is also forwarding my message to the vice president of sales, and to the district and regional managers of the store.

Awesome I get my money back especially since I no longer have possession of the dress. I'm thrilled with the quick service on their end but part of me feels guilty that the store manager might get in a little trouble. As a manager myself, I know this needs to be addressed but part of me still wishes she'd just done her job to begin with...or that I had been thinking and insisted on doing it myself. What's done is done right?! I guess that's the down side to having a blue/red personality. You get what you want but you feel bad about it after. Its really horrible actually. Good thing my red doesn't come out TOO often- its draining!

And my super power is....

2011-10-21T22:46:00.000-06:00

So last night I went dancing. Something I haven't done in too long. Anyway, I went with some of the most fun people on this planet. While I was there, I developed the following theory:

You know how dogs can hear sounds at frequencies that humans can't? Well, I think there are messages plastered to my face that only men can read/see. Clarification: I am not saying men ARE dogs...just that men are LIKE dogs ;) What do those messages say? well from my experience last night I can only conclude that those messages go something like this:

"Excuse me, who said YOU could talk to me?"
"Please back away, you are in my personal bubble"
"shouldn't you be crying in a corner somewhere?"
etc. All to the effect of "don't waste your time, I will NEVER even look at you"..."unless you are a douche and then by all means please try, try, and try again, eventually I will relent and come to regret my choice later"

(These phrases are just conjecture of course) how did I come to this conclusion you ask? well let me illustrate for you!

Exhibit A:
Me and two other friends are standing on the side of the dance floor. I am watching another friend and her "sort-of boyfriend" dance. And by "watching" I mean, in deep concentration trying to count the dumb steps out in my head...when I become vaguely aware that there is a man standing in front of me. In my peripheral vision I see a hand start to be extended toward me (traditional "do you want to dance" procedure) but before I can become fully cognizant of what is transpiring, before I have even had the chance to lift my gaze high enough to see his face, the hand is retracted and the guy moves about a foot to my right and watches people dance. I looked to my friends who were standing with mouths agape. "um, did that really just happen?" Yes. Yes it did. That was a first in my life! To be asked to dance and have the offer rescinded before I can even see what the guy looks like. ouch.

Exhibit B:

My two friends and I are still standing off to the side and every couple of minutes a guy walks by. But he doesn't just walk by. He slows ever so slightly and looks at each one of us. Mostly from the super corner of his eye (don't know what a super corner is click here) but every now and again there was a really brazen one that would just check us each out as he passed. But the point is, they would keep walking. After about 30 minutes of this we all decided we were done being ogled and decided to vacate the meat market. I wanted to scream, "I'm not here to hook a man so please stop looking at me like you have the option to package me up and take me home if you so choose"...so irritating.

anyway, my friends and I looked pretty cute so I can only assume these men were reading the invisible messages on my face (as listed above)...If I only knew what those messages really said I could control them and use them to my greater advantage. but perhaps its better I don't know... It actually sounds like a pretty lethal super power- the ability to manipulate invisible messages on my face that have the power to control the actions of men. Yes!

Like Bees to honey

2011-10-19T08:42:00.002-06:00

This post has nothing to do with bees or honey. Its about socially awkward people who are always drawn to me. I have no idea why. Let me explain. Last night I went to my zumba class like I do several times a week. Last night the class was pretty empty (most people showed up late) There was about 5 of us in a fairly large room and this woman walks in and comes and stands directly behind me. I'm talking like 2 feet or less...she might as well have just climbed on my back! she was THAT close to me. No worries though, I've done a lot of formation dancing so I simply moved once the song started....and she is so awkward she didn't notice because she was staring at the teacher. however, once the song ended she was right next to me again. Just to test it out, I shifted further over....and she shifted with me. I moved back thinking "maybe I took her spot and she wants to be in the front" Nope...she moved back when I did. So basically I only got a half work out last night because I was so worried about getting hit by the flailing uncontrolled coordination-less arms 2" from my head. My only conclusion I can draw is that she wanted to be near the front so she could see, but she didn't want to BE seen- so she hid behind me. Seriously though....you cannot stand that close to a person in a zumba class...you have to stagger for safety reasons....and also because its weird. If she is there again tonight I am moving to the opposite side of the room. I don't really like bees anyway.

Teaching the Teacher

2011-10-17T11:03:00.000-06:00

So yesterday was my Sunday to teach gospel doctrine. When I prepared I thought it was going to be a really hard lesson, really disjointed and without reading the entire book of Hebrews, totally unconnected. It didn't really flow...so instead of trying to connect it myself I broke it down in a few sections and had my class teach the really long parts. I wasn't really sure how that would go over, and I'm usually not a huge fan of group work but nothing else was coming to me which was probably the spirit saying, "I know you hate this but today Lori we are going to do things MY way and you will just have to like it". Cause lets be honest, sometimes I need to be put in my place. Anyway-there is a point to all this. We were reading Hebrews 11. That chapter is all about people who acted in faith. Not a new concept for Sunday school but what happened was I had an epiphany about my own life. Right in the middle of class.

Hebrews 11:8

"By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went."

It hit me that I have been promised things too...but, unlike Abraham, I have been so afraid of making a wrong choice, that I haven't been making any choices at ALL. I am stagnant. I am simply existing, not really stepping out and taking chances. I know what I'm capable of...but since I don't have a map laid out in front of me I've been resisting taking any steps at all. what the heck is that?! That's not me!! Well maybe it was me in high school but that hasn't been me for almost a decade and I refuse to regress. So what am I saying? I'm saying if I want to be where I know I can and should be I need to start moving. Where? well I don't really know. My only plan right now is to move forward...if a door is open I'm going to walk through. And if its not a door- maybe I'll just have to climb through a few windows right?!?! yikes...I'm having a panic attack right now. But faith is relinquishing control sometimes and I do need to practice that a little...or a lot. so wish me luck.

