My Boys

I just have to say how much I love Psych.  Shawn and Gus make me laugh so much.  The writers are amazing oh and also they have cool guest stars like molly Ringwald (sixteen candles), William Shatner (star trek), and Cary Elwes (princess bride).  How can a TV show get cooler.  I think the only show that can compete with Psych is Castle.  Because I love Richard castle as well.  Two shows that bring a smile to my face and make me laugh right out loud! LOVE

Procrastination

Yesterday's lazy cures today's crazy.  Normally I don't agree with this sort of thing because it usually works the other way in my life.  But today- it is gospel truth.  I have been meaning to clean out my car FOREVER!  I have gotten as far as putting all the trash into a bag but that's about it.  Well today I had a dentist appointment that I made last minute and sort of forgot about.  I woke up with plenty of time to spare but for some reason I was running late and had a million things going on in my head and I ran out the door and drove to alpine.  I got there a few minutes early and realized I forgot to floss and brush my teeth. SICK!! Even worse- she's going to pick at my teeth, it's not like I can just munch on a breath mint and call it good.  I panicked for a second and then remembered I had a toothbrush in my car.  I searched for a second and then to my delight found my toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pack of dental floss.  Even better was I didn't bring my water bottle in from zumba so I even had water to rinse with.  For the first time in weeks I was so happy my car is NOT clean. 

Adoring Public

Last night I pretended to be a real person.  I went up to Salt Lake with some friends and had a grand old time.  Once in Salt Lake, well, cottonwood heights, we met some more friends for dinner and tried out a restaurant called Porcupine Grill.  Yummy.  Greek pizza- yes! It is a crazy long wait for a table but if you bring fun people it is no big deal.  Also, there is plenty of people watching to fill up the time.  After dinner was when the fun really began.  We drove to down town for hot chocolate.  Hot chocolate my friend Amanda said I had to try. 

I can't remember what the place was called....Hatch something.  Anyway, the line was super long and about half way through our wait time I started looking at the wall art.  I noticed that all the pictures were of little people. Then Amanda says, "oh those are the owners".  At this point I realize that I am in the chocolate store of "the Little Chocolatiers".  You know, the TV show.  So I approach the counter and it is the man himself ringing me up.  Let me tell you...he is a sassy pants.  But kind of funny. 

Bad news about it...they only serve frozen hot chocolate in the summer.  However, after talking to my new friend Mike (see above picture), Mr. sassy said that if we called ahead he would make it for us next time.  So nice of him.  As Mike was telling me about this conversation he says to me, "He is a really nice guy.  I am totally going to patronize him.  I mean, not him personally, but his establishment."  Nice Mike.  I will for sure be making another trip up- except, I can't remember how to get there.  I'll have to fix that.
This is my friend Amanda in this pic.  I was originally sitting across from her, but I was missing all the people watching so I moved to the bench to cuddle with her.  This lady to my right obviously thought we were crazy because she moved away from us pretty soon after this photo was taken.  funny thing is, the person who sat there next also got up and moved pretty quickly.  Coincidence? I think maybe not.  Perhaps we were just too cool for them.  they felt inferior being in such a close proximity to my awesomeness. 

After quite some time enjoying chocolate in all forms and laughing our guts out we decided it was time to head on back to Utah county.  As we walked out to the car I was a little confused because my dear friend Amy, who was riding shot gun, followed me to the back driver's side of the car.  And practically sat on my lap.  I was like "um, what the heck?" and then I looked up.  What did I see?  A middle aged couple making out right next to Amy's car door.  The best part was, the couple didn't even care that we were right next to them watching.  I mean, we weren't watching really but more looking on wondering how long they could possibly go.  They had to know we wanted to leave and their little game of tonsil hockey was stalling our departure.  They finally took a time out and we were able to pile in the car and make our way home.  It never ceases to amaze me the things I see when I enter the public arena.