Put it away

2011-10-16T23:46:00.000-06:00

I need to share with you a pet peeve of mine...its funny but when people ask what bugs me, a lot of the time I can't think of anything, and then it happens and it is brought home ever so quickly!! So what is bugging me- when my date can't leave his cell phone alone. Call me old fashioned or selfish but when someone is out with me- I want them to be with ME 100% of the night. And not just physically- I want them there mentally as well. If its an emergency or something whatever, stuff happens. But to be texting, or tweeting, or updating your facebook status is just irritating. I almost NEVER take my phone out on a date. (probably because it bugs me so much) Its rude, but also it disrupts the flow of conversation. when they have their phones out I start wondering who is so important that you need to be texting on a date? or am I really that boring that you need to be entertained by some outside source? What is up with that?! Just bugs me. Normally I don't NEED to be the center of attention...but if I have taken time out of my busy life to go out with you, I expect you to give me your full and undivided attention. Call me crazy but I think I'm worth a few uninterrupted hours...

Sharing is caring?? really?

2011-10-16T23:17:00.001-06:00

Why do I always have to share? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm okay sharing somethings with others, my time, my voice, my money (sometimes), food, secrets, stories...life. I share ALL the time!! but there are just some things in life I don't feel I really should be required to share. One of those things: My boyfriends. (don't get excited I don't have one right now) I was just reflecting on my past relationships and I realize I have shared EVERY last one of them with another girl- and I'm not talking about their mom. I'm talking about the ex girlfriend, the best friend, and in more than one occasion another girlfriend whom I had no knowledge about (which did require me to put and end to those relationships altogether)....

but seriously?! is there a neon sign over my head that says, "I'm a nice girl- please date me and you can have your cake and eat it too" does this happen to lots of people? Why do I always attract guys who don't feel like they need to commit emotionally, mentally, or physically??

The crazy thing is, when confronted, none of them ever felt like they were in the wrong. which-whatever- I'm not going to get into that...my question is why? The only common thing in all those relationships is me...so I think I really might have something over my head that attracts men with commitment issues...LAME!!

Use your words...

2011-10-15T11:11:00.000-06:00

I manage people for a living. So whenever I go to other establishments I notice the employees, mostly asking myself if I would have hired this person. well, last night I went to a frozen yogurt place with some friends. This particular one closed at 11pm and since I work retail I never stay somewhere after they close. I always leave right at closing. So at 10:58 the girl working walks over to the front door and locks it. And let me just tell you -it wasn't the type of lock that only locks from the outside but you can still push open and exit. Also let me tell you that my friends and I were not the only people in this place...half the PG cheerleading team was there as well. At her not so subtle hint my friends and I decided to leave. I walked over to the door- knowing full well that I would have to unlock it to get out but I wanted to see what this employee was going to do. I start to push on the door and she runs over and says, "oh sorry" all innocent like she was unaware that there had been 12 people in her store when she locked the door and we wouldn't be able to exit....I mean come on, she can't be THAT stupid. She's not stupid-she's passive aggressive. Here is my problem with her actions, if you want people to leave just come right out and say it...."Hey guys thanks so much for coming in tonight but I have to lock up now", or "we are closing in about five minutes", or "can I help you with anything else before we close"....LOTS of ways to get your point accross without locking your patrons in the building. Just some advice, making people feel awkward has never been agreat customer service technique....save the not so subtle hints and use your words!

When is it good enough?

2011-10-06T22:52:00.000-06:00

Fact about me: My brain works better under pressure.

OK maybe it doesn't but it feels like it...mostly because under pressure I don't have time to be a perfectionist. Example: I did A LOT of writing in college! And every semester I had really great intentions of starting my papers early, and I tried a few times....basically what ended up happening was I wasted time. Because I would write it, then I'd read it critically then I'd write it again- I'd waste 3 days and then the night before when I was completely out of time to do anything else I would sit down and type for hours straight. Spell check. proof read and print. Done. That's how English was in high school too....free flow writing. I start writing and as long as I'm not interrupted my brain spits out a pretty organized logical product that is usually good enough to get me an A. So you could argue that I have classically conditioned my brain to perform this way- I still do it. I'm not in school but I do it with talks in church and my Sunday school lessons every other week. I read it before hand but I can't for the life of me, as hard as I try, get it on paper if I have more than 24 hours to go....so basically deadlines encourage good things to come out of my head....

well, I am starting a new blog, one a little more focused than just my own ramblings and I am petrified of not doing it perfect. which is totally irrational. But I can't help it. I keep writing drafts and drafts but the problem is- there is no deadline. No one even knows the address yet- so I keep picking it apart! I'm way to demanding when it comes to my writing. I love writing and I have really high standards for myself when I write for real....so who knows how long it will be until I actually publish anything on my blog...ahhh...why can't good enough just be good enough sometimes?!

Giving up my pearls....

2011-10-02T22:06:00.000-06:00

I have a decision to make. One I am absolutely not excited to make. And for most of you who read this it will sound like nothing, but to me, I feel like my heart is literally being ripped out of my chest.
(If you have not heard the story of Jenny and her pearls please read it HERE now so that my future references make sense-its not very long)

For the past 21 yrs of my life my major goal has been to be cast as Eponine in Les Miserables. For 19 1/2 of those 21 yrs I was too terrified to sing in front of anyone and one day I realized, you do not get cast in lead roles unless you have some experience. So, I faced my fears and started voice lessons, auditioning, and doing theater. Which I have loved. I love performing and dressing up and meeting lots of new people. This dream of mine has been lurking in my mind my whole life...its something I really really want. Its also something I know I could do if I put in the time and made the sacrifice...that's where this gets difficult. This is my plastic pearl necklace.

Last night I went out with 3 of my very best friends. I put my phone in the bottom of my purse and forgot about everyone in the world except them. we didn't do anything exciting, talked and went to dinner- but I haven't laughed that hard in months. I literally hurt from laughing. I got home and remembered that I used to do that ALL the time. I love to laugh. I love to be with amazing people who bring out the best in me- people who inspire me to laugh. People who accept me with all my strength and especially my weakness! I realize I miss this more than I can express. When did something so important to me get pushed so far to the back of my life?

When did I sacrifice my meaningful relationships for shallow competitive backbiting ones. Relationships where people want you to do well as long as its not better than them. When did I trade feeling comfortable in my own skin for feeling self conscious and uncomfortable?

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone in theater is shallow and self centered...I have met some very fantastic people on my way! I have met people who have changed my life and become some of my very best friends!! People I will love forever. But the vast majority of people I meet are not people I want to get close to...they are not people who would be a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with or talk to about the gospel and life until 2am...and for me, those are the things that make life full and meaningful.

I realized that I have spent so much time trying to make my way in theater and build my resume that I have been neglecting people I love and things that are of eternal significance. I hate that and this realization has caused me to think that maybe its time I removed myself from the distraction. Maybe theater- as much as I love it, is not my path. Maybe its time to give up my necklace...

It breaks my heart because I feel like I'm giving up on a dream...something I've wanted and something I know I could eventually have if I continue to work hard. I know I could accomplish my goal....but at what cost?? when I really step back and look rationally- I'm letting my life goals rob my eternal goals. I love theater, I love singing...but I know there will be other ways to share my voice with those around me...I think, as of right now my Disney audition in 2 weeks will be my last audition. I am walking away, I'm not sure if its forever, but right now I need to get the rest of my life in order and remember the things that are of eternal importance- my relationships, with my friends, my family, and most important my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

If I only had a brain...

2011-10-02T00:08:00.000-06:00

I'm at work today- drawing floor maps for our inventory that is next week- and I see a woman just in front of me on her phone. I don't know why but something she said caught my attention....please keep in mind that its about 2:45pm at this particular moment.....

this is her conversation:

"what time is conference?"

"2-4? well we'd have to leave right now and we're still at the mall!"

"oh yeah we could go to the 4 o'clock session"

"totally, we'll grab something to eat and meet up with you for the 4 o'clock session"

gets off the phone walks over to her mom and says, "yeah mom, we are going to meet up with her for the 4pm session"

Really? are people that stupid? you have already missed 45 min of the session so even if you left NOW you wouldn't make it. (benefit of the doubt: maybe she is from California and her watch wasn't set to current time so she thought it was 1:45-although her cell should have reset when she crossed time zones) Also, and most importantly, there is no 4pm session, unless you live on the east coast...but being as you are standing right in front of me, it is safe to say you are currently in Utah and STILL missing that session. There is a 6pm session but since you are not male you aren't invited to that one...so either way, looks like you are not going to get much out of conference today. my suggestion...you should activate your brain or talk more quietly on the phone so others, such as myself, don't overhear your conversations and judge you. And I am...because even though I grew up in California and my instinct tells me conference is at 9 and 1...my brain kicks in fairly quickly and I remember what time zone I'm in...

sorry lady, but it looks like you are missing more than just conference...

Education is NOT the enemy

2011-09-29T22:58:00.001-06:00

Here is my stance on education. I think everyone should get as much of an education as they can. When you are done with your formal education I believe you should continue to read and educate yourself for the rest of your life, in all areas. I love to learn, and anyone who knows me or has followed my blog from the beginning knows that...I have a BA in political science, a minor in ballroom dance, a cosmetology license, and I want to get a law degree and an MBA...now here is my point.

My wanting to further educate myself does not mean I am a "man hating liberal feminist". In fact I don't even see a connection with my level of education and my feelings toward the opposite gender. Oh wait, that's because there isn't one. I happen to think a lot of men are fabulous! However, that does not mean I am going to sit around and let my brain rot while I wait for one to sweep me off my feet. I am perfectly capable of thinking and acting for myself...I don't NEED someone else to take care of me. Does that mean I never WANT someone to...no, it doesn't. But until I find that person who is perfectly imperfect I will keep learning and moving forward.

A woman after my own heart once said, "I will never LOVE a man because I NEED him, but I will NEED a man because I LOVE him" and if I choose not to need or love you...its not because of my education or because I'm too independent...perhaps the problem is with you. Perhaps YOU are just not as great of a catch as you imagine yourself to be.

Mom loves me...what about you?

2011-09-25T23:23:00.000-06:00

Recently a good friend of mine left on his mission (Australia, Mandarin speaking). But before he left he told me that when he gets home I am just the type of girl he is going to be looking to date. Totally sweet right? He's great- plus he sings like and angel. Anyway- I realized that conversation solidified my belief that 19yr old pre-missionaries, Parents, and bishops love me. The problem is- I just can't seem to convince their brothers, sons, friends, etc to love me as well. I guess there are worse things than having someones parents think you are a catch...I mean, it is rather flattering to have a guys mom think you are great and think her son is retarded for not seeing it...haha. Guess that's the way things roll sometimes.

More than a pretty face?