The Ultimate Analogy

This statement-I feel like this is me.  I am sleeping right now.  Not really because I want to be, but more because it isn't my turn to move mountains.  Maybe my mountains are not ready to be moved.  Or maybe I'm not strong enough yet for the mountains that await me.  Do you ever get a 'feeling' of your potential? like a picture you can almost see but not clearly....maybe a Polaroid that is only half way developed.  You have an idea of what you will be- but you are not sure how you are going to get there?  That's how I feel today.  Wondering when it will be my turn to become the person who moves mountains...
 
   In case you don't know- the Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies- I can relate anything in it to real life principles. It is the answer to all moral dilemmas.  okay maybe not ALL.  And yes this does connect...it may be a stretch but I will connect the two concepts here....

   So, for those who have been deprived of their basic education.  Sarah goes into a Labyrinth to find her baby brother.  She knows where she needs to go- to the center of the labyrinth.  She gets just inside and she meets this guy.  A worm with a British accent (who makes me so mad)  But HE is not the object of this post- right after she talks to him she is running and running down a path.  She gets frustrated and comes close to giving up hope.  she just sees a straight line forever.  With no where to turn.  But when she stands still and looks a little closer she sees that there are actually pathways right in front of her.  They are just camouflaged.  She has been running past her opportunities.  I think we do this all the time.  We are looking for something specific, something we think is the answer and we don't see the less obvious opportunities that are right in front of us.  I am walking along my own labyrinth.  Just waiting to find the pathway that will lead me to the center of my journey.  And when I do find the right path to take, when I wake from my sleeping state, I will move mountains.  That's why we are here isn't it?  Not just to walk the already paved pathways- but to move mountains from the pathways we are forming.  To clear our own trails and pathways.  At least I certainly hope so!!

Cheap and Easy

Reading my blog you would think I never go on any great dates.  Or any semi normal dates for that matter. It is true that I have an abnormally large number of awkward dates with awkward and clueless men.  But occassionally I do go on good dates.  In all my dating history my two favorite dates have been free- or nearly so.  They weren't super planned and there was zero pressure.  I have had lots of fun dates, Ice blocking (which is only fun with the right people) carriage rides in SLC, building hot air balloons, games, etc.  And then of course the standard dinner, movies, theater...that sort of thing. But standing out above all of those are two very distince dates.  what were these dates?  I will tell you- these are in chronological order.  They both trump all the others....

first:  My date (who is actually still one of my very best friends-even though he wouldn't go to Disneyland with me when I had free passes) came and picked me up.  We drove to the grocery store, got ice cream, then went back to the park by my house, sat on the swings and talked for a couple of hours.  Until the sprinklers turned on and forced us to leave.

second:  we drove up to a mountain in provo (stop. don't think it. It was not squaw peak- it was a well populated mountain) and sat talking in the car while over looking the city.  Then after a really great conversation he rolled the windows down, turned up the music, and we danced in the parking lot.  Yes I was slightly self conscious at first (mostly because the goon in the car next to us was starring at me)  but after a few seconds I forgot all about everyone else.  I love to dance...choreographed or not. :) 

maybe these dates sound lame or boring to some- but I love dates that are pressure free.  I like to forget that i'm on a date.  I am much more relaxed when I feel like i'm just talking to a friend rather than trying to impress a date.  I love spontaneous creative things.  And above all else, I love to talk.  I could walk up and down the same street and do nothing else and if there was a good conversation involved- it would be the best date in the world. 

Ten Second Tom

Lately I have had zero concentration.  I can't remember anything.  My short term memory is almost non existent these days.  I can't remember if I put my keys in my purse.  I can't remember why I walked into a room.  Did I lock my door?  where did I put the money my friend paid me?  seriously I've lost $32 in cash this week.  I think I shouldn't be allowed to take cash anymore.  Let me share with you a conversation I had today at church.  The bishopric member was making the announcements for the week and he mentioned that for FHE we would be playing murder in the dark.  I turned to my friend Amanda and said:

Oh I love that game.  did you go to FHE where we played murder in the dark for Halloween?
Amanda:  No I didn't.
Lori:  oh it was so fun.
Amanda: are you coming then?
Lori: coming to what?
Amanda: FHE.
Lori: what are we doing?
Amanda: MURDER IN THE DARK!

wow. her face was priceless.  But I seriously couldn't remember anything.  I think I might have to find that better doctor soon and maybe get a brain scan or something.  I used to have a photographic short term memory...perhaps it's just old age.  who knows.  