2011-09-25T23:04:00.001-06:00

if you have spent anytime in Utah you know that it is full of really beautiful women. But I am going to go out on a limb here and say that a lot of those women pay good money for it-or I should say, their husbands pay good money for it. If you haven't been in Utah let me explain. Here in the land of Utah we have LOTS of bleached blonds, fake tans, bleached teeth, fake boobs, hair extensions, eyelash extension, and fake nails...these women spend their lives in the gym and I just have to ask myself ...is it worth it?? I mean I just wonder what their self-esteem must be like if they feel they need to go to such lengths to be beautiful. It becomes and addiction and for some, it stops being beautiful because its gone too far. By "too far" I mean, orange skin, spider looking eyelashes...come on...if it doesn't look real it counteracts the whole point of doing it in the first place right? The whole point is to pretend to the world that you were born like that-
It really just makes me sad that anyone feels they need to throw away their money on something so shallow. I'm not talking about you ladies who get your nails done once a week because it makes you feel sane- your time away to yourself. I'm talking about the women who are compelled to compete with every other woman around them because they feel like they have nothing else to offer the world...the women who feel like they need to be just like everyone else in how they look and what they wear, in what they think and even the way they talk...
the women who feel they have to look a certain way to catch a man...well, in my opinion, as off target as it may be, if you have to look that way to catch a man- he isn't worth catching. have some faith in who you are and what you can offer beyond being a trophy on someones arm. I think the women of Utah have far more to offer than just a pretty face...so maybe its time to start acting like it.

Youth Conference?? me??

2011-09-25T22:30:00.000-06:00

I have really been horrible at this blog thing, not as horrible at keeping a journal, but still, not great. Also that is way too many commas for one sentence. Anyway, that is not the topic of this blog. Back in June I was invited to be a counsellor for the neighboring stake's youth conference. That meant I needed to take 3 full days off work and spend it babysitting teenagers. I was not thrilled about this idea- being as I didn't even like teenagers when I was one. Well against my better judgement I felt like that's where I needed to be. I was assigned a group of 10 girls all about 16 yrs old. I also had a co-counsellor with about 10 guys the same ages. Well right off the bat one of my girls came in with more attitude than I was ready for. She really didn't want to be there and she made no pretense about hiding the fact. I was not prepared for this- I guess I should have been but I had worked the 4 days leading up to the conference so I was already really tired. I was totally relying on the spirit to get me through it...and I was nervous about this one.

well the day turned out just as I had anticipated, my girls kept disappearing and this one girl was like a poison, her attitude rubbed off on all the girls as the day wore on. I had to continually leave the activities to find my missing girls...it was exhausting and I had to keep reminding myself it was all going to be worth it in the end. I had to stop telling myself that I should have used my PTO for a weekend in Disneyland. right?! Anyway, that night we were all driven to the amphitheater by the temple where they did a concert for the youth and on the way there I was in a car with my poison child. I don't think she knew I was in the back of the van because she was talking to a mom from the stake about how stupid the whole thing was and how she was NOT coming back the next day and the best part was, the mom was agreeing with her and encouraging her attitude. There were a few other girls in the car that agreed with her and weren't planning on coming back for the next two days..I'm not going to lie I wanted to just sit back and cry. I felt like I was wasting my time. I sat at that concert with the realization that the next morning, I may only have five out of my ten girls come back. I seriously felt like a failure.

I new I only had one choice. I poured out my heart in prayer for the entire hour and a half. I didn't really hear the concert. We had a 45 minute devotional coming up after the concert on the fields by the Temple. I needed to say the right things....I knew this was possibly my last chance to make a difference in these girls lives and to maybe talk them into coming back. But I felt very strongly that they NEEDED to come back. Well we started our devotional, I'm not even sure what I said but I bore my testimony to these 20 teenagers about the Gospel and the blessings of the temple. And when it was over at 11:30pm I went home and died in my bed. I can't even remember when I had ever been that tired after only one day.

The next morning at 7am I returned to do it all over again, not knowing how many of my kids would come back. To my surprise by mid morning I had 8 of the 10 girls back. My poison girl didn't return and she had taken one with her, but I felt a miracle had occurred that I didn't lose any more. Those 8 stayed the whole weekend and I developed a love for my kids...I still don't love teenagers- mostly the attitude- but I felt of the strength of their spirits and what they can become and it did turn out to be a great experience. was my patience tested to its limits? yes. Did I have an emotional breakdown at the end of the 3 days from lack of sleep? yes. Was it something I would do again if I was asked? Most definitely YES.

At the end of the 3 days I found a small note in my bag. It was written by a very quite girl in my group-one I actually thought hated me- She thanked me for coming and told me how she really felt we connected and that she could relate to me so well....surprise!! didn't see that one coming, but I guess we never do..I guess that's where faith comes in....you don't always get to see the difference you make but that doesn't mean it isn't happening.

Why now??

2011-09-23T10:49:00.000-06:00

I'm exhausted. And I will tell you why. I have not slept well in two nights. Why? well because I have been having nightmares about my sunday school lesson on Sunday. Can I just tell you how ridiculous this is?? I have been teaching Gospel Doctrine for a little over a year now, through the Isaiah chapters of the Old Testament even- this is the first time I've had dreams about it. You'd think after a year all dreams about not preparing or forgetting my manual would have happened already. Why Now? I'm not really sure what triggered it but I'm not losing one more night of sleep over this. I can take a hint, I sat down and started my lesson this morning instead of waiting until tomorrow night...now that I've read it I see where the anxiety came from...it is a crazy lesson, all of 2 Corinthians and it jumps from chapter to chapter...ahhh. This is going to take hours...but hopefully I will at least get some sleep tonight.

The Gift of Winging it...

2011-09-21T00:28:00.000-06:00

Recently my church chior has had a slight overhaul. And by slight I really mean huge. The regulars have mostly moved out and its still in transition of gaining more members. Two weeks ago there were six men and 3 girls. My friend Anna and I took turns singing the melody...because did I mention all 3 of the girls sing alto. Amazing. Anyway, this last sunday we were scheduled to perform and we actually had quite a few people show up for practice. At practice we had probably 10-12 men, 6 sopranos, and 2 altos....plus the pianist who decided to sing with us. NO big deal, I am a belter, I can project. Especially in the alto range where its comfortable and more fun to sing. Well all of a sudden its time to perform. I walk up to the front, get in my place and realize, i'm standing alone in my alto section. where the other girl from practice went I have no idea. I just chuckled to myself, because that's totally my luck. So now we are down and alto and gained another soprano. I calculate this in my head and panic slightly- I had never practiced this way...just how loud does a person have to sing to harmonize with 7 sopranos??? Good questions right...and then what is too loud, because you don't want to not blend??? Good thing i'm blessed with the gift of "winging it" the pianist, in her mercy, sang with me and no one in the audience could tell so all in all it was a success. Although can we please not do that again unless i'm prepared before hand??? yikes.

Stop with the dating sites already

2011-09-04T22:48:00.000-06:00

How many dating websites do we need in this world?? seriously. I get a new add on facebook like every other day... "plenty of fish" "singles who love Jesus" I mean really....this is getting out of hand....

What does balanced mean???

2011-09-04T22:26:00.000-06:00

one blog post in July? none in August? wow, I'm really slipping. Mostly I'd say its a lack of balance in my life. There are so many things I want to do, and so many things I have to do and no time to sit and get it all straight. Each week bleeds over into the next and before you know it, all the things I have to do take over my life, make me tired, and then all of a sudden those other important things just fall through the cracks. I hate that.
I've been thinking lately about who I want to be and the habits I want to have. I want people to be important in my life. And theoretically they are. But my actions don't reflect that. I have a friend on a mission I never write. I have friends in Idaho that I love but never call back. I have friends in salt lake that I never call and a standing rain check to go dancing with a friend I haven't really spent time with in almost 2 years. I am a crappy friend. I think this is why all my life I've never had more than one or two really good friends at a time....I'm not good at balancing things and they probably just get fed up with me and find someone better. I don't blame them. But its not because I don't love these people...because I do. I think about them and so many others on a daily basis...I just can't straighten my life out long enough to actually make good on my thoughts. It frustrates me to no end.
I would wish for more time in my days, but it wouldn't do any good. I know I would some how manage to fill up those extra hours with good things...but am I filling my hours with the best things??
also, I think I have something called chronic fatigue syndrome...I get tired ALL the time. and not just a little tired...but exhausted beyond anything I have felt before I had mono. The problem is...I just need to learn to deal with it. Its not going to go away. which is another reason to find balance...if I do to much physically, mentally, or emotionally I am a walking zombie...so one way or the other I'm going to have to find my limits and stick to them so that I can be a better friend and get all that stuff done that I need to do and maybe even some of the stuff that would be nice to do....its a goal anyway.

I just don't understand...

2011-07-27T12:06:00.000-06:00

I am in LOVE with zumba. I go a couple times a week and for the most part I see the same people and we do a lot of the same routines. So basically you learn them pretty fast and can get a pretty good work out if you want to. And I say 'if you want to' because its the kind of class that you will only get out of it what you put in.

Well one morning two couples came to this zumba class. In truth, the two women come all the time. I see them a couple times a week but this particular day they brought their love interests. well, I am assuming that's what they were and I'll tell you how I came to that conclusion. This one woman in particular- we will call her sue, suddenly couldn't remember any of the routines. Sue was acting like it was her first time ever to class. I'm pretty sure she didn't even break a sweat. she couldn't have, she was hardly moving. I am always in the front row because I don't like people in my way and I pretty much just watched them in the mirror -because quite frankly it was hilarious. Sue's man friend ended up watching my feet the whole time so he could figure out what he was supposed to be doing.

In my opinion, if sue wanted to make a good impression, she should have done it full out if for no other reason than to help him through the class. totally stupid. I mean seriously, just be yourself. you are in an aerobics class for heaven sakes, everyone is sweaty- don't worry about how you look. why pretend to be something you are not-everyone gets sweaty when they work out.....its a fact, no one is exempt. If you want to look pretty take him to a movie- not a zumba class.

SUMMERFEST

2011-06-24T18:26:00.000-06:00

Here in Utah County every city has its 'days' or a week long summer celebration that includes a parade, a carnival, and for some cities a rodeo. well, this year the Hale Center Theater Orem was asked to give a concert in the park for the orem summerfest. And that included me. Linda Hale called and asked if I would like to sing Gimme Gimme

as part of their presentation. Of course I said yes!!! They let me wear a costume and the coolest hat ever!! The only problem was- the park was packed so I had to park several streets over and walk to the park in said costume. I got several weird looks from people along the way but whatever. I was a little nervous since there were a ton of people in the park but it wasn't too bad. The stage was awesome and there was a set of speakers facing me so I could actually hear myself- which is always a plus. I had SO much fun!!! I would totally do it again- it was an amazing opportunity.

Continue in Patience

2011-06-24T10:17:00.000-06:00

I was looking through some videos today and I found one that goes well with my Limbo post. Watch video here I guess that's what i'm learning...to wait for my second marshmellow.

Gorgeous music

2011-06-23T00:37:00.000-06:00

North and South has The BEST musical score ever!! Click here to listen. It totally makes me want to play the violin- and really someday I will. I LOVE IT!!

Limbo

2011-06-23T00:09:00.000-06:00

I'm going to get slightly personal on this- so if you are looking for a good laugh this probably isn't your post. I really should pick up my journal -that I never use- and write this there, but perhaps someone else is feeling the same way and will relate to this post. maybe not.

Limbo. Defined as, and intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place. That's what my life feels like right now. That is not something I'm used to feeling. I always have a goal I'm working toward. Always. I think, I see, and I achieve. that's who I am. That's who I've always been...until now. Don't get me wrong, its not because I'm not thinking or seeing...I am. Its just that every time I move forward I get yanked back.