Dinner and A Show

I have been craving PF Chang's for over six months now.  Today my mom and I were at the mall shopping for a bridal shower gift and decided to stop in and pick up dinner to go.  This meant we were sitting by the take out place against a wall with time to kill.  which also means I got to do one of my favorite things- people watch.  And boy did I get a show! I had no idea that P.F. Chang's offered entertainment while you wait.  There was an empty table just in front of us at which two servers sat down to count out their tips for the day.  One had crazy hair and the other was actually pretty attractive.  Almost immediately a girl materialized from no where and sat down next to Mr. muscles.  I assume she was some sort of manager because she wasn't dressed like everyone else and she had a key card on her wrist.  See how smart I am.  That made one of us.  This girl, who may quite possibly be a genius in other circumstances, became ridiculous.  She could not have flirted more obviously if her life depended on it.  And let me tell you, she thought she was SO cute.  She may be an experienced flirt but she stinks at reading people.  This guy could not have looked more disinterested.  He didn't smile, he hardly even looked in her direction.  Which was actually pretty skilled since she was practically sitting on his lap.  He got up several times and each time- so did she.  She followed him to the left, then to the right, she probably would have followed him right off a cliff.  He was super nice about it.  Totally polite but still totally uninterested.  She followed him until he finally left the building.  Poor girl. So clueless. 

Et tu, Brute?

Tonight I was talking to a friend- I was telling this friend about some experiences from my not so distant past.  I told this friend a story that involves two other of our mutual friends.  Friend A directly, Friend B, indirectly.  As I was sharing these experiences we both decided that friend B would be hurt beyond measure if they knew what I had done.  In fact, friend B might even kill me for what I have done.  This is why friend B does not know about this experience.  I love this person and I don't want them to be hurt.  But even knowing this...I wouldn't change my actions.  Does that make me a bad person??  My actions didn't really bring any benefit into my life- in fact I would say it brought the opposite.  That choice- once again, made me a pawn in someone else's game.  A thing to be used in order to make them feel better.  And even knowing all this- I still don't think I would change anything.  In my never ending quest to find someone worth believing in- I helped one person boost their confidence while simultaneously secretly hurting another.  I feel a little like Judas.  only my intentions were different.  I wasn't trying to hurt anyone- I just made a choice- a choice for me.  A choice I thought would make me happy.  I suppose everyone involved would have been better off had I put someone else first.  But that's what life is about right?  learning.  Sometimes the lessons are painful- but the lessons have to be learned one way or another.  But did I learn the lesson if I don't feel bad about it?  I would feel awful if Friend B knew, but they don't....and that is all I would feel bad about.  Guess I still have lessons to learn....

I love Dead People

Do you ever have things you want to do or things you know you should do but you avoid them like the plague??  I do it all the time.  But not for normal procrastinating reasons.  And not because I just don't want to do them- sometimes I really want to do them.  fact about me: when I start something I want to finish it immediately.  This is why it is hard for me to read.  I LOVE reading but once I start it sort of consumes my life.  Also, genealogy.  I can't stand not finding what I'm looking for so I sacrifice sleep, my social life, basically anything that is not manditory to keep looking.  These really good things consume every spare second I have and suddenly they are not so great- totally my fault.  I need to be better at self discipline.  Anyway, I recently discovered a new thing that has been consuming my time.  (if you will notice I haven't blogged in a few days because of it.)  Indexing. (Indexing = transcribing vital records so that they are easy to read) I've been avoiding this for years.  But I finally gave in and started.  probably sounds boring to some but I have a morbid curiosity with dead people.  Not with the actual body (even that is questionable- forensics also fascinates me) but the "who were they?"  I was indexing death records the other day and I was literally crying on my couch.  Most of them are just old people dying of natural causes but there were two that really caught my interest.  One was an 18 year old black man, died from a gun shot wound to the head.  Murdered outside a cafe in Texas in 1968.  The other was a 20 year old housewife who committed suicide. Lysol poisoning.  I start wondering who these people were and what circumstances brought each of them to that point.  was he involved with the wrong people or was he a victim of racial injustice?  was she mentally unstable or was her marriage so bad she saw no other way out?  It really makes no difference but I love figuring people out -and the WHY just fascinates me- people fascinate me. 