To be honest, the one thing I really want to do is get married and start a family. But I can't really do that on my own and I have really no options on my doorstep right now. So, I made secondary plans to get my MBA. But every time I move forward with that decision something gets in my way to slow it down or prevent it from happening altogether. which leads me to believe that right now, maybe that isn't where I am supposed to be.

so where am I supposed to be? Because right now I am doing the same thing, day in and day out. its basically killing me. how? well you see, I can't stand to feel unproductive- so since I'm not "accomplishing" much or working on any long term goals right now- I manage to fill my life so full of other things that I wear myself out physically. Hundreds of little things in a week that are good, some are better, but not all are best for me.

I know where I'd like to be, and what I'd like to be doing. But I also know better than to act on a decision I know isn't right for me. So I'm learning to be patient in all things. I'm learning to trust in the timing of my Heavenly Father. I know he loves me-so I will continue to trust in his plan for me- even if it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Check Yes or No

2011-06-20T10:52:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago we had our first official stake conference as a young single adult stake. Hello meat market! Anyway, there was a girl sitting in front of me, you know the type, super tan, platinum blond, lots of make up and fake eyelashes-the ideal picture of beauty. All of a sudden this note comes down the row to be given to her. Its from a guy at the end of my row-and it says, "will you have dinner with me? check yes or no" REALLY?!?! did that just happen?? indeed it did. I'm sure he thought he was being totally cute and charming but she put the note away and totally blew him off. It was like a scene from a teenage movie. Guess you can't check yes or no after kindergarten. Sorry George, but this is NOT how love goes.

Correction....

2011-06-02T22:45:00.000-06:00

I was reading through some of my old blog posts, because I wanted to make sure I was not going to duplicate a blog-yikes, and I realized that I wrote a blog that was untrue. ( See BLOG HERE ) I claimed that I couldn't handle a cowboy because I am too much of a city girl and the big big lie was that I like to shop. I read it and thought- who wrote this??? Truth is- only half that blog was true.

Truth:

I don't want a man who ALWAYS smells like horse poo
I do want a man who has a normal weekday job
I do want a man who plays cowboys on the weekends
I do work retail and I was born and raised in the suburbs of California

False:

I love shopping.
I am not country at all
I don't find real cowboys attractive

I don't know what I was thinking. I HATE to shop and I love cowboys! I find them incredibly attractive. I just like the stability that comes with a normal job. I'm all about horses and chaps after work and on weekends. I may have been born and raised in the suburbs but it doesn't mean I don't like country things- I just never had the chance to try any of it. Did I even know one person who owned a horse?? no I didn't. so how was I supposed to ever ride one? I wasn't even exposed to country music until I was 13- it just wasn't cool in my ghetto town. I don't mind getting dirty- I just want to know so I can dress appropriately.

Really you could say I'm a half blood. My dad was born and raised in Cali but my mom is from Utah. My dad's mom was a shopper and liked nice things. But my mom's dad and brothers are hunters who own livestock and such. so yes, I do own some nice things and I like to get dressed up and look my best...but that doesn't mean I never want to get dirty or ride a horse in the rain and mud. I'm not country all the time but I do love it some of the time- to say I'm a complete fake is not a correct representation at all. I just never had the chance to explore the option of doing country things. I felt like I insulted my self and my grandfather by suggesting I was a fake. If I could find myself a half and half cowboy he would be perfect.

My own trail of tears

2011-05-29T22:02:00.000-06:00

Memorial day is a great holiday. I am a sentimental person so I'm all about memorials and remembering. That's one reason I love history and genealogy so much. But along with being great its also a little sad. I am grateful to everyone who has sacrificed so that my life could be better. But I also feel things very deeply. So when I remember, I feel keenly the loss of those same individuals. Even people I don't know. When I touched the Vietnam memorial wall or walked through the Holocaust museum in Washington DC I felt physically ill thinking of all the families that have been touched by sadness and pain. I also remember those I have known, my grandparents and my friends and I have a selfish moment thinking how great things would be if they were still here...but I know life doesn't work like that. We can't live forever. All we can do is make the most of the time we are given and cherish the memories we make. So yes, its a wonderful holiday- those who have gone before us should be remembered and celebrated for their accomplishments and sacrifice but with those memories comes my own trail of tears.

Watch for falling walls...

2011-05-22T22:35:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago a friend and I were having a conversation about the way we are perceived by others and why...let me give some examples. There is a girl we know who is crusty to everyone. Upon first speaking to her you would assume she hates your guts. I did when I first met her. However, on further acquaintance you realize that she is such a great person. She really does like people and wants to be friends with them- and that crusty shell is just a way to protect herself in case someone doesn't like her.

There is also a guy we know who presents himself as, well...a jerk. He seems really arrogant and says some really rude things to people. But underneath all of that, he really is a great guy. He just hides behind his wall of protection- the wall that says, "I don't care what you think"...

Well, this friend and I were talking and I compared these two individuals with each other. They are very similar in many ways- they both want to protect themselves from being hurt or rejected by those around them. The wall is presented in two very different ways but it is there. I explained to her that everyone has walls- no one wants to be vulnerable. Some walls are very high, others not so high. Some walls are thick and others barely there- but they are there. The wall of arrogance, of apathy, or anger, hurt, distrust, judgement...there are so many walls.

The question is, when you come up against these walls, what do you do? Do you walk away? maybe. Because lets face it- walls take time and effort to break down or to scale over. Is it worth it to try? Everyone has a wall- but if you step back and see it for what it is, you will discover which tools you need to bring it down, or to help you scale over it.

With patience and diligence the walls of Jericho fell to the earth (Joshua 6), The walls of troy were breached with a wooden horse and superstition. The Persians conquered Babylon- despite their impenetrable walls by taking a dry river bed beneath the walls. The Maginot Line -between France and Germany- a reinforced concrete wall of fortified bunkers and heavy gun emplacements- was never used. The enemy simply went around it through Belgium rendering this strong force completely useless. The great wall of China in all its magnitude could not hold back Genghis Khan. These historical walls were strong and "indestructible" and yet they show that when there is the will to get around it- people do.

It is the same with us. If someone really wants to get past another person's walls, they will. But its not easy- sometimes it takes a great deal of patience and a creative mind to try something no one else has. I will be honest- I find the best way to circumvent walls is with love. A genuine interest in the other person and their welfare. You have to be patient and not be looking for anything in return. But I will also tell you- it is amazing to see someone for who they really are and what they can be without the wall of "protection" blocking the view.

Howard W. Hunter said, "If we are content to hide behind self-made walls we willingly forgo the blessings that are otherwise ours...may the Lord bless us that the walls of our minds may not obstruct us from the blessings that could be ours" I think this goes both ways- if we are content to let others hide behind those walls and judge them at face value we also lose out on blessings- maybe even just the blessing of gaining another friend and seeing someone for their true worth. Mark Twain said, "one learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect" If you want to truely see people, don't use your eyes.

So yes, everyone has walls but with the right tools they will come crashing down...

Looks better on the hanger...

2011-05-21T22:51:00.000-06:00

There are times when you walk into a store and maybe you aren't really planning on buying anything. Or maybe its a super expensive store and you just went in to look around and then you spot a dress you absoultely adore. You have a decision to make- do you walk out without the dress, or do you find your size and try it on. If you walk out, there is a chance you will always think about that dress and wonder if it would have been perfect on you- or you'll have somewhere to go and think, oh that dress would have been perfect. BUT if you try it on, you may fall in love with it and then you will have to decide if you really can afford it. There is also the possibility that it will look horrific on you. Because lets face it- dresses are a lot harder to fit on any body type than a skirt and top. It just might not be a great fit for you...in which case, you put it back, say "gee that's too bad it was really cute", and move on- never thinking about the dress again.

Why do I mention this? Because for one thing, it happens to me all the time...But mostly because I am going to relate it to dating. You walk around not intending to "buy" anything and you see a guy/girl that looks just perfect "on the hanger" and you have a decision to make...do you date (try it on) or do you just walk away because he/she is too good looking/popular/stuck up/ nice...etc? I usually go for the try it on approach. Some people say i'm crazy for it because most of the time it doesn't turn out great- but neither do most the dresses I try on. It doesn't mean i'm going to stop shopping or trying things on. It doesn't really hurt anything to try, except maybe my pride. What I get from the experience is peace of mind, knowing I didn't walk away from something that could have been great. 9 times out of 10 it isn't going to work and that's ok...move on with life. But for that 1 time that it does work- its totally worth it.

I'm not saying you need to date every person who walks past your face. As with shopping, somethings have potential, some things are better left for someone else. Even if you do try it on- you don't have to keep it on forever to see if its going to work. Somethings you have the dress on for two seconds (or one date) and you just know its not right for you. Don't keep it on. Take it off and try on the next. Who knows, that next one might just be the piece you never want to take off. Some dresses, or some people, are worth the time to try on...and some dresses will always look better on the hanger. But you'll never know if you just walk away.

Now what coach?

2011-05-18T23:34:00.000-06:00

I think my niece has become my muse. She has inspired my last several posts, I do have other ideas but they are much more time intensive. So I've opted for quantity right now and not necessarily quality. Tonight we were on facebook and she was showing me pictures of all her crushes. And she has a lot! Anyway, she friend requested one of them- the "super corner" boy from her seminary class . He accepted, and then popped up a chat box. She gasps and says, "Oh my gosh, he's chatting with me. what do I say?" It was hilarious. I had to coach her through the whole conversation...it went something like this:

"what do I say?"
"how about- what's up"
"oh ok. good. ...Now what?"
"I don't know ask him anything. what do you want to know"
"I don't know. ahhh" bites her nails and chews on lip
"ok, ask what his favorite movie is"
"oh that's a good one!"

... this type of thing went on for probably 20 minutes. But the funny thing was- I was totally like her at 15. I couldn't talk to boys at all...they were scary. Just nice to look at during class and think about all day long- but if one ever even looked at me I freaked out. Sadly I did not have "the coolest aunt in the world" to coach me :) It took me forever to become un-awkward around boys..and lets be honest, I'm not sure I've totally gotten over it all the way. But, I think with my help, she may make it through her teenage years much smoother than I did- I mean I got my first credit card before I got my first kiss. Not that that's a horrible thing, but I'm going to get my niece dating BEFORE she's 18! We just have to teach her how to talk to people she doesn't know....especially if they are male.

This is my theory...

2011-05-01T21:05:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago (yes I know I've been terrible at blogging lately-but I've been terrible at life right now) I was having a discussion with my teenage niece and nephew about dating and boyfriends/girlfriends and kissing of course and my niece says to me, "how do you know if you are a good kisser? what makes you a good kisser?" I had this conversation with a friend of mine a few years ago as well... this was our theory ...

and I shared it with my niece....

"if you kiss the same way he does...he will think you are a good kisser." All guys think they are the authority on how kissing should be done...and therefore they are the best kisser in the world...so....if you kiss the same way he does you are automatically a great kisser as well.

There you have it ladies...(if any men are reading this I dare you to argue with my logic ;) ) if you want to be a good kisser just figure out his style and conform quickly. If you don't like his style then I suggest you find someone else to date- you are obviously lacking chemistry.

A whole new level...