It's V day

well it is almost Valentines Day.  Or as some like to call it- Singles Awareness Day.  Here is the thing, I really don't care for Valentine's day.  And no it's not because I'm single.  Truth is, even if I had been dating someone I would have found a way for us to break up before this day.  I always do.  I have never in my entire life dated someone over a holiday.  At least not a gifting holiday. (Halloween and the 4th of July don't count) So you see, I would have found a way to be single on Valentine's day anyway.  So, as I was saying, I don't think people should show affection and appreciation out of obligation.  People spend all kinds of money and energy just so they can have a gift to give someone because the calendar says they should.  Because if they don't, it could ruin someone else's entire day and possibly lead to an exchange of angry words.  As if anyone needs another excuse for contention- which is why this day causes so much anxiety for some people.  I think a Gerber daisy on a random Tuesday is much more meaningful than a dozen roses on Feb. 14th.  Tomorrow is one of my least favorite holidays.  But for those who disagree with me- Happy Valentine's Day! 

NEVER: get engaged or married on valentine's day.  It is just too cheesy to be acceptable.  sorry to anyone reading this who did either.

What I Learned Tonight

as most of you are aware- the Grammy's were on tonight.  I am a lover of music so naturally I turned them on.  After about two minutes I remembered all the things I hate about award shows.  Arrogance.  As the camera man scanned the audience full of celebrities you could see self importance slathered all over their faces.  Truth is half the people I know sing better than most of the people in that room.  They just happen to have more money and better connections than my friends.  I also learned tonight that you apparently do not need to sing on key to perform at the Grammy's.  Does that seem weird to anyone else? An award show honoring musical excellence yet you can't stay on pitch? 

There was also a performer- not sure who he was but he was singing a beach boys song and he kept doing the awkward microphone squat.  The one where he just didn't extend the mic stand far enough so now he has one hip pushed out to the side and he's kind of hunched over- tapping one foot on rhythm while holding the mic with both hands because he doesn't know what else to do with said hands.  All while eating the microphone because he thinks that makes him look intense or something.  Not sure why people think that's cool- it just looks like he's doing the potty dance on stage.  "Ahh, I gotta pee but I have to finish this song first!"  Not cool. 

To be fair- there are a few people in that room with real talent.  Stevie Wonder.  George Straight. Tony Bennett, Jennifer Hudson, Adele, etc.  And others who SHOULD have been there- Whitney Houston. (What a waste of talent- and it could have been avoided. sad.) What did I see amongst this talent- in the middle of a standing ovation the camera sweeps the audience and two women remained sitting holding their smart phones.  Seriously, this is a pretty incredible experience and you are posting/tweeting/texting...PUT THE PHONE DOWN and live in the moment.  Experience your life for real!!

My Impractical Hobbies

I have a friend at work who has a recipe blog where there are evil things.  Everything is made with butter and cream cheese and basically everything I've ever made has been divine.  But so not low calorie.  which I am not overly concerned about.  This is my dessert theory- If you want to watch calories you shouldn't be eating dessert anyway.  Go find a carrot.  If you are going to bake, do it right.  Use the good stuff.

So anyway- I love to bake.  It is one of my hobbies.  Everything always looks so pretty when you are done and my treats can bring smiles to grumpy faces.  I'm really quite good at baking.  Tonight I had some time so I decided to bake the Mousse Trifle you see above.  But this little beauty has to set up for 8 hrs before it can be served.  So naturally I had to make something else that could be eaten tonight.  If you've been reading this blog for awhile you know my dad doesn't like to wait for his desserts.  (Click here to be enlightened)So I couldn't make something and then tell him he gets nothing until tomorrow.  So I made the delicious Pumpkin Spice Bunt cake you see below.