2011-04-11T22:21:00.001-06:00

Some people have too much time on their hands. There is a guy I know who really gives his best effort at being a creeper. I don't know why you would want to be known for that but he really is great at it. Anyway, its kind of a joke I think he likes to get a reaction out of people and boy is he getting one from me tonight. I get an anonymous tip to look at this guys profile tonight- weird but OK. I go to his facebook page and what do I see- I see that he is in a relationship with ME. only he's not. I sit there for a minute thinking "what the? how did he access my page" because don't you worry the profile picture is the same. the education info, all my interests and likes are the same...this took some time. He created a page under my name with my info, friend-ed that person, and then accepted a relationship request between him and this alternate ME. But the best part is- he then comments as "me" on his status saying how much "I" love him....WHO does that?? I know he probably thinks he's super funny- and truth be told if it was someone else I would probably be wetting myself with laughter right now but as funny as it is...it is also really really creepy. I think more people need to find hobbies so they do not have time to be psycho. I am truly disturbed- he has taken his creeper-ness to a whole new level.

He's looking at me...

2011-04-10T17:42:00.001-06:00

OK teenagers are so funny. I'm sitting at the table listening to my niece talk and She tells me a story about a boy in her class named...Spencer, I think. Anyway she says, "I saw from the corner of my eye that he was looking at me through the corner of his eye"...and then she starts to explain how he's been looking at her through the "super corner of his eye" wait wait wait...I must be too old to understand these terms...what is a super corner? She explained to me, her decrepit feeble aunt, that a SUPER corner is looking as far as you can to the side without turning your head. (The picture above is a demonstration of my nephew doing the "super corner" stare.)

Go ahead and try it. There is a huge difference between the corner and the super corner. I wouldn't have realized it before because everyone uses the corner of their eye but only creepers use the super corner. In order to look out the super corner of your eye your face has to be somewhat distorted and creepy. There really isn't a need for the super corner in normal life. I caution you to use this technique sparingly- only in times of dire necessity.

Who am I to judge?

2011-04-03T21:33:00.000-06:00

Today I want to write a serious blog- because I've been doing a lot of thinking the last week. Last Sunday I was sitting in church, by a friend of mine, and the thought came to me that she is more than I realized. I mean, she's my friend so I think she's great but it really hit me that she is a child of God with promised blessings and a purpose in life. Then I realized the same was true for everyone around me....and yes I've known this my whole life but I don't always give it the consideration and respect it deserves. Most of the time I am just impatient because people aren't doing or saying what I think they should. I admit I am not perfect and sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one on this earth trying to accomplish something and be a better person. Then last night my mom and I were watching a show called "who do you think you are". its a show about celebrities who find their genealogical roots and stories. Anyway, last nights episode was Gwenyth Paltrow and she was researching her great grandmother because her grandfather and family had said horrible things about her. Anyway, through the course of her research she discovered that her great grandmother, who had once been ambitious- had been kicked out of college the same year her mother and brother had died of illness. Then she married and her 3 yr old girl was run over by a wagon just 3 weeks before she delivered another baby- The woman was probably suffering from depression and her family didn't understand and resented her their whole lives. Why do I tell you this? because I think we all do that to some extent- we are too quick to judge those around us without knowing the circumstances that make us each who we are. We sit back, without any knowledge of an other's trials or maybe we think we do know and understand everything (but we probably don't since we can never feel what another feels) and conclude that they are mean spirited, arrogant, unforgiving, weird, a hermit, etc....when perhaps we should just be kind and reserve judgment. In this particular case- two generations were submerged in bitterness and resentment because no one bothered to look a little deeper- they were too focused on their own wounds to consider that someone else may be hurting as well. Then tonight my niece played the video of Susan Boyle singing "I dreamed a dream" click here I've seen it before but in light of my thoughts this week I was touched by it again. No one expected her to sing well because she wasn't a beautiful woman and yet- the talent she had inside of her was incredible. I know this is sappy but I really am amazed by the talents the people in my life posses- and I'm not just talking about performance talents- I'm also talking about the talent of patience, to love others, to withhold judgement, the talent for listening and understanding others. I am talking about the talent for sharing the gospel and speaking with the spirit I am talking about all those talents which are so often overlooked by the world. I have been overwhelmed this week by the worth of those around me and so grateful that they have been placed as examples in my life. I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ- that when I do fall short and pass judgement too quickly on others I can be forgiven, that each of us can through that atonement rise again and continue on our path to become someone great- maybe not in the eyes of the world- but in the eyes of God and all those whose lives we touch and improve. I pray that each of us remembers who we are- beloved children of God. A God who knows us each by name and cares what we become. I pray that after we remember who we are- that we will also remember the same about the people around us. "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" - that includes strangers, friends, family, and ourselves.

Captain Creeper

2011-03-29T16:48:00.001-06:00

so ya'll know that I work at the mall. I am not a shopper so I usually walk into my store, work my shift, and walk back out without looking at anyone or anything. Well today was different. Today I had a gift certificate in my wallet for another store in the mall and I had an hour and a half until my voice lesson. So shopping I went. (if you consider a music store and bath and body works shopping) Anyway, outside my store is a kiosk that sells something...I never have really noticed what. There is a girl who works there and I think her boyfriend works somewhere in the mall- at least I hope he does because he's there all the time. well a few weeks ago - the first time I really noticed the couple- I was opening the gates to my store and they were sucking face. seriously people I thought he was going to swallow her tongue. gross. Since then I see him everyday. He comes and visits her at work- which at the kiosk there is no manager to object. Anyway- so today- I left work on my way to the music store and the face sucking hormone was sitting on a bench next to the kiosk staring and winking at his girlfriend. no big deal right....maybe he's picking her up because she's off soon. well and hour and a half later when i'm leaving the mall to go to my voice lesson, senior slobber face is STILL on the bench. Same bench- still making wink faces at the girl. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! that is just creepy. I don't care if you are dating. to sit and watch someone work for over and hour is a bit obsessive and says to me that this is an unhealthy relationship. Heaven help them if things don't work out- I have a hunch it will be a really messy break up. But captain creeper just weirds me out...maybe she will get fired and they can take their lusty liason and park it outside someone else's store.