I wasn't sure about this one when I started, but it was fairly inexpensive and NOT time consuming compared to what I'm planning for next week.  So light and fluffy- even the cream cheese glaze was light and delicious. 

Problem with this hobby is that there are only 3 people in my house.  Three people can not possibly eat all this dessert.  Even if we wanted to.  We would be sick.  Turns out my hobbies are not super practical.  I will need to find someone to share this stuff with ASAP- otherwise it will all just get thrown away.  Boo.  These are meant to be enjoyed not discarded.

Later this month:

Cranberry Cheesecake Bars.  I make the caramel apple cheesecake bars all the time and they are amazing so I'm hoping these are just as good. Still need someone else to eat them all for me...

In Your Dreams

I hate spiders.  The last two nights I have had a spider in my dreams.  But not just any spider.  The biggest spider in the world.  Seriously it was the size of a small dog.  And no I have not been watching Harry Potter recently.  This spider was light brown, it's body was at least 7 inches long and about 5 inches wide.  And the LEGS- The legs were probably two feet long and hairy.  This thing could move too.  In my first dream it was in my apartment, and my roommate and I were trying to kill it.  But it's pretty hard to kill a spider that big...it has hard bones that crunch.  I hate crunching.  I can kill spiders, as long as they are smaller than a quarter.  Anything bigger makes noise upon death.  I killed a cricket once- made me sick to my stomach all night.  Okay I'm getting off topic now.  So anyway, this monster is running at me and I catch it between my knees.  I wanted to just hit its head and knock it out but I couldn't get a good angle.  Plus I was terrified of being bitten.  A bite from a spider that size could kill me.  I got so freaked out I woke up.  Never killed it.  Then last night I was in a house and the spider was outside sitting on a bush.  Same spider.  But this time the window was open.  He was only a foot away- so I quickly shut the window.  So what the heck does that mean???  I have no idea...I looked it up online but I'm not having an "ah ha" moment.  This is what the Internet said:
To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck.


On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.
To dream that you are bitten by a spider represents a conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship.
actually, now that I've read it again...I can think of a few things in my life this could be a result of...here is to hoping I never see this spider again.  I don't think I could actually kill that spider, not even in my dreams.

Restriction Lifted

I got back on facebook.  Actually I went an extra day.  My restriction was from Sunday night to Sunday night.  But Sunday night rolled around and I felt like I didn't really care to check facebook.  I didn't feel the NEED to get on.  So I re-activated Monday night...just because.  I think I have come up with a solution to help me from getting too attached again.  I deleted the facebook app from my phone.  Trashed.  That was my bad habit.  Everytime I took my phone out I checked facebook or updated this or that.  If facebook is only accessible on my laptop I won't get on it very often.  Problem solved.  For now.  I'm sure I'll have to put myself in a time out again but hopefully not for awhile. 

Who Is This?

Today when I came home from work I had a wedding invitation waiting for me.  I wasn't expecting one so I opened it a little confused.  I was thinking, "who the heck do I know getting married?" I opened the envelope and I looked at the picture.  And I looked at the picture.  I probably stared at it for about a minute thinking- who the heck is this and why am I getting invited to their wedding?  Finally my brain turned on and I decided to look at the guy instead of trying to figure out who the girl is.  Turns out it's one of my friends from high school. I've only known him for 14 years- why wouldn't I recognize him.  Gees.  I even had a conversation with him about my address and his reception in Orem, but that was before Christmas.  Possibly before thanksgiving so I had forgotten that it had even happened.  It also doesn't help that I have been struggling with concentration today.  I can't seem to finish a thought. 

Hello, It's Mr. Nasty

I was talking to my mom the other day, and like I said, she's a pretty smart lady.  I was complaining again and she said to me, "Lori, why don't you write something nice about someone in your blog?"  Jokingly I said, "mom, I write a non-fiction blog."  But then later I started thinking about that conversation and I realized I've been a mean person lately.  I have been short tempered and impatient.  I have been looking for flaws in everyone and myself.  I can honestly say I have not been super proud of myself the last month or so.  I don't know why I have been so crusty.  My only conclusion is that I have been too focused on me.  I admit I've been feeling super vulnerable and slightly threatened the last month.  Not like bodily threatened but emotionally.  So my defense is to get tough.  To pretend I don't care about anything and anyone and it builds and builds and all of a sudden I wake up and realize I maybe have hurt quite a few people in my effort to protect myself from getting hurt.  How is that fair?  It's not.  I hate it.  I have told some friends this before, (and I promise it's relevant)  I would 100% rather get dumped by someone than dump the person I'm dating.  I hate to hurt people.  I know they get over it-but I don't like causing pain for even half a second. 
So then Why? Why do I do it? to protect myself.  It's an automatic defense mechanism and I was thinking I maybe am a little like the Horned lizard. 

"Horned lizards use a wide variety of means to avoid predation. Their coloration generally serves as camouflage. When threatened, their first defense is to remain still to avoid detection. If approached too closely, they generally run in short bursts and stop abruptly to confuse the predator's visual acuity. If this fails, they puff up their body to cause it to look more horny, making it appear larger and more difficult to swallow. At least four species are also able to squirt an aimed stream of blood from the corners of the eyes for a distance of up to five feet. This not only confuses predators, but also the blood tastes foul to canine and feline predators."
1st line of defense- don't be noticed.  If I'm uncomfortable a lot of the time I will just try and get out of the situation.  Avoid it all together.  2nd- if I'm feeling threatened I usually run away and then come back.  Fool proof for confusing people.  If confused enough they will just go away.  The 3rd way-is puffing myself up and pricking people around me.  I make myself seem more important, more threatening.  I am really good at looking unapproachable when I want to be left alone. If you get too close I will prick you and make you uncomfortable.  But sadly the thing I'm best at is not shooting blood from my eye but venom from my mouth.  I can say really mean and cutting things.  you know on you've got mail when Tom Hanks tells Meg Ryan that when you say the exact thing you want to say at the exact moment you want to say it, remorse inevitably follows.  "Hello, it's Mr. Nasty".  well, it is true.  I ALWAYS feel bad.  Sure sometimes it feels great to zing someone...but it doesn't last long.  It just leaves everyone around you with a foul taste. 
So to anyone I may have hurt or offended (they probably aren't reading this blog).  Or to anyone who has had to listen to me for the last month I give you my deepest apologies.  I am going to try to be a nicer person.

I Could Be Wrong...

The local mall has this really great feature in it.  A fireplace.  A big one.  And near this fireplace are a few cozy chairs.  The down side to this is that people forget that this fireplace is not their own personal place- that they are still in public.  Last week while playing at the mall with some friends we happened upon a double date.  A picnic or sorts consisting of Little Caesar's Pizza.  I have included a photo of said picnic...with my friends in the foreground as a decoy.   Is this weird to have  a picnic date in the middle of the mall?? Not in Provo/Orem it isn't.  I've seen picnic dates on the median divide on major streets...this is a step up I guess. 

Then today I was walking through the mall and there was a couple sitting in A comfy chair.  Yes just one chair for both.  He was sitting and she was in his lap.  He was all snuggled up into her- with intermittent making out. Gross.  You are in public.  Fireplace or not- the mall is not really a romantic spot.  At least I don't think a high traffic area full of strangers constitutes romance.  But I could be wrong-

Almost There

You know what's a really great feeling? Finally having more money in the bank than I owe on my hair school loan.  I'm almost to the point where all my money is MY money and I can decide how I want to spend it and not feel guilty for doing fun things.  Which also means I can start thinking about making some huge life decisions and working on that bucket list of mine!! I am SO excited.  To do things comfortably I just need to be patient for about four more months. There is nothing I hate more than being in debt.  I just have to give a HUGE shout out to my parents for letting me live in their house rent free so that I could pay off $11,000 last year! The End.